Life's Demerit System
All married men will attest to some real wisdom in this email...
...In the world of romance, one single rule applies:
MAKE THE WOMAN HAPPY!
• Do something she likes, and you get points.
• Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted.
• You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
• Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
• Here is a non-exhaustive guide to the point system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
• You make the bed. (+1)
• You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillows. (-10)
• You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-3)
• You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)
• But return with Beer. (-5)
PROTECTIVE DUTIES
• You check out a suspicious noise at night. (+1)
• You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing. (0)
• You check out a suspicious noise, and it is something. (+5)
• You pummel it with an iron rod. (+10)
• It's her pet Schnauzer. (-20)
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
• You stay by her side for the entire party. (+1)
• You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an
old school friend. (-2)
• Named Tina (-10)
• Tina is a dancer. (-10)
• Tina has breast implants. (-40)
HER BIRTHDAY
• You take her out to dinner. (+2)
• You take her out to dinner, and it's not a sports bar. (+3)
• Okay, it's a sports bar. (-2)
• And its all-you-can-eat night. (-3)
• It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face
is painted the colors of your favorite team. (-10)
A NIGHT OUT
• You take her to a movie. (+1)
• You take her to a movie she likes. (+5)
• You take her to a movie you hate. (+6)
• You take her to a movie you like. (-2)
• It's called 'Death Cop.' (-3)
• You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans. (-15)
YOUR PHYSIQUE
• You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15)
• You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of
it. (+10)
• You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans
and baggy Hawaiian shirts. (-30)
• You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-80)
THE BIG QUESTION
• She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5)
• (Yes, you lose points no matter what)
• You hesitate in responding. (-10)
• You reply, "Where?" (-35)
• You give any other response. (-20)
COMMUNICATION
• When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen,
displaying what looks like a concerned expression. (+2)
• You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
• You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV
. (+500)
• She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep. (-4000)
