（ZT） New Sexual Revolution: Polyamory May Be Good for You

在情人节的情侣到处都是，图像。他们购买彼此的钻石戒指，使的眼睛在昂贵的餐厅吃饭，canoodling对巧克力的草莓和香槟。但是，2个是不是唯一的方式去生活。事实上，估计有4％至5％的美国人正在寻找他们的爱和性的关系之外 - 与他们的合作伙伴的充分的权限。

这些的同意的nonmonogamous关系，作为他们所谓的，不符合文化规范的手把手的夫妇对生活的热爱。他们在一系列令人眼花缭乱的形式，从偶尔“摇摆”在多人之间的长期承诺和开放的关系。现在，社会科学家开始全新的研究为这些类型的关系发现，他们可以挑战方面，我们认为，嫉妒，承诺和爱。他们甚至可能会改变一夫一妻制就更好了。

“在这些关系中的人真正沟通他们沟通的死亡，说：”Bjarne的福尔摩斯，在佛蒙特州尚普兰学院的心理学家。该谈判可能持有教训为的monogamously的倾向，福尔摩斯告诉LiveScience。 “他们有可能做了很多的事情可能的事情，，如果实践一夫一妻制的人谁没有更多的，它们之间的关系实际上是更好的，”福尔摩斯说。 [6科学的提示，成功的婚姻]

检查nonmonogamy

这项研究双方同意nonmonogamy是一个相对较新的领域。在20世纪70年代，合作伙伴交换和摆动（娱乐性的关系外）进入了公众的视线，和心理学家进行了一些研究。但是，该研究是有限的，大多是白色的，异性恋夫妇谁从事在摆动的乐趣，根据伊丽莎白·谢菲尔德，法律的顾问，前佐治亚州立大学教授，写于2011年在中国当代民族志。

这意味着，小的还不知道是谁参与了协商一致的nonmonogamy，为什么。研究主要限于自我报告和调查中，人们可以想有一个积极的自我介绍。然而，一些关键的定义来理解。双方同意nonmonogamy包含许多。它包括性别唯一的的安排，如两个忠诚的伙伴同意，他们正在寻求与其他人发生性关系不附带条件的。它也包括劈腿族，人人参与的同意和知识涉及多个在一次与承诺的关系。

双方同意nonmonogamy不包括作弊，其他未经允许的，其中一个合伙人走了出来。

虽然是没有协商一致nonmonogamy的国家统计数据，密歇根州的心理学家特里 - 康利大学估计，大约有5％的美国人在这些类型的关系在任何给定的时间。从小事收集的数据，科学家们知道女同性恋，男同性恋和双性恋者个人的略多，可能比异性进入nonmonogamous的关系，艾米说摩尔，康利的实验室的研究生。所以，现在看来，高开放性的人格特质，这表明新的经验，在高息的人。

到目前为止，研究表明，受过良好的教育，polyamorous个人持有硕士和博士学位，比一般人群，尚普兰霍姆斯说，正在进行研究的的在线样本超过5000 polyamorous个人的。尽管他们的智慧，他们不是特别有钱的。关于劈腿族的神话]

“这告诉我，这是可能的人往往比金钱更侧重于生活中的经验，”福尔摩斯说道。

嫉妒和爱

你有一个polyamorous关系吗？
当然，越多越好。
没办法，我不能保持一个合作伙伴。
不适合我 - 我嫉妒的类型。
也许，合适的人。
查看结果分享

有一件事似乎团结的polyamorous社会是一个真正的热情深入的情绪。诚信，开放性和通信polyamorous关系的基石，福尔摩斯发现。

“他们谈了很多，他们谈判，他们把自己的感情了很多的表，”他说。

这可能是明智的一夫一妻制夫妻模仿这种密集的对话，福尔摩斯说道。他的工作也表明，基本的情绪非常不同，在polyamorous关系。

以嫉妒。如果你问大多数人，他们会觉得，如果他们的伴侣发生过性关系或从此爱上了别人，反应将非常消极：恐惧，愤怒，嫉妒，排斥反应。问一个polyamorous的人相同的问题，他们很可能会告诉你，他们会很高兴的。这是一个概念，叫做“compersion”，这意味着的合作伙伴时，发现的喜悦感觉爱你之外。这是典型的人可能会后，发现自己最好的朋友取得了她梦寐以求的工作的感觉类似，福尔摩斯说道。但在这种情况下，幸福源于爱人的外部关系。

这一发现挑战许多传统的心理研究，建立了嫉妒如何工作的。

“福尔摩斯说，”事实证明，嘿嘿，人都没有反应，嫉妒，当他们的合作伙伴与别人调情。 “良好的科学试验理论和预测...你需要看它是否拥有即使在极端的情况下。”

在另一个例子中的polyamorous人可能转向典型的心理反应颠倒，福尔摩斯进行了初步分析，约200 polyamorous人，询问他们的嫉妒的感觉。他说，通常情况下，你希望看到，女性更担心情绪不忠，而男性更担心对性不忠。这是没有的情况下之间polyamorous个体。事实上，性和情感的嫉妒率无性别差异被发现。

