写一写公司同事Sal (w English)

Sal是一位从菲律宾移民来的同事，十几岁就移民来了美国。他个不高，大眼睛，走起路来慢悠悠，一摇一晃的。他人老实本分，天生一副好脾气，见人总是三分笑， 和善，性格温和，不多话，一副知足常乐的样子。不知情的，一定会被他的表像所迷惑。他其实一年多前突然心脏发病，年纪轻轻才四十三岁就heart attack，幸亏叫了救护车，加上当时疫情还不严重，及时住进了ICU，才无大碍。记得当时大家都在家工作，听闻都很惊讶。我只知道他有痛风史，发作起来路都走不了，有时见他在公司走路一拐一拐的，就知道他痛风又发作了。他说，严重时他自己在家几乎是爬着去上厕所的。而据他说，这次心脏发病跟长期的痛风有关，而痛风又跟他的饮食习惯有关。他说，菲律宾人喜欢吃肉，吃很多肉，最爱吃肥肉。有意思的事，部门有两个菲律宾人，都有痛风，看来还真是饮食习惯所致。

 

Sal有一个自闭症的女儿，今年十四岁。他cubicle的桌上一直放着一张女儿上preschool的照片。一眼看上去，就会觉得这孩子有几分患down syndrome的面相。我们虽然同部门但是不同组，平时工作上接触不多，但有时会在厨房碰见他，偶尔聊起她女儿，得知他女儿的自闭症是属于比较严重的那种，具体表现在，比如不太会用语言表达，常常是大喊大叫或是哭叫引起人注意，不知道怎么跟其他人交往。人的情绪比较容易躁动不安，智力也比一般孩子要差些，个儿也小一些。十四岁了，晚上不敢一个人睡觉，要和爸爸妈妈一起睡，爸爸走到哪里她跟到哪里。Sal说，他错过了给她治疗的最佳期，虽然后来看过医生，但是因为没有什么疗效就放弃了。现在孩子年龄一年大一年，情况没有好转。他觉得自己做的不够，没有太多时间陪她，加上和前妻离婚，女儿跟他在一起的时间相对也少很多。他提到女儿微小的进步，比如带女儿去餐馆吃饭，她会自己开口order食物，可是每次都只点spaghetti (后来从我女儿那里得知，自闭症的孩子喜欢spaghetti是有原因，因为spaghetti吃起来舌头比较有触觉) 做父亲的他自然是希望女儿能点更多不同的菜肴，体验不一样的滋味。

 

Sal这个女儿是他和前妻所生，两个人离婚后又各自重组家庭，但是对这个自闭症女儿的扶养是两人共同承担的。两人现在住的地方相隔很远，单程开车要两个小时。Sal每个周五要开车两小时去接女儿回家一起过周末，然后下个星期再送她回去。最近一次在厨房遇见他，我们多聊了些，聊到亚洲的发展，聊到以后我们退休后可以比一般人多一个选择，即回国养老。Sal没有丝毫犹豫地说，他以后要回菲律宾养老的，他要带他女儿一起回去，因为他清楚，像他女儿这样子以后不太可能有工作，不能养活自己，更谈不上嫁人，是需要他(i.e.父母)一辈子跟着照顾的， 而退休去菲律宾生活费用低，那里还有他的两三个兄弟姐妹。

 

这么多年同事，我从来没有见Sal忧心忡忡过，每次见他都是一副怡然自得，不紧不慢的样子，几次在厨房看到他，一个人在看手机， 看tiktok, 看到搞笑的视屏开心地笑着。有时不禁会想，换成是我，该愁成什么样了？ 他背着这样的一个包袱仍然乐观开朗，或许曾经的他也彷徨苦恼过，或许他也只有选择面对，选择放下，因为路总是要走下去的。

 

我跟女儿讲起Sal的故事，感慨地对女儿说，"妈妈看到他，知道他女儿的情况，就觉得自己很庆幸，你至少是健健康康的。哪怕我们的生活有这样那样的问题，哪怕我们的人生会碰到这样那样的挫折，比起他们，我们这些事都不叫事，这些问题都不是问题。"

