回国抖音:我遇到的十件牛事儿(有图有真相)
(一)十月回国,祖国华诞,宫廷喜筵,丞民大赦。我的一个申城三级医院工作的同学传来了这样一个告示:
![](https://ss2.meipian.me/users/3273141/1e00931ae04c46c888f59d61ca678624.jpeg?meipian-watermark/bucket/ivwen/key/dXNlcnMvMzI3MzE0MS8xZTAwOTMxYWUwNGM0NmM4ODhmNTlkNjFjYTY3ODYyNC5qcGVn/nickname/5b-D6Zuo54Of5bCY/userid/MzI3MzE0MQ==/sign/4b02554b05a530b025685eeddc9951a6%7cimageView2/2/w/750/h/1400/interlace/0/q/80)
评语:生儿生女是自个儿的事,千万不要与祖国别妙头,寻求同日生。
(二)国际一流大城市,维护市容整洁,垃圾分类乃是民生大事。我家保姆虽然不识字,倒是很识事务,“老爸现在垃圾要分类,处理不好要罚款的。”说着,拿出了垃圾分类图要往墙上贴。老爸说,“不用贴,不用贴,我眼睛花了,贴了也没用。”
![](https://ss2.meipian.me/users/3273141/6548ca0873734aeb9d3b5ec2b4863e21.jpeg?meipian-watermark/bucket/ivwen/key/dXNlcnMvMzI3MzE0MS82NTQ4Y2EwODczNzM0YWViOWQzYjVlYzJiNDg2M2UyMS5qcGVn/nickname/5b-D6Zuo54Of5bCY/userid/MzI3MzE0MQ==/sign/4b02554b05a530b025685eeddc9951a6%7cimageView2/2/w/750/h/1400/interlace/0/q/80)
评语:我家保姆说了,“猪能吃的是湿垃圾,猪不能吃的是干垃圾。”大家都记住了吧!
(三)在上海五角场万达广场逛累了,却永远有一道“酸菜鱼汤”等着你。
![](https://ss2.meipian.me/users/3273141/01e2aaeebe9f412d89c0ec68dcbd1236.jpeg?meipian-watermark/bucket/ivwen/key/dXNlcnMvMzI3MzE0MS8wMWUyYWFlZWJlOWY0MTJkODljMGVjNjhkY2JkMTIzNi5qcGVn/nickname/5b-D6Zuo54Of5bCY/userid/MzI3MzE0MQ==/sign/4b02554b05a530b025685eeddc9951a6%7cimageView2/2/w/750/h/1400/interlace/0/q/80)
![](https://ss2.meipian.me/users/3273141/98a06a66a2b24d36bb4cdbc12db0c188.jpeg?meipian-watermark/bucket/ivwen/key/dXNlcnMvMzI3MzE0MS85OGEwNmE2NmEyYjI0ZDM2YmI0Y2RiYzEyZGIwYzE4OC5qcGVn/nickname/5b-D6Zuo54Of5bCY/userid/MzI3MzE0MQ==/sign/4b02554b05a530b025685eeddc9951a6%7cimageView2/2/w/750/h/1400/interlace/0/q/80)
评语:店长这么牛,进得里面居然说酸菜比鱼好吃,还一道道教你怎么吃,不进来定叫人真后悔。
(四)九月底回国,正值国内猪肉疯涨,外甥女则隔空对我喊,“二妈,侬回来,老爸请侬七肉是真亲人!”
![](https://ss2.meipian.me/users/3273141/d7af0105eaa4450cbd6e1eae1407d9e7.jpeg?meipian-watermark/bucket/ivwen/key/dXNlcnMvMzI3MzE0MS9kN2FmMDEwNWVhYTQ0NTBjYmQ2ZTFlYWUxNDA3ZDllNy5qcGVn/nickname/5b-D6Zuo54Of5bCY/userid/MzI3MzE0MQ==/sign/4b02554b05a530b025685eeddc9951a6%7cimageView2/2/w/750/h/1400/interlace/0/q/80)
评语:如今这年头能吃上肉的都是土豪,普通老百姓三天吃不上肉,看啥都像肉。网友亲,你们说这不是肉是啥呀?
