司令的极品老公 by 网上无名

（友情提示：建议着重阅读黑体字部分，集中体现了其无可救药之处。）

极品 says:
how did you set your Chinese input? i don’t know how.
那谁 says:
control panel
极品 says:
en
极品 says:
next?
那谁 says:
regional and language options, click on languages tab
那谁 says:
Text services and input languages, click on details
极品 says:
next?
那谁 says:
installed service - add
极品 says:
later, how does the system know if u want to type chinese or english?
那谁 says:
Have you installed them already?
极品 says:
i do not know
那谁 says:
ok now don't ask questions. Just follow my instructions
那谁 says:
did you click on add?
极品 says:
cannot see "installed service - add"
那谁 says:
are you in Text Services and Input Languages setting?
极品 says:
which tab?
那谁 says:
Settings tab
极品 says:
yes
极品 says:
Settings or Advanced?
那谁 says:
settings
那谁 says:
upper: Default input language. did you see that?
极品 says:
yes, that is English US
那谁 says:
anything else?
极品 says:
oh so you said "installed service" tab, button "Add"?
那谁 says:
en
那谁 says:
click on add
那谁 says:
helloooo
极品 says:
done
极品 says:
added Chinese
那谁 says:
which Chinese. There are several…
极品 says:
PRC
那谁 says:
let me tell you ,u silly. not only that, but also the keyboard option. you need to choose Chinese Quanpin.
那谁 says:
hello. did you get it?
极品 says:
I knew, done the other too
那谁 says:
which did you pick for the other?
极品 says:
oh, i chose MS IEM 3.0
那谁 says:
no wonder I thought you were silly! See? This is important. That's the problem with 90% of the stupid people like you, not following instructions as you should. Your trying it your own way will only give you a headache
极品 says:
ok
那谁 says:
change it to Chinese Quanpin
极品 says:
done. now how do i tell Word that i want to type Chinese?
那谁 says:
at the lower right corner of your screen, there should be a puny EN icon. click on that you could switch back and forth between English and Chinese input. Or, if you are smart enough, you could get to it by hitting control+space keys
极品 says:
do not see it
那谁 says:
Could you see the EN icon at all?
极品 says:
not at all
那谁 says:
now back to the same setting page on control panel
极品 says:
i did, and verified
那谁 says:
There is a Language Bar setting under Preferences, where you should check "show the language bar on the desktop" and "show additional language bar icons in the taskbar"
那谁 says:
got it?
极品 says:
too fast, lost
那谁 says:
go do it and apply the change, then you should see the icon
极品 says:
Where is "Language Bar setting under Preferences"?
那谁 says:
geez
那谁 says:
right under where you added the language ya
极品 says:
on which level? Control Panel or lower level?
极品 says:
u are not a good teacher
那谁 says:
你丫还说我？！
极品 says:
u need assume the student is a robot
那谁 says:
你丫实在是太笨了！
极品 says:
not at all
极品 says:
my brain acts as a computer
极品 says:
no human touch
那谁 says:
在 Text Services and input languages 里面
极品 says:
which icon? which tab? start from Control panel
那谁 says:
靠！
那谁 says:
真不知道司令怎么还把你当个宝贝
极品 says:
my brain is a computer
极品 says:
cannot understand non-logical language
那谁 says:
but u do not seem to have a brain. Anyway, ok ok
那谁 says:
regional and language setting, got it? 
极品 says:
在 Text Services and input languages 里面, there is only one button: "Add"
那谁 says:
在那个的下面, 有两个 个Preferences.
极品 says:
no, i do not have it
那谁 says:
一个是language bar
那谁 says:
the other one is key settings
那谁 says:
now are you on page for "text services and input languages"?
极品 says:
yes
那谁 says:
there are 3 things you can do here on this page
那谁 says:
1. default input language
那谁 says:
2. installed services
那谁 says:
3. preferences
极品 says:
yes
极品 says:
what should i do?
那谁 says:
did you see these 3?
极品 says:
yes!
极品 says:
what should i do?
那谁 says:
click on language bar under preferences
那谁 says:
got it?
那谁 says:
hellooooo
极品 says:
yes
那谁 says:
see 4 checks?
极品 says:
yes
那谁 says:
check the first and the 3rd
极品says:
did
极品 says:
what about the 4th?
那谁 says:
if you want to check them go ahead ba. I don’t care. what I need for you to check is "Show additioinal Language bar icons in the taskbar"
那谁 says:
apply
极品 says:
no apply but "OK"
极品 says:
still nothing is shown
极品 says:
i may need to restart the computer, i do not have "apply" button
那谁 says:
well you should not have to
极品 says:
i trained u well today to be a good trainer
那谁 says:
ok go ahead and restart ba
那谁 says:
I'll pray for you
极品 says:
i will restart this evening
那谁 says:
KAO! you are killing me!
极品 says:
thank u for your patience
那谁 says:
you'll never get to see me again online! or offline!
那谁 says:
滚！
极品 says:
do u want me to restart now?
极品 says:
do u want me to restart now?
极品 says:
u cannot control ur anger
极品 says:
which is not good
极品 says:
have u had lunch? people are easy to be upset before lunch. i was half kidding with u, and hope u not really upset
那谁 says:
哈哈我早吃过了
极品 says:
were u really upset?
那谁 says:
of course not 我从头一直笑到尾
极品 says:
ok, then. i thought that u were really upset and wanted to kill me
极品 says:
i was scared
那谁 says:
早知道真应该把你丫给吓死算了，省得被你给活活烦死！

司令老公语录：就算整不死你们，我也要把你们全部都给烦死。

经其强烈抗议和要求，帮他注明一下：
1) 他是从初二直接上大学的天才， 6 岁上小学前会做高中数学题
2) 他是多家跨国大型软件公司的首席架构师

经阿小逗强烈要求，帮她评论一下：
不会装中文，啥都是shit。

---

贴首我喜欢的老歌，La Isla Bonita。

司令老公因为偏爱麦当娜，非说Alizee不够狂野不够可爱。不但如此，还反过来怪我过分主观地判断歌手的水准，并且将自己的判断强买强卖。

他这么说，是记仇，因为我过去说过，“老鼠爱大米”不好听，司令的绿色手提电话也非常难看。他当时就很不满地小声嘟囔说：“‘不好听’，‘难看’，这两个显然都是你的主观判断嘛，完全不是客观现实的确切体现。”
 

阿小艾的现场版