从随手关门到随手“扶”门

昨天在图书馆借了不少书和DVD，抱着走到门口的时候，正想着腾出手来去开门，门却自己开了。回头一看，原来是负责打扫卫生的非洲裔的小伙子在按自动开门的装置。还没等我来得及说谢谢，他冲我笑着摇摇手。事情不大，但让人感受到那种相互之间的彼此关注和帮助。

让我想起，过去国内绝大多数的门都不是可以自动关闭的，所以，在许多地方，象办公室，会议室，实验室，图书馆等，常见这样的标志，提醒公共场合进出者随手关门。

虽然连小学生都认识这四个字，但许多人无视这个提示的存在，到处长驱直入。记得有一年冬天在学校研究生的小图书馆看书，和几个同学坐在紧靠门口的座位，很为那些无视提醒，进屋后让图书馆的门敞开，任冷风吹入的人的行为头疼。等到下一个人进图书馆没有关门的时候，一位同学开了个不无善意的玩笑，喊了一声，尾巴夹住了吧？那位同学一愣，然后反应过来，不好意思的把门关上了。另一个同学来了个更邪乎的，对两个没有关门的男同学说，哎，看见地上的血吗？有人的尾巴给夹住了。

到了美国，几乎所有的门都是自动关上的，所以见不到这种提醒随手关门的标志了。新的习惯是留门，就是在门关上之前，看一下是否有人在你后面，要扶着门等后边的人。乘电梯也是如此，见有人要过来乘电梯的时候，就按住开门的按键，等一下。

第一次认识到这样做的“重要性”还是从孩子上小学的经历体会到的。记得孩子上学后不久，有一天回来后颇有几分自豪的说，今天老师选他做door-holder，下课时，为全班的同学开门，并扶着门，等大家离开教室。以后，几乎每次我们全家外出的时候，他都要先去开门，等我们都出来后再关上门，维持了好长一段时间。

美国人说这是绅士风度，就像为女士或长者开门一样重要。大家基本都自觉遵守这个不成文的礼仪，包括教授，系主任。但也有例外，我们的研究楼里经常有医学生出入，同事发现，如果几个医学生一起出入的话，他们/她们就经常无视这条礼仪，走在最后的那个医学生多会“忘记”留门，让门自动关上，哪怕有人就跟在后面。而PhD们则都会随手扶住门，提供点方便。说不上什么麻烦，但后面的人都会道声谢，大家彼此一笑，相识了，甚至成为朋友。

有心理学家说，关门,扶门，虽然小事一桩，但反映出人们的素质，有人就是没有这种小事与人方便的习惯。据说，三国时期的刘备称：“勿以恶小而为之，勿以善小而不为”。过去有句话为，助人为乐。与人方便，自己心情也好。

在网上查到，对此还真有很认真的讨论呢。

I was walking into an elevator and just before thedoor closed I saw an old man from a bit away walking into the apartment lobbyon crutches. The elevator door actually closed on me, but I kept pressing itand it re-opened. I held the door open and helped the old man get into theelevator and to the floor he needed to get to. He didn’t speak English, but hesmiled and nodded to me, haha, it was a cool feeling :)

Sometimes, I know I have done it before, I don’tre-open elevator doors for others because I’m in a rush or I think well it’sjust too bad for them for missing it. But I realize that is selfish and notloving, but if someone held open the elevator door for me, I know I wouldappreciate it so why not do the same for others?

365 Days of Love Challenge: Open elevator doors backopen for those who just miss it, its a loving thing to do!

You hear the footsteps quickening behind you and you steal aglance over your shoulder.  You determine there tobe a four-second differential between you and her.  The door is ahead ofyou.  What do you do?

A: Keep the door open for her

Scenario 1: 10 happiness points

She says thank you!  You feel like prince charming.

Scenario 2: 2 happiness points

She’s too far away, and starts running.  She mighthave lots of things in her hands, or be wearing heels.  It’s awkward,because the door is actually kinda heavy, you’re actually not too strong, andyou’re pushing the door too close to the hinge, making it even harder. She gets there panting and mutters a barely audible, “Thanks.” beforereadjusting her hair, putting her stuff back in order, and checking her phone.

Scenario 3: -25 happiness points

She keeps walking at the same pace while you struggle tokeep the door open.  You actually have to step back out and keep the dooropen while she waltzes by, keeping the same deliberate pace.  She doesn’tsay anything because, well, chivalry is expected, not something to be thankfulfor.  You swear you’ll never open the door for anyone ever again.

Scenario 4: -10 + (-5^x) happiness points (where x is thenumber of people that walk through)

She walks through, either with scenario 1, 2, or 3, andbefore you have time to close the door more people start walking through,something thanking you and others not.  You then have to force on a smilewhile each passing person makes you that much later for wherever it was you weregoing.

B: Don’t keep the door open

All scenarios: -5 points

No matter what, nobody will thank you.  People willjudge you.  Especially if the person behind you was a lady, and you’re aguy.  More people start touting that chivalry is dead and that girls should throw rocks at boys. One plus is that you will be a few steps quicker getting to work, the ice cream truck, or somewhere so important that it can’twait 5 seconds.  Another plus is that, since the door’s closed, so youwon’t hear their tsk-tsk’s or feel their glares on your back.

Conclusion:

If you judge that the person behind you is walking at anarrogantly slow pace, or that she is followed by lots of people, quickly passthrough the door and don’t even attempt to keep it open for any longer than ittakes for you to slip through.  Otherwise, smile, and help someone out :) It’s empirically proven (by my arbitrary points) to make you relativelyhappier than the alternative.