最新！哈佛大学公布7篇2023年新生优秀文书，含点评，赶紧收藏！
哈佛校报每年都会公布几篇当年录取学生的优秀文书，今年公布了七篇，完美留学刘老师给大家整理下来。眼下正是文书写作的关键时刻，需要的同学赶紧收研读一下，兴许能给你一些思路启发。
Successful Harvard Application Essays | 2023
1、Marina's Essay
It's 8AM. Dew blankets the grass under my bare feet as my small hands grasp the metal of the backyard fence. I lift my heels, summoning enormous power in my tiny lungs as I blare out a daily wake-up call: ""GIRLS!"" Waiting with anticipation for those familiar faces to emerge from their homes, my mind bursts with ideas eager for exploration.
Years later, at the corner of our yards, gates magically appeared; an open invitation connecting the backyards of four mismatched homes. The birth of the ""Four Corners"" inevitably developed into lifelong friendships and became the North Star in the lives of absolute strangers who have become family. As parents bonded at the gates, discussing everything from diapers to first dates, the kids took advantage of overlooked bedtimes and late night movies. Today, I launch into adulthood with the imagination, leadership, and confidence born from adolescent adventures.
Behind corner #1 lived the Irish neighbors, where I embarked on a culinary exploration of corned beef and cabbage served during the annual St. Patty's celebrations. My taste buds awakened with the novelty of a peculiar dish that seemed to dismiss the health hazards of sodium chloride, an element that conjures up mental images of chemistry experiments. With U2 playing on the speaker, and parents enjoying a pint of Guinness, adolescents discussed inventions that could lead us to a pot of gold; from apps that would revolutionize the music industry, to building a keg cooler from a rubber trash can (and yes, we actually tried that). Endless playtime and conversations fueled the gene of curiosity which molded my creative thinking and imagination.
Behind corner #2, vibrant Italians cheered on the creation of zip lines and obstacle courses, which taught me a thing or two about Newton's Laws of Motion. Body aches from brutal stops provided lessons in physics that prompted modifications. This inventive spirit during backyard projects required testing, redesigning, and rebuilding. I wanted to conquer the yard and use every square inch of it. My swimming pool hosted ""Olympic Games"", where the makeshift springboard I built would have made Michael Phelps proud. I dove into projects, disregarding smashed fingers and small fires. Through persistence and sheer will, repeated failures became a source of progress for all to enjoy. These lessons served me well when diving into the Odyssey of the Mind Competitions.
Corners #3 and #4, where Cuban roots run deep, entertained countless activities opening a world of learning and exploration. 1AM backyard stargazing encouraged my curiosity; the night sky like a blank slate, ready to be lit up with discovery. Through the eye of the telescope, I traced stars that were millions of miles away, yet filled my tent like fairy lights. Questions merged in a combinatorial explosion that only led to more questions. Could a black hole really cause spaghettification? Do the whispered echoes of dead stars give a clue to how old our universe truly is? Years later, at the FPL Energy, Power, and Sustainability Lab, conversations about smart grids, electric vehicles, and a possible colonization of the moon would take me back to that backyard camping, propelling my desire for exploration.
In my little pocket of the world, I embrace the unexpected coincidence that struck 20 years ago, when four families collided at the same exact moment in space and time. My Four Corners family, with their steadfast presence and guidance, cultivated love, maturity, risk-taking, and teamwork. Through my adventures, I became a dreamer, an inventor, an innovator, and a leader. Now, fostering my love for learning, spirit of giving back, and drive for success, I seek new adventures. Just as I walked through the magical gates of my beloved Four Corners, I will now walk through transformational thresholds to continue on a journey that began as a girl, at a fence, with a heart full of hope and a head full of possibilities.
