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16岁男孩放火烧家后跳楼自杀,真相让人警醒:多少孩子,都毁在了这一点!

16岁男孩放火烧家后跳楼自杀,真相让人警醒:多少孩子,都毁在了这一点!

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又是一条年轻的生命逝去.....四川自贡一名16岁的男孩小杰(化名)放火烧家后,跳楼坠亡。

又是一条年轻的生命逝去.....四川自贡一名16岁的男孩小杰(化名)放火烧家后,跳楼坠亡。

眼睁睁着儿子停止呼吸,鲜血从草坪石板往外流淌的样子,男孩妈妈当场崩溃,在现场痛哭流涕。



据知情人透露,这次中考成绩出来,小杰的分数不高,中午妈妈批评了几句,两人便吵起架来,情绪激动下,小杰要去跳楼,被妈妈硬拉了回来。

然而“战争”并没有随之停止,到了晚上,他们又吵了起来。这一次,小杰被愤怒悲伤的情绪淹没,谎说自己要回屋拿眼镜,便反锁上门,放了火,从窗户一跃而下。


一次争吵引发的学案,不尤人人心头一紧!接受孩子的不完美,健康比分数更重要



然而越来越多的孩子开始有着一颗易碎的”玻璃心“。


遇到挫折的时候,反应小点的就是哭闹撒泼或者垂头丧气;反应大的就是对自己失掉信心,甚至绝望到跑去自杀。


像之前南京就发生过一则新闻,一个9岁的男孩,因撞碎了学校玻璃,害怕被家人老师批评,竟然以死谢罪。


当时男孩还留下了手写遗书 :“奶奶,我前天把学校的玻璃撞碎了,我知道要被惩罚,所以我跳楼了。”



男孩这封夹杂着拼音的遗书,虽然只有短短几行,却让人看到窒息。


太让人痛心了!只是一块玻璃碎了而已,孩子怎么就受不住了,傻乎乎地用命去抵?


这样的新闻不是个例,近几年,经常能够看见孩子因父母批评管教,而选择用激烈的方式反抗的事件:


一个10岁的男孩,因为家人不让玩手机,直接从6楼跳下去,极力抢救后还是没有救回来;


河南信阳一女孩因为高考没考好,害怕父母责骂,跳河自杀身亡;


