我们爱得如此不完美

露西深爱的丈夫去世了，悲伤难拔，但她用了240页来讲述她和前夫的故事。我在新年的拐角，一个冬天的夜里，找到了久违的震撼。 

“Strout is Munro No. 2!” 第二天我迫不及待地把我的新发现告诉好友。 

说起门罗，当初读书群掰门罗，十来位书友、几小时都掰不透几十页。朴素的故事，却藏着多少人世的悲欢和挣扎。不用心，便会读而未读。门罗的作品，成为我和许多读者仰望的文学天花板。可惜，这位诺奖得主不再有新作，艾丽丝· 门罗已91高龄。其实早在2016年我就遇上伊丽莎白 · 斯特劳特（Elizabeth Strout），读完My Name is Lucy Barton还写了篇读书笔记。那时我读了个半熟。7年后，当我再遇斯特劳特，读者和作家都更趋成熟。掩卷时，圆枘合圆凿——似乎终于找到一位在我心里可以替代门罗的作家。 

My Name is Lucy Barton 是这个系列第一本，讲露西。Oh William！为第三本，讲威廉。威廉是露西的第一任丈夫。My Name is Lucy Barton 里的露西时值青年，已和威廉在殿堂里，却没讲他俩的故事，母亲和童年是主线。第三本里的露西已老，她和威廉已不在同一个婚姻里。两书相似亦相衬, 都在大都市纽约。露西在丧偶的哀痛里，接到威廉的电话说自己做梦，反复梦见去世的母亲看着他。不是恶梦，但让威廉辗转难眠。露西也自幼失眠，因为童年的极度平困、家暴和父母冷漠。这边是露西接受这个几乎与生俱来的缺失，那边有着小他21岁美妻的威廉向丧偶的露西拐弯抹角地倾述失眠之苦，作为读者的你，有没有刷刷记几笔？后面的故事，一桩接一桩，借老年露西之口，零而碎之，变成了鸡毛一般的絮叨。其实普通人的生活，有几多盛大壮阔？在后面的波澜里，威廉不再提当初郑重倾述的失眠，露西询问之下，才说：“哦，消失了。” 每次他们在餐馆里吃饭，威廉总是先行离去，窗户里望着威廉离开的身影，露西痛彻心扉。“痛彻心扉”是我加的，斯特劳特写这个细节，就是想告诉读者威廉的不经意，日积月累给露西的伤害。何来“微不足道”呢？微中管窥，见事见人。英文也有一个类似说法：”The devil is in the details.” 威廉和露西见面或者打电话时的沉默、迟疑、或者挂机的时机，甚至打不打电话，何时打，背后均是心潮涌动。都市里的麻雀飞飞扬扬，落在一起的就那么几只。他们的叽喳，入谁耳？所以我说，不懂冷暖人情，便读不懂斯特劳特。 

斯特劳特是门罗第二，但又不同于门罗。门罗笔下入微，又吝啬 ——每一情节、每个章句都有含义，含而不发，善用符号象征。斯特劳特不输门罗，看似无意的一个回忆，她不点破，只等有心读者去意会。威廉吃个蛤蜊吃那么久，全不顾孩子妻子等他，甚至把三人轰出门外。为什么？因为那个蛤蜊就是威廉本人，这是我的理解。斯特劳特把这些细节撒得到处都是，就等读者拾起，串起来拼成图。她和门罗的另一个同处，就是用词简单，没有华丽，也没有犄角旮旯偏词，令人想起海明威。这本书就像是露西在说话，稀稀拉拉，东一榔头，西一锤子，突然一下砸中心窝。那天我夜半独坐，越来越黑，露西和威廉两人越坠越远，之后，忽就暖了。斯特劳特的书，时常有一种神秘的力量：越读，知道得越多，你明白得越少。走出迷宫的那一刻，你才会豁然开朗。 

门罗从不点破，斯特劳特时有点破，甚至一而再，令我不耐其烦。这是两位女作家的最大不同。威廉的裤子短几寸，露出蓝色袜子，书里提到三遍。门罗不怎么用对话，斯特劳特却很擅长对话，三言两语，就道出亲疏或情愫。不信你自己试试，尤其和关系尴尬的人，每一句话都是两人关系的镜子。优秀文学家，就是人情世故的凌厉观察者，他们自己必须有敏感纤细的知觉，才能体会，再付诸笔端。斯特劳特将主人翁们内心最深处的想法和细微的情感，那些人们经常隐去或者忽略的细节，呈现到读者跟前，让我时常忘记在读小说。门罗的书是悲观的，斯特劳特的书是乐观的 —— 人神秘难解，尽管如此，我们还在爱，我们爱得执着不完美! 