点评：
如果你没有刻骨铭心的经历或者战胜难以置信的困难，感觉没有什么有趣的素材创作文书，那么Marina的文书写作思路就是一个很好的解决方案。Marina通过回忆童年时光在充满朋友的社区中的快乐经历，利用生动的细节和感官语言与读者产生共鸣，让不认识她的人第一时间窥见塑造她的世界。
这篇文书最强大的一点是Marina生动的叙述，它涵盖了所有五个感官：和她一起，我们可以感受到“赤脚在有露水的草地上”湿润而多刺的感觉；听到年幼的Marina的声音在“每天的唤醒电话中吸收着我微小肺部的巨大能量”；嗅到和品尝到“似乎对氯化钠的健康危害置之不理”的咸白菜；看到“像童话般的灯光一样填满我的帐篷”的遥远星星。这种具体的语言确保了文书不会显得普通，很明显只有Marina（或者也许是她后院的朋友之一）才能写出这篇独特的文书。
Marina的作品还很好地实现了申请文书的另一个目标：利用生活中的小事件更广泛地展示自己的核心特质，展示深深扎根的信念、生活哲学的形成或者已经成为一个决定性品质的个性特征。在这种情况下，Marina展示了她的后院冒险，如何揭示了她对STEM学科的热爱，在她的申请材料中有更详细的探讨。烹饪课成为“化学实验”，建造滑索成为“牛顿运动定律”课程，对星星进行哲学思考为“FPL能源、动力和可持续性实验室实习，智能电网、电动汽车和可能的月球殖民”奠定了基础。这种成功的展开使得Marina既能坚定地表明她学术激情的根源深厚，又能将她年轻时的热情转化为重要且有意义的课外活动。
然而，还有一些误区Marina本可以避免。其中之一是刻板印象的危险：将爱尔兰家庭与咸牛肉、圣帕特里克节、U2、吉尼斯啤酒和金币联系在一起，可能会听起来文化不敏感或轻视，尤其是其他家庭没有得到这样的陈词滥调。另一个误区是使用过多的修饰语，比如形容词和副词，有时会使文章听起来不真实。在这里，第一句话中，每个名词都伴随着形容词，每个动词都是常用动词的不常用近义词，可能会显得过于矫揉造作。
2、Samantha's Essay
I’ve always been a storyteller, but I’ve only been an alleged fish killer since age five. As a child, my head was so filled up with stories that I might have forgotten to feed Bubbles the class pet just one time too often. Once I pulverized an entire pencil, because I was daydreaming instead of taking it out of the sharpener.
More than anything else, I became an obsessive list-maker. I memorized and wrote down long lists of my stuffed animals, cities around the world, and my favorite historical time periods. I created itineraries and packing lists for my Build-A-Bears, then arranged them in rows on a pretend airplane. I drew family trees for a made-up family during the Industrial Revolution. I wrote lists until the spine of my notebook cracked under the weight of graphite.
For a long time, I thought this was something that I alone did, and that I did alone. Lying on the floor of my bedroom, I spun fantastical stories of mundane events. Each story opened and closed in my head, untold and unsung.
Years later, though—to my amazement—I discovered other people who were interested in the same things I was. Wandering into fanfiction websites and online forums, I was welcomed into a vibrant community of writers—serious, silly, passionate people who wrote hundreds of thousands of words analyzing character dynamics and exploring endless plot threads. When I finally started posting my own thoughts, I didn’t feel like I was taking a risk or venturing into new territory. I had been speaking these words to myself since I was five, preparing myself to finally shout them into the real world. And people responded.
Spurred on by this excitement, I started writing stories for other people to read. I had fallen in love with the community writing had given me, and with writing itself. I wanted to contribute my own small piece to a world much bigger than me. I shouted my stories up to the WiFi signals that caught and carried them, waiting to be found by someone else writing lists in her bedroom alone.
In high school, I also found joy in editing. I loved analyzing, polishing, and curating my classmates’ short stories, poems, and artwork to make them shine for my school’s literary magazine. I spent hours with other editors, passionately arguing the merits and weaknesses of dozens of writing pieces. Editing the school newspaper, meanwhile, became a way to spotlight members of the school community, from profiling new staff and faculty to polling the student body about the stigma surrounding menstruation.
I’ve now had my poems published in a national literary journal and have joined the editorial staff of an international literary magazine for teens. I feel like I’m discovering my power, and with it my ability to create change. Last year, I founded SPEAK, a creative writing program for elementary school students. I wanted to assist younger writers so they could create their own communities. During SPEAK sessions, I taught a group of students how to draw a map of a fantasy wolf kingdom they had designed, helped a girl edit her classmate’s poem about hula hoops, and listened to a third-grader talk faster and faster as we discussed the meaning of soup in The Tale of Despereaux.
I’ve now turned SPEAK into a self-sustaining club at my school, and I’m expanding the program onto an online platform. Writing changed my life, but it only happened when I started sharing my work, putting it out there, and starting conversations—not just responding. Alone, stories used to abstract me from the outside world. Now, stories connect me to the world, creating communities instead of pulling me away from them. For too many of us, our stories are born in our heads, and they die there. I’m going to change that, for myself and for as many people as I can bring with me.
