中年男人的油腻和悲伤

I read an article yesterday and it got me thinking. It is about the unhappiness of a middle aged man.

He is the grandson of a famous politician. He achieved a big success at age 19. His statement is that he owns everything but happiness. The writer ended this article with “every life has it’s struggles, no matter who you are, where you are, and what you own or what you do not have…”. Actually, I understand that his unhappiness could be the result of “a bar was set early and it was set too high".

Due to the fame of his grandfather, he is well-known since his birth. With no choices, he was placed on the stage. He has been living with both positive and negative attention. He is a good looking guy and was admired and followed by women. However, he was able to settle down and start a family. Then, he became a loving husband and a perfect father. Up to that point, lift was well lived!

As for the career, he chose to be a designer and started his own business. Designing is a good way to express oneself; art works are unique and not to be evaluated. There supposed to be less pressure. However, the success of a business requires more than a good artist. In business, the owner has to deal with conflicts, especially when his values and ethics are not appreciated by clients. This could be the reason of his unhappiness. This may also cause under-performance of his business.

Nevertheless, the major reason of his unhappiness could be the early success at age 19 (when he made 1.6 million USD). The bar was set, and it was set high. It is difficult (or impossible) to by pass. His life after age 19 has been filled with numerous attempts and disappointment. In other words, the success at an early age could be a good luck or a misfortune.

I couldn’t help thinking about my parenting philosophy. My child is a perfectionist and success driven. Often, I have to hold her back: “Child, life is a marathon not a sprint”, “Do not rush yourself - pace your steps, your time, and your energy and passion.”

Most parents like to see our children to win at the start. Is it good? Do children have the wisdom to handle successes at early ages? Are they capable of dealing with higher expectations which may come from both the audience and themselves? If there is only one peak point, after reaching it at the early age, how difficult would it be to recognize it and then admit it? How can they enjoy the rest of life which can only go downhill?   

If a life experience can be presented as a curve, where should the peak point be placed? Is it the early the better? As seen in this case, it may not be. Is it the later the better? As we heard of other stories, it could be – only if the person can tolerate the long waiting period. Actually, I would hope the peak point be placed around the middle. It looks beautiful and it works best. At the mid-age, one should have gained sufficient experience as well as the required wisdom to handle the biggest success. If there has to be pain before and after the peak point, the sum of pain could be minized in this recommended senario. Obtaining success around the mid-age is the most valued and balanced experience; meanwhile, success at an early age could be a trap or tragedy.

The bottom line: there is a peak point in every life; it is wise to reach it but it is wiser to time it. After reaching it, one needs to recognize it and accept it  – appreciate what has been achieved; relax and enjoy the after-success downhill journey.