(no Chinese input system here)
Maybe you and I encountered parents from different cultures and generations,
but the parents I met mostly blamed their children for their lack of
attention and hyperactivity. They also threatened to removed the kids'
favorite extracurricular activities if they don't "pull their acts together.
" (what I consider the worst possible parental decision for children having
ADHD like behaviors.) The results were distraught children who still could
not focus much more, rather more anxious than they were, medicated or not.
I am sure I have not seen the the worst ADHD cases, but the worst I've seen
was really a spoiled kid who had no idea about boundaries and thought he
could manipulate anyone. He had been put on the pill so he could stay "
mellow" and out of trouble. This was great for everyone, except for the kid
on meds, because he kept blaming his ADHD and medication for everything he
did and didn't do, and getting absolutely no help from adults about his bad
behaviors which many were his conscious decisions, not the result of his
diagnosed disease.
Regarding LZ's nephew, I don't think we are looking at a little destroyer
here, but you are right, it was hasty to say that he doesn't need a doctor,
especially we know so little about the case. But I don't think it's healthy
to think every out-of-ordinary and undesirable behavior/tendency (whatever
the parents define it to be) means there is a problem and there should be a
scientific fix. I am sure you agree with this.
A lot of times, parents want to hear a diagnosis, because they think once
they do, they will have an answer, a closure of some sort, so then they can
move on and deal with the problem. Plus, someone will tell them what to do.
But is it REALLY the right answer?? Are these answers from an expert of this
the disease or experts of YOUR children?
What also might be comforting for parents to know is that, well, if they
followed the expert's advice, and things still don't work they way they
should, then at least there is someone to blame, right? "I did my best, kid.
I didn't fail you, science did."
I am sure a parent as observant as DarkMatter, who has the critical thinking
skills to figure things out for herself, balancing tender loving care with
other forms of therapies and treatments (I am being totally sincere, not
at all sarcastic, I read most of your posts). But most people out there
don't have the maturity to take matter into their own hands, observe and be
patient, take time to educate themselves, accept their children
wholeheartedly, and allow their children lead them into a new world and a
new perspective.
To be frank, none of the kids I encountered became better learners because
they took the medicine, they may have temporarily improved their coping
skills in schools, but what they really lack and need is to learn how to
learn based on their true characters and strengths. These are kids with
spontaneity, creativity, and great INTUITIONS (which are some highly
desirable intellectual abilities), waiting to be discovered, tapped and
developed. Utilize them!! Don't nip them in the bud, because without these,
these kids would wither away. In most cases, it's a gift not a curse, and
don't let school and our stubbornness turn it into a curse , please.
-- from a young at heart with a minor challenge in paying attention, but
learned (and still learning) to live life the fullest with this blessing.
