阿甘见毛泽东原文# Joke - 肚皮舞运动
z*o
1 楼
网上除了码工，谷歌农与酒楼大佬，还有没有像俺等年入5万左右的小民？一年也就存
个1万多吧。新在米国生活求经验。这种收入买房有可能吗？20万左右的房。要存下几万才可以开始
问中介？
个1万多吧。新在米国生活求经验。这种收入买房有可能吗？20万左右的房。要存下几万才可以开始
问中介？
r*d
2 楼
【 以下文字转载自 Detective 讨论区 】
发信人: agouamao (阿狗阿猫), 信区: Detective
标 题: Re: 阿甘进见毛泽东, 畅谈越战
发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Mon Nov 15 15:20:40 2010, 美东)
The chapter you posted is from a version for kids.
As an adult, I suggest this verison:
HERE I AM, HALFWAY ROUN THE WORLD AGAIN, THIS TIME in Peking, China.
The other people that play on the ping-pong team are real nice fellers what
come from ever walk of life, an they is specially nice to me. The Chinamen
is nice, too, an they is very different sorts of gooks from what I seen
in Vietnam. First off, they is neat an clean an very polite. Second,they
is not tryin to murder me.
The American State Department have sent a feller with us who is there to
tell us how to behave aroun the Chinamen, an of all I have met, he is the
only one not so nice. In fact, he is a turd. Mister Wilkins is his name,
an he have a little thin moustache and always carry a briefcase and worry
about whether or not his shoes is shined an his pants is pressed or his
shirt is clean. I bet in the mornin he get up an spit-shines his asshole.
Mister Wilkins is always on my case. "Gump," he say, "when a Chinaman bow
to you, you gotta bow back. Gump, you gotta quit adjustin yoursef in public
. Gump, what are them stains on your trousers? Gump, you have got the table
manners of a hog."
In that last, maybe he is right. Them Chinamen eat with two little sticks
an it is almost impossible to shovel any food in your mouth with em, an
so a lot of it wind up on my clothes. No wonder you do not see a lot of fat
Chinamen aroun. You would think they would of learnt to use a fork by now
.
Anyway, we is playin a whole lot of matches against the Chinamen an they
has got some very good players. But we is holdin our own. At night they has
almost always got somethin for us to do, such as go out for supper
someplace
, or listen to a concert. One night, we is all sposed to go out to a
restaurant
called the Peking Duck, an when I get down to the lobby of the hotel,
Mister
Wilkins say, "Gump, you has got to go back to your room an change that
shirt
. It look like you
has been in a food fight or somethin." He take me over to the hotel desk
an get a Chinaman who speak English to write a little note for me, saying
in Chinese that I am goin to the Peking Duck restaurant, an tell me to give
it to the cab driver.
"We are going ahead," Mister Wilkins say. "You give the driver the note an
he will take you there." So I gone on back to my room an put on a new shirt
.
Anyhow, I find a cab in front of the hotel an get in, an he drive away. I
be searchin for the note to give him, but by the time I figger out I must
of lef it in my dirty shirt, we is long gone in the middle of town. The
driver keep jabberin back at me, I reckon he's axin me where I want to go
, an I keep sayin, "Peking Duck, Peking Duck," but he be thowin up his hans
an givin me a tour of the city.
All this go on for bout a hour, an let me tell you, I have seed some sights
. Finally I tap him on the shoulder an when he turn aroun, I say, "Peking
Duck," an start to flap my arms like they is ducks' wings. All of a sudden
, the driver get a big ole smile, an he start noddin an drive off. Ever once
in a wile he look back at me, an I start flappin my wings again. Bout a
hour later, he stop an I look out the winder an damn if he ain't took me
to the airport!
Well, by this time, it is gettin late, an I ain't had no dinner or nothin
, an I'm gettin about starved, so we pass this restaurant an I tole the
driver
to let me out. I han him a wad of this gook money they give us, an he han
me some back an away he go.
I went in the restaurant an set down an I might as well of been on the moon
. This lady come over an look at me real funny, an han me a menu, but it
is in Chinese, so after a wile, I jus point to four or five different things
an figger one of them has to be eatable. Actually, they was all pretty good
. When I am thru, I paid up an went on out on the street an try to fine my
way back to the hotel, but I be walkin for hours I guess, when they pick
me up.