17岁少年在被母亲训斥之后,跳桥自杀……

 这些日子天热,纵然是杜睿再宠杜云莲,这般时节也不禁对杜云莲的管束严了几分,那些爬高摸底的事情,也都不让她做了,杜云莲自己也觉得炎热难当,这几日除了来杜睿的书房听他授课,便是闷在自己的闺房中,心里早就开始长草了。   一进书房,都没想起来要向李承乾行礼,便扑到了杜睿的身边,抱着杜睿的胳膊,大吵起来。   李承乾也不介意,反而十分喜欢杜云莲的童趣,他看重杜睿,自然对杜睿府上的人,也青眼有加,杜云莲又是杜睿的嫡亲妹妹,李承乾来的时候,也经常拿些宫中有趣的东西来哄杜云莲开心。   “小莲儿!不好好在房中待着,跑到这边做什么?”杜睿说着,还宠溺的帮杜云莲擦去额头上的汗水。   杜云莲委屈道:“三哥!在房里太无趣了,我让你陪我去玩!”    杜睿有心答应,但是一想到外面那能把人都烤出油来的天气,赶紧换了心思,道:“这大热天的,人出去站着都要流汗,还能玩什么?听三哥的话,去找你姐姐们,也学着做些女红!”    杜云莲一听这个,小脑袋摇得好似拨浪鼓一般,道:“不去!不去!要是去学女红,我还不如回房睡觉!三哥!要不然你给我讲故事吧!”这首歌”。红断断续续地说。我忽然明白了什么,对他悄悄地说:“这和钟楼正中午时放的音乐一样”!红惊喜的盯着我,并召集了所有成员(黑、蓝、黄),并叫我绿,我们一起在钟楼那里观 鬼子士兵听到联队长命令以后,个个加快了吃饭速度。其实他们也很恼火,这样来来回回的让他们感到很烦,几次都有人想不顾一切的冲上去,但是长官总是命令不许追击。这次长官终于下令消灭敌人了,他们心中的闷气也消除了些,一个个都卯足了劲准备消灭敌人。   “队长,东面和南面的鬼子哨兵都已经干掉了。其他两面由于需要绕过鬼子军营,暂时还没有动手。”    “不急,我们的目的不是消灭多少鬼子,而是拖延鬼子的进军速度,大家抓紧时间休息,准备下午继续去袭扰鬼子。”    “明白”    四人经过短暂的交流后,开始轮流休息,顺便吃了点干粮以补充体力。这样来来回回的折腾,他们的体力也是消耗很大。   大约四十分钟以后,鬼子开始收拾行装继续向马山根据地进发。他们的目的很明确,就是要一举消灭马山一带的抗日武装。   “砰砰…砰砰…”    鬼子刚刚行军不到半个小时,陈景辉他们又开始偷袭鬼子。可让他们感到奇怪的是,鬼子这次并没有立刻还击,而是所有人迅速的寻找掩体躲避,同事做好了进攻的准备。   “砰砰…”    陈景辉他们又开了几枪,可鬼子依然没有任何还击的动向,还是静静的躲避在掩体后面。   “不好,情况有些不对,大家赶……”    “啾……啾……啾……”    经过几分钟的试探,他发现鬼子依然没有反击的趋势,这让他感觉到不大对劲。就在他想喊大家赶紧撤退的时候,空中传来了炮弹撕破长空的声音。   “轰轰轰”    三发炮弹瞬间就在距离他们几十米远的地方爆炸,几棵大树直接被拦腰炸断,开始冒起了黑夺他人之造化,虽然谈不上人吃人,但是生死却是必须看透。   所以死而复生对于他来说绝对是幸事,更何况重生到了洪荒,更是无上的大机缘。   虽然这里天仙遍地走,金仙不如狗,但是只要活着就有希望,反正他也是死过一次的人了。   接着龙珏很快就进入一种玄奥的状态,同时不周山的灵气也是疯狂的凝聚起来。   “不周龙脉!”不知道过了多长时间,龙珏终于清醒了过来,心中激动不已。。   刚刚他获得这一句身体的传承,他竟然是不周山的龙脉之一。不周山的龙脉是什么?乃是整个洪荒的灵气之祖,也是整个洪荒的气运所聚。   他虽然是不周山内山上一个不起眼的龙脉,但这是不周山,放在外面也是一个巨型龙脉。要是在后世,这就是一个祖龙脉,可以帮助一个门派立下万世根基。   而且他是一个有灵智的龙脉,更是可以自己修炼,凝聚天地间的灵气,自动进化。   整个不周山一共有十大祖龙脉,每一个龙脉都是巨大无比,比起传说中的昆仑山或者海外三仙岛都是不差丝毫。   但是这里可是不周山,擎天之柱,虽然很多大能在这里修炼,却是没有一个人敢挪移或者私自占有这些龙脉,因为只要谁挪移了这龙脉,那么恐怖的业力,即使圣人也要立刻暴毙。   而龙珏却是靠着吞噬这些龙脉而成长,甚至最后一举吞噬这十大祖龙脉也不是不可能。,Subhuti, what do you mean by cloud? If you are reading, I should be a sentient being. Subhuti, don't do is read, why? There is no such thing as a Buddha. If there is a sentient being called Tathagata, the Tathagata has four phases: I, man, sentient being and longevity. Subhuti means: Tathagata, have the heart of sentient beings. Subhuti thinks: Tathagata has the heart to help all living beings. Does he have this heart? Buddha is asking him: Subhuti, what is the meaning of cloud? What do you think? In other words, what do you think of this matter, this problem? Do you mean that the Tathagata has the heart to relieve sentient beings? It is wrong to say the Diamond Sutra. You should not call the Tathagata's work a thought. Don't think that the Tathagata says that the Vajrayana Sutra is to save all living beings. Don't think that the Tathagata is to save all living beings. I should be a sentient being. The Buddha is called Subhuti. Don't have this view. Don't think that the Tathagata says the Vajra Prajna Paramita Sutra is for sentient beings. This is wrong. Subhuti, what do you mean to say: Tathagata has the heart to take care of all living beings. Buddha sent Subhuti's suspicion to him. Buddha said that this sutra of Vajra Prajna Paramita does not have a mind of sentient beings, so don't think about it. Why? The essence of all living beings is Buddha, and all living beings are Buddha. This is the Mahayana doctrine. In particular, the Hua Yan Sutra is devoted to this issue, which is contained in many volumes of scriptures. It is said that all sentient beings are Buddhas. If the Tathagata is to make all sentient beings Buddhas, this is a lie. What do you mean by lying? It is me, human beings, sentient beings and longevity, not only I, what I think, this is what I think and what I think in my heart. Although all sentient beings have Buddha nature, if it is said that if it is not because of Buddha, how can he realize? With what practice can