坑爹啊，这置顶的帖子说到的超频根本没有 F4 Phantom# PDA - 掌中宝
Y*u
1 楼
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Sun Mar 11 21:45:39 2012, 美东) 提到:
我自三岁患上慢性关节炎，带来的问题之一是所有需要手指小关节灵活性的活儿我都做
不好，例如写字、针线活等。几十岁的人，写出的字比小学生的还难看。不要说间架结
构，就连基本的横平竖直都做不到。小时候语文考试的作文，我常常因为字迹不工整失
分。如果按照“字如其人”的标准，或者让笔迹学家依我的笔迹分析性格，我恐怕就一
无是处了。幸好电脑时代让我轻松不少，基本不用手写字了，大多时候只需要签名时动
下手。即便是小小的签名，对我也是不小的困扰。就算是签购物单据这件小事，我也能
明显感觉到，签名时内心的虚弱和自卑，虽然还不能上升到签名恐惧症的程度，但也去
之不远。我自己很相信字如其人的古训，正因为如此，我才深怕别人用同样的标准来衡
量我，特别是当彼此并不熟悉，不能客观全面地认识一个人的时候。我希望能解决问题
，但首先需要清楚地面对问题。发帖在这里，是想请大家分析一下我问题的症结所在，
以及如何放下的意见。谢谢。
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Nathan (Gift) 于 (Sun Mar 11 21:54:51 2012, 美东) 提到:
这个值当什么。早有人说了，这个字迹研究，其实是反应研究者的性格，而不是被研
究者的性格
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Hermes99 (Hermes99) 于 (Sun Mar 11 21:55:33 2012, 美东) 提到:
能和你周围的人轻松的讨论这个"残疾"的时候，应该就没"问题"了。
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Sun Mar 11 22:07:26 2012, 美东) 提到:
哦？这样啊！这么说我被欺骗了很多年！能细说说吗,出处？
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Sun Mar 11 22:09:05 2012, 美东) 提到:
您是说我已经没问题了？可是我一想到要手写字就心虚。
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Sun Mar 11 22:23:18 2012, 美东) 提到:
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Sun Mar 11 22:40:04 2012, 美东) 提到:
怎样变厚？
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Sun Mar 11 22:44:06 2012, 美东) 提到:
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Sun Mar 11 22:52:10 2012, 美东) 提到:
嗯，有道理，多挨骂还得扛得住也不容易。
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Sun Mar 11 22:54:34 2012, 美东) 提到:
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Sun Mar 11 22:59:13 2012, 美东) 提到:
哈哈，忍辱法，好！
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Sun Mar 11 23:02:24 2012, 美东) 提到:
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Hermes99 (Hermes99) 于 (Sun Mar 11 23:10:14 2012, 美东) 提到:
有人签名的时候就画个圆圈点个点，或者小蝌蚪一样抖个线。你设计个类似的方便签名
不就没事了。
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Sun Mar 11 23:11:29 2012, 美东) 提到:
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Lostatlantis (。) 于 (Sun Mar 11 23:45:06 2012, 美东) 提到:
let go of your ego
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 00:12:23 2012, 美东) 提到:
在您不算，在我大辱小辱都是辱。唉，境界不同。
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 00:14:22 2012, 美东) 提到:
小蝌蚪一样抖个线--我已经设计了这种签名，可是一点也不潇洒，还是很难看。
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 00:20:43 2012, 美东) 提到:
我知道，我知道这是终极的答案，可是知易行难啊。
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Lostatlantis (。) 于 (Mon Mar 12 00:27:45 2012, 美东) 提到:
不要告诉自己，知易行难。bless yourself, dont curse. 知易行更精彩！just do it
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Mon Mar 12 00:43:10 2012, 美东) 提到:
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Mon Mar 12 00:44:15 2012, 美东) 提到:
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 10:26:27 2012, 美东) 提到:
嗯，心理暗示很重要，我要多多给自己正面积极的暗示。谢谢
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 10:28:32 2012, 美东) 提到:
脸皮厚，吃个够；脸皮薄，吃不着。要向您学习。
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 10:29:13 2012, 美东) 提到:
再学习！
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TrueStory (不是幸福的坑不挖) 于 (Mon Mar 12 12:22:03 2012, 美东) 提到:
"我自己很相信字如其人的古训，正因为如此，我才深怕别人用同样的标准来衡
量我，特别是当彼此并不熟悉，不能客观全面地认识一个人的时候。我希望能解决问题
，但首先需要清楚地面对问题。"
hehe, you know the problem very well already."我自己很相信字如其人的古训"
Is it true that "字如其人"?
Is it absolutely true that "字如其人"?
What do you feel when you believe that "字如其人"?
What would you be without the belief that "字如其人"?
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Mon Mar 12 12:53:54 2012, 美东) 提到:
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 14:35:38 2012, 美东) 提到:
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 14:38:53 2012, 美东) 提到:
需要学的是他人强的一面。
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TrueStory (不是幸福的坑不挖) 于 (Mon Mar 12 14:44:22 2012, 美东) 提到:
You know that 字如其人 is not true, then what's the option you have?
You can always be the one who does not have that belief!
"赞美他人写一手好字，轻松嘲笑自己？"
Still, why do you need to "嘲笑自己？" For having a bad hand-writing?
Is it true that "a bad hand-writing is something laughable"?
Is it absolutely true?
What would you be with that thought?
What would you be without that thought?
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Mon Mar 12 14:44:48 2012, 美东) 提到:
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 14:47:39 2012, 美东) 提到:
谢谢，同学
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 14:52:11 2012, 美东) 提到:
我明白了，当我相信“字如其人”的时候就给自己种下了心结，难怪小时候还不知道“
字如其人”和什么笔迹学家的理论的时候，再烂的字也没介意过。
谢谢点醒。
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TrueStory (不是幸福的坑不挖) 于 (Mon Mar 12 14:58:08 2012, 美东) 提到:
Yes, it is 心结 by a thought. What you do is exactly the same, which is
neutral. It's the thought about it that makes people feel differently.
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 15:06:14 2012, 美东) 提到:
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TrueStory (不是幸福的坑不挖) 于 (Mon Mar 12 15:11:00 2012, 美东) 提到:
hehe, thanks for your kind words. I can't take the full credit though. These
questions are summarized by Byron Katie, it's called "The Work". You've got
the gist of it, and it can help us in almost every aspect of our lives.
Best wishes for you!
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 15:28:12 2012, 美东) 提到:
I was about to ask you for the reference, while you have already offered it.
You are so considerate. I really appreciate your help.
Best wishes for you too.
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TrueStory (不是幸福的坑不挖) 于 (Mon Mar 12 16:10:09 2012, 美东) 提到:
sigh, you don't think that I can offer this without a reference ah. hehe.
But you are right. Byron Katie was in deep depression and agitation for
years until one day she found herself in a state without time nor place,
except that total acceptance and total peace. These questions were
summarized through her experiences while helping others. I haven't been as
desperate as she was, perhaps luckily or unluckily, I don't need to go
through that.
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 17:06:47 2012, 美东) 提到:
I know you are very knowledgeable and the questions seemed pretty systematic
to me. So I naturally think you should have learned it somewhere.
As you said, it might just be a blessing not to know something deeply. Once
I have a chat with a new friend. She thought I was in medical major because
I know a kind of disease so well. But I am not. If it is not the disease
happened to my beloved brother, I won't know it at all. Then I realize when
people have deep understanding of something, there must be a profound
experience behind it. Sometimes, I'd rather be ignorance.
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TrueStory (不是幸福的坑不挖) 于 (Mon Mar 12 17:25:20 2012, 美东) 提到:
pat pat, bless us all!
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Mon Mar 12 17:34:34 2012, 美东) 提到:
俺觉得吧. The only thing you need to learn is not to care about other
people's opinions. As long as
你的行为不伤害他人，他就不该管着你. You do not need anybody's approval.
我从小就不好好写字. 我跟人讲的很清楚.我高兴怎么写，就怎么写.轮不到你多嘴.
先管好你自己的嘴吧. 别人，一不付你的房租，二不买东西给你吃，凭什么评价你呀
？
However, your handwriting should be clear and readable, this is nice to
others.
As you grow older, you will learn one thing, you need to care about some
people, but not everybody.
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 19:21:28 2012, 美东) 提到:
Thank you. Misfortune can force people to think. In that sense, it is not
completely negative.
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 19:30:18 2012, 美东) 提到:
Actually, no one ever criticize me for my bad handwriting, only several kind
advice for me when I was young. It is all me, all about my feeling.
