FDA: Veganism Gives Humans Superpowers# WaterWorld - 未名水世界
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by Mac McDaniel
A new study by the Food and Drug Administration finds that veganism gives
human beings powers akin to those possessed by wizards and superheroes.
The powers, which range from x-ray vision to super strength or the ability
to fly have been described by one government researcher as “well beyond the
limits of what science has thought physically possible.”
Dr. Karl Buechner is head of the FDA research team assigned to the project
and author of the report published in the Science Journal earlier this week.
He concludes definitively that prolonged subsistence on a purely plant-
based diet can not only lower your risk of heart disease and many cancers,
but can also fundamentally change the way that your cells consume energy and
interact with each other in the body.
The study was first commissioned after a university scientist in Portland,
Oregon discovered that one of his students reported an ability to expel
powerful flames from his fingertips. The student — whose name has been
withheld — suspected that his vegan diet was responsible. After numerous
experiments, the professor sent a paper to several scientific journals, but
was unable to get it published. He wrote to Dr. Buechner, a long-time friend
who then conducted the FDA study.
The experiments Dr. Buechner arranged involved bringing long-time vegans
into a research laboratory to confirm their extraordinary abilities. In the
group were 15 vegans who had been on a plant-based diet for over five years
each. Of the group, 14 were able to manifest some extraordinary physical
ability. One man was able to fly, and another teleported around the facility
effortlessly.
Only one vegan in the group was unable to demonstrate any abilities
whatsoever. It was later discovered, however, that he occasionally consumes
honey.
A control group of omnivores and another of vegetarians were unable to
achieve any results in the battery of tests.
One especially telling experiment involved surreptitiously exchanging the
vegans’ shoes or belts for leather ones. All of the vegans were unable to
perform their feats while wearing leather.
“These findings may be the gateway to a new branch of medicine, not to
mention a key to a new step in the human evolution,” said Dr. Lee Acosta-
Lewis of the Department of Health and Human Services.
The Pentagon released a statement yesterday saying they were conducting
experiments of their own that may lead to all branches of the military
converting to a plant-based diet in hopes of creating a group of super-
soldiers. Defense secretary Robert Gates told reporters yesterday, “We will
not be taking any steps until we have achieved quantifiable results
comparable to those of Dr. Buechner.”
Go vegan. It will make you a superhero.
Read more: http://www.care2.com/causes/fda-veganism-gives-humans-superpowers.html#ixzz1z7gHB1jp
A new study by the Food and Drug Administration finds that veganism gives
human beings powers akin to those possessed by wizards and superheroes.
The powers, which range from x-ray vision to super strength or the ability
to fly have been described by one government researcher as “well beyond the
limits of what science has thought physically possible.”
Dr. Karl Buechner is head of the FDA research team assigned to the project
and author of the report published in the Science Journal earlier this week.
He concludes definitively that prolonged subsistence on a purely plant-
based diet can not only lower your risk of heart disease and many cancers,
but can also fundamentally change the way that your cells consume energy and
interact with each other in the body.
The study was first commissioned after a university scientist in Portland,
Oregon discovered that one of his students reported an ability to expel
powerful flames from his fingertips. The student — whose name has been
withheld — suspected that his vegan diet was responsible. After numerous
experiments, the professor sent a paper to several scientific journals, but
was unable to get it published. He wrote to Dr. Buechner, a long-time friend
who then conducted the FDA study.
The experiments Dr. Buechner arranged involved bringing long-time vegans
into a research laboratory to confirm their extraordinary abilities. In the
group were 15 vegans who had been on a plant-based diet for over five years
each. Of the group, 14 were able to manifest some extraordinary physical
ability. One man was able to fly, and another teleported around the facility
effortlessly.
Only one vegan in the group was unable to demonstrate any abilities
whatsoever. It was later discovered, however, that he occasionally consumes
honey.
A control group of omnivores and another of vegetarians were unable to
achieve any results in the battery of tests.
One especially telling experiment involved surreptitiously exchanging the
vegans’ shoes or belts for leather ones. All of the vegans were unable to
perform their feats while wearing leather.
“These findings may be the gateway to a new branch of medicine, not to
mention a key to a new step in the human evolution,” said Dr. Lee Acosta-
Lewis of the Department of Health and Human Services.
The Pentagon released a statement yesterday saying they were conducting
experiments of their own that may lead to all branches of the military
converting to a plant-based diet in hopes of creating a group of super-
soldiers. Defense secretary Robert Gates told reporters yesterday, “We will
not be taking any steps until we have achieved quantifiable results
comparable to those of Dr. Buechner.”
Go vegan. It will make you a superhero.
Read more: http://www.care2.com/causes/fda-veganism-gives-humans-superpowers.html#ixzz1z7gHB1jp
