Re: 不喜欢我的工作 - 未名空间MITBBS历史存档

a*e2004-04-30 07:04

1 楼

Lots of ppl are just like you bah. Me too.
Indeed, if one can turn their hobby into career and enjoy their job everyday,
that will be great, as happiness mainly comes from two parts: family and job.
If you don't have other things to worry about, such as not worrying about
supporting your family, or green card, just go ahead to pursue your dream.
Getting another degree will not be problem for you bah. And you worrying about
maybe not like your new area? that is very true, but you gain more experi

t*u2004-04-30 07:04

2 楼

I don't worry too much financially, and I don't worry about
greencard although I don't have one. I don't really care about
these things. But LD is not supportive for me to start in a
whole new area. He said I'm impulsive, which I am.
So I really want to be extra sure I'm gonna like it.
I guess more fundamentally my question is: Must there be suffer
in life? Some say you must do some things you don't like, then
you can really enjoy what you like to do. For me, I don't like
to suffer. Like exercis

【在 a*****e 的大作中提到】

: Lots of ppl are just like you bah. Me too.
: Indeed, if one can turn their hobby into career and enjoy their job everyday,
: that will be great, as happiness mainly comes from two parts: family and job.
: If you don't have other things to worry about, such as not worrying about
: supporting your family, or green card, just go ahead to pursue your dream.
: Getting another degree will not be problem for you bah. And you worrying about
: maybe not like your new area? that is very true, but you gain more experi

h*r2004-04-30 07:04

3 楼

Welcome to this board. :)
Since your LD is a he, I assume you are female, correct me if I was wrong.
Because it is very different if you are a woman or a man.
First, you need to decide why don't you really like your job.
In short, two possible reasons. a) You are right, you just don't
like it, you have a sound reason not to; b)You are mentally depressed.
If it's because of your depression, then you need deal with it
before you change your career. You can decide wheather to change
your job after

【在 t**u 的大作中提到】

: I don't worry too much financially, and I don't worry about
: greencard although I don't have one. I don't really care about
: these things. But LD is not supportive for me to start in a
: whole new area. He said I'm impulsive, which I am.
: So I really want to be extra sure I'm gonna like it.
: I guess more fundamentally my question is: Must there be suffer
: in life? Some say you must do some things you don't like, then
: you can really enjoy what you like to do. For me, I don't like
: to suffer. Like exercis

t*u2004-04-30 07:04

4 楼

Thanks, banzhu.
You are correct I'm female.
I was really depressed for a while in the past year, it is more than
my career. Lots of other things are messed up together, but now I
think piece by piece I'm getting out of it. Especially after reading
"managing your mind" following your recommendation (Thank you!
I recommend other people to read this too.)
Now I think I'm pretty much ok, I'm happy most the time except when
I have to worry about work. Actually, I don't worry, I just don't want
to do

【在 h******r 的大作中提到】

: Welcome to this board. :)
: Since your LD is a he, I assume you are female, correct me if I was wrong.
: Because it is very different if you are a woman or a man.
: First, you need to decide why don't you really like your job.
: In short, two possible reasons. a) You are right, you just don't
: like it, you have a sound reason not to; b)You are mentally depressed.
: If it's because of your depression, then you need deal with it
: before you change your career. You can decide wheather to change
: your job after

t*u2004-04-30 07:04

5 楼

Harbiner, I want you to elaborate on this:
Suffer in mind has never been necessary in life!
Because we hear numerous sayings like "chi1 de ku3 zhong1 ku3,
fang1 wei2 ren2 shang4 ren2" (sorry no chinese input). I always
scoffed these away. I have always been, like a free spirit, doing whatever
I want to do, and so far I may be lucky, I think I did fine.
But recently I start to worry, what if I'm wrong? What if to get
good out of life, we have to endure certain unpleasantness first?
Is that a must

【在 h******r 的大作中提到】

: Welcome to this board. :)
: Since your LD is a he, I assume you are female, correct me if I was wrong.
: Because it is very different if you are a woman or a man.
: First, you need to decide why don't you really like your job.
: In short, two possible reasons. a) You are right, you just don't
: like it, you have a sound reason not to; b)You are mentally depressed.
: If it's because of your depression, then you need deal with it
: before you change your career. You can decide wheather to change
: your job after

h*r2004-04-30 07:04

6 楼

I understand your feeling very much. I have been there.
Since we are talking about research jobs, it really doesn't matter if we are
female or male. It seems that your husband can take care of your family well
all by himself. It's a very good thing.
I strongly believe the only powerful, and long lasting motivation for a
successful researcher is curiosity. I think we all got to ask ourselves the
following questions:
a) Do we really have ideas how the current research projects should be done?
We

