狱中心灵慰藉——泰勒•斯威夫特的音乐 | 纽约客

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Listening to Taylor Swift in Prison

狱中心灵慰藉——泰勒•斯威夫特的音乐

英文选自202300902纽约客部分段落

https://www.newyorker.com/culture/the-weekend-essay/listening-to-taylor-swift-in-prison

Listening to Taylor Swift in Prison

狱中心灵慰藉——泰勒•斯威夫特的音乐

Her music makes me feel that I’m still part of the world I left behind.

By Joe Garcia

虽然我身陷囹圄与世隔绝，但她的歌声让我感觉，我仍与这个世界有着某种联结

注释：

作者乔•加西亚(Joe Garcia)是著名狱中作家

The first time I heard about Taylor Swift, I was in a Los Angeles County jail, waiting to be sent to prison for murder. Sheriffs would hand out precious copies of the Los Angeles Times, and they would be passed from one reader to the next. Back then, I swore that Prince was the best songwriter of my lifetime, and I thought Swift’s rise to teen-age stardom was an injustice. I’d look up from her wide-eyed face in the Calendar section to see gang fights and race riots. The jail was full of young men of color who wrote and performed their own raps, often about chasing money and fame, while Swift was out there, actually getting rich and famous. How fearless could any little blond fluff like that really be?

我第一次听说泰勒·斯威夫特（Taylor Swift）是在洛杉矶县看守所里。当时因为谋杀罪，我正等着被送进监狱。看守所里，警察会分发《洛杉矶时报》供犯人传阅，这些报纸对我来说尤为珍贵。那时如果你问我，我绝对会说王子（Prince）是我一生所知最好的作曲家，而斯威夫特的年少成名却是名不副实。报纸日历版面上她天真无邪的脸蛋，我通常会直接略过，转而去看帮派斗争和种族骚乱的新闻。县看守所里，有色年轻小伙自编自演、讲述追名逐利故事的说唱随处可见，而她在外面却能轻轻松松名利双收。这样一个金发碧眼的小妞到底能有多如她所宣传的那般“无畏”呢？

In 2009, I was sentenced to life in prison. Early one morning, I boarded a bus in shackles and a disposable jumpsuit, and rode to Calipatria State Prison, a cement fortress on the southern fringes of California. Triple-digit temperatures, cracked orange soil, and pungent whiffs of the nearby Salton Sea made me feel as though I’d been exiled to Mars. After six years in the chaos of the county jail, however, I could finally own small luxuries, like a television. The thick walls of Calipat, as we called the place, stifled our radio reception, but an institutional antenna delivered shows like “Access Hollywood,” “Entertainment Tonight,” and “TMZ.” I was irritated by the celebrity gossip, but it was a connection to the outside world, and it introduced me to snippets of Swift’s performances for the first time. Here and there, I’d catch her on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” or “Fallon,” and was surprised by how intently she discussed her songwriting. I didn’t tell anyone that I thought she was talented.

2009年，我被判处终身监禁。一天清晨，我戴着手铐脚镣，穿着一次性连体囚服登上了前往卡利帕特里亚州立监狱的车。这座水泥监狱位于加州南部边缘，防卫森严。那里气温高达四十多度，遍布干裂的橙色土壤，附近索尔顿海不时飘来刺鼻的气味，让我感觉仿佛被放逐到了火星。不过，在混乱的县看守所里生活了六年后，我终于拥有了电视机这样略显奢侈的物件。“卡利帕特”（Calipat，我们对这个监狱的别称）厚厚的围墙隔断了我们的收音机信号，但是监狱的天线可以接收到《走进好莱坞》《今夜娱乐》和《TMZ》等电视节目。我非常讨厌名人八卦，但这是与外面世界的唯一连接，也是通过它我第一次看到斯威夫特的表演片段。时不时，我还能在《艾伦秀》和《吉米今夜秀》中看到她的身影，惊艳于她讨论自己歌曲创作时的专注。那时，我认为她才华横溢，但我从未和任何人说过。

In 2013, when my security level was lowered owing to good behavior, I requested a transfer to Solano state prison, the facility with a Level 3 yard which was closest to my family in the Bay Area. I got the transfer, but my property—a TV, CD player, soap, toothpaste, lotion, food—was lost in transit. I shared a cell with someone in the same situation, so, for months, we relied on the kindness of our neighbors to get by. Our only source of music was a borrowed pocket radio, hooked up to earbuds that cost three dollars at the commissary. At night, we’d crank up the volume and lay the earbuds on the desk in our cell. Those tiny speakers radiated crickety renditions of Top Forty hits.

