A few perspectives from a husband, who in the past had witnessed his own
wife struggling with similar pain, due to his own pride and self-
centeredness, before both me and my wife were saved.
1. At this stage, the wife needs absolute love and comfort. Period.
Don't worry about being emotionally "strong", which is perhaps good-
intentioned but wrong advice at the wrong timing. Expressing your emotions
is important.
2. Husband and wife always expect each other to satisfy their "needs". Wrong
paradigm. Your deepest need can only be satisfied by God. Seeking from any
other source is called idolatry.
3. No human's wisdom can truly "change" the heart of another human. Only God
can. And He will. Through You. Like a miracle.
So
(3.1) Stop all delusional efforts trying to "change" your spouse. Change
yourself, in a sense, to submit to God first. Pray, and refocus your various
self-frustrating and destructing thoughts, and eventually your ultimate
meaning of life on God.
(3.2) Serve your spouse twice as hard in daily dealings, not out of any
insecurity to please another human, but of obedience to God, who has
commanded us to love each other via serving each other.
(3.3) Then God's love and wisdom will start to emanate through you the
channel, and chip away at your spouse's cold self-centeredness (the source
of all evil thoughts and deeds), and bring him to knees before God;
(3.4) Your spouse will realize how pitifully he has sinned before God, and
repent, and return to you as a miracle delivered by God.
4. Never, never, never, never think or say the D-word. Always reject it
quietly and firmly, if brought up by your spouse. Divorce is absolutely no
way out. Period. Only your own self-centeredness will entice you into such a
trap of endless pain and regret, against the will of God.
Also a few words for any husbands who might be reading: if any words above
sound harsh to the men, they are meant to build us up. So strike dead your
habitual whining before it rises. It is Adam whom God made the
responsibility bearer, with Eve his helpmeet. Men, obey God in this and be
joyful. This sets up good example for your kids to follow.