【在 t**u 的大作中提到】

: Thanks, banzhu.
: You are correct I'm female.
: I was really depressed for a while in the past year, it is more than
: my career. Lots of other things are messed up together, but now I
: think piece by piece I'm getting out of it. Especially after reading
: "managing your mind" following your recommendation (Thank you!
: I recommend other people to read this too.)
: Now I think I'm pretty much ok, I'm happy most the time except when
: I have to worry about work. Actually, I don't worry, I just don't want
: to do

h*r2004-04-30 07:04

7 楼

No. It has never been a must to suffer. The fact that we heard numerious
sayings doesn't make what's being said correct. Chinese parents tend to say
such crap, which makes Chinese parents worse than American parents, even
Chinese ones devote more material, money, time to their children. It is NOT
love when parents want their children be better than themselves. It is the
very selfishness of them when parents what their children to fufill dreams
they could not fufill by themselves.
what
I thin

【在 t**u 的大作中提到】

: Harbiner, I want you to elaborate on this:
: Suffer in mind has never been necessary in life!
: Because we hear numerous sayings like "chi1 de ku3 zhong1 ku3,
: fang1 wei2 ren2 shang4 ren2" (sorry no chinese input). I always
: scoffed these away. I have always been, like a free spirit, doing whatever
: I want to do, and so far I may be lucky, I think I did fine.
: But recently I start to worry, what if I'm wrong? What if to get
: good out of life, we have to endure certain unpleasantness first?
: Is that a must

t*u2004-04-30 07:04

8 楼

Thanks, Hariner.
I have known all along that I would never become a successful
researcher. The answers to your questions are all no, which come
as no surprise. But the problem is even worse: I don't care about
whatever good research can turn out. If I look at a really good
piece of research result (not done by me, of course), I do not
feel excited, I do not feel admiration, I just go ok, sometimes
even feel sorry for the author who had to labor so many hours for it.
I mean, what's the point of d

【在 h******r 的大作中提到】

: I understand your feeling very much. I have been there.
: Since we are talking about research jobs, it really doesn't matter if we are
: female or male. It seems that your husband can take care of your family well
: all by himself. It's a very good thing.
: I strongly believe the only powerful, and long lasting motivation for a
: successful researcher is curiosity. I think we all got to ask ourselves the
: following questions:
: a) Do we really have ideas how the current research projects should be done?
: We

p*f2004-04-30 07:04

9 楼

I think everybody has the same problem more or less. I read a book once, it
described it as sort of self-destory tendency that most people have. The
thoery says that even you know what you are doing is wrong, but you still want
to do it somehow. Sub-conciously, you want something blown out to stop you
keep doing this. I can't remember all that crap...but something like that. A
perfect example is acolholic or gambler.
But that is exactly what most of the people would do in the real life. We run
i

【在 t**u 的大作中提到】

: Harbiner, I want you to elaborate on this:
: Suffer in mind has never been necessary in life!
: Because we hear numerous sayings like "chi1 de ku3 zhong1 ku3,
: fang1 wei2 ren2 shang4 ren2" (sorry no chinese input). I always
: scoffed these away. I have always been, like a free spirit, doing whatever
: I want to do, and so far I may be lucky, I think I did fine.
: But recently I start to worry, what if I'm wrong? What if to get
: good out of life, we have to endure certain unpleasantness first?
: Is that a must

h*r2004-04-30 07:04

10 楼

I suggest take a piece of paper, draw a vertical line in the middle, on the
left hand side list all the pros, and cons on the right hand side of course,
of staying for 2-3 years longer at your current position. They may include but
not limited to:
1)The moneytary gain/loss;
2)Will your family understand you; will you have pressure from them;
3)Do you need to study, train for your next job, the work you really want to
do? Does it need additional tuition?
4)Your psychological pressure.
5) Time yo