2013年，由于表现良好，我的监禁安全级别降低了，于是我要求转到索拉诺州立监狱。那里有一个三级安全等级的院子，也离我在湾区的家人最近。最终我得到了转狱许可，但我的家当：电视机、CD播放机、肥皂、牙膏、润肤乳和食物却在转运途中丢了。我和另一个人共用一间牢房，他的东西也运丢了，因此后面几个月，我们都靠着狱友们接济勉强度日。我们唯一的音乐来源就是一个借来的袖珍收音机，连接着在小卖部三美元买来的耳机。晚上，我们把音量调到最大，然后把耳机放在牢房的桌面上，热门歌曲榜前四十首的旋律就此通过这小小扬声器，淅淅索索传入我们耳里。

注释：

security level：这是根据犯人的行为、风险和监狱规定来评定的一个级别，用以决定犯人在监狱中的待遇和监管程度。较低的安全级别通常表示犯人表现良好、风险较低，而较高的安全级别则表示较高的风险和需要更严格的监管。

During that time, I heard tracks from “Red,” Swift’s fourth studio album, virtually every hour. I was starting to enjoy them. Laying on the top bunk, I would listen to my cellmate’s snores and wait for “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” to come around again. When it did, I would think about the woman I had lived with for seven years, before prison. I remembered bittersweet times when my sweetheart had visited me in county jail. We’d look at each other through security glass that was reinforced by wire. It didn’t seem fair to expect her to wait for me, and I told her that she deserved a partner who could be with her. But we didn’t use the word “never,” and deep down I always hoped that we’d get back together. When I heard “Everything Has Changed,” I had to fight back tears of exaltation and grief. Swift sings, “All I knew this morning when I woke / Is I know something now / Know something now I didn’t before.” I thought back to our first date, and how we had talked and laughed late into the night. We had to force ourselves to get a few hours of sleep before sunrise.

在那段时间里，我几乎每个小时，都能听到斯威夫特第四张录音室专辑《红》中的曲目。我开始喜欢上这些歌了。我躺在上铺，听着狱友的鼾声，等待《我们再也回不去了》（We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together）再次响起。当它的旋律如约而至，我就会想起入狱前和我同居了七年的那个女人，想起我的爱人到县看守所探望我时苦乐交织的时光。我们只能隔着铁丝网加固的安全玻璃相望。指望她等我似乎不太公平，我告诉她，她值得拥有一个能真正陪伴她的伴侣。但我们没有说过“再也不”这个词，在内心深处，我一直希望我们能复合。当听到《都变了》（Everything Has Changed）时，我不得不强忍住激动和悲伤的泪水。斯威夫特唱道：“当我从今天的晨光中苏醒，我就察觉到了一些，从前所没有察觉到的事情。”我回想起我们的第一次约会，回想起我们如何谈笑到深夜，最后不得不强迫自己在日出前睡上几个小时。

After several months, my belongings, including my CD player, finally caught up with me. I was getting ready to buy “Red” from a catalogue of approved CDs when I learned that the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation, or C.D.C.R., had placed me on another transfer list. I didn’t want the album to get stuck at the prison after I had been transferred, so I resorted to a country station that regularly featured Swift. Sometimes, hearing Southern drawls and honky-tonk medleys, I’d laugh out loud at myself. But that was the station that played the widest variety of her music, from “Tim McGraw” to “I Knew You Were Trouble.” There was, in her voice, something intuitively pleasant and genuine and good, something that implies happiness or at least the possibility of happiness. When I listened to her music, I felt that I was still part of the world I had left behind.

