http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=194424297 SAGAL: Megan, welcome to the show. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Megan's topic? KURTIS: Please, I'm not that kind of girl. SAGAL: If you're a human female, you've put up with a lot of unwanted attention from guys. This week, we read about a great new way to stop people for hitting on you. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Guess the real creep deterrent, you'll win Carl's voice on your home answering machine or voicemail. Ready to play? TRIPP: Sure. SAGAL: First, let's hear from Alonzo Bodden. ALONZO BODDEN: Ladies, are you single? Do you want to stay that way? Do you just want to be left alone tonight? Unmatch.com is here to help you. (LAUGHTER) BODDEN: The service works because everybody does the same thing when they meet an attractive person: They look them up online. If you've hired unmatch .com, you're sure the person looking you up will immediately want to look away. (LAUGHTER) BODDEN: Unmatch creates an entire online existence for you carefully created to drive away the most ardent suitor. Apparently, complaints about your landlord not allowing 15 cats or taking a break from your four kids under five years old will slow any guy down. (LAUGHTER) BODDEN: Any man that Googles you will come up with a planted news story about you, your bankruptcy, pending house arrest or your obsessed ex who just got out of jail. (LAUGHTER) BODDEN: Unmatch agrees there's no guarantee, but their service is like a car alarm: It won't guarantee security, but the thief would rather go after something that's not shrieking a warning signal. (LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE) SAGAL: Unmatch.com, which creates an online profile for you that will drive anyone away. Your next story of a new way to tell people you're not interested comes from Paula Poundstone. PAULA POUNDSTONE: Some men don't always know when women would like to be approached, and women don't always know how to politely decline advances, which leaves a nice juicy business opportunity for the maker of Thank You, Not Now, the truly foul-smelling atomizer. (LAUGHTER) POUNDSTONE: It's a simple device with a three-button handheld component, each releasing a different repulsive smell, sold separately, including What Have You Been Eating, How Many Head of Cattle Do You Own, How Many Head of Cattle Do You Have With You... (LAUGHTER) POUNDSTONE: ...and What in the Hell Did You Roll In. (LAUGHTER) POUNDSTONE: Women love being able to put off the common, clumsy are you ladies alone with a quick (makes noise) and a whoa, you know what, (makes noises). I'm sorry, I can see you're busy, (makes noises). It's available online at ReallyStinkyStuffThatMakesPeopleGoAway.com and at Bed, Bath and Beyond in the Beyond. (LAUGHTER) SAGAL: Thank You, Not Now, the atomizer of scents sure to drive anyone away. Your last story of an unusual way to stay single comes from Jessi Klein. KLEIN: Whether a woman's relaxing at the beach, shopping at the supermarket or even recovering in the ICU, there's always a sketchy guy trying to talk to her about how awesome it would be to have sex with him. (LAUGHTER) KLEIN: Thankfully, there's breaking news out of China this week that someone may have solved the problem. Women who really want to be left alone are now wearing what are described as, quote, "anti-pervert leg-hair stockings," which create the illusion of the wearer having hairy legs. (LAUGHTER) KLEIN: And we're not just talking slightly unshaven hairy legs. We're talking thick, curly, male black hair. This is Saddam Hussein as he just came out of the spider hole hair... (APPLAUSE) KLEIN: Burt Reynolds lying on a bear rug hairy legs. Worn with a skirt or even under a bathing suit, the stockings are guaranteed to ward off or even sicken most potential harassers. (LAUGHTER) KLEIN: Sadly, what the maker of the stockings has not considered is the fact that no matter what weird thing a woman does with her body, there will always be an even weirder man who digs it.