My second article contains more vitriolic vituperations against Asian
parenthood and some disgraceful characters in the Asian camp.
As mentioned in the previous critique, traditional Asian parents are
fucking up our generation. I have arrived at the conclusion that these
parents have no idea what they're trying to do but want to force their
philosophies down our throats anyway. Allow me to provide you with some
puzzling paradoxes:
1. Asian parents try to assimilate into the mainstream society but
continue to behave in their ethnocentric manners:
I know a vast group of Chinese immigrants who vainly try to fit into the
American society by acting Westernized. These ridiculous schemes include
watching blockbusters or operas to prove that they appreciate American
culture, trying to use English words (incorrectly) while talking to
fellow Chinese friends, naming their children James or Brian, going to
concerts (Philharmonic or something) or hockey games, debating American
politics like they're experts when they are not even familiar with the
Constitution yet, etc. Basically, it is an esteem-induced psychosis
where Asians voluntarily forget about their own ethnic identities to
become whitewashed.
Some may argue that this is the way it should be. After all, we're in
the United States so we should act like White people. However, the
aforementioned Asians continue to act Asian in the most fundamental
aspects of life. Notice the house still smelled like mothballs; African-
Americans are still being viewed as racially inferior even though
desegregation began forty years ago; rich Asians still refuse to donate
to charity and manage to save $50 by exploiting loopholes in the tax
forms; Asian households are still reluctant to fraternize with their
neighbors. Little things like this determine how much our parents have
been Americanized. Conclusion: not much.
The naivete of traditional Asians are also incomprehensible. Even though
Asian Americans are a minority group like everyone else, these
traditionalists possess an unfounded sense of superiority. They think
that they're the true workers that move America forward. They think they
are so elite compared to the Mexicans at Taco Bell. Nevertheless, there
is a much larger Hispanic representation in the government than Asians.
Why? Asian communities are so disunited it's unbelievable. It's indeed
rare to see a cohesive pan-Asian movement to force recognition by the
white majority due to our intrinsic political, economical, sociological,
and religious differences. There are always backstabbers and saboteurs.
There are always shady profiteers and secessionist traitors. My question
is: how are we supposed to elevate our political status with all such
dissension and disinterest?
Furthermore, we have a sizeable group of 'assimilated' Chinese people
who think they're not going to internment camps when nativism or war
emerges in the future. Wrong! Not only are they going to be deported en
masse, but Japanese, Taiwanese, Cambodians, Filipinos, and Korean people
too. Do you think Americans will be knowledgeable enough to tell the
difference? Perhaps we should bear that in mind before impugning
homosexuals and radicals as the true outcasts of American society.
2. All right, enough boring ranting about politics. My second point:
Asian parents try to act cool even when they are not.
Traditional Asian parents base their high expectations of their progeny
upon some (fabricated) personal high achievements. These people always
reminisce about their impoverished backgrounds and a bittersweet saga of
from rags to riches. Some examples including acing every test in middle
school and feeding the family at the ripe age of 6. Stuff also includes
studying for at least 12 hours a day while helping the family with
housework.
I question the veracity of these parental remarks. Coincidentally, you
never get to hear about stuff like how they shoplifted quail eggs,
cheated on tests, failed exams, got beat up in alleys, or masturbated in
private. Asian parents are the equivalent of saints in religious
scriptures. Sometimes I wonder if our generation just sucks ass because
only a small group of us could boast about a perfect K12 academic
record.
This view is implausible due to genetics. If every Asian father and
every Asian mother are Newtonian geniuses with IQs way off the chart,
how come some Asian kids are total losers and dumb-asses? (I will
discuss more about these disgraces later.)
Anyhow, our pseudo-brilliant Asian parents expect the following
accomplishments from us within a time span of twenty years: piano/violin
virtuoso, academic guru, math wiz, ambidextrous work drone,
doctor/lawyer, and billionaire. Just how are we supposed to do this?
Answer: by working hard all day, not talking to friends, not dating, not
video gaming, not jacking off, and following some antiquated Confucian
moral guidelines. These unspecified encouragements shackle the normal
Asians to the pole of academia and suppress our chance to develop
personal relationships at a reasonable age. We did not propagate the
nerdy Asian myth; our parents did. What is the result? Some dedicated
Asian kids become heartbroken and lose interest somewhere along their
tortuous academic journey. In summary, there exists a clear demarcation
between being a responsible parent and being a domineering tyrant. A
responsible parent should give insightful advice to the children while
allowing them to make decisions independently. Not many Asian kids have
the perspicacity to draw the line; they continue to march towards the
unattainable mirage under hypnosis.
I maintain my view that, in order to develop the productive Asian
mentality illustrated by the Behavioral Paradigm, self-improvement, not
parental-enforced improvement, should be the foundation philosophy of
life. One is most motivated in pursuing his or her own dream guided by a
set of rational operating parameter
3. This one has nothing to do with paradoxes. I just want to say Asian
congregations are boring as hell - do not hang out with a large group of
Asian adults or suffer the consequences! I must warn the readers to
eschew such occasions in order to fully maximize the enjoyments in life.
