没有质心的心，泥鳅，穿裙子的男人 (参加美语世界绑架争霸活动）
三位网友的创作给了我制作下面这个小笑剧的灵感，那三篇创作的链接附在最后。
The following piece is presented here only in the spirit of fun making. So please, please, please take it for what it is, just for fun. :)
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--- As Mr. JB's spacecraft is about to blast into space, he sees three beautiful ladies entering the ship and gets up from his command chair to greet them. He knows MF, but not the others.
MF Hi, Jeff, May I introduce you to my friends? This is TC.
TC Hi, Jeff, Nice to meet you.
JB Likewise.
MF This here is Li.
Li Jeff, why aren't you in heels?
JB Glad to … What? Me? In heels?
Li Never mind.
JB Oh, ok. Anyway, welcome to the New Shepard. I'm glad you guys are joining me for our first trip to space.
Li I'm not a guy.
JB Oh, of course not, I'm sorry. I was just saying … Anyway, may I ask why you people want to travel to space?
MF I simply love space. As a famous poet once said, space is where the poetic minded go to “experience heart without a centroid.” Oh, how romantic …
JB Oh, I'm not sure I know what a centroid is; I've sold billions of dollars’ worth of stuff on Amazon, you know, but I don't believe I've ever sold a centroid. But I'm sure it's something important, if poets talk about it. How about you, Miss TC?
TC I'm going because I want to see how pond loaches fare in space.
JB Pond loaches?
TC Here, I have a picture of pond loaches. See?
JB Whoa, you're sure they are not swamp eel?
TC Yes, I'm sure. I've been studying pond loaches for years.
JB Why study them in space?
TC They are easy to raise, very adaptive creatures, and they are full of essential nutrients. So they may be a good food source for long distance space travel.
JB I see. Forgive me. Maybe it's just me, but I feel a bit queasy just looking at them. A food source? Well, they don't look very appealing. Maybe in a pinch? Who knows. Very interesting, anyway. Miss Li?
Li Me? Why am I going to space? Simple, if you can go to space, I can, too.
JB Oh, ok. Works for me. Let's all buckle up, then. It's about time we blasted off.
MF Hi Jeff, who's that? See that guy？The one helping with the fueling of the rocket?
JB I don't know. Let me put on my glasses. Which one? You know him?
MF He's gone. You'd think I'm crazy, but I thought for a moment it was EM.
JB EM? No. It can't be him. He'd do anything to sabotage us. I've told security to arrest him if he gets to within 100 miles of our launch pad.
MF I could have sworn… But … Whoa, we are blasting off! To space, here we go!
--- The New Shepard successfully blasts off from its launch pad. The spacecraft, however, accelerates way past its planned suborbital speed and charges into deep space like a warrior who has found himself a new mission. As luck would have it, it bumps into a wormhole perchance after 10 days of aimless flight, and, to the relief of everyone onboard, comes out of the other end of the wormhole and lands safely on a planet in a galaxy far far away. This planet is a wee bit too close to its sun, so it’s uncomfortably warm during the day. It is barren, and seems uninhabited by any living thing. Other than that, it is not very unlike our Mother Earth. JB, fortunately, is able to establish real time communication with earth through the wormhole, and is told the bigger, more powerful, New Shepard 2 is on its way to their rescue. The New Shepard 2 is due to arrive in 3 days, but all the food reserve on the New Shepard has by now been exhausted.
JB Wow, it's so hot! I wish there were some trees here. This damn barren place!
Li Whoa, whoa, my poor eyes. I'm blind! Jeff, can't you shave your legs before wearing skirt? Gosh, those hairy legs of yours remind me of alien spiders in 《Arachnid》.
JB Sorry, but it's just too hot to wear space suit. I have nothing else to wear so I fashioned this thing out of some tarp. And aren't you the one who keeps bugging me about men forcing women to wear heels and stuff. Well, I'm wearing skirt and why are you still complaining? Don't I look like Tarzan?
TC Ok, Tanzan, come over and have your breakfast.
JB See how nice TC is! What, raw loach again！ Oh, no, I think I'm going to puke.
MF Come now. You can't go 3 more days without food. You ate some of this last night and were ok, right? So, stop being a whiner and eat.
JB Ok, ok, I'll eat. By the way, MF, our poet, have you experienced your heart without a centroid yet?
MF You're a bag of bones now and you are still in the mood to make fun of me? Ok, no breakfast for you. Loach, go swim in the river!
JB Ok, ok, I'm sorry. Give me that squirmy loach. I'll show it who's the master here.
Li Loach master, you got any news?
JB As a matter of fact, yes, I do have news. MS …
Li Your ex?
JB Yes, my ex. She did some digging. Guess what. It's all EM's doing. He is in cohorts with those who don't want me to go back to earth. He bribed my people, switched in more powerful rockets, put in more fuel than was due and here we are, on this goddamned lifeless planet.
MF Why did he do this?
JB Why? Because he does not get to be the first in this private manned space flight thing. I tell you what, Miss Li. You think I am ungainly in skirt. Wait till you see EM in heels. I saw him in heels and skirt at the Halloween party last year. Boy, he was butt ugly. His legs…
Li Ok, ok, I get the picture. Eat your loach now, or we'll all start puking.
--- The New Shepard 2 arrives on time three days later, and brings all those marooned on the lifeless planet back to safety. Once back on earth, the three beautiful ladies, MF, TC and Li, return to their happy lives. JB, on the other hand, starts to scheme his revenge against EM.
美语世界： 【ChildhoodFantasy】Catching Pond Loaches - 由甜虫虫发表 - 文学城 (wenxuecity.com)
美语世界： Why don't men wear lipstick? - 由Lily2005发表 - 文学城 (wenxuecity.com)