【转载】不要找一个摄影师的50个理由# PhotoGear - 摄影器材
w*n
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原文地址：http://notastarvingartist.com/post/12766897643
50 Reasons not to Date a Photographer
Was inspired to write one of these hehe.
They rather hold their bulky camera, than hold hands with you. 他们宁可攥着
相机都不愿意牵你的手。
On a romantic date, you’ll watch the sun go down and think “Wow this is
gorgeous” and they’ll go “mirror lock, tripod, and stop down f/8 at 1/125
.” 一个浪漫的约会，你看着日落心里想着“多美啊”，然后他们会说“反光板预升，
三脚架，光圈缩小到F／8,快门1／125秒。”
You’ll never be able to enjoy tv, movies, or magazines because they’ll
point out all the visual flaws.你永远不能欣赏电视，电影或者杂志，因为他们会
挑出所有的视觉问题。
They like to sit in obscure coffee shop and voyeuristically obscure watch
people for great lengths of time.他们喜欢坐在昏暗的咖啡厅然后长时间地偷偷观
察他人。
If you’re taking a walk outside and you come across some “interesting
light” they will make you sit/stand/pose in public so that they can take a
photo.如果你们在外面散步，碰巧遇到了“有趣的光线”，他们会让你们在大庭广众之
下坐着／站着／摆姿势这样他们就能拍张照片。
You’ll never get to enjoy freshly cooked meals because they’ll spend 15
minutes taking 20 variations of the same dish with their iPhone.你永远不能享
受热腾腾的饭菜因为他们会花上15分钟用他们的iPhone给同一道菜拍20张不同的照片。
They get angry when your friends go up to them and say “I am interested in
photography, can you recommend a good camera for me? Nothing professional I
just want to take pretty pictures.”如果你的朋友跑过来问他们“我对摄影有兴
趣，你能给我推荐一款不错的 相机么？不要太专业我只是想拍漂亮的照片。”他们会
生气。
You’ll wait longer for them to finish analyzing art in a museum than you’
ll wait at the dmv. 你等他们在博物馆里分析一件艺术品的时间比你花在车辆管理局
的时间还要长。
Same goes with old used bookstores. 如果是在旧书店情况也是如此。
When you think they’re giving you their undivided attention, they’re
really wondering how they could fix you with a little Clone Tool and Patch
Tool.如果你觉得他们是在注视你，其实他们是在琢磨怎么用复制工具和修补工具来“
修”你。
Or they are actually using you to not look so creepy as they people watch
everything going on around you.他们实际上是在利用你看起来不那么吓人，因为他
们在关注你周围的一切。
They rather drop $1,000+ on new glass than a purse for you. 他们宁可花1000多
刀买镜头都不愿意给你买个钱包。
You can’t take a photo with them without taking at least five more.你不可能
让他们只给你拍“一张”照片，他们至少会多拍5张。
If you ask them if you look fat, they’ll say “don’t worry I can photoshop
you later.”如果你问他们你看起来是不是有点小肉，他们会说“没事儿，可以后期
。”
They’ll never photoshop something simple for you if the content is not up
to their “standards.”如果你的照片里的东西没有到他们的所谓“标准”，他们连
简单的后期都懒得给你做。
That photo they randomly took of you yesterday? Good luck getting them to
send it to you.记得他们昨天随便给你拍的照片了？想收到那些照片就祝你好运了。
They spend all their time on the computer (and not for porn.)他们把所有的时
间都用在电脑上，还不是为了看毛片儿。
They can’t have a normal conversation with throwing acronyms and random
numbers.他们如果不提到什么缩写和乱七八糟的数字，那他们根本没办法正常聊天。
They still use film cameras.他们居然还用胶片相机。
They spend a lot of time with people cooler than you i.e. models, actors,
musicians, successful rich people.他们花更多的时间去接触那些比你“酷”的人，
比如模特，演员，音乐人和成功的大款。
They’ll be fussy over the position of a common household object, like a
coffee cup.他们连诸如咖啡杯这样的常用物品的位置都会挑三拣四。
They won’t return your calls or text messages, but you can bet they’re
still posting pics on Instagram.他们不回你的电话和短信但是你知道他们有的是时
间在Instagram上发照片。
They like watching old films that you’ve never heard or will ever
understand.他们看的那些老电影保准你从来没听说过也永远看不懂。
They like looking at weird things in general.他们喜欢寻找怪异的东西。
Instead of having penis-envy, they have camera-gear-envy.相比嫉妒别的男人的
雄性器官，他们更嫉妒别人的摄影器材。
If there’s a natural disaster in a far away land, they’re already on a
plane going over there.如果在遥远的某个地方正在发生自然灾害，那他们一定正在
飞过去的路上。
Everything is watermarked.所有的东西都要打水印。
They think everyone else’s photos suck.他们觉得其他人的照片都是渣。
They want to color correct a lot of scenes from Twilight and Jersey Shore.他
们从黄昏到牛仔裤店的任何场景都要颜色矫正。
They hate rainbows, especially ones spinning in a circle.他们讨厌彩虹，尤其
是那种转圈的。
Whenever you’re in a group talking and the conversation goes deep, they’re
taking notes in some form of Moleskine.如果你们是几个人在讨论，话题深入了以
后他们就开始用类似Moleskine的本子记笔记。
They use over priced Moleskine notebooks.他们都用性价比很差的Moleskine笔记本。
They like trespassing into old abandoned buildings filled with health
hazards.他们喜欢侵入充满健康隐患的废气老房子。
They always want to show a new photo they took, but don’t really care if
you like it or not.他们永远喜欢给你看他们拍的新照片，根本不管你喜欢不喜欢。
They hate your n00bie friend’s new artsy profile picture.他们讨厌你那些小白
朋友们刚弄的朦胧的头像。
Bright, sunny days make them sad, but cloudy, overcast days are apparently
great!大太阳天让他们头疼，但是多云，灰蒙蒙的天气他们觉得棒极了。
They’ll take you into places that have “culture” as well a high chance of
getting mugged.他们会带你去那些有“文化”但是同时也很有可能被打劫的地方。
Your birthday present will be a portrait that they’ve taken of you.你的生日
礼物就是他们给你拍的一张人像照片。
You can’t go anywhere new without them stopping to take a photo of
everything and anything.如果你想去一个新的地方还不让他们停下来给狂拍烂拍那是
不可能的。
They will always bug you to be a test subject.他们永远烦着你去当他们的测试对
象。
Nothing can ever be naturally pretty, everything must be fixed in Photoshop.
