周末一笑：直率的牙病患者（转载）

1 直率的牙病患者/No Frills Dentist Appointment

The Cohens were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Cohen made it clear he was in a big hurry.

"No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered, "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with."

"I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?"

Mr. Cohen turned to his wife Becky. "Show him, honey."

科恩夫妇被领进牙医办公室。科恩先生声明说他非常着急。

“大夫，不要太贵的材料”，他说，“不要麻醉气、麻醉针或者类似的东西，拨出牙就行了。”

“但愿我所有的病人都象你一样有忍耐力，”牙医钦佩地说。“现在告诉我，你要拨哪颗牙?”

科恩先生转向他的妻子贝基说“亲爱的，给他看。”

2 班花

There was an election contest for Class Beauty. Xiao Li was a talented girl, but quite plain-looking. She walked to the speaker's platform with courage and delivered her election speech, "Dear classmates, although I am an ordinary-looking girl, I hope all of you can vote for me. After a few years, when girls in our class get married, you can speak to your husbands proudly, 'When I was in college, I am prettier than the Class Beauty.'"

As a result, her speech won everyone over. She was elected as "Class Beauty" unanimously.

班里公开选举班花。小丽是个才女，但是相貌平平。她大胆地走上讲台，发表自己的竞选演说：“各位兄弟姐妹，虽然我长相一般，但是我希望大家投我一票。几年以后，在座的姐妹们结婚了，可以骄傲地对你们先生说‘我上大学的时候，比我们的班花还漂亮。’”

结果小丽的演说打动了所有人，她以全票当选“班花”。

3 Salt Water

A traveling salesman had to walk so much that his feet often hurt. His doctor told him that salt water was the best thing for them, so the salesman decided to go to the sea for his vacation that year. Since all of the hotels near the sea were expensive, he went to a small hotel far away from the beach.

In the morning, he went down to the calm sea with a bucket, went over to the lifeguard and asked whether he would be allowed to take a bucket of salt water. The lifeguard seemed very surprised but said, "Yes, although you'll have to pay twenty-five cents for it."

The salesman gave the lifeguard twenty-five cents, filled his bucket, took it to his hotel and put his feet in the water.

After lunch, he came down to the beach again. The tide had gone out now, so the sea was much lower. The salesman thought, "That man has a very good business. He must have sold thousands of buckets since this morning."

一个旅行推销员不得不步行很多以至于他的脚经常受伤。他的医生告诉他，盐水对他们来说是最好的，所以那个推销员决定到海边去度假。因为海边附近的旅馆都很贵，所以他去了离海滩很远的一家小旅馆。

早上他拿了一个桶走向平静的大海，走到救生员那里，问他是否允许带走一桶海水。救生员似乎很吃惊，但说：“是的，不过你得付二十五美分。”

推销员给救生员二十五美分，装满了水桶，把它拿到旅馆，把脚放进了水里。

午饭后，他又来到海滩上。潮水已经退了，所以大海比以前低得多。推销员想：“那个人生意很好。从今天早上起他一定卖了几千桶。”

4 What?

A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on average only 15000 words a day, whereas women use 30000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.

He said, "What?"

丈夫给妻子看了一项调查结果，为了向她证明女人比男人啰嗦。研究表明男人平均每天使用15000个字，而女人每天使用30000个。

妻子想了一会儿说，女人每天说的字数是男人的两倍，因为她们必须重复已经说过的话。

他问：“什么?”

5 你能说多少英文？/How much English can you speak?

"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."

The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"

The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"

“法官先生，我的当事人被指控偷窃，这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约，几乎不认路。而且，他只会说几个英语单词。”

法官看了看被告，问道：“你会说多少英文? ”

被告抬起头，说：“把你的钱包给我!”

6 心不在焉的教授

Absent-minded Professor: Heavens! Someone stole my wallet! 

Wife: Didn't you feel a hand in your pocket? 

Absent-minded Professor: Yes, but I thought it was mine. 

心不在焉的教授：天哪！有人偷了我的钱包！ 

妻子：你难道没感觉到一只手伸进你的口袋？ 

心不在焉的教授：感觉到了，可我还以为那是我的手呢。