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Mon Mar 12 19:52:18 2012, 美东) 提到:
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Mon Mar 12 20:36:31 2012, 美东) 提到:
那我就不理解啦。俺从来没有这样的问题。
人又不是一定要写好字的。 你还是担心别人因为字，对你的看法吗。 Like I said,
没这个必要。 首先，大部分人都在想怎么过好自己的日子，根本没空理你。 第二，这
些看法根本不重要。你也不会少块肉。
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 21:18:35 2012, 美东) 提到:
您可能不理解，我是一个完美主义者，对人对己都有严格的标准，因此当我对自己的字
不满意，又带着偏见不能正确化解的时候，就造成了问题。其实很多心理问题不一定有
多重大的诱因，想明白了，一念转，就化开了。
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Mon Mar 12 21:20:11 2012, 美东) 提到:
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 21:21:27 2012, 美东) 提到:
您手太快了！
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Mon Mar 12 21:22:53 2012, 美东) 提到:
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 21:26:40 2012, 美东) 提到:
我正在学着长大，接触佛法让我成熟不少。
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Mon Mar 12 21:27:26 2012, 美东) 提到:
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 21:29:04 2012, 美东) 提到:
见笑
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Mon Mar 12 21:30:44 2012, 美东) 提到:
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 21:45:27 2012, 美东) 提到:
刚学的。
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Mon Mar 12 22:12:35 2012, 美东) 提到:
完美都是相对的。人不可能完美。 就说如果没有一个人字比你写得好，你的字就漂亮
啦。 反过来说，你觉得现在你是全天下第几有钱人，第几大厨呢？ 万一很多人都比你
强，你咋办呢？ 所以说，没有完美这个东东。
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Mon Mar 12 22:22:42 2012, 美东) 提到:
还好我从来不是完美主义者，最近对自己的要求就更低啦。 也算成长啦。
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Lostatlantis (。) 于 (Mon Mar 12 22:27:20 2012, 美东) 提到:
呵呵，握手握手。
前段时间，我也是突然悟到，原来我是一个完美主义者啊。很感慨地告诉朋友们之后，
他们都哈哈大笑，你才晓得？
但是我知道，那次的看到，是真正地打到了我。人生本来就不是圆满的，永远充满着
ups and downs just like waves. 作为一个“完美主义者”，我们不免就对自己心生
很多的不满，我们就无法完完全全地接受自己，也就无法爱我们自己。一个连自己无法
去爱的人，怎么可能去爱众生呢？
因为追求完美，就不免恐惧失败。（突然想起心经里说的，”无挂碍故，无有恐怖，远
离颠倒梦想“）说到底，其实还是自己的ego在作怪而已。看清楚，你的ego在恐惧什么
？他们想要什么？
很早以前，有个老师就曾经棒喝过，不要害怕失败，有失败，说明你有去做。
so, just open up your heart and love yourself just the way you are, no more
no less. allow yourself to be more vulnerable and to make mistakes. "
Mistakes" are not bad at all
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Mon Mar 12 22:35:16 2012, 美东) 提到:
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Mon Mar 12 22:42:09 2012, 美东) 提到:
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Mon Mar 12 22:54:26 2012, 美东) 提到:
俺也有烦恼的。俺喜欢跟人吵架，吵不赢就很不高兴。最近好啦，明白一个道理，吵赢
，吵不赢其实也没有什么consequence, 废那个脑筋干什么呢？ 有空不如多吃多喝多玩
啦。
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Mon Mar 12 22:54:31 2012, 美东) 提到:
俺也有烦恼的。俺喜欢跟人吵架，吵不赢就很不高兴。最近好啦，明白一个道理，吵赢
，吵不赢其实也没有什么consequence, 废那个脑筋干什么呢？ 有空不如多吃多喝多玩
啦。
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Mon Mar 12 23:02:08 2012, 美东) 提到:
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 23:05:19 2012, 美东) 提到:
哈哈，我是初学，只是想表达学佛对我的生活产生了多么正面的影响，也许用词不当，
词不达意。说明我要加紧修行。
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Mon Mar 12 23:06:32 2012, 美东) 提到:
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 23:16:37 2012, 美东) 提到:
“那次的看到”--非常非常地好奇
我是几年前用那个MBTI职业性格测试才知道自己是完美主义者的。那个测试不一定很准
确，但对了解自己也很有帮助。
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 23:18:17 2012, 美东) 提到:
谢谢提醒
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Tue Mar 13 01:57:12 2012, 美东) 提到:
这个世界上的事情没有一件完美的。你这个完美主义是怎么来的呢？俺觉得你可能还有
一个问题，就是你错误的认为你的标准肯定是正确的。 比方说写字好很重要是必须的
。 这个观念本身就是错的。 还有包括，学习成绩要好呀，工作要努力呀，这些观念
are not necessarily right. 成绩差就是一个fact 没有好坏，也没有完美不完美的说
法的。
你不仅是完美主义者，可能还很固执的坚持一些标准。。。。。which makes you
suffer.....
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Tue Mar 13 02:02:08 2012, 美东) 提到:
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liozodell (山水白鹤) 于 (Tue Mar 13 04:09:26 2012, 美东) 提到:
多来本班接受熏陶
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Tue Mar 13 07:51:07 2012, 美东) 提到:
How can anything you do is better or worse? If u think u are better or worse
than others, that means u feel superior than them , which is wrong.
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Tue Mar 13 08:15:21 2012, 美东) 提到:
俺觉得大部分成年人的perfectionist,都是那种小时候学习成绩比较好，受家长老师表
扬太多的。 然后自己就形成了一个概念，什么什么样就比别人好，是很不错的。 这个
本来就是错的。 谈到perfection, 你们谁一直体育成绩非常好，美术好，而且唱歌唱
得非常棒的？ perfection是有个概念的。可能在你心中这样的人是完美的，在别人的
心中另一个样子是完美的。 你既不应该因为自己比别人“完美”而高兴，也不应该自
己没有别人‘完美’而自卑‘。 因为这个观念从头到尾就是不存在的。
即使是一件事情，只要去做就可以啦，尽力就可以啦，怎么会有个better or worse?
不停的自我比较，以及与别人比较，才会造成时而高兴，不高兴，时而自卑，时而自满
吧。
完美主义者内心secretly都是曾经自己自我感觉很好，并且可能瞧不起所谓的不完美的
人。 等你们看那些所谓不完美的人或者事情都完美起来的时候，就都好啦。
说话比较直，但是俺这也是为了帮助你们解决问题。
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Tue Mar 13 10:17:52 2012, 美东) 提到:
Do you have any other achievement to make yourself feel self-confident?
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Tue Mar 13 10:19:58 2012, 美东) 提到:
You can build up your self-confidence from other aspects of life, like
working, happiness from family life, your children, some other sports,
painting, singing, and so on.
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Tue Mar 13 10:21:22 2012, 美东) 提到:
Yep, embrace life as how it is, do our best to make it better.
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Tue Mar 13 10:22:54 2012, 美东) 提到:
This is true.
AFFIRMATIONS ARE SO POWERFUL.
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Tue Mar 13 10:24:52 2012, 美东) 提到:
good!!!
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Tue Mar 13 10:29:41 2012, 美东) 提到:
Which kind of personality type are u?
:-)
I also checked myself, after I read the description about my personality
type carefully, suddenly I felt quite relieved.
We just need to accept how we are, some characteristics are inborn, and they
will influence us throughout the life.
Knowing and understanding is the first step to accept.
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Tue Mar 13 10:35:59 2012, 美东) 提到:
LOL! :-)
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Tue Mar 13 11:23:14 2012, 美东) 提到:
这个测试不是绝对的，在不同的情况下测，结果会有所不同。例如我在家宅了两年后再
测发现 Introvert 增强，thinking 减弱，虽然总体性格组合并没有改变。这也说明人
是可以改变的。
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Tue Mar 13 11:32:53 2012, 美东) 提到:
谢谢您的分析，这些问题我基本了解，但习气却很难改变。您说的就是“舍”--舍分别
心，我正在努力，先学习舍弃对写字好坏的分别心。
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Tue Mar 13 11:41:02 2012, 美东) 提到:
我知道这种方法，个人认为不是很管用。一码归一码，我可以在很多地方很自信，但却
解决不了写字自卑的问题。我只能面对问题本身，从根子上破除它，逃避不是办法。
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TrueStory (不是幸福的坑不挖) 于 (Tue Mar 13 11:51:43 2012, 美东) 提到:
Yes, you get it.
Self-confidence is nothing that builds upon achievements. You are all well
and lovable as who you are right now. Self-confidence is for ego.