几个月后，我的那些东西，包括我的CD播放器，终于运到了。在我准备从已获批的CD目录中购买《红》这一专辑时，却得知加州惩教署（California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation，简称C.D.C.R.）已将我列入了新的转狱名单。我不想这张专辑在我转狱后留在这里，于是放弃购买专辑，改听一个经常播放斯威夫特歌曲的乡村电台。有时候，听到浓重的南方口音和嘈杂的乡村小调，我自己都会忍俊不禁。但是这家电台播放她的音乐种类最多，从《蒂姆·麦格罗》(Tim McGraw)到《我知道你是大麻烦》(I Knew You Were Trouble)，都会播放。在她的声音里，有一种本能的愉悦、真诚和美好的东西，暗含着幸福，或者至少是幸福的可能性。虽然我身陷囹圄与世隔绝，但她的歌声只要在我耳畔响起，我就感觉，我仍与这个世界有着某种联结。

Hitting a new yard—in this case, the prison known as the California Men’s Colony (C.M.C.)—means finding new friends and allies. Each table and workout area was claimed by a different gang or ethnic group. I’m Asian and Hispanic, and I chose to join the Asians in a cement workout area. When they asked me what kind of music I liked, I confessed that I was anxiously waiting for a Taylor Swift album. Everyone laughed. “Oh, my God, we’ve got a Swiftie on the yard!” Lam, a muscular guy, told me. “You in touch with your sensitive side? Are you gay?” He especially loved to heckle me in front of his buddy Hung, who spoke little and laughed almost silently.

到了新的地方，就要团结可以团结的力量。来到这个名为加利福尼亚男子聚居区（C.M.C.）的监狱，我得寻找新的朋友和盟友。在这里，每张桌子、每个锻炼区都被不同的帮派或种族团体占据。我是亚裔和西班牙裔混血，选择和亚裔一起在一块水泥地区进行锻炼。当他们问我喜欢什么类型的音乐时，我坦白我正焦急地等着泰勒·斯威夫特的新专辑。大家都笑了。“哦，天哪，我们院子里有个霉粉（Swiftie）！”一个肌肉发达的家伙林（Lam）对我说。“你有敏感的一面吗？你是同性恋吗？”他特别喜欢在他的朋友洪（Hung）面前嘲笑我，洪话很少，笑起来也是默默的。

I was waiting for “Red” to arrive when I saw Swift perform “All Too Well” at the 2014 Grammys. That became the song that I played first when I peeled the plastic wrap off the disc, and the song I’d stop at and repeat whenever I spun the album. (Her ten-minute version is even better.) As Swift sang about love’s magical moments, how they are found and lost again, I thought about a time before my incarceration, when I briefly broke up with the woman I loved. She came to my house to return one of my T-shirts. When she hung it on the doorknob and walked away, I was on the other side. I sensed that someone was there, but, by the time I opened the door, she was gone.

在等待《红》时，我看到了斯威夫特在2014年格莱美颁奖典礼上表演的《回忆太清晰》（All Too Well）。这是我撕下光盘保护膜后播放的第一首歌，也是每次播放专辑时都会停下来重听的一首歌。（十分钟版本的All Too Well更棒。）当她唱起爱情的奇妙时刻，讲述这些时刻是如何拾起，又是如何再次失去之时，我就会想起入狱前的一段时光，那时候我和心爱的女人经历了一次短暂分手。她来我家归还我的T恤。在她把衣服挂在门把手上离开的时候，我就在门的另一边。我感觉到有人在那儿，但当我开门时，她已经走了。

When “Red” arrived, I finally found out why Lam had been clowning me in front of Hung. “Red” was the only Swift CD that Hung didn’t own—because he considered it a misguided pop departure from the country greatness of “Fearless” and “Speak Now.” Eventually, Lam outed himself as a Swiftie, too. For six months, the three of us would work out and debate which album was best. Then Hung transferred out of the prison, taking his CDs with him.