点评：
这篇文章比较有技巧，第一句话就是很好的“钩子”，吸引读者继续读下去。
这篇文章之所以成功，是因为我们不仅深入了解到他们内在的好奇心和想象力，还能感受到他们的个人成长。我们看到这位学生变得更加自信，并在更大的社区中找到了自己的位置。流行文化和历史的典故是一个不错的点睛之笔，既赋予了写作人性化的特点，又使其极易阅读。但最重要的是，有一个成长的叙事线索。这位学生不时地插入一些成就，这些成就是成长的里程碑，但它并不像简历或人为编排的列表...最终，所有内容都在一起，我们能够感知到他们的创造过程以及故事在他们生活中的重要性。
好奇心，创造力，关心他人...以及个人成长的感觉。许多优秀的主题和个人品质，让读者不仅喜欢这位学生，还想见到他们。
3、Abby's Essay
Barreling through the hallowed, mahogany double doors, I was on a mission. I made a beeline for the back. Behold, a panoply of new prospects, each beckoning me to read them.
Every weekend, my father, my sister, and I make the pilgrimage to Book Mecca. The sensations one meets upon entering Barnes and Noble are unmatched. The aroma of coffee mingles with the crisp perfume of unopened books, and the tinny music drifts from the ceiling speakers, coalescing with the clanking of the Cafe equipment, which is intermittently overcome by the barista's peppy voice on the PA system announcing the latest limited-edition dessert. Where else can one enjoy a triple-layer cheesecake among bookstacks? As Virginia Woolf says, "one cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well."
My family, however, dines on knowledge. To us, Barnes and Noble is an all-you-can-eat buffet for the mind. After we snag our favorite corner table, I sit, like metal to a magnet, immovable for hours.
I may delve into an Agatha Christie novel and attempt to outwit Detective Poirot; though I never win, I find the sleuthing remarkably similar to analyzing confounders the culprits of unexpected results-in my clinical research. Alternatively, I may crack open an atlas to test my memory from the summer when I memorized the entire world map. Or, I might read Animal Farm to better understand the system that ravaged Ethiopia in the late 20th century and forced my grandfather to flee his own village.
Complimenting this mission to satisfy our voracious minds comes an equally important fulfillment: engaging with the coterie of miscellaneous characters we have befriended. After visiting the same Barnes and Noble for eleven years, we have forged friendships with several regulars, including a retired teacher couple, an octogenarian with a seven-year-old brother, and an eternally sunburned man named George who shelters feral cats at his pool company's office. After a dear Barnes and Noble-goer passed away, my heart was comforted when I read in her obituary that she, indeed, would be missed by "the old [bookstore] gang." United by their good humor and love for Barnes and Noble, this unlikely group teaches me that a community can form around anything, no matter how disparate the members are. They show me that, in Aristotle's words, "educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all."
While I have the luxury of Barnes and Noble, my father's reality growing up in rural Ethiopia bears a stark contrast and defines my legacy of education. He received a meager education in a laughable schoolhouse, using sunlight to study by day, and the moonlight by night. When he was nine, my grandfather opened a school so my father could continue beyond 4th grade, unlike many of his peers. My grandfather had no formal education, yet he knew the country's constitution by heart and exhorted nearby villages to educate their children.
My father's dedication to chauffeuring me to the bookstore and the library is an artifact of his father's same dedication. And I am the accumulation of this legacy. Behind me are all of the sacrifices and payoffs of my family's dedication to education, and before me is a lifetime of opportunity and fulfillment. Though I have never met my grandfather, I feel an incredibly palpable connection to him through our shared fervor to learn and teach. My father's and grandfather's stories remind me that education is not a commodity for many, but a privilege that I treat as such. I cherish all of my education's wonderful consequences: the obscure curiosities I have indulged in, the strong sense of identity I have developed, the discernment and morals I have bolstered, the respect I have gained for different viewpoints, and the ambition for excellence that I have inherited and extended. They are what fuel me, my college education, and my drive to pay it forward.
