The Biology I know (Original)
This article is written based on personal experience, and I have no
intention to make it as a generalized evaluation of basic biomedical
research and people within.
Not quite a while ago, I was a self-driven and hard-working postdoc.
Graduated from a top school with a record of productive research and working
in a top lab, I was so sure that, through my honest work and possibly a
little bit of luck, I would be able to land a faculty position someday. Now,
I am sure I don’t want to continue this career any more.
When I joined my PhD lab, I adored my boss – an influential figure who did
some interesting research long time ago. However, after six years of study,
I left the lab with very little respect for him, although he might be a
decent person as long as your performance is acceptable. Almost everyone in
the lab felt depressed (except his pets), and several of them experienced
deteriorating health. Eventually everyone knows that he is a self-absorbed,
hypocritical and indifferent person, and none truly respects him (except
those who don’t know him personally).
I left and joined an extremely famous lab. At the beginning I felt great –
compared with my previous lab, this was heaven. Everyone is nice (maybe
except one or two, but I really cannot ask for more), and many of them
become good friends. Having been tortured for my entire PhD study, I became
a diplomatic and observant person, and soon realized how much pain they have
been through. In addition, one of the few things that really bother me is
that almost everyone comfortably believes they are very good. I, however,
started to contemplate the meaning of my research and life.
1. What is the mission of research?
Research is about making discoveries. However, I found in my current lab, it
is all about making and publishing stories in top-tier journals. While this
philosophy is not necessarily wrong – papers determine the results of
grant applications, and I have seen this in other labs – many average
papers from big labs were published in Cell, Nature and Science, I don’t
like it. Scientists, as arguably the brightest people on earth and
especially those with reputation and resources, should be visionary leaders,
not merely paper-producers. My previous and current labs spend about 6
million dollars per annum in research, yet what is the impact of their
research? Very limited – I just could not see the impact proportionate to
the amount of money spent.
I shall emphasize here that I did see some labs, which are doing great
research. I also understand that it might take years or decades for basic
biomedical research findings to be transformed into something grand. I never
doubted the mission of NASA, which spends billions of dollars every year.
2. Mentor or slave driver?
“Slave driver” might be a little bit extreme. However, I have no doubt
that most PIs are insulting the word “mentor.” A few years back, I adored
so many PIs. Then over these years, I saw the majority of them fall from my
divine temple, through their own flaws. Some of them are very successful
from a practical point of view, but I have no respect for them. Only few of
them are truly decent people.
They only care about data. They don’t care about your future or feelings no
matter how hard you have been working. Life is never fair – mostly likely
most of us learned this the hard way. It is true that at the end of the day,
only less than 10% of postdocs will be able to land faculty positions, but
this does not mean that postdocs and students should not enjoy their work
and life. As mentors – if they call themselves this, they should listen and
develop the management and leadership skills to build a collegial and
friendly environment and meanwhile effectively motivate people.
3. Who we – students and postdocs – are?
Spending so many years in the ivory tower, a lot of students and postdocs
have developed the so called “tunnel vision.” To me, life is a long
process of discovering and improving myself and searching for happiness.
Life is a wonderful thing that is more than the lab, home, or grocery
shopping. We are individuals occupied by our own business, but we should
also have a broad perspective of the world, community, and life. I enjoyed
volunteering very much – but in fact, these whom I have been helping are
actually helping me. Because of them, I realized my weaknesses and started
to feel compelled to learn new knowledge and skills.
More importantly, a lot of scientists are socially awkward. Everyone is
flawed more or less, and I am of no exception. However, when I am looking at
my colleagues, I am tortured – they are nice people but they are so not
prepared for the competitive reality outside of campus. I once worked with a
girl from a very prestigious university in China, who was so self-centered
that she hurt a lot of people and everyone else hated her, yet her behavior
was tolerated by the boss. I also feel puzzled while another girl – after
suffering so much in the lab – still adores the boss blindly. It is
horrible to see that people can become so focused.
I am a lost soul on so many levels, and a lot of human behavior are beyond
what I can fathom. However, there are also quite a few things that I am
absolutely certain about: (1) I don’t want to and cannot be my bosses,
although you may say that they are very successfully scientists; (2) if
everything that I am experiencing now is just a means to the end, I doubt
that it’s worth it; and (3) I am not getting any younger.
However, at the end of the day, who cares about what I think? After all, I
am just nobody. Au revoir…