【在 t**u 的大作中提到】

: Thanks, Hariner.
: I have known all along that I would never become a successful
: researcher. The answers to your questions are all no, which come
: as no surprise. But the problem is even worse: I don't care about
: whatever good research can turn out. If I look at a really good
: piece of research result (not done by me, of course), I do not
: feel excited, I do not feel admiration, I just go ok, sometimes
: even feel sorry for the author who had to labor so many hours for it.
: I mean, what's the point of d

t*u2004-04-30 07:04

11 楼

Yeah, that's my problem, I have no self-discipline at all. And the thing
is I have been doing pretty ok so far. Could you explain why
I would be in deep shit in the end if I continue to act this way? Because
if you can convince me, then even I change job and do something
I like to do, I will still be in trouble sooner or later thinking that I
can just get away with doing only things I like to do. In that case,
I shouldn't change my job now, since it's suffering everywhere.
I like to draw and rea

t*u2004-04-30 07:04

12 楼

I have done this when I am calmer, and I know the
wise thing to do is to switch in 2-3 years. But now,
it is really hard for me to carry on with the job, and
the unhappiness of work has spilled into after-work
hours so that it is hard to start doing some preparation
for my career switch. I always feel like something is
undone (work), and can not start to do other really serious
things because this one is always weighing on my heart.

but

【在 h******r 的大作中提到】

:
: I suggest take a piece of paper, draw a vertical line in the middle, on the
: left hand side list all the pros, and cons on the right hand side of course,
: of staying for 2-3 years longer at your current position. They may include but
: not limited to:
: 1)The moneytary gain/loss;
: 2)Will your family understand you; will you have pressure from them;
: 3)Do you need to study, train for your next job, the work you really want to
: do? Does it need additional tuition?
: 4)Your psychological pressure.

p*f2004-04-30 07:04

13 楼

Not neccessarily really "deep shit". Just a symbolic phase. Everybody has the
same problem. In your case, it won't be too bad. Lets say..you keep hardly
working. One day you boss talk to you about your poor performance. YOu will be
very upset and start working harder. So that is all right. but it will repeat
itself for sure if you don't do anything about it. Would that happen to your
new job? maby not. maybe you indeed like the new job very much. or maybe your
boss does better management work,

【在 t**u 的大作中提到】

: Yeah, that's my problem, I have no self-discipline at all. And the thing
: is I have been doing pretty ok so far. Could you explain why
: I would be in deep shit in the end if I continue to act this way? Because
: if you can convince me, then even I change job and do something
: I like to do, I will still be in trouble sooner or later thinking that I
: can just get away with doing only things I like to do. In that case,
: I shouldn't change my job now, since it's suffering everywhere.
: I like to draw and rea

a*e2004-04-30 07:04

14 楼

do you plan to have a kid right now? a baby changes everything, even your view
of the whole world.
and base on the assumption that your LD can have everything set, why don't you
try part time work? Then at lease half of the day you can do anything you
like. And this wouldn't affect too much economically, and you can always
change back to full time if you like.
I feel like if ones path by now is too smooth, sometime one can only see a
path or conflict among several paths. But the correct solution

【在 t**u 的大作中提到】

: I have done this when I am calmer, and I know the
: wise thing to do is to switch in 2-3 years. But now,
: it is really hard for me to carry on with the job, and
: the unhappiness of work has spilled into after-work
: hours so that it is hard to start doing some preparation
: for my career switch. I always feel like something is
: undone (work), and can not start to do other really serious
: things because this one is always weighing on my heart.
:
: but

r*s2004-04-30 07:04

15 楼

Apparently you are a capable individual. What you need is challenge
and a sense of contribution.
There are two sides of this issue. One is coherent in your work and
the way work is executed. If you boss give you more responsibility and
more feedback about your contribution, it may help motivate you.
The other side of the issue is of course yourself. It seems you have
been trying to meet social expectations and seldom look inside yourself
and pursue what you want. When social norms require you to

【在 t**u 的大作中提到】

: I don't worry too much financially, and I don't worry about
: greencard although I don't have one. I don't really care about
: these things. But LD is not supportive for me to start in a
: whole new area. He said I'm impulsive, which I am.
: So I really want to be extra sure I'm gonna like it.
: I guess more fundamentally my question is: Must there be suffer
: in life? Some say you must do some things you don't like, then
: you can really enjoy what you like to do. For me, I don't like
: to suffer. Like exercis

r*s2004-04-30 07:04

16 楼

Clearly you are looking (hoping) for some changes.
What I want to bring to your attention is that although you are blaming
your work, it may not be the major problem. It's certainly easier to blame
work rather than other MORE important things in life.
Changes could happen in many different manners and some of them don't
even require substantial changes. For example, like described in my previous
responce to your post, other than changing job, you can change the way job
is done. You may change ot