Next thing I knowed, I has been thown in jail. They is a big ole Chinaman
what speak English, an he is axin me all sorts of questions an offerin me
cigarettes, jus like they did in them old movies. It were the nex afternoon
before they finally got me out; Mister Wilkins come down to the jail an
he is talkin for bout a hour, an they let me go.
Mister Wilkins is hoppin mad. "Do you realize, Gump, that they think you
are a spy?" he say. "Do you know what this can do to this whole effort? Are
you crazy?"
I started to tell him, "No, I is jus a idiot," but I let it go. Anyhow,
after
that, Mister Wilkins buy a big balloon from a street vender an tied it on
my shirt button, so he can tell where I is "at all times." Also, from then
on, he pinned a note on my lapel, sayin who I was an where I am staying.
It made me feel like a fool.
One day they load us up in a bus an take us way out of town to a big river
an they is a lot of Chinamen standin aroun lookin official an all, an the
reason, we find out soon enough, is that the head Chinaman of them all,
Chairman Mao, is there.
Chairman Mao is a big ole fat Budda-lookin guy, an he has taken off his
pajaymas
an is inhis swimming trunks an they says Chairman Mao at the age of eighty
is gonna swim this river by hissef an they want us to watch him do it.
Well, the Chairman, he wade on in an start swimming an folks is takin
pichers
an all them other Chinamen be chatterin away an lookin pleased. He is bout
halfway cross the river, when he stop an raise his han an wave at us.
Everbody
wave back. Bout a minute later, he wave again, an everbody wave back.
Not too long after that, Chairman Mao wave for a third time, an suddenly
it begun to dawn on everbody that he is not waving, he is drownin!
Well, the shit done hit the fan, an I finally understan what a "Chinese Fire
Drill" is. People is jumpin in the water an boats is racin out from the
other side of the river an everbody on shore is cryin an leapin up an down
an smackin they palms against the side of they heads. I say, the hell with
this, cause I saw where he went under, an I thowed off my shoes an into
the river I went. I past all the Chinamen who was swimming out there an got
to the place where Chairman Mao had gone under. The boat be circlin, an
people lookin over the sides like they is gonna see somethin, which was kind
of silly since the river is bout the same color as sewer water back home
. Anyhow, I dived down three or four times an sure enough, I bumped into
the ole bastid floatin aroun underwater. I haul him up an some Chinamen
grapped
him an thowed him in the boat an took off. Didn't even bother to take me
along, an so's I have got to swim all the way back by mysef.
When I get to the bank, all the people there be jumpin up an down an cryin
an slappin me on the back, an they pick me up an carry me on they shoulders
to the bus. But when we is on the road again, Mister Wilkins come up to
me an be shakin his head. "You big dumb goof," he say, "do you not realize
that the best thing that could of happened for the United States was to
let that sumbitch drown! You, Gump, is lost us the opportunity of a lifetime
."
So I guess I done screwed up again. I dunno. I am still jus try in to do
the right thing. We is about thru with the ping-pong games, an I have lost
count of who is winnin or losin. But what has happen in the meanwhile is
that on account of my pullin ole Chairman Mao out of the river, I has
become
sort of a national hero to the Chinamen.
"Gump," Mister Wilkins say, "your stupidity seems to have turned into an
advantage. I have received a report that the Chinese envoy would like to
start discussions bout the possibility of reopening foreign relations with
us. Furthermore, the Chinese wish to thow you a big parade thru downtown
Peking, an so I expect you to be on your good behavior."
They helt the parade two days later, an it were a sight to see. They was
bout a billion Chinamen along the streets, an they was wavin an bowin an
all when I went by. The thing was sposed to wind up at the Kumingtang, which
is like the capitol of China, an I am sposed to get thanked by Chairman
Mao personally.
When we get there, the Chairman is all dried out an glad to see me. They
has put on a big spread for lunch an I get to sit nex to the Chairman hissef
. In the middle of the lunch, he lean over to me an say, "I have heard you
was in Vietnam. May I ask what you think of the war?" An interpreter
translate
that for me, an I think about it for a moment or two, but then I figger,
what the hell, if he didn't want to know, he wouldn't of axed, an so I say
, "I think it's a bunch of shit."
The interpreter translate that back to him, an Chairman Mao get a odd
expression
on his face, an look at me funny, but then his eyes light up an he break
out with a big smile, an start shakin my han an noddin his head like one
of them little dolls with a spring for a neck. People took pitchers of that
, an afterward they was in the American newspapers. But I ain't never tole
nobody till now what I said to make him smile that way.