 

说起来Sal也算是不起眼的小人物，不被人关注，默默无闻。在公司十几年了，不见升迁，在基本不变的位置上日复一日，年复一年地做着简单重复的劳动。现任太太在家给人做billing， 估计薪水也不会高。两口子没有买房，还住在一房一厅的公寓里。加州近两年这样的涨幅估计他们也快要买不起了。但是，就是这样一个普普通通貌似不成功的人士，却会让我时常想起。在我软弱的时候，在我对女儿快要失去耐心的时候，会想起他的笑脸，他的乐观，他平和的人生态度，淡泊的欲望，来反衬自己的negative和浮躁，用他对自闭症女儿的爱和耐心提醒自己不要急躁。他这样的家境都能保持乐观的心态，比起他，我还有什么可抱怨的?

 

Sal, born and raised in a big family in Philippines, immigrated here when he was a teenager.  He has seven brothers and sisters, most of them now in the states. However his parents both passed away, his mom died of stroke many years ago.

Sal is 44 years old this year, but like most Asians, he looks younger than his age. Young as he is, he had a heart attack last year and was admitted to ICU for a few days. He has recovered well since. When asked what he thought caused the heart attack, he attributed it to his unhealthy diet, fatty meat in particular as most Filipinos like to eat. His penchant for red meat is the culprit for his chronic gout, culminating in the heart attack.

Sal has an autistic daughter from his first marriage. A picture of his daughter from preschool is displayed at his cubicle wall, along with other small ones, in which he and his wife were cuddling and kissing her in the middle. The girl’s stiff half-smiling face somehow reminded me of a down-syndrome child. Sal told me that at the age of 14, his daughter still sleeps with the parents, afraid of being left alone in her own bed. She lives in her own little world, singing but not talking much, playing with animals but not the kids of her age.

Sal’s ex-wife lives two-hours-drive away. Every Friday afternoon Sal would be driving on the busy highway to pick up her daughter for the weekend and then drive another two hours to send her back. Sal and his new wife live in a one-bedroom apartment. When we were locked down and asked to work from home during the pandemic, Sal still came to office. His apartment is too small for two of them working side by side peacefully. He thought of upgrading to a two-bedroom, but then he said he needed to save for rainy days and for his daughter’s future.  As a father of a girl with autism, Sal knows he would have to tend her whenever and wherever. Perhaps to retire in Philippines is a good choice, said he with a smile.

 

10/18/2021

Another rain came this early morning. As I got up from a warm cozy bed, pulled apart the curtains and lifted the windowpane, crisp air gushed in. The freshly rain-washed eucalyptus tree branches were swaying in the wind, its bell-shaped flowers dancing with the dangling leaves. The street next to it was wet and quiet, with a few cars parked by the sides. As I stood there inhaling, I heard the familiar chittering sounds of hummingbirds. They must be the same hummingbirds that frequent my backyard.

In the common area, there are a few giant eucalyptus trees lining up in front of our homes, towering over and dropping leaves and gumnuts on the roofs. Next to my first floor kitchen window and the second floor bedroom window is the most beautiful one, blooming with pink flowers amid lush leaves. Its barks are rough and peeling off though, as new layer inside grows and hardens each year. Tinged with a touch of waxy silver color, the leaves are evergreen, the extract of which, in the form of scented oil, is believed to have some herbal healing effect. As the sun came out around noon, I stepped out the door with a camera. As I zoomed in on the fluffy flowers, a few vibrating bees came into sight. They were humming and feasting on the rich nectar. Their presence made me think of hummingbirds—if they ever feed on this kind of nectar too. Though hummingbirds still visit my backyard every day vying for the sugar water in the feeder, the aggressive one still chasing the rest, the battle for food is far less fierce. It could be these blooming eucalyptus flowers that suffice them. Nevertheless, nature provides more varied flavors or nutrients than a sugar-water feeder.  And as more rains are on the way, an extravagant spring is blissfully expected.

 

 

 

 

枇杷树开始开花了

eucalyptus flowers