美高申请全靠邮件“勾搭”招生官，写不好怎么行！

Sorry but I am not available to answer your phone right now, please leave your message and I will reply as soon as possible. 

（抱歉，目前我无法接听您的来电，请留下信息我会尽快回复）

Dear Mr. xxx,

Thank you so much for taking time out from your busy schedule to have this interview with me, and also for my tour guide, Kira, she really gave me a lot of information during the visit. 

I really enjoyed getting to talk with you, and after our talk, I feel even more impressed by Hotchkiss, its scenery, its friendly students and faculty, its fully equipped facilities, especially for its art center. I see variety of students' art works during the visit. Kira told me that it is so great to have such a diverse community; people share different spirits and cultures together. I believe I do good enough in academics, so I really want to purse arts, since I have strong passion towards it, and also try new things, thus make my life balanced and find a specific goal related to my future in this amazing community.

Thanks again for the opportunity to visit Hotchkiss. Actually I've got a lot of things want to share with you; maybe we didn't have enough time today so I really hope to keep in touch with you.

Best regards,

Leina Deng

点评

这是一个学生参观面试完学校写的感谢邮件，不但对参观过程的所感所想有所展示，还表达了自己想要在学校里面尝试新东西的想法，表达准确客观。

Dear Mary,

Thanks for the interviewing this evening, I had a impressive experience.

As I mentioned, I am very interested in your school, every comment I have seen about your school speaks highly of it, that left me an unforgettable impression. Honestly, I still have a lot of things to talk about, but the fact is time is limited, so maybe if I have the honor to enter your school, you can know me more comprehensively. Thank you again and hope we can meet each other in Milton Academy!

Best wishes,

Leina

点评

这封邮件，首先内容没有太多实质的东西，流于表面。而且还有低级的语法错误“I had a impressive interview”应该是I had an impressive interview。

另一个错误就是，学生在邮件开头，非常没有礼貌地直接称呼招生官的名字，而不是以Mrs. Xxx的方式来称呼，也是不恰当的。邮件最后甚至来了一句，由于篇幅问题，不能详细说明就草草收笔。