The day we lef, we is goin out of the hotel an they is a big crowd watchin
us leave an cheering an clappin. I look over an they is this Chinese mama
with a little boy on her shoulders, an I can see he is a real Mongolian
idiot— eyes all crossed, tongue hangin out, droolin an babbling like them
kinds of idiots do. Well, I can't hep mysef. Mister Wilkins have ordered
us not to never go up to any Chinamen without first gettin his permission
, but I went on over there an I got me a couple of ping-pong balls in my
pocket an I take one of em out an get a pen an put my X on it an give it
to the little boy. Firs thing he does is put it in his mouth, but then, when
that all straightened out, he reach out an grap my fingers with his han.
An then he start to smile— great big ole grin— an all of a sudden I seen
tears in his mama's eyes, an she start chatterin, an our interpreter say
to me that is the first time the little feller have ever smiled. They is
things I could tell her, I guess, but we ain't got time.
Anyway, I start to walk away an the little boy done thowed the ping pong
ball an bounce it off the back of my head. It were jus my luck that somebody
got a photograph right at that moment, an, of course, it wound up in the
newspapers. "Young Chinese Displays His Hatred of American Capitalists,"
the caption said.
Anyway, Mister Wilkins come up an drag me away an fore I know it, we is on
the plane an flyin high. Last thing he says to me afore we land back in
Washington is, "Well, Gump, I spose you know about the Chinese custom that
if you save a Chinaman's life, you is responsible for it forever." He have
a nasty little smile on his face, an he is settin next to me on the plane
an they has just tole us not to get up an to fasten our seatbelts. Well,
I jus look over at him an cut the biggest fart of my life. It soun somethin
like a buzz saw. Mister Wilkins' eyes bugged out an he say, "Argggg!" an
start fannin the air an tryin to unloosen his seatbelt.
A pretty stewardess come runnin up to see what all the commotion is about
an Mister Wilkins is coughin an choakin an all of a sudden I done started
fannin the air mysef an holdin my nose an pointin at Mister Wilkins, an
shoutin, "Somebody open a winder," an shit like that. Mister Wilkins, he
get all red in the face an begin protestin an pointin back at me, but the
stewardess, she jus smiled an gone on back to her seat. After he quit
sputterin
an all, Mister Wilkins start adjustin his collar an say to me under his
breath, "Gump, that was a extremely crude thing to do." But I jus grinned
an looked straight ahead.
发信人: agouamao (阿狗阿猫), 信区: Detective
标 题: Re: 阿甘进见毛泽东, 畅谈越战
发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Mon Nov 15 15:20:40 2010, 美东)
The chapter you posted is from a version for kids.
As an adult, I suggest this verison:
HERE I AM, HALFWAY ROUN THE WORLD AGAIN, THIS TIME in Peking, China.
The other people that play on the ping-pong team are real nice fellers what
come from ever walk of life, an they is specially nice to me. The Chinamen
is nice, too, an they is very different sorts of gooks from what I seen
in Vietnam. First off, they is neat an clean an very polite. Second,they
is not tryin to murder me.
The American State Department have sent a feller with us who is there to
tell us how to behave aroun the Chinamen, an of all I have met, he is the
only one not so nice. In fact, he is a turd. Mister Wilkins is his name,
an he have a little thin moustache and always carry a briefcase and worry
about whether or not his shoes is shined an his pants is pressed or his
shirt is clean. I bet in the mornin he get up an spit-shines his asshole.
Mister Wilkins is always on my case. "Gump," he say, "when a Chinaman bow
to you, you gotta bow back. Gump, you gotta quit adjustin yoursef in public
. Gump, what are them stains on your trousers? Gump, you have got the table
manners of a hog."
In that last, maybe he is right. Them Chinamen eat with two little sticks
an it is almost impossible to shovel any food in your mouth with em, an
so a lot of it wind up on my clothes. No wonder you do not see a lot of fat
Chinamen aroun. You would think they would of learnt to use a fork by now
.
Anyway, we is playin a whole lot of matches against the Chinamen an they
has got some very good players. But we is holdin our own. At night they has
almost always got somethin for us to do, such as go out for supper
someplace
, or listen to a concert. One night, we is all sposed to go out to a
restaurant
called the Peking Duck, an when I get down to the lobby of the hotel,
Mister
Wilkins say, "Gump, you has got to go back to your room an change that
shirt
. It look like you
has been in a food fight or somethin." He take me over to the hotel desk
an get a Chinaman who speak English to write a little note for me, saying
in Chinese that I am goin to the Peking Duck restaurant, an tell me to give
it to the cab driver.