one become a Buddha? It is we who hear the Buddha's words, and only by listening to the Buddha's words can we realize this truth and become Buddhists. This Buddha tells us that Buddha transforms sentient beings into beings without transforming them. Buddha does not transform the mind of sentient beings and no sentient beings are transformed by Buddha. This is the characteristic of Vajrayana Sutra. This is why it is different from other Sutras. The Buddha has repeatedly instructed Subhuti that you must not have this kind of thought. You must not say that the Tathagata is for the sake of sentient beings, whether it is the Tathagata saying, the Tathagata practicing, or the Tathagata coming out of the world. Many other sutras say that the great cause of Buddha's birth is the salvation of all living beings. The Diamond Sutra sends out this thought and tells Subhuti that you should not have this idea. Why not call you this idea because of Buddha's salvation of all living beings and why? Subhuti, don't do is read, what reason? The reason is very simple, there is really no such thing as Buddha, so I ask you not to say that Buddha can do it. Because there is really no sentient being, such as Buddha. If there are sentient beings such as Buddha, Buddha has me, human beings, sentient beings and longevity. If the Buddha wants to have this idea, I will have the idea of sentient beings, I will have the idea of sentient beings, I am Buddha, and sentient beings are sentient beings, then the Buddha has four distinct phases: I, human beings, sentient beings and longevity. In fact, the Buddha does not have me, human beings and sentient beings. Therefore, the Buddha enjoins Subbodhi that you do not have the idea of Buddha's idea of sentient beings, and at the same time you do not have doubts. Therefore, tell him not to do is to read, that is what this means. Don't do this, Buddha has no sentient beings to be able to live, no sentient beings to become Buddha, and no Buddha to live. To eliminate this idea, although all sentient beings have Buddha nature, can they be enlightened by themselves if they do not listen to what has been said? What makes you practice to become a Buddha? This is a rhetorical question, that is, let us understand that Buddha is not persistent, nor does he have my own view, human view, sentient beings view, and longevity view. Buddha transforms all living beings into nothing. Buddha transforms all living beings into beings without seeing each other and without being able to transform. There is no Buddha who can be changed, nor is there any sentient beings that can be changed. Let's understand it this way. The meaning is very deep. Let's get rid of all persistence. Because we sentient beings know and see too deeply, especially we draw the common people and Buddha very clearly, which is wrong. For example: Patriarch Danxia, he broke the attachment of the master of a temple, that is, the master monk. Buddha's heart, the heart of all living beings; Buddha's image, sentient beings' image. Persistence is very serious, he went to visit him. Seeing the temple, he went to the main hall. It was winter and the weather was very cold. Patriarch Danxia took down the wooden Buddha statues and split them, lit a fire and baked them. The abbot monk, still can promise him? I started to argue with him. The abbot said: How do you split the Buddha? How did you burn my Buddha statue? He said: I am looking for sarira. The abbot monk said: What relic is in this wood? He said: Oh, there is no sarira in the wood. I'll burn another one if there is no sarira. How do you understand? He is breaking away from this master's knowledge and vision. He is too clear about the Buddha's vision, my