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继续贴点笑话

继续贴点笑话# WaterWorld - 未名水世界

m*52011-04-15 07:04

1 楼

You know the women that say:
"Why are hot guys always jerks, the nice guys always taken, and the hot
and nice guys always gay?"
You're fat. Stop making fucking excuses.
女孩子们总是说：
这一切都素为虾米！
帅哥都是混球，好男人都有主了，又帅又好的都是gay
长的肥就不要再给自己找借口了。
Putting a pin through all of my best friends condoms seemed like a good idea
at the time.
Backfired though when I found out my wife is pregnant
用大头针扎漏我好朋友的TT真是个好主意
事与愿违的是我媳妇怀孕了...
If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they eat all their food?
如果素食主义者那么爱动物，他们干嘛把人家的食物都吃光了？

m*52011-04-15 07:04

2 楼

I pissed a taxi driver off today. I told him to reverse all the way to my
house.
He had to pay me £8.20.
我今天耍了个出租车司机
我叫他一路倒车开到我的住处
他最后付给我8镑20p
A recent survey has shown that 50% of all newlyweds want to try anal sex.
Or to put it another way, 100% of grooms.
最近一项研究显示50%的新婚人士想要尝试插下pp
换句话说，那不就是全部的新郎吗~
What's the difference between the government and organised crime?
One is organised.
政府和有组织的犯罪有什么区别？
其中一个是有组织的。
I'm not saying we should kill all the stupid people in the world,
I'm just saying we should remove the warning labels from everything and
let the problem take care of itself.
我不是说应该杀光这个世界上所有的笨蛋。
我的意思是把所有警告标示全都去掉
让事情自然发生就好了。

m*52011-04-15 07:04

3 楼

I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is "the stupidest
country in the world."
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
那些动不动就说我们美国是世界第一蠢国的人最讨厌了~
欧洲才是最蠢的国家好不好
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised
that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive
me.
我小时候夜夜祈祷上帝给我一辆自行车
然后我发现上帝不是这个路数
所以我偷了一辆，然后祈求他原谅我
What do America's 300,000 battered women have in common?
They just wouldn't fucking listen.
美国30万受家暴的女性有什么共同点？
她们都TMD不听话！！

P*02011-04-15 07:04

4 楼

I didn't get the last one.

【在 m********5 的大作中提到】

: I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is "the stupidest
: country in the world."
: Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
: 那些动不动就说我们美国是世界第一蠢国的人最讨厌了~
: 欧洲才是最蠢的国家好不好
: When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised
: that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive
: me.
: 我小时候夜夜祈祷上帝给我一辆自行车
: 然后我发现上帝不是这个路数

m*52011-04-15 07:04

5 楼

他说他是美国人，讨厌别人说美国是最蠢的国家，他觉得欧洲才是最蠢的国家，显然欧
洲又不是国家，也显然他确实蠢，哈哈

【在 P******0 的大作中提到】

: I didn't get the last one.

m*52011-04-15 07:04

6 楼

Have you heard the joke about my penis?
I wont bother telling you, its too long.
你有没有听过我JJ的一个笑话？
我懒得给你讲，太长了。
You can tell my girlfriend's really Japanese because her genitals produce
a forcefield that pixelates the air around them
我女朋友是如假包换的日本妞。
她下面有股气场可以给周围空气打上薄码。
Yesterday, my mum asked me to hand out invitations for my brother's surprise
birthday party.
That's when I realised he was the favourite twin.
昨天我妈让我去发请帖邀请大家来参加我哥哥的生日惊喜派对~
那时我才意识到他真的是双胞胎中更受宠的那个。

m*52011-04-15 07:04

7 楼

A South Korean guy gets on a bus with his guide dog.
The bus driver says, "Sorry sir, no food or drink allowed on
here."
I accidentally sent a picture of my dick to everyone in my address book
today.
Not only was it really embarrassing, it cost me a fortune in stamps.
我一不小心把一张自己JJ的图片发给通讯录里所有人了。
尴尬就不用说了，还花了那么多邮票钱。
Boy: "Do you want to play the fire engine game?"
Girl: "How do you play that?"
Boy: "My fingers are the fire engine and I drive up your legs. You say '
Red light!' when you want me to stop."
Girl: "Okay, let's play."
After a few seconds...
Girl: "Red light!"
Boy: "Fire engines don't stop for red lights."
男孩：你想不想玩消防车的游戏？
女孩：怎么玩啊
男孩：我手指头就是消防车，在你腿上开。你一说“红灯”，我就停了。
女孩：好吧。那就开始玩吧
几秒钟后。。。
女孩：红灯！
男孩：消防车遇红灯不停

m*52011-04-15 07:04

8 楼

I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy Thai bird.
I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection. Please don't get an
erection."
But she did.
早上坐火车，我对面是一个超级火辣的泰国妞。
我一直跟自己说，JJ别站起来，别站起来
但是她的站起来了。
If you have sex with a prostitute without her permission, is it rape... or
shoplifting?
如果你强上了一个妓女
这算奸呢，还是盗呢？

P*02011-04-15 07:04

9 楼

no. this one:
What do America's 300,000 battered women have in common?
They just wouldn't fucking listen.

【在 m********5 的大作中提到】

: 他说他是美国人，讨厌别人说美国是最蠢的国家，他觉得欧洲才是最蠢的国家，显然欧
: 洲又不是国家，也显然他确实蠢，哈哈

e*s2011-04-15 07:04

10 楼

good jokes

m*l2011-04-15 07:04

11 楼

300，000 women got beat up in US because they won't listen?

【在 P******0 的大作中提到】

: no. this one:
: What do America's 300,000 battered women have in common?
: They just wouldn't fucking listen.

m*l2011-04-15 07:04

12 楼

A recent survey has shown that 50% of all newlyweds want to try anal
sex.
Or to put it another way, 100% of grooms.
最近一项研究显示50%的新婚人士想要尝试插下pp
换句话说，那不就是全部的新郎吗~
打回去重翻译
【
最近一项研究显示一半的新婚人士们想要尝试插下pp
换句话说，所有的新郎
】
book
stamps.

h*s2011-04-15 07:04

13 楼

一老头乘公交去高潮村办事。途中问女服务员:高潮到了没？女服务员:还没呢。一会儿
他又问:高潮到了没？服务员说:糟老头急什么，高潮到了我会叫的！

i*c2011-04-15 07:04

14 楼

求求您别中文翻译了好不好