点评：
Abby的文书非常出色，推荐大家多阅读几遍，认真感受一下。
Abby采用了“过道文书”的方法。想象一下在杂货店里推着购物车，选择你喜欢的食物，并将它们整齐地放在购物车里。在“过道文书”中，作家推着一个虚拟的购物车穿越她的过去、现在和未来，沿途收集她的轶事、兴趣和价值观。将购物车视为文书的背景设置。Abby的购物车是巴诺斯和诺贝尔书店。坚定不移的背景设置将文书根植于一个容易想象的世界，使Abby能够涉及她生活中的不同方面，而不让文书显得散乱。
只要你的文书中的每个子主题都可以在你的购物车里找到，文书就会读起来像一个统一的、有逻辑的整体。
在Abby的案例中，她利用了图书馆的书籍和咖啡厅，巧妙地转向她的个人叙述：侦探小说让人想起她的“临床研究”；提到《动物庄园》让她能够谈起祖父的非凡故事；通过描述她在咖啡厅形成的古怪社区，Abby向我们展示了她是一个喜欢交往的人，对与她相遇的人保持着兴奋和记忆。因此，虽然这篇文书发生在巴诺斯和诺贝尔书店，但它的主题远非如此。巴诺斯和诺贝尔书店只是一个舞台，用来讲述关于Abby的故事。
Abby在文书的结尾表达了一个明确的核心价值观：感恩。她没有过度夸张，戏剧性地宣称她会改变或拯救世界。相反，她只是简单地展示了她真正的样子：一个充满好奇心的女孩，经常光顾书店——一个被她的过去所激励，正在迈向未来的红木大门。
您能想到一个典型的您自己的背景设置吗？在您的“过道文书”中，您将从书架上拿起哪些兴趣和价值观呢？
4、Georgina's Essay：When Life Doesn’t Gives You Lemons’
With the blazing morning sun beaming through the window, I had an inclination to make a stand to sell Lebanese laymounada - a light lemonade flavored with a splash of rosewater. Throughout my childhood, anytime the temperature spiked over seventy degrees, there would be laymounada waiting for me at my Teta’s (grandmother in Lebanese Arabic) house.
At that moment, I scoured the cabinets and secured the glass pitcher only to realize we did not have lemons. To my disappointment, I realized my days of being an entrepreneur and generating revenue from my laymounada stand were over before they could even begin. I sat at the kitchen table, wallowing in disappointment. I wanted everyone to be able to taste my Teta’s laymounada. Suddenly, I had an idea that would either prove to be inventive or a total failure. I would sell lemonade without the lemons. Revolutionary, right?
I ripped off a rectangular sheet of paper towel and jotted down my business plan. I listed the key elements of the business plan: a drawing of a cup, a rose, and the price- “fifty scents”- to correlate with the rose-themed business. I sat outside of my childhood home located in a cul-de-sac of five houses and sold my neighbors a rose drink- a combination of filtered water, packets of sugar, and a dash of rosewater. Granted, I only made about $10 from a combination of my parents and generous neighbors who did not drink the “lemonade”, but the experience allowed me to realize regardless of the obstacle, if you are passionate, you can persevere. Teta’s laymounada was my introduction to entrepreneurship.
The entrepreneurial skills gained from my laymounada stand allowed me to establish A&G Jewelry, co-founded with my sister when I was twelve. This business focused on representing our Lebanese heritage. Using supplies we found around our house and from our local craft store, we created a variety of pieces that featured traditional Middle Eastern coins, beads, and clay baked into the shape of Lebanon. My sister and I collaborated to create marketing tools to promote our new business. Before we knew it, A&G Jewelry had earned a spot at my church’s annual Lebanese festival. After tirelessly marketing and selling our jewelry for three days straight, we had made over $900 in revenue, which we decided to donate to the church.
Entrepreneurship took a new form in high school when my sister and I founded our second partnership, The Model Brockton City Council. We saw a need to engage our peers in local government by designing a simulation of our city council. We had to collect signatures, present to many administrators, and market our new club. The initial goal to have more people try my lemonade resonated with me as I strived to have more people engage in their civic duties. Today, over twenty-five of my classmates frequently attend my meetings.
With my first business venture selling laymounada, I made $10; with A&G Jewelry, $900; with the Model Brockton City Council, the revenue amounted to $0. Although there was not a financial gain, I attained experience as a negotiator, problem solver, creative thinker, and most importantly, I became persistent.
Twelve years have passed since that summer day with my “laymounada,” and I have yet to maintain a long-lasting business. My six-year-old self would have seen this lack of continuity as a colossal failure, but instead, it instilled an intense curiosity in me. Little did I know the experience would remain so vivid after all these years. It has continued to push me, compelling me to challenge myself both academically and entrepreneurially. As I grow older, my intrinsic drive to have a lemonade stand, regardless of whatever obstacles come my way, persists as a deep-seated love of business.