vision and all beings' vision. He breaks away from his knowledge and vision. As soon as he burned, he said, ' I am looking for sarira.' Where is the sarira in this place? Where is the sarira in the wooden statue? Why did he worship him without sarira? What is he doing? I'll burn another one and the host will be enlightened. Do you know the reason for his enlightenment? He disavowed his knowledge. Buddha means there is no difference among all beings. The Buddha is wood, not the real Buddha. If we normally regard Buddha statues as wood, can you practice? We really regard the Buddha as the real Buddha. There are several aspects: to a certain kind of person, it is Zen meditation for that old practitioner. he reached the peak and was too clear about the difference between Buddha and sentient beings. Patriarch Danxia broke his belief. This is not something we can use casually. You also went to the temple to take a Buddha statue and split it, then you can commit crimes and shed blood. He didn't, so there is a lot of scripture, don't misunderstand. You must not do that until then. For example, a Zen master, who has been sitting and participating in Zen for 120 years, how can you compare? You can also go there and sit there. how can you compare yourself with him for more than 20 or 30 years? You can only gain by yourself. There was a man selling tofu. when he went to jinshan temple to deliver tofu, he looked at master sitting like this. he said, ' master, one year he also sits like this when delivering tofu, and two years he sits like this. is it any good to sit like this every day?' It must be good. He asked the guest teacher, I also want to sit down. The guest teacher said, ' No, how can you run and sit down?' He said, ' I will not sit inside. the masters will sit inside the door. I will sit outside the door and sit at the back door. is that possible?' The hostess asked him to grind and say, ' okay, okay, you are not allowed to talk or make any noise here.' He sat at the back, waited for a fight, and then said to the guest teacher, ' alas, I have gained a lot from this sitting.' The insider said: What have you gained? He said: I owe me the tofu account three years ago. I have long forgotten it. I remembered several accounts in this sitting. I should go to ask for the account and collect the money. What do you think of this story? How do you understand? Therefore, we should calm down, calm down the crazy heart and floating heart. Like him who has no wisdom, we can realize wisdom. Wisdom can illuminate itself, so-called open wisdom is open mind, open mind is wisdom, simply say wisdom now. Before wisdom comes to light, can it be life or death? In the past, present and future, you have known and completely laid down your body, mind and body, seeing that it is empty, that is the meaning. Buddha does not have sentient beings, nor does he have this idea. I am capable and sentient beings are what I am capable of. If there is such an idea, if he is not a Buddha, he will not succeed, that is the meaning. Subhuti certainly understood, so the Buddha asked Subhuti: Do you think so? The Tathagata's work is to chant me to save all living beings. What if there is such an idea? It is wrong. Subhuti, don't do is read, there is no sentient beings Buddha degree. I'll tell you the truth, in fact, there is not a sentient being who is Buddha. If the Tathagata wants all beings to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be The Buddha has long been dead, without me, human beings, sentient beings and longevity. That's why he said: ' Buddha spends all day without seeing sentient beings.' Because the Buddha knows Subhuti still has doubts, his heart is still not clean, and