所有这些都表明，polyamorous人是例外的嫉妒，福尔摩斯说道。但是，当小心翼翼地发生的时候，它的讨论。鼓励审视自己的心理，找出是什么在困扰着他们和他们的需求没有得到满足的人感到嫉妒。然后对（或黑社会，或四）谈判的界限。

安全性行为

福尔摩斯是认真地说他不支持任何特殊的关系结构。但是，在某些情况下，双方同意nonmonogamy可能是一个更负责任的选择 - 至少是一夫一妻制被证明是太强悍了。

密歇根州大学摩尔人已发现欺骗他们的合作伙伴性的人，是不太可能，而这样做是在双方同意的nonmonogamous关系的人相比，从事安全性行为。这项研究结果发表在2012年3月，在性医学杂志，适用于安全套的使用，使用的手套触摸生殖器，性传播疾病和性的历史和消毒的性爱讨论。 [50闷热的事实，关于性别]

“同意的nonmonogamous关系的个人一刀切，还是安全”摩尔告诉LiveScience。第二项研究中，将刊登在即将出版的性健康杂志，发现有“欺骗”的个人谁更有可能正确使用避孕套比实际的骗子。

部分差异的原因可能是双方一致同意nonmonogamous的人往往明确规定，外部性是可以的，只要它是安全的。骗子也更容易比同意的nonmonogamous的人是喝醉酒或药物在其外部接触。最后，跳过安全性可能是一个骗子来合理化自己的行为方式，摩尔说。

“如果他们走了出来，得到了保护，那么它可能会显得更有计划，”她说。 “这可能也是一样，”也许我不应该骗我的合作伙伴，如果我要步行到CVS拿起安全套。“

有许多悬而未决的问题，留下了大约劈腿和其他nonmonogamous安排，但研究拿起，“福尔摩斯说道。本周末，第一届国际学术劈腿会议正在举行的美国加州大学伯克利分校，有可能推动互联网的兴趣劈腿族，谢菲尔德说，谁是在一个书约polyamorous家庭工作。

“互联网已经彻底改变一般为性少数的东西，”谢菲尔德告诉LiveScience。 “它为人们提供一个了解，它为人们提供寻找合作伙伴的方式。”

劈腿族足够复杂和耗时，以至于它可能永远都不会掩盖一夫一妻制，谢菲尔德说。非排他性的钩文化有年轻的的人谈判双方同意nonmonogamy从未像现在这样，她说，越来越多的人都在思考建立自己动手，而不是预先包装的关系。

“我认为，劈腿族共存作为一个不太受欢迎的选择”比一夫一妻制，谢菲尔德说。 “人们将逐步中和了它在不同的时间在他们的生活中。”

On Valentine's Day, images of couples are everywhere. They're buying each other diamond rings, making eyes over expensive restaurant meals and canoodling over chocolate-covered strawberries and champagne. But two-by-two isn't the only way to go through life. In fact, an estimated 4 to 5 percent of Americans are looking outside their relationship for love and sex — with their partner's full permission.

These consensually nonmonogamous relationships, as they're called, don't conform to the cultural norm of a handholding couple in love for life. They come in a dizzying array of forms, from occasional "swinging" and open relationships to long-term commitments among multiple people. Now, social scientists embarking on brand-new research into these types of relationships are finding that they may challenge the ways we think of jealousy, commitment and love. They may even change monogamy for the better.

"People in these relationships really communicate. They communicate to death," said Bjarne Holmes, a psychologist at Champlain College in Vermont. All of that negotiation may hold a lesson for the monogamously inclined, Holmes told LiveScience.

 "They are potentially doing quite a lot of things that could turn out to be things that if people who are practicing monogamy did more of, their relationships would actually be better off," Holmes said. [6 Scientific Tips for a Successful Marriage]

Examining nonmonogamy

The study of consensual nonmonogamy is a relatively new field. In the 1970s, partner-swapping and swinging (recreational sex outside of a relationship) came into the public eye, and psychologists conducted a few studies. But that research was limited to mostly white, heterosexual couples who engaged in swinging for fun, according to Elisabeth Sheff, a legal consultant and former Georgia State University professor, writing in 2011 in the Journal of Contemporary Ethnography.

That means little is yet known about who participates in consensual nonmonogamy and why. Research is largely limited to self-report and surveys, in which people can be tempted to present themselves in a positive light. There are, however, some key definitions to understand. Consensual nonmonogamy contains multitudes. It includes sex-only arrangements, such as two committed partners agreeing that they're allowed to seek no-strings-attached sex with other people. It also includes polyamory, which involves multiple committed relationships at once with the consent and knowledge of everyone involved.

Consensual nonmonogamy does not include cheating, in which one partner steps out without the permission of the other.