When life doesn’t give you lemons, still make lemonade (or laymounada, as my Teta would say).
点评：
许多成功的大学申请文书都遵循一个简单的公式：钩子+主题+故事+成长。尽管具体内容可能有所不同，但如果您能包含这四个要素，您将拥有一个引人入胜的文书。
钩子：“钩子”的作用是吸引读者。招生官每天都要阅读成百上千篇文书，因此请尽量立即引起他们的注意。用一些有趣或与众不同的内容开始您的文书。
Georgina的钩子是她的“laymounada”（黎巴嫩柠檬饮料）摊位。黎巴嫩laymounada有什么特别之处？它与普通的柠檬水有什么不同？谁是Teta（祖母）？Georgina以对经典柠檬水摊位故事的文化改编引起读者的好奇心。
主题：“主题”是贯穿整篇文书的一个思想或主题，赋予文书以意义。一个出色的主题是发人深省的，使读者在完成文书后感到满意。
Georgina的主题是生活并没有给她柠檬。她在家找不到一个柠檬，所以她不得不创造性地销售无柠檬的laymounada。这种经历教会了她坚韧不拔，从而引发了一系列其他的创业项目。最后，文书回到这个主题，把一切都联系在一起：“即使生活没有给你柠檬，仍然要做柠檬水（或者像我祖母说的那样，做laymounada）。”
故事：在讲故事时，黄金法则是“展示，而不是告诉”。不要仅仅告诉招生官你是一个多么优秀的人。相反，通过你的故事向他们展示你的个性、品质和成就。
在Georgina的故事中，她分享了让她的柠檬水摊位经历对她来说令人难忘的丰富细节。例如，她加入了有趣的细节，比如将饮料定价为“五十个气味”以适应玫瑰主题。她还开玩笑说，她挣的10美元大部分来自支持她的父母和慷慨的邻居，他们甚至都没喝那杯“柠檬水”。
这些细节将Georgina塑造成一个有趣、有创意和有事业心的人，同时展示了她的谦虚。她还很好地融入了她是如何努力对社区产生影响的：“经过不知疲倦地进行市场营销和连续三天的珠宝销售后，我们获得了超过900美元的收入，决定将其捐赠给教堂。”
成长：所有出色的大学申请文书都清楚地展示了您从经历中成长的过程。务必强调您从经验中学到了什么或获得了什么。
例如，Georgina意识到她在创业项目中缺乏连续性并不是一个“巨大的失败”。相反，这培养了她的好奇心、坚持能力和对商业的热爱。到了文书的结尾，很明显Georgina是一个充满激情（对于商业）、在自己的道路上开创纪录的人。她能够从每一次经历中吸取教训，并将其应用于她接下来的努力。
Georgina成功地涵盖了这四个关键要素——钩子、主题、故事和成长，这就是这篇文书取得成功的原因。
5、Una's Essay
The first word I ever spoke was my name. I was intrigued that my entire identity could be attached to and compressed into such a simple sound. I would tell everyone I met that my name meant “one,” that it made me special because it sounded like “unique.” When I learned to write, I covered sheets of paper with the letters U, N, and A. Eventually, I realized that paper was not enough—I needed to cover the world with my name, my graffiti tag.
This came to a screeching halt in kindergarten. One day in music class, I scratched UNA into the piano’s wood. Everyone was surprised that I tagged my name and not someone else’s. I didn’t want someone else to suffer for my misdeeds. I wanted to take something, to make it mine.
Kindergarten was also the year my parents signed me up for piano lessons, and every aspect of them was torture. I had to learn to read an entirely new language, stretch my fingers to fit challenging intervals, use my arms with enough force to sound chords but not topple over, grope around blindly while keeping my eyes on the music, and the brain-splitting feat of doing this with each hand separately. Hardest was the very act of sitting down to practice. The physical challenges were more or less surmountable, but tackling them felt lonely and pointless.
I only fell in love with music when I found myself in a sweaty church on the Upper West Side—my first chamber music concert, the final event of a two-week camp the summer before sixth grade. I was nervous. My group, playing a Shostakovich prelude, was the youngest, so we went first. My legs shook uncontrollably before, during, and after I played. I nearly became sick afterward from shame and relief. I was so disappointed that I thought I could never face my new music friends again. From the front row, I plotted my escape route for when the concert finished. But I didn’t run. I watched the whole concert. I watched the big kids breathe in unison, occupying the same disconnected body. I fell in love with music through the way they belonged to each other, the way they saw each other without even looking.
