【 以下文字转载自 Military 讨论区 】
发信人: wayofflying (小破熊), 信区: Military
标 题: 献给美国人和美国人的外交：How To Ruin Your Life？
发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Fri May 13 22:22:24 2011, 美东)
How To Ruin Your Life
15. Be oblivious, ignorant, apathetic, be totally unconcerned with what's
going on in the world. It will all sort itself out without you anyway.
14. Be passive, watch a lot of television.
13. Be fake, superficial, and disingenuous. Get your sense of personal
identity through your material possessions.
12. Have a sense of entitlement, a huge chip on your shoulder. Look down
your nose at those turds and consistently let them know what you really
think of their sorry, useless asses.
11. Be spiteful. Harbor resentments. Live in the past. Hold onto grudges
as if they were little life-rafts on the Titantic.
10. Be selfish. Drive a gas-guzzling SUV so that The United States of
Amerigo Vespucci remains dependent on third world tribes and Bedouins that
sponsor terrorism.
9. Be bitter, unsatisfied, ungrateful. Complain about everything. Be a
hater. The glass is always half empty and the sooner those fucking morons
realize it the better.
8. Be prejudiced. Make yourself feel superior to all others by verbally
degrading them - especially minorities.
7. Be a hypochondriac. Whine alot. Cry alot. Diagnose yourself with
numerous psychological afflictions that you read about in Allure Magazine -
and don't be afraid to tell people that you have ADD, General Anxiety
Disorder, you could be slightly Borderline and there's a hint of Bipolarity
on your mother's side. Embrace learned helplessness and make others feel
sorry for you.
6. Live in the future. Imagine and fantasize that the future will be better
and more prosperous than the present. Hence, go wildly into debt - because
you feel so miserable right now that there could not possibly be a bottom
beneath the one you're already at. Don't think that that $100 blouse is
actually costing you $124 ($100 plus the $24 per year your maxed-out credit
card charges you in interest), think about how much self-esteem and self-
worth you will acquire with a mere swipe of plastic. Bet the farm that you
will happy in the future when you're rich.
5. Be irresponsible, ineffectual, indifferent. Be late for all meetings.
Show them that your time is infinitely more valuable than theirs.
4. Have no personal integrity. Steal, lie, cheat - do whatever necessary to
get ahead. Do unto others as if you were constantly staking your claim for
status and personal identity. Hey, they would fuck you if they had the
chance so you may as well fuck them first. Fuck 'em all. Right?
3. Be self-destructive. Drink, smoke, snort, shoot - party like it's 1999 -
and make sure you do it while driving at high speeds around crowded cities
，especially foreign cities. When a cop pulls you over, be belligerent -
ask him, "What's your fucking problem, pig???!!!"
2. Make it difficult or even impossible for others to love you. Be
obnoxious, be aloof, be fear-based - combine all of the best traits from the
above steps and embody them to the fullest extent humanly possible. If you
're really truly committed to ruining your life, sheer irresponsibility,
ignorance, and indifference will not suffice: you must pro-actively work to
ostracize and offend all other sentient beings until you've succeeded in
alienating yourself 100%.
1. Try not to be born, try to be an abortion, try to miscarry yourself, try
to not even be a glint in your father's eye. If all that fails, kill
yourself as quickly as possible.
(Special bonus points for all those who in the face of complete orgasmic
blissful ectasy are able to utter the words, "This too shall pass...")
