好男人都去哪儿了? (w English)

离家那么多年了，家乡早已离我于千里之外，期间的事和人大多通过母亲的口断断续续传递过来，加上点自己的想象，延续着对故乡的人和事的记忆。

 

一日打电话，母亲说起表姐表哥家的女儿们都进入了大龄姑娘行列，没有合适的对象，说现在的男不如女，没有几个男的像样看得上眼的，非懒既猥琐。母亲最后还加了一句，大家都说了，没有合适的，这婚不结也罢。

 

故想起了那几位侄女们，今日想写下其中一位，或许从她身上能看到当代年轻姑娘的影子。

 

小双是我最亲近表姐的女儿，今年30出头了。表姐的脾气大大咧咧，心直口快，侄女却秉承了她父亲的个性，很文静，话不多。在所有的侄子侄女们中，我与小双接触最多的，虽然这样的接触也随着我离开家乡后变得十分有限，但是因为她小时候带她玩过，总是有点感情在，加上每次回家，表姐来看我，有时带上她，又常常说起她。但是，对她的了解其实也就局限于这些零零星星的接触和记忆。

 

转眼间，小双长大成了大姑娘了，大学毕业后，在西子湖畔落下脚，有着一份体面稳定的工作。有一年回家，母亲跟我说起了她，说， "你不知道，小双对象不找，賺的两个钱隔几个周末跑上海看首发电影，还是个十足的发烧友，满世界地跑，去听演唱会。这不，马上又要去西班牙看某某某的演唱会了。" 母亲一边说，一边还不忘挥舞着两只胳膊，学着歌迷们陶醉的样子。我闻之，惊诧万分，始终无法将印象中文静、面带羞涩的小双跟这种狂热歌迷的形象联系在一起。

 

2014年的春节是我来美后第一次回家过年，见到了也回家过年的小双。那晚，我单独拉她进房间，跟她倾心长谈。在我看来，一个没有经历过婚姻、没有后代，不为人妻为人母的人生是不完整的，哪怕婚姻最后解体，没有经历过，就像人生五味，少了一味似的。我不愿意看着眼前漂亮白净的姑娘，错过这最美好的年华，成为别人眼中的剩女。小双跟我聊开来了，说给她介绍的男的，她都看不上眼，自己也不愿意将就。

 

表姐后来跟我说起，小双喜欢看书，读很多书，喜欢哲学，周末常常去城市图书馆泡上一天半天，其他时间上班下班，蜗居在父母一起出资买的小套房间里，加上一年听一两次演唱会，看看电影，日子过得挺潇洒挺滋润的。

 

没想到表姐比我还开明，说，随便她。还说，婚姻如果不幸福，不如不要。细想也没有错，社会早已进入几乎男女同工同酬的时代。以前婚姻可能像一把保护伞，女人栖身于男人，以求经济上的扶持，地位上的提升。现如今，女人自己经济独立，事业有成，婚姻已经失去了原来的意义和重要性了。

 

距离上一次我拉小双长谈已经五年了。今年回家过年，又见到小双，她依然是待嫁闺中，形单影只一个人。 一眼看去，一身呢大衣，高挑颀长的身材没有太多变化，不过细看，我还是发现原来青春靓丽的脸上渐渐失去了一些光泽。

 

联想到上海人民公园相亲这个报道，有很多条件非常好的姑娘, 父母急着帮着找对象，我不禁想弱弱地问一句: 好男人都去哪儿了？

 

朋友拍的上海人民公园相亲角

 

My trip to China would not be complete without seeing relatives and having sumptuous dinners, a tradition that is imbedded in our culture and dies hard. Honestly I don’t like being enveloped in an enclosed room with loud noise and stagnant air, where people eat, smoke, drink and talk. But a get-together might be the most effective way to greet everybody without visiting door to door. Being away for so many years, unfamiliarity breeds, though Mom has been doing a good job filling the gap, telling me the stories about the younger generation and each family during my absence, and I piece them together with my own imaginations.

Xiao Shuang is my niece. She is slim, tall, and pretty. Under her short but stylish hair is a face with fair skin, typical to Southeastern girls in the area.  She is still single in her early 30s, considered to be a “leftover girl” in the public eyes. I remember seeing in year 2014’s Spring Festival when I was home, talking to her into any possible relationship.  Five years have gone by, and she remains unmarried. She never reveals her inner self to me of how it feels being alone. When asked how her routine weekends are like, she would tell me that she whiles them away reading, listening to music or watching movies.  But what mom later told me made my jaw drop.  A quiet shy girl like her turns out to be a frantic fan of certain singers, pursuing the live concerts as far as in Spain.  Additionally, she frequented Shanghai for new movies premiere, staying there overnight just for a movie.

I tried to find commonality among her life and mine, asking myself where I was at her age. In my whole life, I’ve never been to one big live concert. My ideology is more traditional, thinking that life without marriage is never complete, not that your name is not carried on nor your bloodline is not extended, but life should be multifaceted. Being single, you never know what it tastes to have your other half filled, matched or mismatched. 

But I guess she lives her own way, independently and self-fulfillingly. Even though in poeple's eyes she is a 3S women, a term coined in early 2000s standing for  "single, seventies (1970s) (she is 1980s) and stuck", she does not feel herself stuck in middle of anywhere, but carefree without the bondage. With a decent job and income, she does not seem to need a marriage to step up herself into instant wealth or higher social status.  Plus, there is no free lunch in this world, gaining means sacrifice.