he still thinks that all living beings are what the Buddha does. All living beings are enlightened by Buddha. Buddha is enlightened by being enlightened, so Buddha wants to be enlightened. Buddha replied: All living beings do not want me to do it, nor do I want to do it. Why? All sentient beings are full of Buddha nature. All sentient beings are Buddha. This everybody can want deep participation, all living beings are Buddha originally, born Buddha has no two, heart and Buddha have no two, no two is one. All sentient beings are Buddhas and are just lost in enlightenment. This truth should be taken into consideration. It's not that scripture can't be told according to the text, but that the participant is thinking. You have to see the body, and the body is the same. No matter what its appearance is, it is the same. For example: wood. If this wood is carved into a Buddha statue, everyone will offer it there and kowtow for worship. If this wood is made into a chair, all of us will sit on it and put it under our buttocks. One kowtows and worships every day and the other sits under his buttocks. Are these two the same? But they are all made of wood. It turns out that they are all made of wood. From this truth, we all realize that the essence is the same, and all living beings and Buddha are one body. He is lost and fallen, that is, all living beings. Has he realized? Enlightenment is Buddha. The Buddha is clear, clear, sentient beings are Buddhas, future Buddhas, Buddhas are accomplished Buddhas. One has become, one has not yet become, it turned out to be one. So Subhuti, the Tathagata, said, ' If there is me, there is no me.' I am a pseudonym, I am not me, then there must be me, but ordinary people don't think so, think it is me. He thought I said I was me, said I was not me, we can understand from what we said. As we say fire, fire is not fire. When talking about fire, it is not fire, but fire, not burning our mouths, burning our tongues, this pseudonym. But if you don't say fire, how can people understand that you mean fire? Let me understand here that this is a false statement. What about Buddha? Buddha is not Buddha, that's the meaning. So Subhuti, the Tathagata, said, ' If there is me, there is no me.' Tathagata said: I am not me. However, ordinary people are persistent, saying that I am not him or you, saying that I am me, respectively. Buddha said: Ordinary people think there is me. The Buddha was afraid of Subhuti clinging to the common people. The Tathagata said, ' The common people are not common people, but common people.' Every diamond sutra has a 30% discount, a pseudonym that follows the world, and an explicit truth. No, after that, they follow the world, so all Buddhas become Buddhas, and they also show that they are just like people. Just understand this truth. The Tathagata said that I am pure in nature, and that I am always happy and pure. I am always happy and clean, not ordinary people who are greedy, angry, stupid, ignorant and false, but I am false. Buddha said that I am always happy and I am clean and virtuous. Therefore, the ordinary people think it is me, and the ordinary people have me, some people, and some people's opinions. That is the ordinary people. Why? Is there birth and death in the heart of the common man, so it is called the common man. The heart of a saint has no birth and death. He is not the common man. The man who has realized Prajnaparamita is not the common man. The man who has lost the Prajnaparamita is the common man. Therefore, ordinary people are not ordinary people, and when ordinary people realize prajnaparamita, they are not ordinary people. Another kind of said, the heart can have some, can have some