1. A man applied for a job as an industrial spy. Together with several other
applicants, he was given a
sealed envelope and told to take it to the fourth floor. As soon as the man
was alone, he stepped into an
empty hallway and opened the envelope. Inside, a message read: "You're our
kind of person. Report to the
fifth floor Personnel Office."
2. Employer to applicant: "In this job we need someone who is responsible."
Applicant: "I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went
wrong, they said I was
responsible."
3. "Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had ten different jobs in four months."
4. Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked a
young applicant fresh out of
Business School, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"
The applicant said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on
the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks
vacation, 14 paid holidays, full
medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a
company car leased every
two years - say, a red Corvette?"
The applicant sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
5. In a job interview for policemen the applicants are shown a profile
picture of a man, and the interviewer
says, "The job that you're applying for requires powers of observation.
Make one observation about this
man."
The first applicant enters and says, "This man has just one ear."
"Get out!!" screams the interviewer.
The second applicant enters and says, "This man has one ear."
"Get out!!" screams the interviewer again.
Then the third applicant gets up to go in for his interview. The first two
guys are out there and they tell him,
"The guy that's giving the interview doesn't like to hear that the man in
the picture has one ear."
"Thanks for the tip" says the third applicant.
So the third applicant enters, stares at the picture for a while and finally
he says, "This man wears contact
lenses."
The interviewer is impressed and says, "Excellent observation. Tell me, how
could you tell?"
So the guy says, "Well, this man has just one ear, how could he wear glasses
?"
6. HR Manager to job candidate: "I see you've had no computer training.
Although that qualifies you for
upper management, it means you're under-qualified for our entry level
positions."
7. Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the
personnel manager's office.
"What is the meaning of this?" the manager asked. "When you applied for the
job, you told us you had 5
years' experience. Now we discover this is the first job you've ever had."
"Well," the young man said, "in your ad you said you wanted somebody with
imagination."