没有任何一个物体能够达到自然美，所有的东西都必须用photoshop修出来。
Bringing their camera means, bringing 50lbs of equipment.他们带相机就等于是
50磅的器材。
If you break any of their things on accident, you’ll owe them thousands of
dollars.如果你不小心把他们的东西弄坏了，你就要欠他么上千刀了。
You can’t get them a birthday/Christmas present without spending at least $
500.你不花500刀以上都搞不定他们的生日／圣诞节礼物。
They are natural hoarders, collecting and keeping piles of old newspapers,
packaging, magazines, and other things that “inspire” them.他们就是爱囤，
收集所有的旧报纸，包装纸，杂志以及所有可能给他们带来“灵感”的东西。
They are weird and geeky.他们又怪又令人厌烦。
They have hard drives of photos, but probably have printed 10 images.他们有
很多硬盘装满了照片，但是印出来的照片最多10张。
They are always secretly judging your creativity.他们总是秘密地评论你的创新
能力。
If you’re ever in auto mode, they laugh at you.如果你处于“自动模式”他们会
嘲笑你。
They orgasm every time they learn a new lighting technique.他们每次学到新的
布光技巧的时候都会高潮。
50 Reasons not to Date a Photographer
Was inspired to write one of these hehe.
They rather hold their bulky camera, than hold hands with you. 他们宁可攥着
相机都不愿意牵你的手。
On a romantic date, you’ll watch the sun go down and think “Wow this is
gorgeous” and they’ll go “mirror lock, tripod, and stop down f/8 at 1/125
.” 一个浪漫的约会，你看着日落心里想着“多美啊”，然后他们会说“反光板预升，
三脚架，光圈缩小到F／8,快门1／125秒。”
You’ll never be able to enjoy tv, movies, or magazines because they’ll
point out all the visual flaws.你永远不能欣赏电视，电影或者杂志，因为他们会
挑出所有的视觉问题。
They like to sit in obscure coffee shop and voyeuristically obscure watch
people for great lengths of time.他们喜欢坐在昏暗的咖啡厅然后长时间地偷偷观
察他人。
If you’re taking a walk outside and you come across some “interesting
light” they will make you sit/stand/pose in public so that they can take a
photo.如果你们在外面散步，碰巧遇到了“有趣的光线”，他们会让你们在大庭广众之
下坐着／站着／摆姿势这样他们就能拍张照片。
You’ll never get to enjoy freshly cooked meals because they’ll spend 15
minutes taking 20 variations of the same dish with their iPhone.你永远不能享
受热腾腾的饭菜因为他们会花上15分钟用他们的iPhone给同一道菜拍20张不同的照片。
They get angry when your friends go up to them and say “I am interested in
photography, can you recommend a good camera for me? Nothing professional I
just want to take pretty pictures.”如果你的朋友跑过来问他们“我对摄影有兴
趣，你能给我推荐一款不错的 相机么？不要太专业我只是想拍漂亮的照片。”他们会
生气。
You’ll wait longer for them to finish analyzing art in a museum than you’
ll wait at the dmv. 你等他们在博物馆里分析一件艺术品的时间比你花在车辆管理局
的时间还要长。
Same goes with old used bookstores. 如果是在旧书店情况也是如此。
When you think they’re giving you their undivided attention, they’re
really wondering how they could fix you with a little Clone Tool and Patch
Tool.如果你觉得他们是在注视你，其实他们是在琢磨怎么用复制工具和修补工具来“
修”你。
Or they are actually using you to not look so creepy as they people watch
everything going on around you.他们实际上是在利用你看起来不那么吓人，因为他
们在关注你周围的一切。
They rather drop $1,000+ on new glass than a purse for you. 他们宁可花1000多
刀买镜头都不愿意给你买个钱包。
You can’t take a photo with them without taking at least five more.你不可能
让他们只给你拍“一张”照片，他们至少会多拍5张。
If you ask them if you look fat, they’ll say “don’t worry I can photoshop
you later.”如果你问他们你看起来是不是有点小肉，他们会说“没事儿，可以后期
。”
They’ll never photoshop something simple for you if the content is not up
to their “standards.”如果你的照片里的东西没有到他们的所谓“标准”，他们连
简单的后期都懒得给你做。
That photo they randomly took of you yesterday? Good luck getting them to
send it to you.记得他们昨天随便给你拍的照片了？想收到那些照片就祝你好运了。
