personal statement看到现在最牛的一篇了。作者同时被Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Columbia, NYU等录取 - 未名空间MITBBS历史存档

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personal statement看到现在最牛的一篇了。作者同时被Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Columbia, NYU等录取

personal statement看到现在最牛的一篇了。作者同时被Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Columbia, NYU等录取# WaterWorld - 未名水世界

r*u2011-01-27 08:01

1 楼

I am a thinker, but not one to think out loud. I love myself, but am not in
love with the sound of my own voice. I want to be loved, but not at the cost
of not loving myself. I want to know everything, but realize that nothing
can ever be known for sure. I believe that nothing is absolute, but I can
absolutely defend my beliefs. I understand that chance is prevalent in all
aspects of life, but never leave anything important to chance. I am
skeptical about everything, but realistic in the face of my skepticism. I
base everything on probability, but so does nature...probably.
I believe that all our actions are determined, but feel completely free to
do as I choose. I do not believe in anything resembling a God, but would
never profess omniscience with regard to such issues. I have faith in
nothing, but trust that my family and friends will always be faithful. I
feel that religion is among the greatest problems in the world, but also
understand that it is perhaps the ultimate solution. I recognize that many
people derive their morals from religion, but I insist that religion is not
the only fountainhead of morality. I respect the intimate connection between
morality and law, but do not believe that either should unquestioningly
respect the other.
I want to study the law and become a lawyer, but I do not want to study the
law just because I want to become a lawyer. I am aware that the law and
economics cannot always be studied in conjunction, but I do not feel that
either one can be properly studied without an awareness of the other. I
recognize there is more to the law than efficiency, but believe the law
should recognize the importance of efficiency more than it does. I love
reading about law and philosophy, but not nearly as much as I love having a
good conversation about the two. I know that logic makes an argument sound,
but also know that passion makes an argument sound logical. I have
philosophical beliefs informed by economics and economic beliefs informed by
philosophy, but I have lost track of which beliefs came first. I know it
was the egg though.
I always think very practically, but do not always like to think about the
practical. I have wanted to be a scientist for a while now, but it took me
two undergraduate years to figure out that being a scientist does not
necessarily entail working in a laboratory. I play the saxophone almost
every day, but feel most like an artist when deduction is my instrument. I
spent one year at a college where I did not belong and two years taking
classes irrelevant for my major, but I have no regrets about my
undergraduate experience. I am incredibly passionate about my interests, but
cannot imagine being interested in only one passion for an entire lifetime.
I love the Yankees, but do not hate the Red Sox. I love sports, but hate the
accompanying anti-intellectual culture. I may read the newspaper starting
from the back, but I always make my way to the front eventually. I am
liberal on some issues and conservative on others, but reasonable about all
of them. I will always be politically active, but will never be a political
activist. I think everything through completely, but I am never through
thinking about anything.
I can get along with almost anyone, but there are very few people without
whom I could not get along. I am giving of my time, but not to the point of
forgetting its value. I live for each moment, but not as much as I worry
about the next. I consider ambition to be of the utmost importance, but
realize that it is useless without the support of hard work. I am a very
competitive person, but only when competing with myself. I have a million
dreams, but I am more than just a dreamer. I am usually content, but never
satisfied.
I am a study in contradiction, but there is not an inconsistency to be found.