A typical Asian get-together is characterized by sexual segregation. The
Asian men would bond with other guys and try to demonstrate their
encyclopedic grasp of abstruse knowledge. The (married) women, on the
other hand, would gossip and then brag about their houses and/or
children. I emphasized 'married women' because the unmarried ones would
probably be appalled by the Asian guys and seek seclusion elsewhere.
A typical Asian get-together is also synonymous with exchange of
(falsified) military intelligence. The standard family strategy is: 1.
the husband must talk with other men and isolate the women for a
surgical attack; 2. the wife interrogates the isolated women and tries
to extract valuable information KGB style; 3. the wife feeds the
interrogated women some exaggerated, fictitious data about how she is
better off than everyone else; 4. the wife leaves with the husband,
conveniently grabbing some free food before departure.
One dilemma with this tactic is that a casual chat could transform into
a boast fest within minutes. You'll always end up hearing stuff about
kids going to Harvard or Yale before finding a panacea for mankind.
Conversely, you'll never end up hearing stuff about kids smoking weed or
dropping out of college like their White companions. If you go to the
guy's section, you'll hear about detailed conjectures on how the
universe was created and how Timor has no chance for reunification. In
layman's terms, Asian meetings are bland and predictable as fuck. Do not
attend if you are a sane person.
Now, let's move onto the more interesting segment!
Some people are the disgraces to the Asian camp. They are the Asians who
ruined others' chances to enchant inamoratas with their own endemic
imbecility. These buffoons take pride in stigmatizing the Asian image.
Meet the Fockers:
1. Asian dumb-asses who think they are cool by pretending to be ghetto
"AZN".
2. Asian dumb-asses who think they are popular by smoking weed and other
drug paraphernalia.
3. Asian dumb-asses who think they are masculine by deliberately being
mean and coarse.
4. Other Asian dumb-asses.
Why are these people so detrimental to the collective hygiene and
welfare of Asian Americans?
The answer is simple. The general stereotype of Asian boys is that we
are all frigging nerds. It's true: we have countless Asian boys who fit
perfectly into the perceived descriptions. These are the people who
could speak the Black Speech of Mordor and comprehend what string theory
is all about. These are the people, when given a few planks and asked to
build a fence surrounding the largest area, would make a circle around
himself and proclaim that he's actually standing on the outside. These
people are also prone to make statements such as 'WTF LOL Linux r0x0rs
my b0x0rs, with Warez P2P I'm finally able to dl JFK and RFK DCDP some
OB/GYN inside LAX, CA from GRU LAN. Send me the decoded file via MILSAT
BT WYSIWYG ASAP and Nero it onto some DVD before I get disconnected
because I'm an l33t h4x0r. All your base are belong to us ROTFLMFAO.'
They are utterly hopeless.
Our salvation lies in the faint hope that some liberal girls might enjoy
nerddom, find soft-spoken, gentle Asians attractive, or simply need us
to balance their checks. The dumb-ass Asians totally screwed us over.
Imagine that Asian behavior can be placed on a spectrum. The nerds
occupy the far right. Our hope is that we stand somewhere to their left
to attract the opposite sex. The dumb-asses ruined our chances with
their perdition. By smoking weed, yelling obscenities, rapping like an
intoxicated Uzbek shepherd, and just being retarded, these people
positioned themselves on the far left of the spectrum and boxed the sane
survivors in. Their coarseness disillusioned the girls into thinking
that Asians are either lifeless nerds or bellicose retards. There is no
middle ground. We're all hemmed into some pre-made casket by extremists
from both sides.
I used to pity these fools. Asian Ebonics is reserved for intellectuals
who have something profound to say. The standard grammatical format is "
[slang], [esoteric remark]." For example, 'Dude, I fucking synthesized
artificial chloroplasts from recycled material' or 'Yo dawg, the first
few lemmas in the Riemann Hypothesis are not that hard to prove fo sho.'
In contrast, comments such as 'Dude, who stole my lighter?' or 'Dude,
can I borrow some dough for Diamonds?' are unacceptable. Some guys also
look more appealing than others when smoking stuff. Girls concede that
Brad Pitt was still hot even when he's smoking in movies. Compare that
with scrawny Asian helots sharing a match while shriveling away with
tuberculosis. The pertinent question to ask, when faced with these guys,
should be, 'Which corrective labor camp were you guys released from?'
Then they'll threaten to maul you with bony fists and skeletal arms. You
could subsequently pull out a legalized Uzi and gleefully observe them
dispersing like clouds before rough winds. Finally, women like people
with ambitions and goals in life. Who the hell, other than blank souls
in league with Anna Nicole Smith, would want to spend time with some guy
in a rehabilitation center?
Essentially, a large number of Asian males are being socially raped by
these irresponsible "gangstas" and "rapstas". These normal, dedicated
guys have a right to be bitter at this defilement. To the fellow Asians
who fell out of love and many others who still have to resort to
Victoria's Secret catalogs to release their sexual frustration: may the
Force be with you!