They spend all their time on the computer (and not for porn.)他们把所有的时
间都用在电脑上，还不是为了看毛片儿。
They can’t have a normal conversation with throwing acronyms and random
numbers.他们如果不提到什么缩写和乱七八糟的数字，那他们根本没办法正常聊天。
They still use film cameras.他们居然还用胶片相机。
They spend a lot of time with people cooler than you i.e. models, actors,
musicians, successful rich people.他们花更多的时间去接触那些比你“酷”的人，
比如模特，演员，音乐人和成功的大款。
They’ll be fussy over the position of a common household object, like a
coffee cup.他们连诸如咖啡杯这样的常用物品的位置都会挑三拣四。
They won’t return your calls or text messages, but you can bet they’re
still posting pics on Instagram.他们不回你的电话和短信但是你知道他们有的是时
间在Instagram上发照片。
They like watching old films that you’ve never heard or will ever
understand.他们看的那些老电影保准你从来没听说过也永远看不懂。
They like looking at weird things in general.他们喜欢寻找怪异的东西。
Instead of having penis-envy, they have camera-gear-envy.相比嫉妒别的男人的
雄性器官，他们更嫉妒别人的摄影器材。
If there’s a natural disaster in a far away land, they’re already on a
plane going over there.如果在遥远的某个地方正在发生自然灾害，那他们一定正在
飞过去的路上。
Everything is watermarked.所有的东西都要打水印。
They think everyone else’s photos suck.他们觉得其他人的照片都是渣。
They want to color correct a lot of scenes from Twilight and Jersey Shore.他
们从黄昏到牛仔裤店的任何场景都要颜色矫正。
They hate rainbows, especially ones spinning in a circle.他们讨厌彩虹，尤其
是那种转圈的。
Whenever you’re in a group talking and the conversation goes deep, they’re
taking notes in some form of Moleskine.如果你们是几个人在讨论，话题深入了以
后他们就开始用类似Moleskine的本子记笔记。
They use over priced Moleskine notebooks.他们都用性价比很差的Moleskine笔记本。
They like trespassing into old abandoned buildings filled with health
hazards.他们喜欢侵入充满健康隐患的废气老房子。
They always want to show a new photo they took, but don’t really care if
you like it or not.他们永远喜欢给你看他们拍的新照片，根本不管你喜欢不喜欢。
They hate your n00bie friend’s new artsy profile picture.他们讨厌你那些小白
朋友们刚弄的朦胧的头像。
Bright, sunny days make them sad, but cloudy, overcast days are apparently
great!大太阳天让他们头疼，但是多云，灰蒙蒙的天气他们觉得棒极了。
They’ll take you into places that have “culture” as well a high chance of
getting mugged.他们会带你去那些有“文化”但是同时也很有可能被打劫的地方。
Your birthday present will be a portrait that they’ve taken of you.你的生日
礼物就是他们给你拍的一张人像照片。
You can’t go anywhere new without them stopping to take a photo of
everything and anything.如果你想去一个新的地方还不让他们停下来给狂拍烂拍那是
不可能的。
They will always bug you to be a test subject.他们永远烦着你去当他们的测试对
象。
Nothing can ever be naturally pretty, everything must be fixed in Photoshop.
没有任何一个物体能够达到自然美，所有的东西都必须用photoshop修出来。
Bringing their camera means, bringing 50lbs of equipment.他们带相机就等于是
50磅的器材。
If you break any of their things on accident, you’ll owe them thousands of
dollars.如果你不小心把他们的东西弄坏了，你就要欠他么上千刀了。
You can’t get them a birthday/Christmas present without spending at least $
500.你不花500刀以上都搞不定他们的生日／圣诞节礼物。
They are natural hoarders, collecting and keeping piles of old newspapers,
packaging, magazines, and other things that “inspire” them.他们就是爱囤，
收集所有的旧报纸，包装纸，杂志以及所有可能给他们带来“灵感”的东西。
They are weird and geeky.他们又怪又令人厌烦。
They have hard drives of photos, but probably have printed 10 images.他们有
很多硬盘装满了照片，但是印出来的照片最多10张。
They are always secretly judging your creativity.他们总是秘密地评论你的创新
能力。
If you’re ever in auto mode, they laugh at you.如果你处于“自动模式”他们会
嘲笑你。
They orgasm every time they learn a new lighting technique.他们每次学到新的
布光技巧的时候都会高潮。