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Tue Mar 13 12:15:51 2012, 美东) 提到:
我正想发帖再次感谢您提供的方法，又见您的鼓励，非常感谢！这套方法可以用来检验
日常生活中的很多观念，发现原来都是不实的，虚妄的，“知幻即离”，只在一念间。
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Tue Mar 13 12:31:54 2012, 美东) 提到:
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Tue Mar 13 12:36:03 2012, 美东) 提到:
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Tue Mar 13 13:49:19 2012, 美东) 提到:
呵呵，满口名词是新学的通病吧？或者只是我自己的？一点点感悟都想分享，心的出发
点是善的。
轻拍
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Tue Mar 13 13:51:53 2012, 美东) 提到:
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Tue Mar 13 15:05:15 2012, 美东) 提到:
这个不是逃避，不能面对自己某方面的不完美，必定有原因的。
不能接受自己在该方面的不完美，是因为不够理解为什么，深刻理解了，就接受了。
如果你可以接受自己在其它方面，但是就这一点克服不了，那么问自己原因更重要一些。
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Tue Mar 13 15:07:47 2012, 美东) 提到:
性格既然可以归类，就说明性格不是那么善变的。
人是可以改变，我觉得这个性格测试的意义在于更了解自己，更理解自己的思考和行为
模式，然后指导自己趋利避害。发扬长处，改善短处。
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Tue Mar 13 15:56:02 2012, 美东) 提到:
性格不善变，是因为习性很难改变。我宅在家里使内向倾向增强，是因为我有更多的时
间自省，内心充满喜悦满足，不需向外寻求，实际上我与人相处的人缘变好了很多。再
有，thinking 减弱，也不是脑子锈到，而是feeling 增强，体现在我对人对己的感觉
更敏感，也更具同情心。这些都是学佛带来的利益。有意思的是这个性格测试居然能将
这种变化量化。
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Tue Mar 13 16:02:17 2012, 美东) 提到:
很好呀
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lingsu (I am not fat, i am just a bit husky) 于 (Tue Mar 13 19:36:40 2012, 美东) 提到:
nice...
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Tue Mar 13 20:08:29 2012, 美东) 提到:
你读的什么佛法呀？偏大乘，还是偏南传？
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Tue Mar 13 20:25:21 2012, 美东) 提到:
我是初学，主要读《杂阿含》，也会读《心经》和《金刚经》，修行主要是观呼吸，也
会随缘念佛。并没有给自己设定宗派。
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Tue Mar 13 21:44:18 2012, 美东) 提到:
Yeah, 不设定宗派好。 俺觉得你的心结以后慢慢一定会解开的。 俺写字就很差的，但
是从来都没觉得有啥不好的。我比你遭遇惨多啦，不仅父母批评，老师批评，还被朋友
嘲笑。但是俺就是不好好写。俺就是觉得什么这个字如其人的观念是错的。 美丑本身也是个人为标准。 什么字好看，什么字不好看，谁说了算？ 反正我看不出来。So what? 我过得还是很好。他们都没有我过得开心。我也从来没有因此自卑过。 所以这个就是个执着的概念，放弃就br />
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Tue Mar 13 22:44:40 2012, 美东) 提到:
谢谢开导。有一张表格，我一直拖着没填，明天填一下，同时观照自己的内心，看看有
没有变化。
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Wed Mar 14 09:52:09 2012, 美东) 提到:
Interesting, when I read the news on USA today this morning, I came across
this article titled "Tightrope: Positive thinking alone can't grow your
business"
http://www.usatoday.com/money/smallbusiness/columnist/edmunds/s
"My best guess is that two types of people cling to "optimism" and "positive
thinking." Type one turns their backs on a situation and pretends it doesn'
t exist. They deny the existence of the problem, and most often the problem
grows worse.
The second type knows that simply thinking in a particular way does not
change things. They uncover and recognize problems and also believe enough
in themselves to search for a solution. And, with a positive attitude and an
optimistic outlook, they tackle the problem. Most often the problem gets
solved."
这么说态度正确了还不是全部，还需要想切实可操作的解决方法。嗯，我得想想。
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Wed Mar 14 10:05:26 2012, 美东) 提到:
yeah, positive thinking itself can not solve the problem, but it is
helpful. Right view in Buddhism is much more helpful, and it needs
time to develop.
To improve the problems, action is the point.
Pretending the problems do not exist is a wrong view.
Seeing problems as they are with a positive thinking and trying
to find the way to solve them is what we can do.
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Wed Mar 14 10:11:39 2012, 美东) 提到:
I do think that the eight pathfold in Buddhism could also be efficiently
workable in our daily life.
Buddhism could really foster the wisdom of us.:-)
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Wed Mar 14 13:02:22 2012, 美东) 提到:
非常同意，刚好星期天参加了一个法会，题目是“佛法为人带来安乐之道”，分享一下：
佛陀给我们离苦得乐的指导，可归纳为八个步骤，即八正道。修习八正道，能为人带来
安乐。
一、正见带来真正的安乐：使我们了解因果、四圣谛，舍离苦和乐两种极端，行于中道。
二、正思维带来放弃、慈爱与悲悯的安乐：放弃生活中的幻想、恐惧、妄想，培养善念。
三、正语带来和谐的安乐：断除妄语、两舌、恶口、绮语的坏习惯，说真实语、和善语。
四、正业带来符合道德原则的安乐：不去造作杀生、偷盗等恶行，避免憎恨和暴力等。
五、正命带来利益的安乐：培养心智的成长，做有益于自己和利他的工作。
六、正精进带来断恶修善的安乐：防止未生之恶，断除已生之恶，修习未生之善，维持
已生之善。
七、正念带来活在当下的安乐：保持觉知，去除杂念，把心无间断地集中在一个对象或
观念上。
八、正定带来洞见实相的安乐：专注于呼吸，远离散乱心，使身心安静，认清无常、苦
、无我。
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Wed Mar 14 13:09:24 2012, 美东) 提到:
en
Thanks for sharing!
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Wed Mar 14 13:26:21 2012, 美东) 提到:
另外，有了寻求安乐的目标，也有了正确的道路，还要考虑方便的问题，是走路、骑自
行车、坐车，还是乘飞机？这就要具体问题，具体分析了。例如，我写字不好（已经不
是自卑的问题），就要想一些办法，怎样善巧地解决，这是我接下来要brainstorming
的地方。
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Wed Mar 14 13:33:55 2012, 美东) 提到:
I think those are more for psychological purposes. This is not postivie
thinking. This is to see the truth. I can tell u. I cannot tell the
difference between good looking or bad looking till I am very old. There is
not such a thing called good looking or bad looking. I remember searching
hard for an answer to this question. Because when friends talk about this, I
have no clue what they are talking about. Then one day, I was looking at a
picture, suddenly, I got this feeling of good or bad lookings. The world
has changed. I suddenly felt it. It was an exciting moment. However, I still
know there is not good or bad looking in reality. Anyhow, My handwriting
is actually very good now. Not through practising, but by realizing what is
good looking in normal human being's eyes. However, deep in my heart, I
know these are all delusions.
To me, as long as people are not doing something intentionally to hurt
others, there is nothing wrong with it.
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Wed Mar 14 13:46:34 2012, 美东) 提到:
“as long as people are not doing something intentionally to hurt
others, there is nothing wrong with it. ”这是最基本要守的标准，但还有一些细
微的威仪，不是大问题，也无关对错，但也会让他人起烦恼，比如饭桌上喝汤动静太大
，或者如我字写得太难看等等。
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Wed Mar 14 14:01:21 2012, 美东) 提到:
Right, the positive thinking（乐观积极思考） is not the Right thinking(正思
维)，前者是方便，后者是道路。
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Wed Mar 14 14:20:11 2012, 美东) 提到:
What about if you are bad looking? Are you going to Zheng Rong? Pleasing
others is not the right thinking. Their ignorant should not make you as
ignorant as they are. If you really become a buddhist nun or monk, trust me
, there will be more people who dislike you.
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SeeU (See you) 于 (Wed Mar 14 14:54:18 2012, 美东) 提到:
zan
Please share more what you have found beneficial in the future.
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Wed Mar 14 22:33:29 2012, 美东) 提到:
取悦他人不是正思维，但慈悲心是正思维，区别在于起心在何处？
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lingsu (I am not fat, i am just a bit husky) 于 (Wed Mar 14 22:47:30 2012, 美东) 提到:
很有道理
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Wed Mar 14 23:28:39 2012, 美东) 提到:
你觉得你因为字写得不好而自卑是慈悲造成的吗？ARe you going to so 慈悲，so it will make you worried about what other people think about U?
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Thu Mar 15 00:16:13 2012, 美东) 提到:
我过去为这件事苦恼的时候，当然不是慈悲心的缘故，那只是虚荣心在作怪，当我认识
到这点后，我就会努力让这“已生恶令断”；而后我要想善巧的方法不让他人看我的字
生烦恼，那就是从慈悲心出发，“未生善令生”。
师傅常说“不要让自己的存在成为他人的烦恼，也不要让他人的存在成为自己的烦恼”
，我一直认为很有道理，却没真正理解。正是在思考您前面帖子提出的问题时，我突然
悟到这句话前半部说的正是“慈悲”，后半部说的则是“喜舍”。
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Thu Mar 15 01:04:44 2012, 美东) 提到:
师傅常说“不要让自己的存在成为他人的烦恼，也不要让他人的存在成为自己的烦恼”
What if the two conflicts?