I stuck with that chamber camp. In the twenty chamber groups that have made up my last six years, I’ve performed in six-inch heels and nearly fallen off-stage during my bow. I’ve performed in sneakers and a sweatshirt, on pianos with half the keys broken and the other half wildly out of tune, in subway stations, nursing homes, international orchestras, Carnegie Hall, and on Zoom.
Chamber music doesn’t work when everyone aims to be a star; it works when everyone lets everyone else shine through. It’s more fun that way. A musical notation I rarely saw before playing chamber music is “una corda,” which says to put the soft pedal down and play on only “one string,” usually to highlight another player’s solo. I don’t need to be the loudest to breathe in unison with my friends, to create something beautiful. In that moment, I’m not just Una, I’m the pianist in the Dohnanyi sextet.
I started to love music only when I realized it doesn’t belong to me. I had to stop trying to make piano my own and take pleasure in sharing it. I learned that the rests in my part were as meaningful as the notes; that although my name means “one,” I’d rather not be the “only.” My favorite compliment I’ve received was that I made an audience member feel like they were sitting onstage next to me. This, to me, is the essence of chamber music. To pull your audience onto the stage, trusting your group isn’t enough—you have to fuse together, to forget you exist. For a few minutes, you have to surrender your name.
点评：
Una作为音乐家的个人成长历程使得这篇文书非常成功。她迅速通过有力而内省的陈述关于自己的名字吸引了读者的注意。年幼时将自己的名字和涂鸦覆盖在世界上作为自我表达的愿望增添了好奇心和个性的元素。Una意识到潜在的后果以及她最终想要承担责任的愿望，展示了她的正直和自我意识。
一篇强大的文书包含了脆弱性。Una展示了她的脆弱性，当她探索自己的旅程，描述了弹钢琴时涉及的身体和心理困难，以及孤独和无意义的感觉。她还在面对困难时表现出毅力和决心。
这篇文书在Una描述她在室内音乐会上的转变经历时真正闪耀。她的开放心态和对音乐将人们联系在一起的深刻认识是真正令人感动的。
Una的文书进一步展示了她对音乐的执着，通过在不同场合进行多样化的演出。她理解室内音乐的合作性质，并愿意让其他人闪耀，这展示了Una作为音乐家的成长，以及对通过团队合作创造美的欣赏。
文书的结尾，Una认识到在音乐中创造美不需要变得最响亮或成为明星。她接受了与朋友们一起呼吸的理念，并乐于在让他人闪耀中找到快乐。这个洞察力反映了她作为音乐家的成长，以及她对合作和共享经验重要性的理解。
总的来说，这篇文书成功地传达了Una的个人成长历程、她对音乐的热爱，以及她对合作与无私的转变力量的理解。叙事结构、生动的描述、脆弱性、反思的语气以及吸收读者感官的元素使得Una的文书引人入胜、有影响力，并且令人难忘。
6、Simar's Essay
June 2nd, 2019. The birth of the new me, or "Simar 2.0" as mom called me. However, I still felt like "Simar 1.0," perceiving nothing more than the odd new sensation of a liberating breeze fluttering through my hair.
At age seventeen, I got a haircut for the first time in my life.
As a Sikh, I inherited a tradition of unshorn, cloth-bound hair, and, for most of my life, I followed my community in wholeheartedly embracing our religion. Over time, however, I felt my hair weighing me down, both materially and metaphorically.
Sikhism teaches that God is one. I asked mom why then was God cleaved into different religions? If all paths were equal, I asked dad, then why not follow some other religion instead? My unease consistently dismissed by our Sikh community, I decided to follow the religion of God: no religion. My hair, though, remained; if I knew my heart, then cutting my hair served no purpose.
Nevertheless, that unshorn hair represented an unequivocal beacon for a now defunct identity. I visited my calculus teacher's office hours, only to be peppered by incessant questions about Sikhism. He pigeonholed me into being a spokesperson for something I no longer associated with. Flustered, I excused myself to the bathroom, examining this other me in the mirror.
Why this hair? This question kept coming back.
I ransacked my conscience, and it became painfully obvious. Fear. Fear of what my conservative grandparents might think. Fear of what my Sikh family friends might say. Fear of what my peers might ask. This hair had usurped my sense of self.
