转贴一个评论 (微剧透)
A pathetic, cheap, boring action non-movie that should put Hollywood to
shame..., 28 June 2011
Transformers: Dark of the Moon does put me in some dilemma. To call it a
movie would be gross injustice, for it is anything but, it is a sad, raucous
, empty 150 minute flick that tricks you into yawning insufferably. To call
it a bad movie would be no less an injustice, as it would give the bad
movies a bad name. So if we agree to call it Thing, I should say that it is
one terrible Thing.It is easily the worst Thing of the decade, and keeping
in mind that this very decade has seen movies like its prequel, Pirates of
the Caribbean IV, Twilight saga, this is saying something. There is no story
, none at all. It is a pathetic excuse for a movie. The last hour is
peppered with loud cacophonous dumb action, where, for all it matters, every
robot is hitting every robot, and it becomes tiresome to figure which ones
are the good ones, and frankly speaking, you would hardly care. The acting
is pedestrian, a fine actor like John Malkovich is reduced to an absolute
mockery, Shia LaBeouf, who was moderately tolerable in the first two
installments, spends the first half screaming like hell, and the second half
deciding whether to scream or not, and his parents, as usual, are poor
comical add-ons and make you cringe. Every alternate minute, people turn up
sporting a national top-secret, making you wonder since when has the US Govt
started dishing out state secrets to common people. John Turturro appears
out of nowhere, and bosses his way in and out of CIA, NASA, whenever he
pleases, wherever he wishes, and he seems to have an awful number of people
at his command, even though he is supposed to sit home sipping lemonade, as
he was stripped of his power in part II.
Surprises abound, still. As if the entire US army has gone to Tahiti for
snorkeling, only a dozen of people are left in Chicago to defend the city,
as the future of the world lies in balance. Thousands and thousands of
spaceships materialize from thin air, and instead of attacking the rest of
the world, which would have been much easier, given they don't have Autobots
to protect them, attack poor old Chicago, and keeps on attacking it only.
Actors find time to exchange romantic truisms in the midst of the war, even
when a missile is cruising towards them. A clichéd word of wisdom is enough
to turn one Decepticon against another, that too when the latter is about
to kill an Autobot.
The dialogs are so inane and trite, that one might strongly suspect whether
there was any script at all. The action is stale and raucous, an unending
pain-in-the-ass litany of gunshots ans missile blasts, a motley influence of
too many Fast and the Furious movies, and it's time that directors
understand that having the latest CGI graphics and special effects at their
disposal, and cramming them in any possible combination does NOT a good
action film make. Perhaps they will never understand. Perhaps that is why
Spielbergs and Camerons will always belong to an elusive class.
And last but not the least, the worst part of the Thing is not the Thing
itself, but its model-aka-actress Rosie Huntington Whiteley. The very first
scene which introduces her (or rather her long legs and panty clad ass)
makes it clear that this is just another model, who has done plenty of nude
photo-shoots for Pirelli and Nuts and Loaded, and has decided to make a
foray into acting. "After all, Kathy Hepburn wasn't so beautiful, so if she
can be a helluva actress, why not I, with my fine toned ass and gorgeous
tops that have adorned all magazines in all their bareness?" Yes, they say
it right, she does make Megan Fox's acting look like Ingrid Bergman's! Such
models need to learn that baring every inch of your body is one thing, and
acting is another. These are mutually exclusive sets! She does prove the
celebrated quote: "Models are dumb". She makes honest attempts though: to
add an aura of seriousness to her banal dialogs, she tries to make her face
look pensive, in order to promote the Thing she makes rounds at every
possible premiere wearing sleeveless, backless, and possibly topless and
bottomless as well, but such attempts only incite the audience, as it
suggests that she does hope that her physical features can buy her a
purchase on acting, and the audience is bound to find that condescending. I
hope she never again torments her audience with her ummm... performance, and
go back to her posing mode, which is her niche, where she has whatever it
takes to satisfy millions of testosterone charged men. Amen.