【在 t**u 的大作中提到】

: Thanks, banzhu.
: You are correct I'm female.
: I was really depressed for a while in the past year, it is more than
: my career. Lots of other things are messed up together, but now I
: think piece by piece I'm getting out of it. Especially after reading
: "managing your mind" following your recommendation (Thank you!
: I recommend other people to read this too.)
: Now I think I'm pretty much ok, I'm happy most the time except when
: I have to worry about work. Actually, I don't worry, I just don't want
: to do

r*s2004-04-30 07:04

17 楼

I agree with Harbiner. Life doesn't have to be full of suffering.
About that saying, bitterness to one may be honey to others.
We see people spend hours in lab without a peek at the sunny beach
full of happy people outside. People may consider this bitterness,
while these people may be just enjoying the best part of their lives.
The key is, be true to yourself. In life, success and failure is not
(shouldn't be) judged by others (they do judge though), but how you
feel about it.

what

【在 t**u 的大作中提到】

: Harbiner, I want you to elaborate on this:
: Suffer in mind has never been necessary in life!
: Because we hear numerous sayings like "chi1 de ku3 zhong1 ku3,
: fang1 wei2 ren2 shang4 ren2" (sorry no chinese input). I always
: scoffed these away. I have always been, like a free spirit, doing whatever
: I want to do, and so far I may be lucky, I think I did fine.
: But recently I start to worry, what if I'm wrong? What if to get
: good out of life, we have to endure certain unpleasantness first?
: Is that a must

r*s2004-04-30 07:04

18 楼

hehe, cannot agree more. Life is full of such crap.
But I disagree with blaming our parents though. True, American educational
ideology is more natural and mature. That doesn't mean American parents are
doing better though. American children hate their parents maybe more than
Chinese do. I consider parents victims of culture more than other things.
I tried to discuss about their influence on me through their parenting style,
but they just couldn't understand. Hopefully we understand it no

【在 h******r 的大作中提到】

:
: I suggest take a piece of paper, draw a vertical line in the middle, on the
: left hand side list all the pros, and cons on the right hand side of course,
: of staying for 2-3 years longer at your current position. They may include but
: not limited to:
: 1)The moneytary gain/loss;
: 2)Will your family understand you; will you have pressure from them;
: 3)Do you need to study, train for your next job, the work you really want to
: do? Does it need additional tuition?
: 4)Your psychological pressure.

r*s2004-04-30 07:04

19 楼

enn, Harbiner is really doing a great job here. Providing answers to
such questions proposed is a no no. ttou, you really need to figure it
out on your own. In the end of the day, it's your life.

but

【在 h******r 的大作中提到】

:
: I suggest take a piece of paper, draw a vertical line in the middle, on the
: left hand side list all the pros, and cons on the right hand side of course,
: of staying for 2-3 years longer at your current position. They may include but
: not limited to:
: 1)The moneytary gain/loss;
: 2)Will your family understand you; will you have pressure from them;
: 3)Do you need to study, train for your next job, the work you really want to
: do? Does it need additional tuition?
: 4)Your psychological pressure.

r*s2004-04-30 07:04

20 楼

That sounds reasonable to me. Go find a career Counselor, he/she can
provide some concrete guidance, maybe base on some career interest tests.
If you want to do some research on your own, this may be a good start point:
http://online.onetcenter.org/
way
follow
Always

【在 t**u 的大作中提到】

: Yeah, that's my problem, I have no self-discipline at all. And the thing
: is I have been doing pretty ok so far. Could you explain why
: I would be in deep shit in the end if I continue to act this way? Because
: if you can convince me, then even I change job and do something
: I like to do, I will still be in trouble sooner or later thinking that I
: can just get away with doing only things I like to do. In that case,
: I shouldn't change my job now, since it's suffering everywhere.
: I like to draw and rea

s*l2004-04-30 07:04

21 楼

很高兴看到这样描述的十分贴切的贴子和这么有效详细的答复。
我是第一次来这个版，马上就被吸引了。你说的问题真的是很多人的问题，包括我，我ld
，还有别的朋友。只是可能我们还经常有task，还有老板催着，问题就没有这么无法忍受
。
（先写到这，离开一下，回头再写）

【在 t**u 的大作中提到】

: I have done this when I am calmer, and I know the
: wise thing to do is to switch in 2-3 years. But now,
: it is really hard for me to carry on with the job, and
: the unhappiness of work has spilled into after-work
: hours so that it is hard to start doing some preparation
: for my career switch. I always feel like something is
: undone (work), and can not start to do other really serious
: things because this one is always weighing on my heart.
:
: but