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Thu Mar 15 01:15:39 2012, 美东) 提到:
BTW, 我师傅可从来没像你师傅这么说过。
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Thu Mar 15 02:03:05 2012, 美东) 提到:
别人看到你的字会生烦恼，不是你的问题，不让他们生烦恼也不是慈悲。
不要让自己的存在成为他人的烦恼是说 自己要善
不让他人的存在成为自己的烦恼还是 自己要善
善其实包含很多的
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Thu Mar 15 02:04:26 2012, 美东) 提到:
顺便赞四正勤
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Lostatlantis (。) 于 (Thu Mar 15 02:12:38 2012, 美东) 提到:
试试临帖？而且还能修心养性，我觉得，跟做meditation差不多，哈哈哈。
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Lostatlantis (。) 于 (Thu Mar 15 02:18:31 2012, 美东) 提到:
你师傅很好啊！
我的理解是，要当善人做善事，be the sunshine to other people and bring light
to other people. 但是，你自己会因为别人而心生烦恼，那就要仔细看看为什么了？
如果能够时时守住自己的心，八风不动，哪有什么烦恼啊？
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Thu Mar 15 09:55:19 2012, 美东) 提到:
This is something that RUJIA or Christians can handle better. Buddhism is
really for discovering the truth of the universe and the humanbeings
themselves. I am not against your Master's idea of being a nice person.
But being a nice person needs a lot of wisdom. It is not an easy job. I
think when you discover the truth, you become a nice person naturally. But
being a nice person will not let you discover the truth and may in fact
creates more suffering.....
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Thu Mar 15 09:58:28 2012, 美东) 提到:
If you spend the time you spend on practsing handwriting to do something
more helpful to others, it may be more CiBei. And I do not believe anybody
will be annoyed by your handwriting that much, they may laught at you, but I
doubt they were be bothered. Especially these days, most of the time, you
just sign your name. Most people intensionally sign name in a weird way so
nobody can mimic their signature.
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Thu Mar 15 10:13:22 2012, 美东) 提到:
To some extent, I believe many religions, although they start off by trying
to make people nice. They end up being so supercritcal, that creates more
psychological problems to their followers. As you can see, in history,
there are so many wars started by religious people.
And those people who does not have any beliefs on the other hand a lot of
times are more peaceful and can face their problems more straightforward.
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Thu Mar 15 10:46:26 2012, 美东) 提到:
明白了，师傅的话是方便说，因此不同的师傅讲不同的话，不同的人听了也有不同的理
解。慈悲是善，但不是绝对善，对这个人是善，对另一个人未必是善。我今后学着尽量
用绝对善来检验自己的身口意，那就是做一件事的时候，有没有贪心？有没有嗔心？有
没有痴心？
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Thu Mar 15 10:57:54 2012, 美东) 提到:
I really cannot teach you anything. I am only trying to release you from the
pressure of thinking too much for what other people will think. Do not be
too hard on yourself. I know there are times I am angry and mean to people,
as you can see :). And I will not change. Some people just deserve it. Who
cares. We are just normal human beings. My Shifu never told me to tolerate
others too much.
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Thu Mar 15 11:26:55 2012, 美东) 提到:
谢谢，发现您是真正的“刀子嘴，豆腐心”:)
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Lostatlantis (。) 于 (Thu Mar 15 12:51:48 2012, 美东) 提到:
I think being nice and finding the truth are so woven together that you can
hardly separate them. When we are walking on our spiritual path looking for
the Truth, we will just have to remind ourselves to be kind, compassionate
and many other good virtues all the time to make sure we are not off the
track. Otherwise, what good does it do to us even if we start tapping into
the reservoir of Universe wisdom? We have heard or even seen so many master
teachers fell into the trap before, right?
And I strongly believe as we are approaching or rather searching the Truth,
as we KNOW what lies beneath, we will become kinder, nicer, more forgiving
and forgiven, more passionate to ourselves as well as others.
Sorry that I am off the previous topic now.
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Thu Mar 15 13:01:54 2012, 美东) 提到:
And I strongly believe as we are approaching or rather searching the Truth,
as we KNOW what lies beneath, we will become kinder, nicer, more forgiving
and forgiven, more passionate to ourselves as well as others.
-------------------
This is true!
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Thu Mar 15 13:36:09 2012, 美东) 提到:
I agree with you 90%. The 10% I do not agree is: We are not perfect, we are
normal human beings. When you forgive other people, you need to forgive
yourself too. It is fine to be angry at others. It is fine to talk back and
fight back when others are not respectful. We are not enlightened yet.
Holding your true feelings back will bring more suffering to you. Just do
not over do it. Do not be too bad, I guess.
But you are right, as we practise and approaching the true enlightenment, we
will be good and nice people naturally.
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TrueStory (不是幸福的坑不挖) 于 (Thu Mar 15 14:40:21 2012, 美东) 提到:
Hi, ACCCA, you are correct. You will soon find out whether people mean what
they say or do what they say. It's fun to watch how things play out here,
and it's good for your practice to discern what is right and what is wrong
here.
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Lostatlantis (。) 于 (Thu Mar 15 23:41:48 2012, 美东) 提到:
You are absolutely right! We are not perfect. That is why we are still here,
being a human, or maybe just one of the many reasons. What we can do is to
accept who we are and what we are, while trying to excel.
Being angry to ourselves or others is a different issue from holding up your
feeling though.
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Fri Mar 16 09:47:45 2012, 美东) 提到:
谢谢大家几天来的诊断、开导、建议，对我非常有帮助。喜欢这个版面的地方是
1. 总是不缺热心人
2. 总是不缺洞见
只要开口，就有回应。
最近家里、家外事物繁忙，不能多来向大家请教，告退了。
衷心感谢您的帮助
ACCCA
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Fri Mar 16 10:14:06 2012, 美东) 提到:
You are right. Maybe you are better than me. I am never angry at myself.
That is stupid. I know when I am angry at others, I will stop them. I do not
know what you mean by holding up feelings. To me, I thought you meant
tolerating other people's bad behavior or tolerating it when people tried to
hurt you. I am not going to tolerate things like that. I will not deny I am
angry, because sometimes I am angry and most of the time I let people know.
Maybe we are talking about different things.
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Fri Mar 16 10:16:43 2012, 美东) 提到:
I think sometimes I am too stubborn about my own opionions. I may not be
right, although sometimes it is out of good intensions. This is something I
need to learn.
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Lostatlantis (。) 于 (Fri Mar 16 11:21:33 2012, 美东) 提到:
no need to compare to other people lah. 每个人机遇不同，走的路也不同，都有各
自的长处和短处。
holding up your feeling，是指压抑，压制自己的情绪，没有释放出来。当然，每个
人释放的方式不同，没有好坏之分。很多人告诉自己，时间会治愈一切，其实不然，那
些情绪只是被隐藏到了潜意识里，什么时候出来“作怪”都不知道的，更危险，哈哈。
释放出来之后，就要让自己detach from that so that you can observe it and see
beyond the surface. 如果自己能够看到为什么自己会有这种情绪，那自然更好。如果
一下子看不到，也不要去钻牛角尖，拼命去想去琢磨。但是，关键是，不要让自己沉迷
在那个情绪里。
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TrueStory (不是幸福的坑不挖) 于 (Fri Mar 16 15:27:56 2012, 美东) 提到:
This is very true. I don't think that it is an issue for bdbd, though. But I
've seen this in many ways many times.
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Lostatlantis (。) 于 (Fri Mar 16 17:39:29 2012, 美东) 提到:
she asked me earlier what I meant by saying "holding up your feelings" so I
replied it.
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Fri Mar 16 17:54:17 2012, 美东) 提到:
In fact, I think I used to tolerate people and think everybody is nice and
sincere. However, what I found out later is people are really not very nice.
And they are especially mean when there are big temptations. I used to have
a very good looking boy friend. I saw my good girl friends and relatives
jumping on him all the time. I was really disappointed at friendships after
all this.
When people see what they really like, they do whatever they want to get it.
.....After this I learn one thing, no need to be nice to everybody. Some
people are not worth it for sure.
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Fri Mar 16 17:57:02 2012, 美东) 提到:
If people are not nice, are we just going to wait for them to take advantage
of us? No. Not me. I learned from my past experiences. Say now, I do not
allow anybody to even have a chance to be close to my LD.
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TrueStory (不是幸福的坑不挖) 于 (Fri Mar 16 23:36:53 2012, 美东) 提到:
en, yes.
ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Sun Mar 11 21:45:39 2012, 美东) 提到:
我自三岁患上慢性关节炎，带来的问题之一是所有需要手指小关节灵活性的活儿我都做
不好，例如写字、针线活等。几十岁的人，写出的字比小学生的还难看。不要说间架结
构，就连基本的横平竖直都做不到。小时候语文考试的作文，我常常因为字迹不工整失
分。如果按照“字如其人”的标准，或者让笔迹学家依我的笔迹分析性格，我恐怕就一
无是处了。幸好电脑时代让我轻松不少，基本不用手写字了，大多时候只需要签名时动
下手。即便是小小的签名，对我也是不小的困扰。就算是签购物单据这件小事，我也能
明显感觉到，签名时内心的虚弱和自卑，虽然还不能上升到签名恐惧症的程度，但也去
之不远。我自己很相信字如其人的古训，正因为如此，我才深怕别人用同样的标准来衡
量我，特别是当彼此并不熟悉，不能客观全面地认识一个人的时候。我希望能解决问题
，但首先需要清楚地面对问题。发帖在这里，是想请大家分析一下我问题的症结所在，
以及如何放下的意见。谢谢。
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Nathan (Gift) 于 (Sun Mar 11 21:54:51 2012, 美东) 提到:
这个值当什么。早有人说了，这个字迹研究，其实是反应研究者的性格，而不是被研
究者的性格
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Hermes99 (Hermes99) 于 (Sun Mar 11 21:55:33 2012, 美东) 提到:
能和你周围的人轻松的讨论这个"残疾"的时候，应该就没"问题"了。
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Sun Mar 11 22:07:26 2012, 美东) 提到:
哦？这样啊！这么说我被欺骗了很多年！能细说说吗,出处？
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Sun Mar 11 22:09:05 2012, 美东) 提到:
您是说我已经没问题了？可是我一想到要手写字就心虚。
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Sun Mar 11 22:23:18 2012, 美东) 提到:
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Sun Mar 11 22:40:04 2012, 美东) 提到:
怎样变厚？
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Sun Mar 11 22:44:06 2012, 美东) 提到:
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Sun Mar 11 22:52:10 2012, 美东) 提到:
嗯，有道理，多挨骂还得扛得住也不容易。
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Sun Mar 11 22:54:34 2012, 美东) 提到:
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Sun Mar 11 22:59:13 2012, 美东) 提到:
哈哈，忍辱法，好！
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Sun Mar 11 23:02:24 2012, 美东) 提到:
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Hermes99 (Hermes99) 于 (Sun Mar 11 23:10:14 2012, 美东) 提到:
有人签名的时候就画个圆圈点个点，或者小蝌蚪一样抖个线。你设计个类似的方便签名
不就没事了。
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Sun Mar 11 23:11:29 2012, 美东) 提到:
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Lostatlantis (。) 于 (Sun Mar 11 23:45:06 2012, 美东) 提到:
let go of your ego
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 00:12:23 2012, 美东) 提到:
在您不算，在我大辱小辱都是辱。唉，境界不同。
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 00:14:22 2012, 美东) 提到:
小蝌蚪一样抖个线--我已经设计了这种签名，可是一点也不潇洒，还是很难看。
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 00:20:43 2012, 美东) 提到:
我知道，我知道这是终极的答案，可是知易行难啊。
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Lostatlantis (。) 于 (Mon Mar 12 00:27:45 2012, 美东) 提到:
不要告诉自己，知易行难。bless yourself, dont curse. 知易行更精彩！just do it
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Mon Mar 12 00:43:10 2012, 美东) 提到:
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Mon Mar 12 00:44:15 2012, 美东) 提到:
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 10:26:27 2012, 美东) 提到:
嗯，心理暗示很重要，我要多多给自己正面积极的暗示。谢谢
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 10:28:32 2012, 美东) 提到:
脸皮厚，吃个够；脸皮薄，吃不着。要向您学习。
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 10:29:13 2012, 美东) 提到:
再学习！
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TrueStory (不是幸福的坑不挖) 于 (Mon Mar 12 12:22:03 2012, 美东) 提到:
"我自己很相信字如其人的古训，正因为如此，我才深怕别人用同样的标准来衡
量我，特别是当彼此并不熟悉，不能客观全面地认识一个人的时候。我希望能解决问题
，但首先需要清楚地面对问题。"
hehe, you know the problem very well already."我自己很相信字如其人的古训"
Is it true that "字如其人"?
Is it absolutely true that "字如其人"?
What do you feel when you believe that "字如其人"?
What would you be without the belief that "字如其人"?
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Mon Mar 12 12:53:54 2012, 美东) 提到:
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 14:35:38 2012, 美东) 提到:
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 14:38:53 2012, 美东) 提到:
需要学的是他人强的一面。
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TrueStory (不是幸福的坑不挖) 于 (Mon Mar 12 14:44:22 2012, 美东) 提到:
You know that 字如其人 is not true, then what's the option you have?
You can always be the one who does not have that belief!
"赞美他人写一手好字，轻松嘲笑自己？"
Still, why do you need to "嘲笑自己？" For having a bad hand-writing?
Is it true that "a bad hand-writing is something laughable"?
Is it absolutely true?
What would you be with that thought?
What would you be without that thought?
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Mon Mar 12 14:44:48 2012, 美东) 提到:
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 14:47:39 2012, 美东) 提到:
谢谢，同学
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 14:52:11 2012, 美东) 提到:
我明白了，当我相信“字如其人”的时候就给自己种下了心结，难怪小时候还不知道“
字如其人”和什么笔迹学家的理论的时候，再烂的字也没介意过。
谢谢点醒。
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TrueStory (不是幸福的坑不挖) 于 (Mon Mar 12 14:58:08 2012, 美东) 提到:
Yes, it is 心结 by a thought. What you do is exactly the same, which is
neutral. It's the thought about it that makes people feel differently.
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 15:06:14 2012, 美东) 提到:
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TrueStory (不是幸福的坑不挖) 于 (Mon Mar 12 15:11:00 2012, 美东) 提到:
hehe, thanks for your kind words. I can't take the full credit though. These
questions are summarized by Byron Katie, it's called "The Work". You've got
the gist of it, and it can help us in almost every aspect of our lives.
Best wishes for you!
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 15:28:12 2012, 美东) 提到:
I was about to ask you for the reference, while you have already offered it.
You are so considerate. I really appreciate your help.
Best wishes for you too.
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TrueStory (不是幸福的坑不挖) 于 (Mon Mar 12 16:10:09 2012, 美东) 提到:
sigh, you don't think that I can offer this without a reference ah. hehe.
But you are right. Byron Katie was in deep depression and agitation for
years until one day she found herself in a state without time nor place,
except that total acceptance and total peace. These questions were
summarized through her experiences while helping others. I haven't been as
desperate as she was, perhaps luckily or unluckily, I don't need to go
through that.
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 17:06:47 2012, 美东) 提到:
I know you are very knowledgeable and the questions seemed pretty systematic
to me. So I naturally think you should have learned it somewhere.
As you said, it might just be a blessing not to know something deeply. Once
I have a chat with a new friend. She thought I was in medical major because
I know a kind of disease so well. But I am not. If it is not the disease
happened to my beloved brother, I won't know it at all. Then I realize when
people have deep understanding of something, there must be a profound
experience behind it. Sometimes, I'd rather be ignorance.
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TrueStory (不是幸福的坑不挖) 于 (Mon Mar 12 17:25:20 2012, 美东) 提到:
pat pat, bless us all!
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Mon Mar 12 17:34:34 2012, 美东) 提到:
俺觉得吧. The only thing you need to learn is not to care about other
people's opinions. As long as
你的行为不伤害他人，他就不该管着你. You do not need anybody's approval.
我从小就不好好写字. 我跟人讲的很清楚.我高兴怎么写，就怎么写.轮不到你多嘴.
先管好你自己的嘴吧. 别人，一不付你的房租，二不买东西给你吃，凭什么评价你呀
？
However, your handwriting should be clear and readable, this is nice to
others.
As you grow older, you will learn one thing, you need to care about some
people, but not everybody.
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 19:21:28 2012, 美东) 提到:
Thank you. Misfortune can force people to think. In that sense, it is not
completely negative.
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 19:30:18 2012, 美东) 提到:
Actually, no one ever criticize me for my bad handwriting, only several kind
advice for me when I was young. It is all me, all about my feeling.
