斯人如桂：剪不断理还乱是爱的哀愁
（十四）剪不断理还乱
彼特拉克的《歌集》第129首：
爱引导着我，思绪万千，
翻越重山，因为每条燃烧的路
都搅乱了平静的生活。
如果孤独的坡上有小溪或喷泉，
如果两座丘陵之间有一个幽暗的山谷，
苦恼的心会在那儿平静下来：
而且，被爱情所邀，
或微笑，或哭泣，或恐惧或安逸：
我的心追随着她，脸又随心走
时而沉郁，时而明朗，
情绪阴晴不定：
所以情场老手见到我这幅模样
会说：“他被爱火燃烧着，不知所措。”
（Love leads me on, from thought to thought,
from mountain to mountain, since every path blazed
proves opposed to the tranquil life.
If there is a stream or a fountain on a solitary slope,
if a shadowed valley lies between two hills,
the distressed soul calms itself there:
and, as Love invites it to,
now smiles, or weeps, or fears, or feels secure:
and my face that follows the soul where she leads
is turbid and then clear,
and remains only a short time in one mode:
so that a man expert in such a life would say
at the sight of me: 'He is on fire, and uncertain of his state.'）
我在高山上和蛮荒的树林里
找到休息处：每个有人烟的地方
是我眼中的凡俗之敌。
每走一步，脑海中就冒出一个
关于她的新念想，将我的痛苦
化成喜悦，因为她：
而且由于，我常常希望
改变这种苦甜交加的生活
我说：“也许爱在拯救你
为了更好的将来：
也许你对另一个人好，对自己却很残忍”。
我叹息着，继续说：
“这是真的吗？为何会这样？何时开始的？”
（I find some repose in high mountains
and in savage woods: each inhabited place
is the mortal enemy of my eyes.
At every step a new thought of my lady
is born, which often turns the suffering
I bear to joy, because of her:
and, as often as I wish
to alter my bitter and sweet life,
I say: 'Perhaps Love is saving you
for a better time:
perhaps you are dear to another, hateful to yourself.'
And with this, sighing, I continue:
‘Now can this be true? And how? And when?'）
有时我会停留在高高的松树或山丘
的阴影下，伫立在第一块石头上
满脑子想着她那张可爱的脸。
回过神来，我发现自己的胸口
被悔恨的泪水打湿了：然后我说：“哎，
你来找谁，你与谁分开了呢！”
只要我能坚持
把散漫的思绪集中在第一个想法上，
凝视着她，忘了我自己，
我觉得爱离我如此之近
我的灵魂甚至对自己的错误感到满意：
我在很多地方见过她，她如此可爱，
我所要求的不会比上次的错误更多。
（Sometimes I stop where a high pine tree or a hill
provides shade, and on the first stone
I trace in my mind her lovely face.
When I come to myself, I find my chest
wet with pity: and then I say: 'Ah, alas,
what are you come to, and what are you parted from!'
But as long as I can keep
my wandering mind fixed on that first thought,
and gaze at her, and forget myself,
I feel Love so close to me
that my soul is satisfied with its own error:
I see her in many places and so lovely,
that I ask no more than that my error last.）
许多次我在这里见到栩栩如生的她
（现在，谁会相信我呢？）在清澈的水里
在绿草地，在山毛榉树干上，
在洁白的云朵里，形象如此多变，勒达
肯定会说她的女儿黯然失色了，
和星星一样，太阳被其光线遮挡：
我走过的地方越原始
经过的海岸越荒凉，
脑海里描绘的她就越美丽。
当真实打消了
那个甜蜜的错误，我仍然坐在那儿全身发凉，
如同一块活石上的死石，
以一个思考、哭泣和写作的男人形象出现。
Many times I have seen here vividly
(now, who will believe me?) in clear water
and on green grass, and in a beech trunk,
and in a white cloud, so made that Leda
would surely have said her daughter was eclipsed,
like a star the sun obscures with its rays:
and the wilder the place I find
and the more deserted the shore,
the more beautifully my thoughts depict her.
Then when the truth dispels
that sweet error, I still sit there chilled,
the same, a dead stone on living stone,
in the shape of a man who thinks and weeps and writes.
我感到一种强烈的渴望将我引到
最高和最有用的山峰
其他山脉的阴影无法落到这里：
我在那儿开始用眼睛衡量
我的痛苦，哭泣着，释放
凝结在心中的愁云
当我思考着并看到
我与她可爱的脸之间的距离，
总是那么近，又那么遥远
然后我轻声哭泣：
“哎，你知道什么！也许在某个地方
她正在为你的缺席而叹气”。
这个想法让灵魂释怀。
（I feel a sole intense desire draw me
where the shadow of no other mountain falls,
towards the highest and most helpful peak:
from there I begin to measure out my suffering
with my eyes, and, weeping, to release
the sorrowful cloud that condenses in my heart,
when I think and see,
what distance parts me from her lovely face,
which is always so near to me, and so far.
Then softly I weep to myself:
'Alas, what do you know! Perhaps somewhere
now she is sighing for your absence.'
And the soul takes breath at this thought.）
歌，在山上飘扬
那里的天空更加宁静和快乐，
你会在奔腾的溪流旁再次看到我，
那里有芬芳的月桂树
连微风都带着香。
那儿有我的心，那颗被她偷走的心：
在这里你只能看到我的幽灵。
（Song, beyond the mountain,
there where the sky is more serene and joyful,
you will see me once more by a running stream,
where the breeze is fragrant
with fresh and perfumed laurel.
There is my heart, and she who steals it from me:
here you can only see my ghost. ）
诗歌中的月桂象征着纯洁。彼特拉克引用了希腊神话中勒达的故事，承认他的百转千回的思念中夹杂着很多性幻想。勒达是斯巴达王之妻，宙斯变身天鹅与勒达调情。勒达生下两枚鹅蛋，一个鹅蛋裂开，里面出来海伦的哥哥卡斯托耳与波吕丢刻斯，另一个鹅蛋裂开，出来海伦和克吕泰涅斯特拉。意大利庞贝古城挖掘出来的壁画里就有“勒达与天鹅”（Leda and the Swan）题材，表达出人类对性爱的渴望与追求。彼特拉克见到劳拉“在清澈的水里，在绿草地，在山毛榉树干上，在洁白的云朵里，形象如此多变”，连勒达都大为惊叹，他于此含蓄地表示了自己对有着一头金发的劳拉的肉体的渴望。1348年劳拉离世时，诗人痛苦万分。后来，在《给后人的信》中，诗人写道：“我年轻时，我曾一直和那无法抵抗的，但是纯洁的，我唯一的爱，斗争。如果不是她的早逝，我会继续斗争下去，（斗争）痛苦，但是对我有益的。斗争把那团火熄灭。我常常希望我能说我完全自由于肉体的欲望了，但是我知道，那样我是在说谎。”
（达芬奇的《勒达与天鹅》）
作者谦虚地认为收集在《歌集》中的爱情诗是他一生捋不清的混乱思想与情感的写照，所以称其为“支离破碎的俗语诗”。可世间最刻骨铭心的相思，不都是“剪不断理还乱”的吗？