周末一笑：金发女郎的梦（转载）
1 金发女郎的梦/A Blonde's Dream
One day a blonde kept having the same weird dream every day, so she went to her doctor.
Doctor: What was your dream about?
Blonde: I was being chased by a vampire!
Doctor: (Giggles quietly) So... what is the scenery like?
Blonde: I was running in a hall way.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Blonde: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!
Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?
Blonde: Yes, it did.
Doctor: And what did these letter spell?
Blonde: It said "Pull."
有一天，因金发女郎每天都有同样奇怪的梦，所以她去看医生。
医生：你的梦是什么呢？
金发女郎：我正在被吸血鬼追逐！
医生：（静静地笑）那么情景是什么样的？
金发女郎：我正在大厅里跑。
医生：然后发生什么事？
金发女郎：那是奇怪的事情。 在每一个梦中，同样的事情发生了。 我总是来到这个门，但我不能打开它。 我一直在推门，推门，但它一动也不动！
医生：门上是否有什么字母？
金发女郎：是的。
医生：这些字母是怎么拼写的？
金发：是“拉。”
2 我在给钟表加油/I'm Cheering the clock on
There was a football game on TV last Saturday evening. The game was between a Spanish team and an Italian team. I sat in front of the TV at 7 o'clock, when the game just began. An hour later, my wife came to join me. She seemed to be absent-minded while she was watching the game. As the time clock showed one minute, forty-two seconds left in the game, she began cheering enthusiastically, "come on -- get going!"
Since she had never been a football fan, I looked at her in surprise and asked which team she was cheering for. "Neither," she replied. "I'm cheering the time clock on."
上周六的晚上，电视上播放了一场足球赛，是西班牙队对意大利队。7点钟，球赛刚一开始，我就坐到了电视机前。一个小时后， 我的妻子也坐到了电视机旁。妻子在看球赛的时候一副心不在焉的样子。当记时器显示比赛还剩1分42秒时，她突然异常热情起来，“加油，加油!”
她从来都不是球迷，我吃惊地望着她，问她支持哪个球队。“哪个也不支持，”她答道，“我在给钟表加油。”
3 I Drop my Weight from Skipping
Mr. Smith was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost 5 pounds."
When Mr. Smith returned, he had lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
Mr. Smith nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead by the end of that 3rd day."
"From hunger, you mean?"
"No, from skipping!"
史密斯先生严重超重，所以他的医生让他节食。
“我希望你正常吃2天，然后跳过一天，重复这个程序2周，下次见到你的时候，你会减轻5磅。”
当史密斯先生回来看医生后，他已经减掉了近二十磅。 “为什么，真太棒了！” 医生说：“你按照我的指示做的吗？”
史密斯先生点了点头。 “我告诉你啊，我以为我会在第3天结束之前死掉。”
“你是说因为饥饿？”
“不是，因为跳跃！”
4 The Grounded Conductor
Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking, "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"
Tom says, "I would switch one train to another track."
"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector.
"I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever," answers Tom.
"What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the
inspector.
"Then," Tom continues, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."
"What if the phone was busy?"
"In that case," Tom argues, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station".
"What if that had been vandalized?"
"Oh, well," says Tom, "in that case I'd run into town and get my Uncle Leo."
This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, "Why would you do that?"
"Because he's never seen a train crash."
汤姆正在申请当地铁路公司的一个信号员的工作，并被告知要在信号箱那儿见检查员。
检查员决定给汤姆一个小测验，问：“如果你意识到两列火车在同一条轨道上相对而行，你会怎么做？”
汤姆说：“我会把一列火车换到另一条轨道。”
“如果换道杆坏了呢？” 检查员问。
汤姆回答说：“我会跑到铁轨上，使用手动杆。”
“如果手动杆已经遭雷击了呢？” 检查院继续盘问。
“那么，”汤姆继续说道，“我会跑回这来，用手机打电话给下一个信号箱。”
“如果电话占线呢？”
“在这种情况下，”汤姆主张，“我跑到街道上，使用车站附近的公共电话”。
“如果那个已经被毁坏了呢？”
“哦，好吧，”汤姆说，“在这种情况下，我会跑进城里，叫上我的叔叔利奥。”
这使检查员感到困惑，因此他问：“你为什么要这么做呢？”
“因为他从来没有见过火车相撞。”
5 任意键
"My computer is telling me to press any key to continue. Where is the 'any' key?"
“我的电脑告诉我按任意键继续。‘任意键’在哪儿呢？”
6 向婶婶道歉
Dad: "Son, how can you call your aunt stupid? Go and say sorry to her."
Son: (goes over to the aunt) "Aunt, I am sorry you are stupid."
爸爸：“儿子，你怎么能叫你的婶婶笨蛋呢？去跟她说声对不起。”
儿子：（走到婶婶面前）“婶婶，我很抱歉你是笨蛋。”