"We are going ahead," Mister Wilkins say. "You give the driver the note an
he will take you there." So I gone on back to my room an put on a new shirt
.
Anyhow, I find a cab in front of the hotel an get in, an he drive away. I
be searchin for the note to give him, but by the time I figger out I must
of lef it in my dirty shirt, we is long gone in the middle of town. The
driver keep jabberin back at me, I reckon he's axin me where I want to go
, an I keep sayin, "Peking Duck, Peking Duck," but he be thowin up his hans
an givin me a tour of the city.
All this go on for bout a hour, an let me tell you, I have seed some sights
. Finally I tap him on the shoulder an when he turn aroun, I say, "Peking
Duck," an start to flap my arms like they is ducks' wings. All of a sudden
, the driver get a big ole smile, an he start noddin an drive off. Ever once
in a wile he look back at me, an I start flappin my wings again. Bout a
hour later, he stop an I look out the winder an damn if he ain't took me
to the airport!
Well, by this time, it is gettin late, an I ain't had no dinner or nothin
, an I'm gettin about starved, so we pass this restaurant an I tole the
driver
to let me out. I han him a wad of this gook money they give us, an he han
me some back an away he go.
I went in the restaurant an set down an I might as well of been on the moon
. This lady come over an look at me real funny, an han me a menu, but it
is in Chinese, so after a wile, I jus point to four or five different things
an figger one of them has to be eatable. Actually, they was all pretty good
. When I am thru, I paid up an went on out on the street an try to fine my
way back to the hotel, but I be walkin for hours I guess, when they pick
me up.
Next thing I knowed, I has been thown in jail. They is a big ole Chinaman
what speak English, an he is axin me all sorts of questions an offerin me
cigarettes, jus like they did in them old movies. It were the nex afternoon
before they finally got me out; Mister Wilkins come down to the jail an
he is talkin for bout a hour, an they let me go.
Mister Wilkins is hoppin mad. "Do you realize, Gump, that they think you
are a spy?" he say. "Do you know what this can do to this whole effort? Are
you crazy?"
I started to tell him, "No, I is jus a idiot," but I let it go. Anyhow,
after
that, Mister Wilkins buy a big balloon from a street vender an tied it on
my shirt button, so he can tell where I is "at all times." Also, from then
on, he pinned a note on my lapel, sayin who I was an where I am staying.
It made me feel like a fool.
One day they load us up in a bus an take us way out of town to a big river
an they is a lot of Chinamen standin aroun lookin official an all, an the
reason, we find out soon enough, is that the head Chinaman of them all,
Chairman Mao, is there.
Chairman Mao is a big ole fat Budda-lookin guy, an he has taken off his
pajaymas
an is inhis swimming trunks an they says Chairman Mao at the age of eighty
is gonna swim this river by hissef an they want us to watch him do it.
Well, the Chairman, he wade on in an start swimming an folks is takin
pichers
an all them other Chinamen be chatterin away an lookin pleased. He is bout
halfway cross the river, when he stop an raise his han an wave at us.
Everbody
wave back. Bout a minute later, he wave again, an everbody wave back.
Not too long after that, Chairman Mao wave for a third time, an suddenly
it begun to dawn on everbody that he is not waving, he is drownin!
Well, the shit done hit the fan, an I finally understan what a "Chinese Fire
Drill" is. People is jumpin in the water an boats is racin out from the
other side of the river an everbody on shore is cryin an leapin up an down
an smackin they palms against the side of they heads. I say, the hell with
this, cause I saw where he went under, an I thowed off my shoes an into
the river I went. I past all the Chinamen who was swimming out there an got
to the place where Chairman Mao had gone under. The boat be circlin, an
people lookin over the sides like they is gonna see somethin, which was kind
of silly since the river is bout the same color as sewer water back home
. Anyhow, I dived down three or four times an sure enough, I bumped into
the ole bastid floatin aroun underwater. I haul him up an some Chinamen
grapped
him an thowed him in the boat an took off. Didn't even bother to take me
along, an so's I have got to swim all the way back by mysef.