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Mon Mar 12 19:52:18 2012, 美东) 提到:
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Mon Mar 12 20:36:31 2012, 美东) 提到:
那我就不理解啦。俺从来没有这样的问题。
人又不是一定要写好字的。 你还是担心别人因为字，对你的看法吗。 Like I said,
没这个必要。 首先，大部分人都在想怎么过好自己的日子，根本没空理你。 第二，这
些看法根本不重要。你也不会少块肉。
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 21:18:35 2012, 美东) 提到:
您可能不理解，我是一个完美主义者，对人对己都有严格的标准，因此当我对自己的字
不满意，又带着偏见不能正确化解的时候，就造成了问题。其实很多心理问题不一定有
多重大的诱因，想明白了，一念转，就化开了。
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Mon Mar 12 21:20:11 2012, 美东) 提到:
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 21:21:27 2012, 美东) 提到:
您手太快了！
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Mon Mar 12 21:22:53 2012, 美东) 提到:
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 21:26:40 2012, 美东) 提到:
我正在学着长大，接触佛法让我成熟不少。
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Mon Mar 12 21:27:26 2012, 美东) 提到:
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 21:29:04 2012, 美东) 提到:
见笑
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Mon Mar 12 21:30:44 2012, 美东) 提到:
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 21:45:27 2012, 美东) 提到:
刚学的。
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Mon Mar 12 22:12:35 2012, 美东) 提到:
完美都是相对的。人不可能完美。 就说如果没有一个人字比你写得好，你的字就漂亮
啦。 反过来说，你觉得现在你是全天下第几有钱人，第几大厨呢？ 万一很多人都比你
强，你咋办呢？ 所以说，没有完美这个东东。
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Mon Mar 12 22:22:42 2012, 美东) 提到:
还好我从来不是完美主义者，最近对自己的要求就更低啦。 也算成长啦。
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Lostatlantis (。) 于 (Mon Mar 12 22:27:20 2012, 美东) 提到:
呵呵，握手握手。
前段时间，我也是突然悟到，原来我是一个完美主义者啊。很感慨地告诉朋友们之后，
他们都哈哈大笑，你才晓得？
但是我知道，那次的看到，是真正地打到了我。人生本来就不是圆满的，永远充满着
ups and downs just like waves. 作为一个“完美主义者”，我们不免就对自己心生
很多的不满，我们就无法完完全全地接受自己，也就无法爱我们自己。一个连自己无法
去爱的人，怎么可能去爱众生呢？
因为追求完美，就不免恐惧失败。（突然想起心经里说的，”无挂碍故，无有恐怖，远
离颠倒梦想“）说到底，其实还是自己的ego在作怪而已。看清楚，你的ego在恐惧什么
？他们想要什么？
很早以前，有个老师就曾经棒喝过，不要害怕失败，有失败，说明你有去做。
so, just open up your heart and love yourself just the way you are, no more
no less. allow yourself to be more vulnerable and to make mistakes. "
Mistakes" are not bad at all
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Mon Mar 12 22:35:16 2012, 美东) 提到:
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Mon Mar 12 22:42:09 2012, 美东) 提到:
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Mon Mar 12 22:54:26 2012, 美东) 提到:
俺也有烦恼的。俺喜欢跟人吵架，吵不赢就很不高兴。最近好啦，明白一个道理，吵赢
，吵不赢其实也没有什么consequence, 废那个脑筋干什么呢？ 有空不如多吃多喝多玩
啦。
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Mon Mar 12 22:54:31 2012, 美东) 提到:
俺也有烦恼的。俺喜欢跟人吵架，吵不赢就很不高兴。最近好啦，明白一个道理，吵赢
，吵不赢其实也没有什么consequence, 废那个脑筋干什么呢？ 有空不如多吃多喝多玩
啦。
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Mon Mar 12 23:02:08 2012, 美东) 提到:
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 23:05:19 2012, 美东) 提到:
哈哈，我是初学，只是想表达学佛对我的生活产生了多么正面的影响，也许用词不当，
词不达意。说明我要加紧修行。
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Mon Mar 12 23:06:32 2012, 美东) 提到:
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 23:16:37 2012, 美东) 提到:
“那次的看到”--非常非常地好奇
我是几年前用那个MBTI职业性格测试才知道自己是完美主义者的。那个测试不一定很准
确，但对了解自己也很有帮助。
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Mon Mar 12 23:18:17 2012, 美东) 提到:
谢谢提醒
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Tue Mar 13 01:57:12 2012, 美东) 提到:
这个世界上的事情没有一件完美的。你这个完美主义是怎么来的呢？俺觉得你可能还有
一个问题，就是你错误的认为你的标准肯定是正确的。 比方说写字好很重要是必须的
。 这个观念本身就是错的。 还有包括，学习成绩要好呀，工作要努力呀，这些观念
are not necessarily right. 成绩差就是一个fact 没有好坏，也没有完美不完美的说
法的。
你不仅是完美主义者，可能还很固执的坚持一些标准。。。。。which makes you
suffer.....
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Tue Mar 13 02:02:08 2012, 美东) 提到:
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liozodell (山水白鹤) 于 (Tue Mar 13 04:09:26 2012, 美东) 提到:
多来本班接受熏陶
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Tue Mar 13 07:51:07 2012, 美东) 提到:
How can anything you do is better or worse? If u think u are better or worse
than others, that means u feel superior than them , which is wrong.
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Tue Mar 13 08:15:21 2012, 美东) 提到:
俺觉得大部分成年人的perfectionist,都是那种小时候学习成绩比较好，受家长老师表
扬太多的。 然后自己就形成了一个概念，什么什么样就比别人好，是很不错的。 这个
本来就是错的。 谈到perfection, 你们谁一直体育成绩非常好，美术好，而且唱歌唱
得非常棒的？ perfection是有个概念的。可能在你心中这样的人是完美的，在别人的
心中另一个样子是完美的。 你既不应该因为自己比别人“完美”而高兴，也不应该自
己没有别人‘完美’而自卑‘。 因为这个观念从头到尾就是不存在的。
即使是一件事情，只要去做就可以啦，尽力就可以啦，怎么会有个better or worse?
不停的自我比较，以及与别人比较，才会造成时而高兴，不高兴，时而自卑，时而自满
吧。
完美主义者内心secretly都是曾经自己自我感觉很好，并且可能瞧不起所谓的不完美的
人。 等你们看那些所谓不完美的人或者事情都完美起来的时候，就都好啦。
说话比较直，但是俺这也是为了帮助你们解决问题。
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Tue Mar 13 10:17:52 2012, 美东) 提到:
Do you have any other achievement to make yourself feel self-confident?
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Tue Mar 13 10:19:58 2012, 美东) 提到:
You can build up your self-confidence from other aspects of life, like
working, happiness from family life, your children, some other sports,
painting, singing, and so on.
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Tue Mar 13 10:21:22 2012, 美东) 提到:
Yep, embrace life as how it is, do our best to make it better.
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Tue Mar 13 10:22:54 2012, 美东) 提到:
This is true.
AFFIRMATIONS ARE SO POWERFUL.
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Tue Mar 13 10:24:52 2012, 美东) 提到:
good!!!
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Tue Mar 13 10:29:41 2012, 美东) 提到:
Which kind of personality type are u?
:-)
I also checked myself, after I read the description about my personality
type carefully, suddenly I felt quite relieved.
We just need to accept how we are, some characteristics are inborn, and they
will influence us throughout the life.
Knowing and understanding is the first step to accept.
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Tue Mar 13 10:35:59 2012, 美东) 提到:
LOL! :-)
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Tue Mar 13 11:23:14 2012, 美东) 提到:
这个测试不是绝对的，在不同的情况下测，结果会有所不同。例如我在家宅了两年后再
测发现 Introvert 增强，thinking 减弱，虽然总体性格组合并没有改变。这也说明人
是可以改变的。
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Tue Mar 13 11:32:53 2012, 美东) 提到:
谢谢您的分析，这些问题我基本了解，但习气却很难改变。您说的就是“舍”--舍分别
心，我正在努力，先学习舍弃对写字好坏的分别心。
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Tue Mar 13 11:41:02 2012, 美东) 提到:
我知道这种方法，个人认为不是很管用。一码归一码，我可以在很多地方很自信，但却
解决不了写字自卑的问题。我只能面对问题本身，从根子上破除它，逃避不是办法。
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TrueStory (不是幸福的坑不挖) 于 (Tue Mar 13 11:51:43 2012, 美东) 提到:
Yes, you get it.
Self-confidence is nothing that builds upon achievements. You are all well
and lovable as who you are right now. Self-confidence is for ego.