n*m2011-01-27 08:01

2 楼

http://www.top-law-schools.com/personal-statement-examples.html
What’s Strong:
This personal statement is constructed like a poem: there is a rhythm to it
that draws the reader in; there is also verbal play and the construction of
a somewhat mysterious self-portrait. This applicant had an impressive 4.0
GPA and 178 LSAT, so he could be a risk-taker with the personal statement.
This essay stands out because it is more artfully designed than other
statements. This is a good strategy if you are sure of your standardized
scores or if you are applying to a reach school and so are trying to get
yourself noticed. An experimental personal statement such as this is just
as likely to succeed as to flop, because some admissions committee members
value creativity while others will be put off by the lack of specific
details. In its uniqueness, it is unclear how difficult this statement was
to write; most admissions committee members will probably give the candidate
the benefit of the doubt and see it as highly original rather than a series
of clichés.
This statement works by a clever rhetorical trick: The author will repeat a
word in the same sentence but shift the meaning to a different, often
contrary, usage. For example, the author writes, “I believe that nothing
is absolute, but I can absolutely defend my beliefs.” Most of the
sentences are linked in a daisy chain of associative ideas. For example,
the first paragraph moves through the author’s views on thinking, loving,
and doubting. The author then gestures towards interests in philosophy,
morality, law, economics, music, sports, and politics. In the third
paragraph, the applicant tells us he is good at synthesizing diverse
information. The admissions committee will like this ability, as well as
the humor that concludes the paragraph with the chicken-and-egg joke. The
statement ends with a character sketch indicating the author is friendly but
ambitious and complex. And finally, there is an important punch when the
piece ends: “I am a study in contradiction, but there is not an
inconsistency to be found.” This statement worked for the applicant
because this person was accepted everywhere, including Yale and Stanford,
and was offered a $63,000 scholarship to NYU.
What’s Wrong:
Although this statement is put together like a poem, it lacks the internal
logic and consistency that would make it an outstanding example of the
personal statement genre. The author starts out very well, linking each
sentence to the previous one, but upon close analysis, the chain link falls
apart rather quickly. In the first paragraph, talking connects quiet
thinking to self-respect, and then love connects self-respect to healthy
relationships, but after this, the author enters stream-of-consciousness
mode. We learn the author is not religious. He or she writes, “I know
that logic makes an argument sound, but also know that passion makes an
argument sound logical.” The problem with a sentence like this is that it
does not give the reader specific evidence that this person is either
logical or passionate. This personal statement encases the author behind a
rhetorical wall that does not allow his personality to emerge. We do not
have a sense of whether this person is trustworthy because we have no
specific stories or examples to evaluate for the author’s ethical appeal.
The fourth paragraph is somewhat damaging to the author when we learn, “I
spent one year at a college where I did not belong and two years taking
classes irrelevant for my major.” The admissions committee will wonder:
Why didn’t you belong at that college? Why did you take random classes for
two years? Can you be trusted to maintain your focus in law school? The
word play at this point waffles between clever and stale. This statement
would do better to begin and end with the verbal play, but to have a solid
paragraph or two in the middle of personal narrative, in which the
admissions committee really get to know the person behind this rhetorical
show.

in
cost

【在 r***u 的大作中提到】

: I am a thinker, but not one to think out loud. I love myself, but am not in
: love with the sound of my own voice. I want to be loved, but not at the cost
: of not loving myself. I want to know everything, but realize that nothing
: can ever be known for sure. I believe that nothing is absolute, but I can
: absolutely defend my beliefs. I understand that chance is prevalent in all
: aspects of life, but never leave anything important to chance. I am
: skeptical about everything, but realistic in the face of my skepticism. I
: base everything on probability, but so does nature...probably.
: I believe that all our actions are determined, but feel completely free to
: do as I choose. I do not believe in anything resembling a God, but would

s*v2011-01-27 08:01

3 楼

靠，我光记得学校的career centre总是建议不要总是用I开头。

t*n2011-01-27 08:01

4 楼

it let me to have an open mind about how personal statement can be written

【在 s***v 的大作中提到】

: 靠，我光记得学校的career centre总是建议不要总是用I开头。

v*s2011-01-27 08:01

5 楼

这个其实写的不好，太主观了，而且跟诗歌一样，满篇空洞，没有事实。
吹嘘是可以的，但是一定要有backup。

t*n2011-01-27 08:01

6 楼

this person has 4.0 gpa and 178 LSAT, he can bluff a little la.

【在 v******s 的大作中提到】

: 这个其实写的不好，太主观了，而且跟诗歌一样，满篇空洞，没有事实。
: 吹嘘是可以的，但是一定要有backup。

M*n2011-01-27 08:01

7 楼

This is a well-written poem,
but not sure it is a well-written PS.
The author may be a poet,
but for him the law school may be a wrong place.
Oh, Yes, his GPA and LSAT scores are amazing,
but who knows he might be a book-worm.
no doubt I would give this applicant my praise,
but before sending out admission I have to think twice.

s*t2011-01-27 08:01

8 楼

Makes no sense and lack of logic.

in
cost

【在 r***u 的大作中提到】

N*O2011-01-27 08:01

9 楼

申的法学院吗？那就肯定不行。。。
如果申的是诗歌专业还有可能。。。

it
of
.0
.