So off it came.
A few days after crossing my personal Rubicon, I flew to India to meet my grandparents.
Breezing through the airport, I perceived something remarkably different about my experience: the absence of the penetrating surveillance that had consistently accompanied me for seventeen years. It was uncanny; I felt as an anodyne presence.
Apprehensively entering my grandparents' New Delhi home some eighteen hours later, I found myself enveloped in hugs. Savoring the moment, I failed to probe why. I recognize now that, in spite of their intransigent religious views, they appreciated that I had made a decision about my identity based on belief, based on being true to my evolving sense of self. I think my grandparents found that admirable.
A few weeks later, dad confessed, "I regret that you did not cut your hair earlier."
I have no regrets.
My hair made me work harder than everyone else simply because I looked different. Sanctimonious people lecture us on having pride in our differences, rarely considering the difficulties which being different entails. For example, a fake Facebook page created by an unknown schoolmate with my birthday listed as September 11th, 2001. Dealing with attacks fueled by ignorance never becomes easier, but such aggressions bolster my courage to face what other people think. In standing up for myself, I become myself.
On some level, I know appearances should not matter. Yet, in many uncomfortable ways, they still do, and they give birth to many disparities. Through the simple act of cutting my hair, I left the confines of intolerance, but my experience opened my eyes to those whose struggles cannot be resolved so easily. This motivates me to never be a bystander, to always energetically take the side of the persecuted in the fight against the powerful.
Over my years of shadowing, I have seen a healthcare system where patients receive inferior care solely on the basis of perceived race. Exposure to this institutionalized injustice motivates me to volunteer with a free health clinic to provide glucose screenings to the underprivileged. We must lead with personal initiative first, starting on the individual level and building from there. Only then can we bring about systemic change to reform the institutions and practices that perpetuate prejudice within medicine and without.
点评：
从文书的一开始，Simar将我们带入一个意义深远的成长叙事，尽管如此独特，但普遍而易懂。所选择的主题是理想的，因为它不仅具有反思性，还具有启发性；尽管并非所有读者都必须面对属于锡克教的社会和文化责任和含义，但Simar以强烈而感人的清晰度揭示了这种挣扎。通过他们的故事，他们巧妙地将自己文化和宗教的独特挑战编织成重新夺回自己身份并成为真实自我的有力经历。在这样做的过程中，学生巧妙地展示出他们拥有自我理解、内在力量和成长能力，这些都是我们从出生以来所定义的界限所需的。
Simar以坚定、明确的声音完成了所有这些，积极抵制了夸大其词的诱惑，这种夸张可能会使招生读者印象不佳。相反，文书的语气非常真实，面对挫折和逆境时始终保持诚实和事实陈述，提供了几个现实生活中的经历，比如机场监视、针对性欺凌以及因外貌被老师误解。即便如此，Simar也为符号主义留下了空间，通过强调在他们成长过程中不同阶段的头发状态及其与头发的关系，提供了一个具体的方式来概念化他们的发展。
最后，Simar的文书是一个很好的例子，说明个人陈述并不需要普遍以“快乐结局”为特点，或者中心主题是轻松和感恩，才能展示成长。这位学生在处理我们普遍认为是一个“沉重”主题时做得非常出色，方式深思熟虑、体贴入微，且具有赋予力量的效果。他们通过成功将个人发展中的这一决定性时刻与课外经历以及更进一步的未来目标和抱负联系在一起，成为了美国医疗体系中面临类似偏见的人的倡导者。
7、Amy's Essay
There’s a theory that even though each color has a specific wavelength that never changes, how people perceive a specific color may have subtle differences based on small differences in photoreceptors, and the color that one person might consider red might still be red in another’s mind but could look different— a little duller, softer, cooler. Furthermore, how a person’s brain processes the color may also be linked to that person’s environment. Some studies have suggested that color sensitivity could be linked to one’s native languages: for example, people who speak languages that have specific names for eleven colors are able to easily distinguish those eleven colors, but people who speak languages with fewer color specific words may have a harder time distinguishing them.
So it appears that even at the most elementary level of sight, the world is not an objective thing. Instead, what we know and what we remember can influence what and how we see. The color blue may just be the color blue to a three year old, perhaps her favorite color even, but an adult might connect it to so much more—the lake by his childhood home or the eye color of a loved one.
