要上黑轴的可以去跳7G了# Hardware - 计算机硬件
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This is from a (western?) mom on an email list. I post it here assuming it
is in public domain. A reply from a Chinese mom is also attached below.
"
First I'm going to say that this is an excellent read, a very engrossing and
extremely well-written book that pulls you in. In that way, the book is
great.
But...
all the backpedaling Amy Chua has been doing publicly since the WSJ piece
ran ---- all her public and private statements about how the WSJ
misrepresented her and her book and how the book is about how she had to re-
evaluate being a Tiger Mother and form a compromise --- that's pretty much
just a bunch of crap.
At the end, Chua has absolutely nothing good to say about Western parenting
whatsoever, and she's pretty smug about how fabulous the results of "tiger
mothering" are. She gets her victims/daughters to say for the book how they
are glad she was so fucking horrible to them because now they are fluent in
Mandarin, academic superstars, and musical virtuosos. And of course
absolutely no one who is raised by a regular Western parent achieves a thing
is the not-very-unspoken, smug conclusion (Chua ignores the fact that her
husband, an American raised by regular Americans, is an extreme high
achiever, a Yale law professor who wrote a bestselling novel in his spare
time). Chua also says Western parenting results in horrible favoritism and
"tiger mothering" does not, but there was plenty of favoritism in her mother
and father's family, which she seems to gloss over and never reconciles
with her feeling that bad, Western parenting does that and not wonderful,
Chinese parenting.
All the big re-evaluation and re-adjustment she does is to back off on one
child somewhat and let her start playing tennis, at the age of 13, and that'
s because her own parents keep telling her that she has to. Chua admits
then that a small minority of children react poorly to endless amounts of
verbal abuse and pressure and will become estranged from their parents, and
that she has to ease up on this one child.
And as for "a small minority" of children reacting poorly to this, Chua
doesn't do any studies. Her sample size of herself, her few siblings, her
parents and her two children contains two people who did not turn out as
expected, so you would think she'd realize that it's much more likely that
it's a sizable amount of those raised this way who don't thrive. (Her own
father moved across the world to escape his own "tiger mother" and is
estranged from his family).
And the amount of verbal abuse Chua pours onto her children their entire
childhoods.... just freaking frightening. Here I have some expertise, being
from a background where I was severely verbally abused as a child (among
other things, my father told me upon multiple occasions that he wanted to
kill me, wanted me to die, hoped I would die in an accident, was a parasite,
etc...), and I can say that it's pretty hard for me to contemplate that she
didn't harm her children severely with that abuse. Maybe it's mitigated by
the fact that, as she points out, her verbal abuse got them to achieve
great things, and so the self-worth from huge achievements balances out the
harm from the verbal abuse, but meh, I doubt it. The harm done to me by
extreme parental verbal abuse is huge. I was a National Merit Scholar and
went to Stanford law school, but it wasn't because I was verbally abused.
My particular flavor of emotional fuckeduppedness comes in large part from
that verbal abuse.
The xxxx list earlier had an excellent email written by a woman raised in
this style whose high-achieving, Harvard graduate sister killed herself,
which the surviving sister thinks was due to this kind of upbringing. As
that survivor discovered, there is an extremely high suicide rate among
Asian American girls, probably linked to extreme parental pressure. You'll
see absolutely nothing like that in Chua's book. She just comes to the
conclusion--- after years of pressure from her parents and her husband --
that she needs to back off a bit on one child but not the other because a
tiny number of Asian children become estranged from their parents. She
doesn't seem to think that there is anything more dire at stake than that
her kid might cut her off after leaving home.
The one thing I do agree with is that children can achieve a lot if a lot is
expected of them. Over and over it's shown that the typical child can be
very advanced at math if given an outstanding math teacher and curriculum (e
.g., that movie about the math teacher with inner city kids, "based on a
true story"). Down at 826 Valencia St. I see all the time how if you treat
every single kid who walks in as a great writer and work with that child
diligently, they will all write great things. But it must be, in my opinion
, done without extreme verbal abuse.