ordinary, the heart is incompetent, is not ordinary, is the equality law, the law is equal. It is the equality of the law and there is no superiority or inferiority, that is to say, the suspicion is completely removed, the transcendence is immediately entered, and Bodhi is established. That is the Buddha, and all beings are equal. Subhuti, what do you mean by cloud? Can you view the Tathagata in 32 phases? Subhuti, do you think Buddhism is thirty-two and eighty good? Subhuti said: So it is. Yes, it is like this. I view the Tathagata in 32 phases. The Buddha said Subhuti: If you look at the Tathagata in 32 phases, the wheel of the holy king is the Tathagata. If you think of yourself as a Tathagata with 32 phases, you are wrong. Why? There are also 32 phases in the runner king. isn't that why the runner king has become a Buddha? Hearing this, Subhuti made a wrong answer, so he quickly corrected it. Subhuti White Buddha said: Buddha, as I understand the meaning of Buddha, should not view the Tathagata in 32 phases. How should we view the Tathagata? Therefore, the dharma body is not a phase. Tathagata: such as person, such as motionless; Newcomers, come and not come. Should appear in the world, should appear. Dharma is dharma body, because Subhuti's perseverance has not been completely eliminated and there is still this problem. Therefore, the Buddha has raised such a question mark for him. It is supposed to be asked, but Subhuti does not know the meaning of Buddha, so he answered it easily and did not intend to answer it. If so, he is right. Buddha said he was wrong. What should he do? After the Buddha said this, he knew and understood that he did not view the Tathagata in 32 phases, because the runner king has 32 phases and is the same as the Buddha. The runner king is far from the Tathagata. How can he compare with the Tathagata? He saw that his thoughts and worries were not broken, so Subhuti immediately turned around and said that if I understood the meaning of Buddha and said that Buddha asked me, I answered casually. If you ask me further, I know what you mean. You should not look at the Tathagata with the thirty-two phases. You should not look at the Buddha with the thirty-two phases. Now Subhuti is completely clear. At this Prajna meeting, Subhuti has entered the realm of Great Bodhisattva. He is not the original two-way person, but only the person and me. He has already entered the court of justice, so he should not reply了,你们就说我出去有事,很快就回来了。然后皇帝就和我出去把士兵们带回来,皇帝回来后小丑还没来,我就趁机躲在桌子下,又过来一会儿,小丑终于来了,这次小丑又给皇帝送来了一台乐高电脑,并教皇帝在上面玩游戏,皇帝玩的都停不下来了,小丑偷偷拿出了一把剑,用力向皇帝刺去,我使用木元素胜了,还要五个乐高人也被留了下来接受训练跟着定位装置,我们到了一座火山脚下,我们坐着车一路开进了云里,可又不像云,因为云没有这么大一片的,听了当地居民的谈话,才知道这叫云海,在云海里的视线越来越模糊,能见度越来越低了,只能看见距离两米内的东西,突然,前面出现一块大石头功的,不过,他们的武功只能打架杀人,却不能救人。”    不是吧,什么时候武功如此泛滥了!   杨枫震惊,他原先以为,这世界就算存在这武功之类的,也多想是小说里写的,把门派立在深山老林中,轻易不再外面行走。   不过杨枫也不想想,现在是现代社会,天南大学这样的名牌大学,能够进入其中的,头脑是绝对没有问题的,而练武之人,在头脑方面也可能比一般人要好,因此天南大学这样精英荟萃的地方,自然不缺乏练武之人。   “杨枫,你说你治疗一次,就能保证我十天的健康?那日后呢,你能不能继续帮我治疗啊,你放心,我会补偿你的。”,他一副高兴的样子说:“这不是元素战士吗?想不二、白三、白四、白五一起来想办法,城墙也不高,难怪历史上刘备打荆南时,包括长沙太守韩玄在内的几个不愿投降的都是出城接战,这么矮,又不结实的城墙,能守得住才是怪了。   张锋一路经过大大小小的城池时,均是按人头收的城门税,到了这里,守门的小校踮着脚看了看他们车队,只收了两金,就挥手让他们进城了。 轻轻吐出一口浊气,林逸脸上的笑容很明显,终于把三千雷动初步练成了,还真是艰难啊!   单单是等打雷刮风,就等了整整五天,炼化风雷之力的时候,还差点被烤熟了!好不容易成功驯服雷电之力,结果把衣服给烧了个干净,差点被小师妹给“斩了大蛇”。   这其中的坎坷,还真是够让人不寒而栗的。   不过一切都是值得的,单单是这三千雷动第一阶段“雷闪”的速度,就对得起林逸这一顿雷劈了!   “师兄,你刚刚练的,就是三千雷动吗?”邀月望着林逸,眼中的激动之色难以掩饰。   她很清楚,《明玉经》上记载着的配套轻功,在速度上远远比不上林逸之前的身法,至少在一流境界来看是这样的。   身具风雷之力,在速度方面,林逸占了太大的便宜。   林逸点了点头:“是的,正是三千雷动,等你们成功把体内的风雷之力与明玉真气融合,到时候应该也可以练成三千雷动。”    “到时候,同境界里应该没有人能够比你们更快,即使是超过你们一个大境界的武者,也未必能追的上你们。”大叫,结果被黄忠一栗子敲得不做声了。路两边灰色的低舍倒是整整齐齐,门口坐满了乘凉的人,却是直接一屁股坐在雨水冲洗过的地上,根本不怕将来会患上风湿或关节炎。完蓝就给我拿了碗饭,我飞快的吃了下去,我完全恢复后就问二队怎么样了。                          