I first consciously became aware of the power that our experiences have to change perception when I went to turn on a light in my house after learning about photons in class. What had previously been a mundane light suddenly became a fascinating application of atomic structure, and I thought that I could almost perceive the electrons jumping up and down from energy level to energy level to produce the photons that I saw. I then realized that my world had steadily been changing throughout my years in school as I learned more and more. I now see oligopolies in the soda aisles of the supermarkets. I see the charges warring with each other in every strike of lightning, and the patterns of old American politics still swaying things today. Knowledge and making connections with that knowledge is the difference between seeing the seven oceans glittering in the sun and merely seeing the color blue. It’s the difference between just seeing red and seeing the scarlet of roses blooming, the burgundy of blood pumping through veins, and crimson of anger so fierce that you could burst. Knowledge is color; it is depth, and it is seeing a whole new world without having to move an inch.
It is knowledge, too, that can bring people together. I love listening to people’s stories and hearing about what they know and love, because if I learn about what they know, I can learn how they see the world; consequently, since behavior is often based upon perception, I can understand why a person behaves the way they do. On a road trip during the summer, my mom kept looking up at the streetlights lining the highways. When I asked why, she told me that whenever she saw lights by a highway she would wonder if her company had made them. She would guess how tall they were, how wide, and what style they were. She told me that ever since she started working for her company, lights no longer were just lights to her. They were a story of people who first had to measure the wind speed to figure out what dimension the lights had to be, and then of engineers, of money passing hands—possibly even under her own supervision as an accountant—and then of transportation, and of the people who had to install them. I might never perceive lights the exact way my mother does or see her “red” but by hearing her describe what she knows, I can understand her world and realize her role in ours.
Beauty and color are in the world, but it is seeking the unknown and making new connections that unlocks them from their greyscale cage.
点评：
Amy创作了一篇出色而发人深省的文书，以“知识好奇心”为中心，运用生动形象的语言将引人入胜的科学理论和关于颜色和视觉的研究联系起来，展示我们有限或广阔的知识如何塑造我们的现实和经历。整篇文书贯穿着Amy持续不断的热情和成长，她不断努力学习并将知识与周围环境联系起来，寻找隐藏的真相。通过学习他人的知识或故事，我们可以寻求理解他人的行为或感知，这是一个简单而又深刻的宏观主题——对知识、真理、分享思想和经验的好奇心无疑能够将许多人聚集在一起。我想起了相对论的发现者阿尔伯特·爱因斯坦的名言：“我没有特殊的才能，我只是非常充满好奇心。”
这篇文书结构非常出色，每一段进一步阐明了Amy对新信息和联系的渴望。在第1-2段，她以引人入胜的科学背景开始，讲述颜色尽管具有特定的波长，但对于两个人来说，根据他们知道的语言数量，颜色可能在视觉上有所不同。这非常吸引人，让人想要读更多！她巧妙地将关于颜色的理论和研究联系起来，得出结论我们的世界不是一刀切的旅程，我们个人的教育和经历可以改变我们的视角和看法。
在第3段，Amy举出她的第一个“恍然大悟”的时刻，意识到并形象地描述她在教室学到的关于光子粒子真正的科学过程，它们从她的“平凡的灯光”中发出！她那像海绵一样吸收成长中世界中的新数据的头脑，开始将日常活动与宏观理念——经济、自然现象和政治联系起来。这部分阐述非常出色！
第4段是一个变革者。她提出了将教育与社会理解相结合的格言，更进一步启迪我们：教育、开放心态以及了解他人的故事和经历，确实可以在看似不同的世界之间建立桥梁。Amy通过她母亲对高速公路路灯的意识提供了一个最后的例子，展示任何人都可以将他们的知识、经验与环境联系起来。Amy在结束时出色地传授了来自自己生活的智慧和清晰的自省：“寻求未知并建立联系”。
总的来说，Amy构建了一个有力的结论：教育、同理心、倾听、理解和连接，都推动着她对生活的知识好奇心。引用她想要理解所有事物，尤其是人类的愿望，Amy将自己描绘成一个充满好奇心、讨人喜欢的学生——是活跃学术社区的理想成员。
以上是今年哈佛大学公布的七篇优秀文书，供大家参考。对于没有文书创作经验的学生来说，写出优秀的文书是非常有挑战的，如果你还没有思路，可以预约我们导师进行沟通。
另外，刘老师这里还有30多篇哈佛大学往年学生的优秀文书，需要的同学也可以找我领取。
本文授权转自完美留学，一个高端留学咨询机构。
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