"
is in public domain. A reply from a Chinese mom is also attached below.
"
First I'm going to say that this is an excellent read, a very engrossing and
extremely well-written book that pulls you in. In that way, the book is
great.
But...
all the backpedaling Amy Chua has been doing publicly since the WSJ piece
ran ---- all her public and private statements about how the WSJ
misrepresented her and her book and how the book is about how she had to re-
evaluate being a Tiger Mother and form a compromise --- that's pretty much
just a bunch of crap.
At the end, Chua has absolutely nothing good to say about Western parenting
whatsoever, and she's pretty smug about how fabulous the results of "tiger
mothering" are. She gets her victims/daughters to say for the book how they
are glad she was so fucking horrible to them because now they are fluent in
Mandarin, academic superstars, and musical virtuosos. And of course
absolutely no one who is raised by a regular Western parent achieves a thing
is the not-very-unspoken, smug conclusion (Chua ignores the fact that her
husband, an American raised by regular Americans, is an extreme high
achiever, a Yale law professor who wrote a bestselling novel in his spare
time). Chua also says Western parenting results in horrible favoritism and
"tiger mothering" does not, but there was plenty of favoritism in her mother
and father's family, which she seems to gloss over and never reconciles
with her feeling that bad, Western parenting does that and not wonderful,
Chinese parenting.
All the big re-evaluation and re-adjustment she does is to back off on one
child somewhat and let her start playing tennis, at the age of 13, and that'
s because her own parents keep telling her that she has to. Chua admits
then that a small minority of children react poorly to endless amounts of
verbal abuse and pressure and will become estranged from their parents, and
that she has to ease up on this one child.
And as for "a small minority" of children reacting poorly to this, Chua
doesn't do any studies. Her sample size of herself, her few siblings, her
parents and her two children contains two people who did not turn out as
expected, so you would think she'd realize that it's much more likely that
it's a sizable amount of those raised this way who don't thrive. (Her own
father moved across the world to escape his own "tiger mother" and is
estranged from his family).
And the amount of verbal abuse Chua pours onto her children their entire
childhoods.... just freaking frightening. Here I have some expertise, being
from a background where I was severely verbally abused as a child (among
other things, my father told me upon multiple occasions that he wanted to
kill me, wanted me to die, hoped I would die in an accident, was a parasite,
etc...), and I can say that it's pretty hard for me to contemplate that she
didn't harm her children severely with that abuse. Maybe it's mitigated by
the fact that, as she points out, her verbal abuse got them to achieve
great things, and so the self-worth from huge achievements balances out the
harm from the verbal abuse, but meh, I doubt it. The harm done to me by
extreme parental verbal abuse is huge. I was a National Merit Scholar and
went to Stanford law school, but it wasn't because I was verbally abused.
My particular flavor of emotional fuckeduppedness comes in large part from
that verbal abuse.
The xxxx list earlier had an excellent email written by a woman raised in
this style whose high-achieving, Harvard graduate sister killed herself,
which the surviving sister thinks was due to this kind of upbringing. As
that survivor discovered, there is an extremely high suicide rate among
Asian American girls, probably linked to extreme parental pressure. You'll
see absolutely nothing like that in Chua's book. She just comes to the
conclusion--- after years of pressure from her parents and her husband --
that she needs to back off a bit on one child but not the other because a
tiny number of Asian children become estranged from their parents. She
doesn't seem to think that there is anything more dire at stake than that
her kid might cut her off after leaving home.
The one thing I do agree with is that children can achieve a lot if a lot is
expected of them. Over and over it's shown that the typical child can be
very advanced at math if given an outstanding math teacher and curriculum (e
.g., that movie about the math teacher with inner city kids, "based on a
true story"). Down at 826 Valencia St. I see all the time how if you treat
every single kid who walks in as a great writer and work with that child
diligently, they will all write great things. But it must be, in my opinion
, done without extreme verbal abuse.
"