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Tue Mar 13 12:15:51 2012, 美东) 提到:
我正想发帖再次感谢您提供的方法，又见您的鼓励，非常感谢！这套方法可以用来检验
日常生活中的很多观念，发现原来都是不实的，虚妄的，“知幻即离”，只在一念间。
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Tue Mar 13 12:31:54 2012, 美东) 提到:
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Tue Mar 13 12:36:03 2012, 美东) 提到:
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Tue Mar 13 13:49:19 2012, 美东) 提到:
呵呵，满口名词是新学的通病吧？或者只是我自己的？一点点感悟都想分享，心的出发
点是善的。
轻拍
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robbin (robbin) 于 (Tue Mar 13 13:51:53 2012, 美东) 提到:
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Tue Mar 13 15:05:15 2012, 美东) 提到:
这个不是逃避，不能面对自己某方面的不完美，必定有原因的。
不能接受自己在该方面的不完美，是因为不够理解为什么，深刻理解了，就接受了。
如果你可以接受自己在其它方面，但是就这一点克服不了，那么问自己原因更重要一些。
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Tue Mar 13 15:07:47 2012, 美东) 提到:
性格既然可以归类，就说明性格不是那么善变的。
人是可以改变，我觉得这个性格测试的意义在于更了解自己，更理解自己的思考和行为
模式，然后指导自己趋利避害。发扬长处，改善短处。
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Tue Mar 13 15:56:02 2012, 美东) 提到:
性格不善变，是因为习性很难改变。我宅在家里使内向倾向增强，是因为我有更多的时
间自省，内心充满喜悦满足，不需向外寻求，实际上我与人相处的人缘变好了很多。再
有，thinking 减弱，也不是脑子锈到，而是feeling 增强，体现在我对人对己的感觉
更敏感，也更具同情心。这些都是学佛带来的利益。有意思的是这个性格测试居然能将
这种变化量化。
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Tue Mar 13 16:02:17 2012, 美东) 提到:
很好呀
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lingsu (I am not fat, i am just a bit husky) 于 (Tue Mar 13 19:36:40 2012, 美东) 提到:
nice...
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Tue Mar 13 20:08:29 2012, 美东) 提到:
你读的什么佛法呀？偏大乘，还是偏南传？
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Tue Mar 13 20:25:21 2012, 美东) 提到:
我是初学，主要读《杂阿含》，也会读《心经》和《金刚经》，修行主要是观呼吸，也
会随缘念佛。并没有给自己设定宗派。
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Tue Mar 13 21:44:18 2012, 美东) 提到:
Yeah, 不设定宗派好。 俺觉得你的心结以后慢慢一定会解开的。 俺写字就很差的，但
是从来都没觉得有啥不好的。我比你遭遇惨多啦，不仅父母批评，老师批评，还被朋友
嘲笑。但是俺就是不好好写。俺就是觉得什么这个字如其人的观念是错的。 美丑本身也是个人为标准。 什么字好看，什么字不好看，谁说了算？ 反正我看不出来。So what? 我过得还是很好。他们都没有我过得开心。我也从来没有因此自卑过。 所以这个就是个执着的概念，放弃就br />
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Tue Mar 13 22:44:40 2012, 美东) 提到:
谢谢开导。有一张表格，我一直拖着没填，明天填一下，同时观照自己的内心，看看有
没有变化。
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Wed Mar 14 09:52:09 2012, 美东) 提到:
Interesting, when I read the news on USA today this morning, I came across
this article titled "Tightrope: Positive thinking alone can't grow your
business"
http://www.usatoday.com/money/smallbusiness/columnist/edmunds/s
"My best guess is that two types of people cling to "optimism" and "positive
thinking." Type one turns their backs on a situation and pretends it doesn'
t exist. They deny the existence of the problem, and most often the problem
grows worse.
The second type knows that simply thinking in a particular way does not
change things. They uncover and recognize problems and also believe enough
in themselves to search for a solution. And, with a positive attitude and an
optimistic outlook, they tackle the problem. Most often the problem gets
solved."
这么说态度正确了还不是全部，还需要想切实可操作的解决方法。嗯，我得想想。
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Wed Mar 14 10:05:26 2012, 美东) 提到:
yeah, positive thinking itself can not solve the problem, but it is
helpful. Right view in Buddhism is much more helpful, and it needs
time to develop.
To improve the problems, action is the point.
Pretending the problems do not exist is a wrong view.
Seeing problems as they are with a positive thinking and trying
to find the way to solve them is what we can do.
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Wed Mar 14 10:11:39 2012, 美东) 提到:
I do think that the eight pathfold in Buddhism could also be efficiently
workable in our daily life.
Buddhism could really foster the wisdom of us.:-)
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Wed Mar 14 13:02:22 2012, 美东) 提到:
非常同意，刚好星期天参加了一个法会，题目是“佛法为人带来安乐之道”，分享一下：
佛陀给我们离苦得乐的指导，可归纳为八个步骤，即八正道。修习八正道，能为人带来
安乐。
一、正见带来真正的安乐：使我们了解因果、四圣谛，舍离苦和乐两种极端，行于中道。
二、正思维带来放弃、慈爱与悲悯的安乐：放弃生活中的幻想、恐惧、妄想，培养善念。
三、正语带来和谐的安乐：断除妄语、两舌、恶口、绮语的坏习惯，说真实语、和善语。
四、正业带来符合道德原则的安乐：不去造作杀生、偷盗等恶行，避免憎恨和暴力等。
五、正命带来利益的安乐：培养心智的成长，做有益于自己和利他的工作。
六、正精进带来断恶修善的安乐：防止未生之恶，断除已生之恶，修习未生之善，维持
已生之善。
七、正念带来活在当下的安乐：保持觉知，去除杂念，把心无间断地集中在一个对象或
观念上。
八、正定带来洞见实相的安乐：专注于呼吸，远离散乱心，使身心安静，认清无常、苦
、无我。
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Wed Mar 14 13:09:24 2012, 美东) 提到:
en
Thanks for sharing!
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Wed Mar 14 13:26:21 2012, 美东) 提到:
另外，有了寻求安乐的目标，也有了正确的道路，还要考虑方便的问题，是走路、骑自
行车、坐车，还是乘飞机？这就要具体问题，具体分析了。例如，我写字不好（已经不
是自卑的问题），就要想一些办法，怎样善巧地解决，这是我接下来要brainstorming
的地方。
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Wed Mar 14 13:33:55 2012, 美东) 提到:
I think those are more for psychological purposes. This is not postivie
thinking. This is to see the truth. I can tell u. I cannot tell the
difference between good looking or bad looking till I am very old. There is
not such a thing called good looking or bad looking. I remember searching
hard for an answer to this question. Because when friends talk about this, I
have no clue what they are talking about. Then one day, I was looking at a
picture, suddenly, I got this feeling of good or bad lookings. The world
has changed. I suddenly felt it. It was an exciting moment. However, I still
know there is not good or bad looking in reality. Anyhow, My handwriting
is actually very good now. Not through practising, but by realizing what is
good looking in normal human being's eyes. However, deep in my heart, I
know these are all delusions.
To me, as long as people are not doing something intentionally to hurt
others, there is nothing wrong with it.
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Wed Mar 14 13:46:34 2012, 美东) 提到:
“as long as people are not doing something intentionally to hurt
others, there is nothing wrong with it. ”这是最基本要守的标准，但还有一些细
微的威仪，不是大问题，也无关对错，但也会让他人起烦恼，比如饭桌上喝汤动静太大
，或者如我字写得太难看等等。
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Wed Mar 14 14:01:21 2012, 美东) 提到:
Right, the positive thinking（乐观积极思考） is not the Right thinking(正思
维)，前者是方便，后者是道路。
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Wed Mar 14 14:20:11 2012, 美东) 提到:
What about if you are bad looking? Are you going to Zheng Rong? Pleasing
others is not the right thinking. Their ignorant should not make you as
ignorant as they are. If you really become a buddhist nun or monk, trust me
, there will be more people who dislike you.
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SeeU (See you) 于 (Wed Mar 14 14:54:18 2012, 美东) 提到:
zan
Please share more what you have found beneficial in the future.
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Wed Mar 14 22:33:29 2012, 美东) 提到:
取悦他人不是正思维，但慈悲心是正思维，区别在于起心在何处？
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lingsu (I am not fat, i am just a bit husky) 于 (Wed Mar 14 22:47:30 2012, 美东) 提到:
很有道理
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Wed Mar 14 23:28:39 2012, 美东) 提到:
你觉得你因为字写得不好而自卑是慈悲造成的吗？ARe you going to so 慈悲，so it will make you worried about what other people think about U?
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Thu Mar 15 00:16:13 2012, 美东) 提到:
我过去为这件事苦恼的时候，当然不是慈悲心的缘故，那只是虚荣心在作怪，当我认识
到这点后，我就会努力让这“已生恶令断”；而后我要想善巧的方法不让他人看我的字
生烦恼，那就是从慈悲心出发，“未生善令生”。
师傅常说“不要让自己的存在成为他人的烦恼，也不要让他人的存在成为自己的烦恼”
，我一直认为很有道理，却没真正理解。正是在思考您前面帖子提出的问题时，我突然
悟到这句话前半部说的正是“慈悲”，后半部说的则是“喜舍”。
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Thu Mar 15 01:04:44 2012, 美东) 提到:
师傅常说“不要让自己的存在成为他人的烦恼，也不要让他人的存在成为自己的烦恼”
What if the two conflicts?
