Chinese 101, a Comedy
作者：麦克西 by MichaelC
Dressed in a traditional Chinese dress, Michael walks onto the stage with a tablet computer in his hand.
“Good evening. Thank you for the introduction. My job tonight is to make you laugh.”
“My name is Michael Chang. I was not born as Michael Chang. I was born as Chang Hsiangpin.” Michael writes his first name, Hsiangpin, on his tablet, which shows on the projector screen wirelessly.
“You see, in
“ At one time, I introduced myself to a new friend I met,”
“Hello, my name is Hsiangpin.”
“He replied, oh, really? My name is whisky.”
“When I was a teaching assistant, I spelled my name on the black board on my first class and asked my class to call me Hsiangpin. One student raised her hand and asked, which year?”
“Needless to say, she didn’t get good grades from me.”
“ When I started working in the
“There are many differences between Chinese and English. Today, Chinese classes for youth and adults are still a big part of our center.
“Tonight, you guys are in for a special treat. I am going to teach you some basic Chinese, for free - if I hear some applause.”
“First of all, Chinese is not alphabetic. There is no such a thing as Chinese alphabet. You guys are so lucky to have only 26 alphabets when growing up. In Chinese, we have thousands common characters that we must memorize. Most of the characters are based on a symbol system. It must be a good artist who invented these Chinese characters thousands years ago. For example:”
“This is sun,” Michael writes on his tablet. 日
“This is moon.” 月
“This is a mountain.” 山
“You see how easy and how much fun it is to learn Chinese? If you can draw, you can learn Chinese. Some of the Chinese characters are actually very funny.”
“These two characters mean lady , 女子 . But if you combine these two characters into one, 好 , it means nice or good. What does that mean? It means Chinese ladies are always nice.”
“On the other hand, man does not fare that well.
“What is this? A rice field. 田
“What is this? A muscle man. 力
“You combine these two, a man working in a rice field. 男
“Yes, that is the Chinese character for man. Now you understand why Chinese man, by definition, always work hard .
“Let’s take a look at the character, home, in Chinese: 家
“This is a roof of a house. Inside the house, there is a pig. Yes, if you have a pig under a roof, that is a home in Chinese.
“I think that is too old fashioned. Who has a pig under in their house any more ? P lease raise your hand if you do.
“I guessed it right. No one. So, I think it’s time to make some updates to the thousand-year old Chinese characters.”
“For home, I think it should be a roof, a TV, a coach, and, of course, a coach potato. There you go. That is the modern version of Chinese character for home.”
“Do you know how
“That is right. We started as a Chinese school thirty years ago in 1979. Today Chinese school is still one of the largest programs at the center. We offer classes for kids, adults, and Chinese as second language.”
“These days, many people visit
“Let me tell you a story. A good friend of mine, whose name I am not going to reveal to save his embarrassment. Let’s just say, his name is Frank, sitting in that corner.”
“He is an accountant. His company wants him to spend a month in their Chinese office in
“On his first day, he explained to the teacher what he wanted to learn. The teacher said, ‘ okay, let’s learn how to write number one today. ’ ”
“Here is how we write one in Chinese.” 一
“Frank went back and practiced and practiced.”
“On the second day, the teacher taught him how to write the number two in Chinese.”
“Here is how we write number two. ” 二 .
“ Frank thought, hmm, that was easy. So he mastered the number two.”
“On the third class, the teacher taught him how to write number three in Chinese.”
“Why are you laughing? Are you ahead of me?”
“You guessed it right. The number three in Chinese writes like three lines.” 三
“That was just amazing to Frank. He said to himself, ‘Wow, wait a minute. I figured it out. There is a pattern here. I know how Chinese numbers work now. I don’t need to take more classes. I am too busy. I can do this by myself.’
“So he quit the class . A few weeks later, off he went to
“On the second night in
“Frank replied. I am writing a check in Chinese for the company for ten thousand dollars.”
“Frank was writing and counting ten thousand lines on the check book .”
Michael bowed and waived to the Gala, “I am glad you laughed. Thank you again for attending our Gala. I hope you are having a great time.”