黄西的笑话总结

 

我太喜欢黄西了， 他的长相让我想起大学的农村同学， 但他站在台上用英文讲笑话的时候， 我就有点找不到背景板了， 他是谁？

难听的中式英文， 厚眼镜， 大门牙， 乏力的肩背和小身板， 美国人见了这样的中国人， 一般是有成见的， 我可以理解， 不符合西方人对男性的基本要求， 东亚男人本来在西方就不受待见。 

但是他能让衣冠楚楚的美国人集体发笑， 而且这笑是在过几秒以后才哄堂， 当人们思维跟上来之后， 才知道这笑话有多么幽默和聪明。 

我个人喜欢聪明的笑话， 所谓聪明的笑话， 是戳中我们大多数忽视的毛病和弱点（社会的， 个人的）， 但是又不过火， 绝对不能粗俗 （美国的stand up comedian 最不好的一点就是用脏字）

黄西在美国的主流娱乐界取得的成绩是惊人的， 几乎是前无古人后无来者。尤其是生化博士，大陆背景， 简直是个奇迹。 他多次受邀参加late show, Ellen show, 以及白宫新闻记者招待会等等。 都是主流媒体的大场面。  

不知道又多少人看过听过黄西的笑话， 我把几个我喜欢的总结一下。 

 

婚姻

when I was getting married, I was very scared. I heard that half of marriage ended up lasting forever.

移民

When I first came to this county, I drove a used car with the bumper stickers that were impossible to peel off. One of them said, if you don't speak English, go home. I did not know it for two years. 

I don't have much time on the stage, my green card is going to expire.

immigrant documents call us Aliens, so we are here not to take your jobs, but to abduct you. 

for white guys, I got something for you too. We all have Asian wives.

to become american citizen, I had to learn American history. who is benjamin franklin? (美钞上的人物）is that the reason our convient store got robbed? what is the second amendment? （拥枪法案）Is that the reason our convient store got robbed? 

we are not yellow and we are not white, we are different shades of brown, we are all mexican.

政治

my mother's maiden name is Hu, if I am going to run for president, my slogan will be "Hu (who) cares“.

our president is half white and half black(obama), I am not half white and not half black, two negative became a positive.

to solve the problem of unemployment , I will have two people to do one job, like president and vice president.

If I become the president of united states, I will use text message. I will text our ally to say Hi, and text our enemy when they are driving. "OMG, you are building a nuclear weapon?" "you are doing it wrong, LOL"

宗教

when I first came to this county, I was visited by two people in suit and tie. they asked me, are you follow Jesus Christ, I said no. They said, if you dont follow Jesus Christ, when you die, you are going to hell. I said, Chinese people are not follow Jesus Christ, they are all going to hell. they said no, because they did not know about Jesus Christ. Then I said why you tell me.

I am going to heaven anyway,  even illegal. Illegal immigrant from hell.

其他

Life is like you pee in the snow in the darkest night, you probably made a difference but it is hard to tell.

黄西在白宫新闻招待会的表演后， 受到全体起立的掌声， 他说， 我第一次希望我的儿子知道我今天在这里做什么？ 他十分骄傲， 也的确应该。

黄西回国后， 也受到了很高的待遇， 比如在中央台主持节目， 搭档的人竟然是乐嘉撒贝宁崔永元等等一线主持人。但是他好像有点施展不开， 一个本土的中国人， 竟然在中国有水土不服的迹象。 好像观众和他有文化距离， 笑话和表现力都不够了。