此书表面讲威廉，实则主角还是露西，露西不过借威廉反观己心。露西还会再来，我已经等不及读第四本书。这个系列你可以不连贯读，甚至只读一本，把露西当成反复出现的人物而已，就跟巴尔扎克、左拉和纳博科夫写的书一样，人物相关，却又自成一体。在不同的人眼里，不同的时期，我们又何尝是同一个人？ 

就写这么多吧，难以言传，等你同读。 

 

止笔于2023年1月5日， 1月16日二稿 卢恩湖懒人斋 

 

 

附录： 

以下是我拟的几个读书问答，帮助理解和同读之间探讨。我的回答仅限我的理解，欢迎不同解读： 

1. 封面上2只鸟代表谁？Who are the two birds on the telephone wire, found on a cover image?  

• Simple, Lucy and David. It was stated explicitly at 40% in the book. But is it really so? David died in the beginning of the book, no, before the book. William, Lucy’s second husband, had been in constant talk with Lucy. In a big city like New York, two lonely birds accompany each other, with slight distance. The birds are no doubt Lucy and William.  

2. 书的叙述顺序是什么？喜欢吗？In what order is the book narrated? Do you like it? 

• Chronically, for the most part, occasionally flash back. Somehow the story sounds chaotic, random, in no particular logic. Of course, Strout did it with intension. I have no problem with the order, or no order. It implies an old woman’s thoughts and memory, soft, fond and loving. However, this style also diminishes the power of the story. The impact on reader’s emotion is indeed altered unfavorably, as some reviews indicate. A few times I found myself annoyed by the mumbling.  It costs the book the Booker's Prize, I believe.  

3. 描述下露西和凯瑟琳，可以把两人进行比较。How do you describe Lucy and Catherine? Compare the two if you like. 

• On the surface, they had a perfect relationship: no fights, kind to each other, caring especially from Catherine to Lucy like a mother, indulging with luxury gifts from the older in-law… the more I recall, the less I come up with acts from Lucy to Catherine. Lucy did say she loved Catherine, but give me the evidence! Sometimes the caring from Catherine was intimidating – placing her hands on Lucy’s arm and introducing to guests that Lucy came from nothing, it is not considered nice by any standards. Dragging the couple to vacation trips, while she inserted herself beside them playing the host, was frightening to Lucy. Lucy lost sleep, and even called her long-lost parents from a pay phone to ask what to do. Saying “I missed my parents” in a vacation speaks a lot! Catherine’s last words about Lucy at the death bed is the true state of her mind. We can’t judge a relationship by the look. 
• Both of them came from extreme poverty, and both of them ended up in the middle class. The difference is Catherine covered her past from everyone but volunteered Lucy’s to everyone else. Catherine’s first marriage, well, I hardly regard it a marriage, it’s her stepping stone to leave the poverty behind. Young as Catherine in 18, she chose that way and achieved her goal. Almost immediately, she looked for her next goal – love. Lucy, on the other hand, left poverty behind by winning a full scholarship and having a higher education. She met her first husband in the college, which is Catherine’s son, and married him. My heart goes to both girls, for their suffering and pains. I guess Catherine was a bit jealous of Lucy, because of Lucy’s different path, because Lucy found love in the both marriages, because Catherine led a widower life when her son was very young. In a way, Catherine is stronger, and she showed her sunshine to others all time. I admire her, Lucy the same. The image of the tangerine chair is Lucy’s manifest of her thought of Catherine. 
• Who is more hypocritical? I can’t tell. Catherine threw a golf club set as a birthday gift while she had the full knowledge that golfing “was too much for her”, meaning Lucy loathed it -- Catherine made her to play golf once. Why did Catherine ask Lucy for a birthday wish list then disregarded it and bought what she herself liked? A way to embarrass Lucy, maybe. Or a way to tell Lucy that a gift certificate to a bookstore is too cheap. On a different note, Catherine’s living room was impressive to Lucy, while Lucy herself lived in a modest apartment. Being impressed is a kind of admiration, right? Lucy dropped here and there, about her feeling uncomfortable with luxury and extravagance. A living room with a huge tangerine couch is not a modest living room, agreed? Then why impressed? Throughout the book, Lucy met her adult daughters regularly in Broomingdale's, and ate or drank there. Why Broomingdale's? Because they could afford?  
• Both characters are perfect examples of the author Strout who tried to tell readers that we all are mysteries and can be contradictory ourselves.  