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Thu Mar 15 01:15:39 2012, 美东) 提到:
BTW, 我师傅可从来没像你师傅这么说过。
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Thu Mar 15 02:03:05 2012, 美东) 提到:
别人看到你的字会生烦恼，不是你的问题，不让他们生烦恼也不是慈悲。
不要让自己的存在成为他人的烦恼是说 自己要善
不让他人的存在成为自己的烦恼还是 自己要善
善其实包含很多的
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Thu Mar 15 02:04:26 2012, 美东) 提到:
顺便赞四正勤
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Lostatlantis (。) 于 (Thu Mar 15 02:12:38 2012, 美东) 提到:
试试临帖？而且还能修心养性，我觉得，跟做meditation差不多，哈哈哈。
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Lostatlantis (。) 于 (Thu Mar 15 02:18:31 2012, 美东) 提到:
你师傅很好啊！
我的理解是，要当善人做善事，be the sunshine to other people and bring light
to other people. 但是，你自己会因为别人而心生烦恼，那就要仔细看看为什么了？
如果能够时时守住自己的心，八风不动，哪有什么烦恼啊？
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Thu Mar 15 09:55:19 2012, 美东) 提到:
This is something that RUJIA or Christians can handle better. Buddhism is
really for discovering the truth of the universe and the humanbeings
themselves. I am not against your Master's idea of being a nice person.
But being a nice person needs a lot of wisdom. It is not an easy job. I
think when you discover the truth, you become a nice person naturally. But
being a nice person will not let you discover the truth and may in fact
creates more suffering.....
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Thu Mar 15 09:58:28 2012, 美东) 提到:
If you spend the time you spend on practsing handwriting to do something
more helpful to others, it may be more CiBei. And I do not believe anybody
will be annoyed by your handwriting that much, they may laught at you, but I
doubt they were be bothered. Especially these days, most of the time, you
just sign your name. Most people intensionally sign name in a weird way so
nobody can mimic their signature.
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Thu Mar 15 10:13:22 2012, 美东) 提到:
To some extent, I believe many religions, although they start off by trying
to make people nice. They end up being so supercritcal, that creates more
psychological problems to their followers. As you can see, in history,
there are so many wars started by religious people.
And those people who does not have any beliefs on the other hand a lot of
times are more peaceful and can face their problems more straightforward.
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Thu Mar 15 10:46:26 2012, 美东) 提到:
明白了，师傅的话是方便说，因此不同的师傅讲不同的话，不同的人听了也有不同的理
解。慈悲是善，但不是绝对善，对这个人是善，对另一个人未必是善。我今后学着尽量
用绝对善来检验自己的身口意，那就是做一件事的时候，有没有贪心？有没有嗔心？有
没有痴心？
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Thu Mar 15 10:57:54 2012, 美东) 提到:
I really cannot teach you anything. I am only trying to release you from the
pressure of thinking too much for what other people will think. Do not be
too hard on yourself. I know there are times I am angry and mean to people,
as you can see :). And I will not change. Some people just deserve it. Who
cares. We are just normal human beings. My Shifu never told me to tolerate
others too much.
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Thu Mar 15 11:26:55 2012, 美东) 提到:
谢谢，发现您是真正的“刀子嘴，豆腐心”:)
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Lostatlantis (。) 于 (Thu Mar 15 12:51:48 2012, 美东) 提到:
I think being nice and finding the truth are so woven together that you can
hardly separate them. When we are walking on our spiritual path looking for
the Truth, we will just have to remind ourselves to be kind, compassionate
and many other good virtues all the time to make sure we are not off the
track. Otherwise, what good does it do to us even if we start tapping into
the reservoir of Universe wisdom? We have heard or even seen so many master
teachers fell into the trap before, right?
And I strongly believe as we are approaching or rather searching the Truth,
as we KNOW what lies beneath, we will become kinder, nicer, more forgiving
and forgiven, more passionate to ourselves as well as others.
Sorry that I am off the previous topic now.
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JeanIris (Iris) 于 (Thu Mar 15 13:01:54 2012, 美东) 提到:
And I strongly believe as we are approaching or rather searching the Truth,
as we KNOW what lies beneath, we will become kinder, nicer, more forgiving
and forgiven, more passionate to ourselves as well as others.
-------------------
This is true!
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Thu Mar 15 13:36:09 2012, 美东) 提到:
I agree with you 90%. The 10% I do not agree is: We are not perfect, we are
normal human beings. When you forgive other people, you need to forgive
yourself too. It is fine to be angry at others. It is fine to talk back and
fight back when others are not respectful. We are not enlightened yet.
Holding your true feelings back will bring more suffering to you. Just do
not over do it. Do not be too bad, I guess.
But you are right, as we practise and approaching the true enlightenment, we
will be good and nice people naturally.
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TrueStory (不是幸福的坑不挖) 于 (Thu Mar 15 14:40:21 2012, 美东) 提到:
Hi, ACCCA, you are correct. You will soon find out whether people mean what
they say or do what they say. It's fun to watch how things play out here,
and it's good for your practice to discern what is right and what is wrong
here.
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Lostatlantis (。) 于 (Thu Mar 15 23:41:48 2012, 美东) 提到:
You are absolutely right! We are not perfect. That is why we are still here,
being a human, or maybe just one of the many reasons. What we can do is to
accept who we are and what we are, while trying to excel.
Being angry to ourselves or others is a different issue from holding up your
feeling though.
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ACCCA (人之初,性本善) 于 (Fri Mar 16 09:47:45 2012, 美东) 提到:
谢谢大家几天来的诊断、开导、建议，对我非常有帮助。喜欢这个版面的地方是
1. 总是不缺热心人
2. 总是不缺洞见
只要开口，就有回应。
最近家里、家外事物繁忙，不能多来向大家请教，告退了。
衷心感谢您的帮助
ACCCA
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Fri Mar 16 10:14:06 2012, 美东) 提到:
You are right. Maybe you are better than me. I am never angry at myself.
That is stupid. I know when I am angry at others, I will stop them. I do not
know what you mean by holding up feelings. To me, I thought you meant
tolerating other people's bad behavior or tolerating it when people tried to
hurt you. I am not going to tolerate things like that. I will not deny I am
angry, because sometimes I am angry and most of the time I let people know.
Maybe we are talking about different things.
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Fri Mar 16 10:16:43 2012, 美东) 提到:
I think sometimes I am too stubborn about my own opionions. I may not be
right, although sometimes it is out of good intensions. This is something I
need to learn.
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Lostatlantis (。) 于 (Fri Mar 16 11:21:33 2012, 美东) 提到:
no need to compare to other people lah. 每个人机遇不同，走的路也不同，都有各
自的长处和短处。
holding up your feeling，是指压抑，压制自己的情绪，没有释放出来。当然，每个
人释放的方式不同，没有好坏之分。很多人告诉自己，时间会治愈一切，其实不然，那
些情绪只是被隐藏到了潜意识里，什么时候出来“作怪”都不知道的，更危险，哈哈。
释放出来之后，就要让自己detach from that so that you can observe it and see
beyond the surface. 如果自己能够看到为什么自己会有这种情绪，那自然更好。如果
一下子看不到，也不要去钻牛角尖，拼命去想去琢磨。但是，关键是，不要让自己沉迷
在那个情绪里。
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TrueStory (不是幸福的坑不挖) 于 (Fri Mar 16 15:27:56 2012, 美东) 提到:
This is very true. I don't think that it is an issue for bdbd, though. But I
've seen this in many ways many times.
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Lostatlantis (。) 于 (Fri Mar 16 17:39:29 2012, 美东) 提到:
she asked me earlier what I meant by saying "holding up your feelings" so I
replied it.
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Fri Mar 16 17:54:17 2012, 美东) 提到:
In fact, I think I used to tolerate people and think everybody is nice and
sincere. However, what I found out later is people are really not very nice.
And they are especially mean when there are big temptations. I used to have
a very good looking boy friend. I saw my good girl friends and relatives
jumping on him all the time. I was really disappointed at friendships after
all this.
When people see what they really like, they do whatever they want to get it.
.....After this I learn one thing, no need to be nice to everybody. Some
people are not worth it for sure.
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bdbd (kakali) 于 (Fri Mar 16 17:57:02 2012, 美东) 提到:
If people are not nice, are we just going to wait for them to take advantage
of us? No. Not me. I learned from my past experiences. Say now, I do not
allow anybody to even have a chance to be close to my LD.
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TrueStory (不是幸福的坑不挖) 于 (Fri Mar 16 23:36:53 2012, 美东) 提到:
en, yes.