(五)雁荡山群山连绵,熙熙攘攘的人群中,二根手链特别引人注目。一根连着阿爸是大宝;另一根连着阿妈是小宝。
小宝看着大宝远去
![](https://ss2.meipian.me/users/3273141/256ed6675cce415590b71735b0c1a19e.jpeg?meipian-watermark/bucket/ivwen/key/dXNlcnMvMzI3MzE0MS8yNTZlZDY2NzVjY2U0MTU1OTBiNzE3MzViMGMxYTE5ZS5qcGVn/nickname/5b-D6Zuo54Of5bCY/userid/MzI3MzE0MQ==/sign/4b02554b05a530b025685eeddc9951a6%7cimageView2/2/w/750/h/1400/interlace/0/q/80)
小宝要追去,阿妈要拍照
![](https://ss2.meipian.me/users/3273141/81e91fc153d14acc9721a4827a3107d3.jpeg?meipian-watermark/bucket/ivwen/key/dXNlcnMvMzI3MzE0MS84MWU5MWZjMTUzZDE0YWNjOTcyMWE0ODI3YTMxMDdkMy5qcGVn/nickname/5b-D6Zuo54Of5bCY/userid/MzI3MzE0MQ==/sign/4b02554b05a530b025685eeddc9951a6%7cimageView2/2/w/750/h/1400/interlace/0/q/80)
回过头来小宝耍脾气,欲挣脱不了手链。
![](https://ss2.meipian.me/users/3273141/bb8a513ad9a94b41ae884589eb83ffe3.jpeg?meipian-watermark/bucket/ivwen/key/dXNlcnMvMzI3MzE0MS9iYjhhNTEzYWQ5YTk0YjQxYWU4ODQ1ODllYjgzZmZlMy5qcGVn/nickname/5b-D6Zuo54Of5bCY/userid/MzI3MzE0MQ==/sign/4b02554b05a530b025685eeddc9951a6%7cimageView2/2/w/750/h/1400/interlace/0/q/80)
评语:有一种情结叫双胞胎
(六)秋浓,把友情的影子拉得纤长又柔曼。我的日本闺蜜特意回来与我相会,漫步在虹口公园却被几顶小雨伞吸引住了。
“节棍,现在中国人八、九十岁还在公开找对像。”我的日本闺蜜很好奇。
“这倒很像美国人,八、九十岁不一定有老伴,却多有男女朋友。”我也脱口而出。
等我俩再定睛一看,啊哈哈哈,笑弯了腰。
人家80、90是出生年月好伐啦:0))
![](https://ss2.meipian.me/users/3273141/9c4d41be6e104e7dbbb967493227bef6.jpeg?meipian-watermark/bucket/ivwen/key/dXNlcnMvMzI3MzE0MS85YzRkNDFiZTZlMTA0ZTdkYmJiOTY3NDkzMjI3YmVmNi5qcGVn/nickname/5b-D6Zuo54Of5bCY/userid/MzI3MzE0MQ==/sign/4b02554b05a530b025685eeddc9951a6%7cimageView2/2/w/750/h/1400/interlace/0/q/80)
评语:有一种男女找对像叫雨伞里的婚姻介绍所。
(七)大妈在杂货店里忙进忙去,正是送杂货的时间,大妈刚把新鲜的面包搬上架,送冰棍雪糕又来了。顾客站在收银台前,拿着一盒日本寿司。大妈一边忙着,一边头也不回,“自己扫,自已扫。”哟呵,大妈身上全是各种二维码。
![](https://ss2.meipian.me/users/3273141/4d6ee18ff8a94b7688fe359528cae956.jpeg?meipian-watermark/bucket/ivwen/key/dXNlcnMvMzI3MzE0MS80ZDZlZTE4ZmY4YTk0Yjc2ODhmZTM1OTUyOGNhZTk1Ni5qcGVn/nickname/5b-D6Zuo54Of5bCY/userid/MzI3MzE0MQ==/sign/4b02554b05a530b025685eeddc9951a6%7cimageView2/2/w/750/h/1400/interlace/0/q/80)
结果发现生活中无处不在的二维码
![](https://ss2.meipian.me/users/3273141/ff6d1ad1-c1b8-4499-b792-32df7accdabf.jpg?meipian-watermark/bucket/ivwen/key/dXNlcnMvMzI3MzE0MS9mZjZkMWFkMS1jMWI4LTQ0OTktYjc5Mi0zMmRmN2FjY2RhYmYuanBn/nickname/5b-D6Zuo54Of5bCY/userid/MzI3MzE0MQ==/sign/4b02554b05a530b025685eeddc9951a6%7cimageView2/3/w/750/h/1400/interlace/0/q/80)
评语:把二维码发挥到极致的中国人
(八)回国,我看到了史上最贵、最令人崩溃式倒车的疯传视频。
评语:套句网友的话说,“美女,你这个驾照是自己画的吗?”
