周末一笑：去国会（转载）

1 去国会/To Congress

After voting on Election Day, I stopped at a bakery. As the cashier rang up some cinnamon rolls and doughnuts for the man ahead of me, the customer joked, "Do you guarantee these don't have any calories?"　

Straight-faced, the clerk responded, "Absolutely no calories."

"You know where you'll go if you lie like this?" the man teased.

"Yes," said the cashier. "To Congress."

选举日投票之后，我在一家面包店前停了下来。当收款员为排在我前面的人包起桂皮卷和炸面圈时，那名顾客开玩笑道：“你敢肯定这些东西不含任何卡路里?”

那名职员板着面孔回答说：“绝对没有卡路里。”

“你知道你那样撒谎会去哪儿吗?”那人取笑道。

“知道，”收款员说道，“去国会。”

2 改错别句

Teacher: Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field".

Student: A cow and a bull is grazing in the field.

Teacher: Why?

Student: Ladies first.

老师：改错别句，“一头公牛和一头母牛正在田野里吃草”。

学生：一头母牛和一头公牛正在田野里吃草。

老师：为什么？

学生：女士优先。

3 好好保护

Customers often share their experiences while they are shopping at my sister's horse-tack and riding-apparel store. Not surprisingly, safety is a primary concern when choosing equipment. Once, when I was helping on the sales staff, a woman looking at head gear insisted on the best available.

"I've spent well over $100,000 on my brain and need to take diligent care of it," she said.

Alarmed, I asked, "Did you have a head injury?"

"No," she replied. "I graduated from college."

顾客们在我姐姐的马食和骑马服商店里买东西时，经常彼此交流个人经验。毫不奇怪，安全是在购买装备时考虑的一个主要因素。一次，当我在销售处帮忙时，一名挑头盔的妇女坚持要买最好的一种。

“我已经在我的脑袋上花了远不止十万美元，需要好好保护它，”她说。

我吃了一惊，问道：“你的头受过伤吗?”

“没有，”她说，“我从大学毕业了。”

4 及时购物/A Fitting Purchase

A woman was waiting in the check-out line at a shopping center. Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in an extreme hurry and was not happy about the slowness of the line.

When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, "Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and be home before Christmas!"

"Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With that wind kicking up out there and that brand-new broom you have there, you'll be home in no time."

一位妇女在商场的收款处排队等候。她的双臂夹着拖把和扫帚，手里拿着其它的清洁用具。从她的动作和深深叹息中，明显看得出她非常着急，对于队伍缓慢的移动很不开心。

当收银员打电话核查一盒肥皂的钱时，那妇女愤怒地说: "吭。我能够在圣诞前离开这儿回到家里就很幸运了。"

"不用着急，女士。"店员说，"带上你的全新扫帚，随着那阵风冲出去，你转眼就会到家。"

5 太久/Too Long

The travel editor of a newspaper called, saying she was finally using an article I had written several years earlier. She wanted to be sure the tour information was still correct. "I also wanted to make certain," she sheepishly confessed, "that you're still alive. Whenever the writer has died, I know I've held a story too long."

一家报纸的旅行版编辑打来电话，说她终于决定要采用一篇我几年前写的文章。她想确定那旅游信息是否还可靠。“我还想确定，”她怯怯地坦白道：“您是否还健在。每次发现作者已经不在人世了，我才知道我将文章压得太久了。”

6 童话开篇/Fairy Tales Beginning

The little girl had just listened to her mother's reading one of her favorite fairy tales.

"Mommy," asked the child, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once Upon a Time'...?"

"No, sweetheart," replied the mother, "sometimes they start with 'Darling, I must work a little late at the office tonight'."

小女孩刚刚听母亲讲了她最喜欢的一篇童话故事。

“妈咪，”小女孩问，“是不是所有的童话故事开头都是‘很久很久以前’。”

“不，宝贝，”母亲回答，“有时它们的开头是‘亲爱的，我今晚不得不在办公室里加班，晚些回来’。”