When I get to the bank, all the people there be jumpin up an down an cryin
an slappin me on the back, an they pick me up an carry me on they shoulders
to the bus. But when we is on the road again, Mister Wilkins come up to
me an be shakin his head. "You big dumb goof," he say, "do you not realize
that the best thing that could of happened for the United States was to
let that sumbitch drown! You, Gump, is lost us the opportunity of a lifetime
."
So I guess I done screwed up again. I dunno. I am still jus try in to do
the right thing. We is about thru with the ping-pong games, an I have lost
count of who is winnin or losin. But what has happen in the meanwhile is
that on account of my pullin ole Chairman Mao out of the river, I has
become
sort of a national hero to the Chinamen.
"Gump," Mister Wilkins say, "your stupidity seems to have turned into an
advantage. I have received a report that the Chinese envoy would like to
start discussions bout the possibility of reopening foreign relations with
us. Furthermore, the Chinese wish to thow you a big parade thru downtown
Peking, an so I expect you to be on your good behavior."
They helt the parade two days later, an it were a sight to see. They was
bout a billion Chinamen along the streets, an they was wavin an bowin an
all when I went by. The thing was sposed to wind up at the Kumingtang, which
is like the capitol of China, an I am sposed to get thanked by Chairman
Mao personally.
When we get there, the Chairman is all dried out an glad to see me. They
has put on a big spread for lunch an I get to sit nex to the Chairman hissef
. In the middle of the lunch, he lean over to me an say, "I have heard you
was in Vietnam. May I ask what you think of the war?" An interpreter
translate
that for me, an I think about it for a moment or two, but then I figger,
what the hell, if he didn't want to know, he wouldn't of axed, an so I say
, "I think it's a bunch of shit."
The interpreter translate that back to him, an Chairman Mao get a odd
expression
on his face, an look at me funny, but then his eyes light up an he break
out with a big smile, an start shakin my han an noddin his head like one
of them little dolls with a spring for a neck. People took pitchers of that
, an afterward they was in the American newspapers. But I ain't never tole
nobody till now what I said to make him smile that way.
The day we lef, we is goin out of the hotel an they is a big crowd watchin
us leave an cheering an clappin. I look over an they is this Chinese mama
with a little boy on her shoulders, an I can see he is a real Mongolian
idiot— eyes all crossed, tongue hangin out, droolin an babbling like them
kinds of idiots do. Well, I can't hep mysef. Mister Wilkins have ordered
us not to never go up to any Chinamen without first gettin his permission
, but I went on over there an I got me a couple of ping-pong balls in my
pocket an I take one of em out an get a pen an put my X on it an give it
to the little boy. Firs thing he does is put it in his mouth, but then, when
that all straightened out, he reach out an grap my fingers with his han.
An then he start to smile— great big ole grin— an all of a sudden I seen
tears in his mama's eyes, an she start chatterin, an our interpreter say
to me that is the first time the little feller have ever smiled. They is
things I could tell her, I guess, but we ain't got time.
Anyway, I start to walk away an the little boy done thowed the ping pong
ball an bounce it off the back of my head. It were jus my luck that somebody
got a photograph right at that moment, an, of course, it wound up in the
newspapers. "Young Chinese Displays His Hatred of American Capitalists,"
the caption said.
Anyway, Mister Wilkins come up an drag me away an fore I know it, we is on
the plane an flyin high. Last thing he says to me afore we land back in
Washington is, "Well, Gump, I spose you know about the Chinese custom that
if you save a Chinaman's life, you is responsible for it forever." He have
a nasty little smile on his face, an he is settin next to me on the plane
an they has just tole us not to get up an to fasten our seatbelts. Well,
I jus look over at him an cut the biggest fart of my life. It soun somethin
like a buzz saw. Mister Wilkins' eyes bugged out an he say, "Argggg!" an
start fannin the air an tryin to unloosen his seatbelt.
A pretty stewardess come runnin up to see what all the commotion is about
an Mister Wilkins is coughin an choakin an all of a sudden I done started
fannin the air mysef an holdin my nose an pointin at Mister Wilkins, an
shoutin, "Somebody open a winder," an shit like that. Mister Wilkins, he
get all red in the face an begin protestin an pointin back at me, but the
stewardess, she jus smiled an gone on back to her seat. After he quit
sputterin
an all, Mister Wilkins start adjustin his collar an say to me under his
breath, "Gump, that was a extremely crude thing to do." But I jus grinned
an looked straight ahead.
D*D
3 楼
location. location, location
bay area NO WAy
middle west SURE
bay area NO WAy
middle west SURE
z*o
4 楼
加油中...
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