为什么,这样的悲剧在这几年里发生得越来越多?


事情的起因不尽相同,但是有一个共同点:现在的孩子抗挫能力、心理承受能力低太差了!简单来说,就是逆商太低。




美国著名学者保罗·斯托茨曾提出“逆商”的概念,“逆商”就是一个人化解并超越挫折的能力。


逆商低的人,即使面对小小的挫折,也很容易就放弃前行的勇气。而逆商高的人,抗压能力强,才会走得更高更远。逆商对孩子的未来起着决定性的作用。


新东方的创始人俞敏洪就是这样一个高逆商的代表。



他两次参加高考,都在英语上惨败,第一次考了33分,第二次考了了55分,都没有达到目标院校的录取线。


当时身边的人几乎都以为农村家庭出身的他只能“认命”去打工了,但他依然坚持再考一次,最终以英语95分的成绩考进了北大。


后来他从北大走出来后,创办了中国英语教育培训领域的领头羊。


谈及今日成功的原因,俞敏洪自己说:“我的逆商能力加上情商能力,再加上我通过勤奋弥补的智商的不足,最后做成了我今天的一些事业。”


这也让精读妈想起了我的一位表姐,她参加了三次高考,才考上了省内一所大学。


大学里的她非常珍惜这次得来不易的教育机会,每天不是泡在图书馆里,就是跟着老师做实验,之后她又考研到了一所985学校读研究生。


现在的她,不到40岁,已经是一家上市公司的高层了。


从高考落榜到年薪百万,她的人生之所以有这样巨大的蜕变,可以说离不开她强大的逆商,让她在面对挫折时就能不被打倒,得以一步一步往前走。




抛除功利的角度不说,很多人可能没有想过,逆商高的人还更容易获得幸福感。


豆瓣上有部高分影片《海蒂和爷爷》,讲述了孤儿海蒂的人生故事。



自幼父母双亡的小海蒂,先是被姨妈送给了性格孤僻的爷爷抚养,之后又被送到了法兰克福,给脾气古怪的富家千金克拉拉做玩伴。


尽管上帝让海蒂经历了种种辛酸,但他赐予了海蒂很高的逆商。


面对陌生的环境和爷爷的挑剔,她没有抱怨,而是主动地去熟悉,耐心地爷爷打交道。


面对克拉拉的不满,海蒂也没有记恨,而是会想办法缓解矛盾,改善彼此的关系。


整部影片中,面对窘境,海蒂始终都能用乐观的态度积极面对和解决,最终收获了别人的善意。



“人生不如意事,十有八九”,孩子在成长的过程中,会遇到大大小小的挫折:考试没有通过、找不到合适的工作、与恋人分手…


作为父母,我们不可能替孩子一一承受,唯一能做的就是教他学会去面对,寻找解决的办法,并从挫折中努力地自我修复。


只有培养出强大的逆商,孩子才能无畏地面对人生的挑战,行走于世才更有底气!