(九)宝宝小嘴嘟嘟,食物在嘴里是吸的。要睡觉了,总要啃着自己的手指,另一个手指放在母亲(我的外甥囡)嘴里充电。
![](https://ss2.meipian.me/users/3273141/9c1a6e37e7c04a89ac072772cabe21e7.jpeg?meipian-watermark/bucket/ivwen/key/dXNlcnMvMzI3MzE0MS85YzFhNmUzN2U3YzA0YTg5YWMwNzI3NzJjYWJlMjFlNy5qcGVn/nickname/5b-D6Zuo54Of5bCY/userid/MzI3MzE0MQ==/sign/4b02554b05a530b025685eeddc9951a6%7cimageView2/2/w/750/h/1400/interlace/0/q/80)
评语:萌萌哒的小宝贝吮指头还求大人陪她一起玩
(十)从我家到五角场的万达广场,开车必定经过复旦校舍,那段邯郸路红灯等候特别长。来来往往的都是复旦高等学府学子。上海经济兴旺,交通复杂。近60多座高校,在繁忙的路口,学生宿舍和校园大都由天桥连接,而以“ 博学而笃志·切问而近思”为校训的复旦大学却没有。
![](https://ss2.meipian.me/users/3273141/0d1cf356939548dc9a76c19bed95ce2f.jpeg?meipian-watermark/bucket/ivwen/key/dXNlcnMvMzI3MzE0MS8wZDFjZjM1NjkzOTU0OGRjOWE3NmMxOWJlZDk1Y2UyZi5qcGVn/nickname/5b-D6Zuo54Of5bCY/userid/MzI3MzE0MQ==/sign/4b02554b05a530b025685eeddc9951a6%7cimageView2/2/w/750/h/1400/interlace/0/q/80)
汹涌如潮中国式的穿马路
![](https://ss2.meipian.me/users/3273141/1c2f4350-7264-4b8d-a06b-11db8b1b450a.jpg?meipian-watermark/bucket/ivwen/key/dXNlcnMvMzI3MzE0MS8xYzJmNDM1MC03MjY0LTRiOGQtYTA2Yi0xMWRiOGIxYjQ1MGEuanBn/nickname/5b-D6Zuo54Of5bCY/userid/MzI3MzE0MQ==/sign/4b02554b05a530b025685eeddc9951a6%7cimageView2/2/w/750/h/1400/interlace/0/q/80)
评语:不管你是否承认,很牛的复旦,很早就占据了上海滩的第一把交椅。
![](https://ss2.meipian.me/users/3273141/1184dff9-2061-4db5-b7de-e267643e42a9.jpg?meipian-watermark/bucket/ivwen/key/dXNlcnMvMzI3MzE0MS8xMTg0ZGZmOS0yMDYxLTRkYjUtYjdkZS1lMjY3NjQzZTQyYTkuanBn/nickname/5b-D6Zuo54Of5bCY/userid/MzI3MzE0MQ==/sign/4b02554b05a530b025685eeddc9951a6%7cimageView2/2/w/750/h/1400/interlace/0/q/80)
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来源: 文学城-心雨烟尘