【在 n**m 的大作中提到】

: http://www.top-law-schools.com/personal-statement-examples.html
: What’s Strong:
: This personal statement is constructed like a poem: there is a rhythm to it
: that draws the reader in; there is also verbal play and the construction of
: a somewhat mysterious self-portrait. This applicant had an impressive 4.0
: GPA and 178 LSAT, so he could be a risk-taker with the personal statement.
: This essay stands out because it is more artfully designed than other
: statements. This is a good strategy if you are sure of your standardized
: scores or if you are applying to a reach school and so are trying to get
: yourself noticed. An experimental personal statement such as this is just

s*t2011-01-27 08:01

10 楼

申诗歌也不行，这种是两头不沾.

【在 N****O 的大作中提到】

: 申的法学院吗？那就肯定不行。。。
: 如果申的是诗歌专业还有可能。。。
:
: it
: of
: .0
: .

s*t2011-01-27 08:01

11 楼

申诗歌也不是好的，这种是两头不沾.

【在 N****O 的大作中提到】

: 申的法学院吗？那就肯定不行。。。
: 如果申的是诗歌专业还有可能。。。
:
: it
: of
: .0
: .

t*n2011-01-27 08:01

12 楼

this person already admitted by top law school.

【在 s*********t 的大作中提到】

: 申诗歌也不行，这种是两头不沾.

i*s2011-01-27 08:01

13 楼

你真宽容
你这样的人多点，世界更美好。。。

【在 t********n 的大作中提到】

: this person already admitted by top law school.

g*u2011-01-27 08:01

14 楼

世界需要忽悠，哈佛需要忽悠，我们大家都要学习忽悠！

h*e2011-01-27 08:01

15 楼

我把这个PS照抄一份，用来申请另5所藤校有戏吗？

h*p2011-01-27 08:01

16 楼

You can take chances like that, but chance you took can easily blow you up.

s*t2011-01-27 08:01

17 楼

Then he/she has some other strong background.

【在 t********n 的大作中提到】

: this person already admitted by top law school.

s*t2011-01-27 08:01

18 楼

Then he/she has some other strong background.

【在 t********n 的大作中提到】

: this person already admitted by top law school.

c*e2011-01-27 08:01

19 楼

I hope I can read it, but it's too long to finish it..

t*02011-01-27 08:01

20 楼

this is a Personal statement. why not I it all?

【在 s***v 的大作中提到】

: 靠，我光记得学校的career centre总是建议不要总是用I开头。

G*R2011-01-27 08:01

21 楼

but what you said is exactly what lawyers do... lol
he is going to be a good lawyer then

【在 v******s 的大作中提到】

: 这个其实写的不好，太主观了，而且跟诗歌一样，满篇空洞，没有事实。
: 吹嘘是可以的，但是一定要有backup。

t*02011-01-27 08:01

22 楼

也许这篇文章本身就是作者辩证思维的最佳展示。

【在 v******s 的大作中提到】

: 这个其实写的不好，太主观了，而且跟诗歌一样，满篇空洞，没有事实。
: 吹嘘是可以的，但是一定要有backup。

R*92011-01-27 08:01

23 楼

看起来还不错哈哈

m*62011-01-27 08:01

24 楼

en,有空学习一下。

S*s2011-01-27 08:01

25 楼

配个音乐来个朗诵，效果应该不错～

in
cost

【在 r***u 的大作中提到】

p*r2011-01-27 08:01

26 楼

可以申请喜剧专业。

【在 s*********t 的大作中提到】

: 申诗歌也不行，这种是两头不沾.

x*i2011-01-27 08:01

27 楼

这个人比较适合去给新华社写新闻稿。

in
cost

【在 r***u 的大作中提到】

v*s2011-01-27 08:01

28 楼

精辟了.哈哈.

【在 G*R 的大作中提到】

: but what you said is exactly what lawyers do... lol
: he is going to be a good lawyer then

s*e2011-01-27 08:01

29 楼

不奇怪，这不正是美国的法学院要的么

【在 t********n 的大作中提到】

: this person already admitted by top law school.