犯罪心理研究学者李玫瑾教授说过:


“6岁之前,必须学会跟孩子说“不行”。如果过了6岁,基本就晚了。因为有些教育,等我们有经验了,就再也没有机会了。”


当孩子6岁时,请求被父母拒绝了,也会产生逆反心理,可能会痛哭或者撒泼打滚。


但此外,他没有其他反抗能力,于是学会了什么叫无能为力、接受、服从、遵守。


他会知道,这个世界不是为所欲为的,爸爸妈妈虽然爱他,但绝不可能处处都以他为中心,有些不合理要求会被拒绝的。


他们于是学会接纳挫折,克制任性,懂得自我管理。当他们之后再向他人提出请求时,会先在心里进行衡量,做好失败的心理准备。


而如果等到孩子青春期了,你才开始对他说“不”时,他除了哭闹、打滚,还有更多威胁父母的选项:离家出走、报复他人、跳楼自杀等。


所以,最迟在孩子6岁,父母就要学会对孩子不合理的要求说「不」。拒绝,就是孩子挫折教育的开始。




讲到让孩子接受挫折教育,很多父母会认为:刻意给孩子制造挫折,多给孩子些打击,让他有很糟糕的感觉,这样就会让孩子变得耐挫了。


其实,这种观点是有问题的。


在综艺节目《女儿们的恋爱》中,Selina的妹妹任容萱被问及过往父亲对她恋情的看法时,一时崩溃到掩面哭泣。


她说,父亲对她的恋爱没有太好的指教,反而各种打压,每次都说她眼光差,这让她对自己一度变得很不自信。

  


多年以后,爸爸坦白说,当初之所以那么说,并不是男孩子不好,而是他想把事情最坏的一面铺垫给女儿,让女儿有点心理准备,未来在受伤的时候才不会那么疼。


其实,不是给孩子创造一个挫折,孩子就成长了,就有了抗挫力。


人为给孩子设障,打击、打压孩子,不是真正的挫折教育,只会让孩子失去安全感和对父母的信任。



那我们应该如何对孩子进行挫折教育,提高孩子的逆商呢?其实也不难。


1、让孩子适当体验失败的滋味


很多孩子会像文章开头我那位朋友的孩子一样,因为比赛输了,就又哭又闹,甚至还赌气好几天。


这其实是因为孩子没有树立正确的输赢观,家里的大人在陪孩子玩耍时,一味地迁就、忍让,让孩子误以为“自己只能赢,不能输”。


我们需要让孩子适当体会失败的滋味,并且告诉他,比赛有很多种可能性,有人赢,也会有人输,但这些都只是暂时的,未来还会有更多的挑战。



2、父母情感上的支持和鼓舞


《教育的选择》中,有这样一句话:真正的挫折教育,不是要家长制造挫折,而是能够和孩子一同面对挫折。


曾看过泰国的一个励志短片,叫《努力一点点》,里面有个小男孩,身体协调性不是很好,但是偏偏喜欢踢足球!



当妈妈在场边看着儿子有些滑稽的头球动作时,心都要碎了!


训练结束,教练婉转告诉她:孩子很有决心,但基础有差些。


妈妈心里明白,儿子何止差一些,是差很多!


可是,面对沮丧的儿子,妈妈从来没有打击过他,反而是一直在鼓励他:


“以前你完全不会用头去顶球,但现在你时不时能做到了!再努力一点点,轻触一点点就够了!”



在妈妈的鼓励下,小男孩更加努力地训练了。


虽然这位妈妈也像所有的父母一样,会心疼孩子受伤,怀疑自己是不是错了,但她始终风雨无阻站在儿子身后力挺他!


最后的比赛中,小男孩回想起妈妈再努力一点点的鼓励,脚下就像生了风,赶超了别人,奋力往前,最终头球破门。



别以为孩子小,不懂事。其实我们给孩子的每一个鼓励和支持,都会给他们内心力量,让他们在顺境中可以泰然处之,逆境中也能坦然应对。


每一个逆商高的小孩身后,一定是站着一对与他共进退的父母,他们是孩子最坚定的后盾。


最后,希望所有的孩子都能像几米在漫画中说的那样:世界愈悲伤,我要愈快乐。当人心愈险恶,我要愈善良。当挫折来了,我要挺身面对。




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