A journal to myself

Days drag on each week. Almost every Monday, I look forward to Friday. Nevertheless, the time flies. It is the end of October, and soon Christmas songs will be on the air, and then 2016 will be over...

 

Last night, I woke up again in the mid night, and could not fall back to sleep till the early morning. Is it the mid-age syndrome? Or else, what is wrong?

 

Today after a simple lunch, I walked out of the building towards my car. The heat from the last week finally subsided after the storm. The air was fresh, and the wind and the gentle sunlight were caressing. It was perfect for a nap in the car. However, I just couldn't fall asleep.

 

Ziqiao was talking about the retirement life she dreams of in her blog. What about me? Who does not want to retire sooner, especially when you sometimes feel gloomy, like the recent weather? But are we ready?

 

Last night when my husband and I were taking a walk in the community, I said to him that I felt like myself living in a desert (in a sense, we are.). He turned around and asked, "what do you mean?".

 

I was silent. Yah, what do I mean? I don't know.

 

On the way, I ran into Shelley, a divorced Taiwanese lady in her 60s, who was carrying her groceries in the stroller. We greeted each other, and then I watched her quickly disappear in the corner. She had to rush home to take care of her 100 year old mom. Then I thought of Mr. F, who showed up twice lately in our Saturday night Bible study. His neck was all brown from the chemo, and he lost 20 pounds in four weeks. He said he had to force himself to drink a lot of water every day, and that turned out to be very difficult, as he can throw up easily. Foods are tasteless, and he just had to gulf them down. Alas!

 

Compared with him or them, what am I tried of? Faced with such an adversity, he is fighting back and does not give up. As for me, now with the daughter away, and parents both still being healthy on their own, I am actually in my prime years, until one day I am needed...

 

To that, I am telling myself, "Cheer up and enjoy the time!"