While there are no national statistics on consensual nonmonogamy, University of Michigan psychologist Terri Conley has estimated that about 5 percent of Americans are in one of these types of relationships at any given time. From the little data collected, scientists know lesbian, gay and bisexual individuals are slightly more likely than heterosexuals to enter nonmonogamous relationships, said Amy Moors, a graduate student in Conley's lab. So, it seems, are people high in the personality trait of openness, which indicates high interest in new experiences.

So far, studies suggest that polyamorous individuals are well-educated, holding more master's and doctoral degrees than the general population, said Champlain's Holmes, who is conducting ongoing research of an online sample of more than 5,000 polyamorous individuals. Despite their smarts, they're not particularly wealthy. [5 Myths About Polyamory]

"That tells me that it's probably people who are often more focused on experiences in life," than money, Holmes said.

Jealousy & love

Would you ever have a polyamorous relationship?
Absolutely, the more the merrier.
No way, I can't keep up with one partner.
Not for me - I'm the jealous type.
Maybe, for the right people.
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One thing that seems to unite the polyamorous community is a real enthusiasm for digging into emotions. Honesty, openness and communication are cornerstones for polyamorous relationships, Holmes has found.

"They're talking a lot, they're negotiating a lot, they're bringing their feelings to the table a lot," he said.

It's this intensive conversation that might be wise for monogamous couples to emulate, Holmes said. His work also suggests that basic emotions work very differently in polyamorous relationships.

Take jealousy. If you ask most people how they'd feel if their partner had sex with or fell in love with someone else, the responses would be pretty negative: fear, anger, jealousy, rejection. Ask a polyamorous person the same question, and they're more likely to tell you they'd be thrilled. It's a concept called "compersion," which means the joy felt when a partner discovers love outside of you. It's similar to the feeling the typical person might get after finding out their best friend scored her dream job, Holmes said. But in this case, the happiness stems from a lover's external relationships.

That finding challenges much of what traditional psychological research has established about how jealousy works.

"It turns out that, hey, people are not reacting with jealousy when their partner is flirting with someone else," Holmes said. "Good science tests theories and predictions … you need to see if it holds up even in extreme situations."

In another example of polyamorous people potentially turning typical psychological reactions upside-down, Holmes conducted a preliminary analysis of about 200 polyamorous people, asking them about feelings of jealousy. Typically, he said, you'd expect to see that women are more anxious about emotional infidelity, while men worry more about sexual infidelity. That wasn't the case among the polyamorous individuals. In fact, there were no gender differences in rates of sexual and emotional jealousy to be found.

None of this suggests that polyamorous people are somehow immune to jealousy, Holmes said. But when jealously does occur, it's discussed. The person feeling jealous is encouraged to examine their own psyche to find out what's bothering them and which of their needs aren't being met. Then the pair (or triad, or quad) can negotiate boundaries.

Safe sex

Holmes is careful to say he's not advocating any particular relationship structure. But in some cases, consensual nonmonogamy may be a more responsible choice — at least if monogamy is proving too tough.

The University of Michigan's Moors has found that people who cheat on their partners sexually are less likely to engage in safe sex while doing so than are people in consensual nonmonogamous relationships. The findings, published in March 2012 in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, apply to condom use, use of gloves for genital touching, discussion of sexually transmitted disease and sexual history and sterilization of sex toys. [50 Sultry Facts About Sex]

"Individuals in consensually nonmonogamous relationships were just safer across the board," Moors told LiveScience. A second study, to be published in a forthcoming issue of the Journal of Sexual Health, found that individuals who had permission to "cheat" were more likely to use condoms correctly than actual cheaters.

Part of the reason for the difference may be that consensually nonmonogamous people often explicitly stipulate that outside sex is okay, as long as it is safe. Cheaters were also more likely than consensually nonmonogamous people to be drunk or on drugs during their outside encounters. Finally, skipping safe sex may be a way for cheaters to rationalize their behavior, Moors said.

"If they had gone out and gotten protection then it might have seemed more planned," she said. "It might have been like, 'Maybe I shouldn't be cheating on my partner if I have to walk to CVS to pick up condoms.'"

There are many open questions left about polyamory and other nonmonogamous arrangements, but research is picking up, Holmes said. This weekend, the first International Academic Polyamory Conference is being held in Berkeley, Calif. The Internet has likely boosted interest in polyamory, said Sheff, who is working on a book about polyamorous families.

"The Internet has revolutionized things for sexual minorities in general," Sheff told LiveScience. "It offers people a way to find out about it, and it offers people a way to find partners."

Polyamory is complex enough and time-consuming enough that it will likely never overshadow serial monogamy, Sheff said. Nonexclusive hook-up culture has young people negotiating consensual nonmonogamy like never before, she said, and people are increasingly thinking of relationships as build-it-yourself rather than prepackaged.

"I think polyamory will co-exist as a less popular option" than monogamy, Sheff said. "Or people will phase in and out of it at different times in their lives."