4. 他们缅因之行的意义是什么？说一件旅途中发生的要紧事情。What's the significance of their trip to Maine? Name one thing happened in the trip that was important.  

• Heart of the book, a journey of reflecting their lifetime relationship. It allows us access deep into Lucy and William.  
• Everything happened in the trip was important. Their breakfast in a restaurant changed the course of their journey. Lucy was panic, claiming the unfamiliarness of the surroundings she noticed frightened her. William said it was because the bleak Maine reminded her of her unhappy childhood. I say it was because of William’s serious look next to Lucy in a constrained space such as a car. Long drive and unsmiling, no words no look cast her way…this frightened Lucy. It reminded her of the marriage with William. William was remote and unapproachable many times, as accused by William’s third wife who also left him. William could be warm and caring, however the trip started without it. William begged Lucy to accompany him to the trip and he treated Lucy unjustifiably. Once Lucy floundered out what he could do, some small gestures such as holding the door and getting another pair of pants, it hit William. He realized and laughed hard. Lucy’s panic was gone instantly. Gone with it the awkwardness between them. This is the moment when their roles switched. Lucy took the lead from that point on. Small gestures matter, I tell you! If a travel companion seldom walks with you side by side, it is no small act. My advice is you two shall not travel together again.  

5. 为什么作者斯特劳特要提到露西在大学里做讲座空无一人的故事？Why does the author Strout bring up the story about Lucy's empty reading in a university?  

• Lucy, in the book, had become a famous writer. She was invited to a university to do a reading. But the man who invited her and organized the meeting managed to have invited nobody else, thus resulted in nobody coming. First time and only time for Lucy. The man later apologized but didn’t explain why. It is William who deciphered the cause: jealousy. The empty room was meant to be a humiliation. Lucy was not sure if it was true. What is true is this anecdote helps to propel the story -- Lucy later mentioned a famous scientist who was in the same field with William. William turned to be distant and grumpy toward Lucy after this scientist was brought up in their conversation. She finally came to the realization that William was jealous of that man, thus resentful of her. They had a fight, reconciled later. It is how their relationship went -- up and down. That they both were flawed, but the feeling was there, is what the author tries to tell us.  

6. 详述书中让你产生共鸣的一个细节或一句话。Elaborate one detail or sentence in the book that resonates with you. 

• “…even as I stood before all those people and read and answered questions, I still felt oddly –but very truly—invisible.” I believe this is Strout talking, not Lucy. As successful and famous as she, Strout feels alone. This resonates with me because I often felt same way, in a party, in a gathering, or just two or three people chatting. Sometimes a person talks to you simply because they need to borrow ears, nothing to do with you or anybody. It is rare a person wants to reside the same space or time because of you! Forget the fame, money, or power. You …an individual with thoughts, emotion, antenna, fiber…who gives a damn? The desire to reach another individual's inner world is rare and bare.  

7. 标题 Oh William! 有几层含义？How many layers of meaning can you detect from the title Oh Williams?  

• Many, throughout the book: irritated, unbelievable, loving, happy, sad. It is smart to give so many meanings to a title, but it’s also a lazy way. That’s another thing Strout is bad at.