周末一笑：大实话（转载）

1 大实话/It's True

The teacher was vividly describing the discovery of the law of gravitation. He tried to make the children impressed with its importance.

He said, "Isaac Newton was sitting on the ground looking at the tree. An apple suddenly fell on his head. It led him discover gravitation." And he added, "Isn't that wonderful?"

The "smart boy" in the class replied in a high voice: "Yes, teacher, and he was very fortunate. If looking at his books at school, he wouldn't have discovered anything."

教师很生动地描述万有引力定律的发现，他想让学生对它的重要性留下深刻的印象。

他说：“艾萨克·牛顿坐在地上，望着那棵树。忽然又一个苹果掉下来落到他的头上。这就促使他发现了万有引力。”他还接着说：“这不是很奇妙吗?”

这时班上那个被叫做“精仔”的男孩尖着嗓子回答说：“是的，老师，而且还很幸运。如果他是坐在学校里看着书本，就什么也不会发现了。”

2 傲慢的军官

A private didn't notice a young lieutenant and failed to salute him. The lieutenant said sternly, "You did not salute me. For this you must immediately salute one hundred times."

Just then the general came up. When he saw the poor private about to begin, he exclaimed, "What's all this?"

The lieutenant explained, "This ignoramus failed to salute me. I'm making his salute one hundred times as a punishment. "

"Quite right," replied the general smiling, "But do not forget, sir, that upon each occasion you are to salute return."

有个士兵没有注意到一个年轻的陆军中尉，没有向他敬礼。中尉很严厉地对那个士兵说：“你没有向我敬礼，因此你要马上敬100个礼。”

这时候将军过来了。他看到那个可怜的士兵就要开始敬礼时，就大声问道：“这是怎么啦?”

中尉解释说：“这个蠢货没有向我敬礼，我就罚他马上向我敬一百个礼。”

将军笑着说：“完全正确。不过，老弟，别忘了他向你每敬一个礼，你都要回礼的啊!”

3 聪明的博比

Brown was very proud of his young son. Once he was talking to a visitor, telling the man how clever his son was.

"The boy is only two years old," he said, "and knows all animals. He's going to be a great naturalist. Here, let me show you."

He took from the bookshelf, placed Bobby on his knee, opened the book and showed him a picture of a giraffe.

"What's a book of natural history that, Bobby?"

"Horsey," said Bobby. Next of a tiger was shown, and Bobby said, "Pussy." Then Brown showed Bobby a picture of lion, and Bobby said, "Doggy." And when a picture of a chimpanzee was shown, Bobby said, "Daddy!"

布朗非常欣赏他的小儿子。一次他和一位客人聊他的儿子有多聪明。

布朗说：“他只有两岁，就认识所有的动物了。他长大一定会是一个出色的自然学家。来，我让你看看。”

他从书架上拿下一本自然史书，把博比抱到膝上，打开书。指着一张长颈鹿的画片。

“博比，这是什么?”

“马马，”博比回答。 他又指了一张老虎的画片，博比回答说：“猫咪。” 然后布朗又指了一张狮子的画片，博比说：“狗狗。” 他又指了一张黑猩猩的画片，博比说：“爸爸!”

4 孩子多大了？

After waiting over 3 frustrating hours at the airport for the arrival of a plane that had been delayed for take-off, a man approached the boarding desk and asked for an arrival-time update. He was concerned because he was meeting his nephew and this was the boy’s 1st flight. "How old is the boy?" the airline representative asked solicitously. "He was 6 when he left for the airport," the man replied sharply.

因飞机起飞延误，一个人在机场等着接人已3个小时了。他走近问询处打听飞机到达时间的最新消息。他非常着急，因为他是来接侄子的，而侄子是第一次乘飞机。“男孩多大了?”航空公司的人关心的问。“他出发去机场时6岁。”他毫不客气地回答。

5 两颗心脏在跳动

Nurse: How do you feel after your operation?

Patient: Quite alright, only I can feel two hearts beating inside me.

Nurse: No wonder the doctor who operated on you was looking for his watch everywhere just now.

护士：手术后你感觉怎样?

病人：十分好，只是我能感觉到我体内有两颗心脏在跳动。

护士：怪不得给你做手术的大夫刚才在到处寻找他的手表。

6 现代生活

Two old friends got together after many years and soon fell to discussing their husbands' faults.

We've been married fifteen years, one woman said, and every night after dinner my husband always complains about the food.

How terrible! exclaimed the other. Does it bother you?

Why should it bother me? her friend replied. if he can't only stand his own cooking?

两个老朋友分别多年之后又见面了，很快就开始谈起各自丈夫的缺点。

我们结婚十五年了，一个妇女说道，每天晚饭后，我丈夫总要抱怨饭菜。

真可恶!另一个惊呼道。难道你不烦吗?

我烦什么?她的朋友答道。他不过是忍受不了自己的烹调技术。