沟通高手的宝典:How to Win Friends & Influence People
宝坛的沟通高手很多，比如玛丽，她常常给姐妹们非常好的建议。
我以前看的这本书是中文版，受益良多。中文翻译书名是：人性的弱点。这本书是所有现代沟通指南的鼻祖，第一版发行于1937年。道理浅显，通俗易懂。
有效的沟通首先要取的对方的信任。首先我们要做的是肯定对方的感受，成就，和努力。就拿孩子来说吧，你如果想把他往你要去的方向引导：比如说他不喜欢刷牙，而你想让他主动刷牙。模式就是：妈妈知道刷牙不是你很喜欢做的事情，可是不刷牙牙齿会坏的。妈妈很高兴你那天让妈妈帮你刷牙，你如果可以自己主动刷牙就更好了。
这只是一个非常片面的例子。例子举的是和小孩沟通。和配偶对大人的沟通其实大同小异。男人通常不喜欢拐弯摸角，对于你的不满，暗示和发脾气其实作用不大甚至会起反效果。拿洗碗这件事来说，我处理得不好。我的方法，我一直抱怨他洗碗把水龙头开得太大了，老是搞得到处都是水。这个是一个非常没有效率的抱怨，因为没有人喜欢听别人抱怨，尤其是被抱怨的人干的活被批评了。这样很容易产生逆反心理，心想：哼，我洗碗你还抱怨，老子不干了。
正确的处理方式：老公，谢谢你为我们洗碗，真是洗得又快又好！我有一个小小的建议，你说你能不能洗碗的时候，把水开小一点，水开大了，容易喷出来，还要花工夫去抹，化不少时间呢。这样说，避免指责但是又明确的表达了你的意愿，比抱怨的效果好。
但是，这个东西不是万灵丹，不是１００％有效的。对俺家LG无效，因为他洗碗就是要把水开大了才爽。提了几次，我也就算了。夫妻嘛，就是互相忍受一些对方的缺点。对不欣赏的事情视而不见，那样才处得下去。
另外还有刘墉的＂我不是教你诈＂系列也是很好的待人处世指南。向大家推荐。
说话的方式影响效果。书里说得非常清楚。我在不断的学习中，和大家共勉吧。
How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie
This is a must read for people who are interested in sharpening their communication skills. I read it when I was a high schooler. I plan to read it again as it has been a very long time and I would like to revisit this book. Someone excepted parted of the book in Amazon.
THE FUNDAMENTALS
"Speak ill of no man and speak all the good you know of everyone."
People react very badly to criticism; don't do it, not to their face nor behind their back ... especially not behind their back.
Say "Thank You".
Express appreciation. People yearn, yearn to be appreciated.
Talk about what people want and help them get it.
"Arouse in others an eager want."
Corollary: let others take credit for your ideas; they'll like your ideas a lot more if they believe them to be their own.
WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
Be happy to see people.
Greet everyone you meet and show an interest in them. Remember the things that are important to them.
Smile!
Remembers peoples' names!!
Remember it, use it when talking to them. A person's name sounds beautiful to them.
Draw people out.
Encourage them to talk about themselves and their interests.
Actively research the other person's interests.
Every person you meet feels themselves superior to you in some way.
Strain to find out what that is and recognize their importance. Talk to people about themselves and they will listen to you for hours.
WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING
Don't argue!
Give in! Agree that the other person is right; often they are and if they aren't, you'll never convince them of it by arguing.
Don't ever tell a person they're wrong.
They may be but telling them so is always counterproductive. It is difficult for a person to admit to themselves that they are wrong; harder stillto admit it to others.
If you know you're wrong, admit it.
Openly and freely admit whenever you're wrong. And always leave open the possibility that you're wrong even of you think you aren't.
Friendliness begets friendliness.
Always begin that way. Don't accuse.
Never neglect a kindness.
Look for ways to do or say something nice.
Start out by emphasizing areas of agreement.
When a person has said "no" it's hard to get them to change even if they know they're wrong.
Let the other person do most of the talking.
Listen patiently and don't interrupt. Let your friends be better than you.
Let people come to your conclusions.
First,tell me what you expect of me; then tell me what I can expect of you.People will generally live up to the commitments they make to you aslong as they came up with them on their own.
Think always in terms of the other person's point of view.
Where they stand depends on where they sit; figure out where they're sitting.
Think of the people you will ever meet are dying for sympathy.
Give it to them and they will love you.
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
Dramatize your ideas.
"Don't use logic; tell stories." Make your ideas visible, concrete. Bear in mind that people don't know until you show them what you mean.
Stimulate in others their innate desire to excel (perhaps through a friendly challenge or through competition).
BE A LEADER
Don't go sailing into difficult interpersonal situations with guns blazing. You'll always get a negative reaction.
Change "but" into "and".
Be indirect in your criticism. Praise before you condemn.
Ask questions rather than giving orders.
Be very careful to help others preserve their dignity.
People crave recognition: praise the smallest improvement and praise every improvement.
Treat people as though they had the virtues you wished they possessed.
Give them a reputation to live up to and they will work like crazy to live up to it.
Praise the good; minimize the bad: encourage.
Make achievement seem possible. Take and encourage little baby steps. Seek out even the most insignificant of successes.
Napoleon: I could conquer the world if only I had enough ribbon.