《红》送到后，我终于明白林为什么要在洪面前耍我。洪手上有斯威夫特所有的唱片，除了《红》——他认为这张专辑里的流行音乐偏离了《放手去爱》（Fearless）以及《爱的告白》（Speak Now）所代表的绝佳乡村音乐风格。最终，林也暴露了自己斯威夫特歌迷的身份。那六个月，我们三个人会一起锻炼，讨论哪张专辑最好。直到后来，洪从监狱转了出去，顺便带走了他的唱片。

Around the time Swift dropped “1989,” I acquired an old-school boom box. Technically, exchanging property and altering devices is against C.D.C.R. rules, but every prison has guys who fill their cells with radios, TVs, and speakers to repair and resell. I looked out for one guy, G.L., when he first hit the yard, and he became one of the best electronic fix-it guys I’ve ever met. He loved reconfiguring different speakers to get the best sound. He rewired the boom box for auxiliary cables and gave it to me. At C.M.C., I had a cell to myself, so I’d turn up the music enough to drown out obnoxious sounds outside my cell. Of course, some people always think that Swift is the obnoxious sound. “What’s up with the damn Taylor Swift?” a neighbor yells out. Another voice chimes in with requests: “Play ‘Style.’ That song’s tight right there.” By the time the song ends, someone new will admit, “That girl’s got jams.”

大约在斯威夫特推出专辑《1989》的时候，我搞到一台老式音箱。严格来说，在监狱交换物品和改装设备是违反加州惩教署规定的，但每所监狱都有人在牢房塞满要修理和转卖的收音机、电视机和扬声器。有个叫G.L.的家伙，刚到囚院我就留意上了他，他后来成为我见过最好的电子修理工之一。G.L.喜欢改装不同的扬声器，从而让音效达到最佳。他还把手提音响的音频线重新接好交给我。在加州男子监狱，我有一间独立囚室，所以会把音乐调大到足以盖住囚室外那些讨厌的声音。当然，也有人会觉得斯威夫特的歌声才令人讨厌。隔壁狱友会嚷道：“怎么XX的又放泰勒·斯威夫特？”另一边的狱友插嘴要求：“播放《型》（Style）。那首歌很应景。”歌曲播毕，有人会感慨道，“这妞有意思。”

注释：

soneone get jams是俚语，来源于韩语，表示一个人有趣。

When you transfer between prisons, you can’t take any undocumented property with you. At the end of 2015, I gave that boom box back to G.L. and left C.M.C. for Folsom prison. After a year, I landed at San Quentin. I started working at the San Quentin News, the in-house newspaper, for a quarter an hour. Around that time, C.D.C.R. started allowing a vender to sell us MP3 players for a hundred dollars. They charged $1.75 per song and ten dollars for a memory card. Eventually, I asked my family to order one and would call my cousin Roxan with requests. “What’s up with all the damn Taylor Swift?” she’d say during phone calls. By the time Swift released her album “Lover,” in 2019, I had almost every song she’d ever released. And, when the MP3 players were restricted because crafty folks were using the memory cards in illegal cell phones, mine was grandfathered in.

换监狱时不能带走任何未登记物件。所以2015年年底，在离开加州男子监狱去福尔森监狱时，我把音响还给了G.L.。一年后，我来到了圣昆廷监狱，开始为内部报纸《圣昆廷新闻报》（San Quentin News）工作，每小时可赚得25美分。那段时间，加州惩教署开始允许小贩以100美元每个的价格售卖MP3播放器。每首歌收费1.75美元，一张存储卡10美元。最后，我打电话让家人订购了一台播放器，有事也会打电话请求表亲罗克逊（Roxan）帮忙。电话里，她都会抱怨道，“那个XXX泰勒·斯威夫特是怎么个回事？”到2019年，斯威夫特发行专辑《恋人》（Lover）的时候，我已经几乎集齐了她发行过的每一首歌曲。而且，即便在因心怀不轨者在非法手机中使用存储卡而导致mp3播放器使用受限时，我的设备却得以豁免。

注释：

be grandfathered in被豁免，类似于新人新办法，老人老办法。

翻译组：

Jessie，女，翻译界林黛玉，想被人叫大佬

Humi，在躺平、侧卧和睡梦中寻找诗和远方

Yuqing，女，理想主义体验派，经济学人读者

校对组：

Hannah，做个废柴保持愉快

风筝，热爱生活热爱翻译热爱搞钱热爱猫咪

Rex，男，集书狂魔，经学钢粉，总觉得24小时不够用

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