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不得不离婚

不得不离婚# Family - 我爱我家

D*22010-04-05 07:04

1 楼

删掉部分内容，因为不想置顶。
我想让两个孩子有一个完整的家，而且小的还不到两岁。所以一直不想离婚。现在看来不得不离婚了。
平时是我带孩子。我知道在美国，孩子一般多是判给母亲。她特别惯孩子，又不管教孩子。我很不放心。我想争小孩的抚养权。
请各位推荐几本好的父亲争抚养权的书。可以发站内邮件给我。如果有电子版的书，就更好了。
另外，已经几个星期睡不好觉了。不知如何是好。希望有办法能让自己睡个好觉。
谢谢!

w*g2010-04-05 07:04

2 楼

you should document her bizzare behavior and her lack of attention to
children.
Have some people visit your home and they can serve as witness that you are
the primary caretaker of your children.

【在 D***2 的大作中提到】

: 删掉部分内容，因为不想置顶。
: 我想让两个孩子有一个完整的家，而且小的还不到两岁。所以一直不想离婚。现在看来不得不离婚了。
: 平时是我带孩子。我知道在美国，孩子一般多是判给母亲。她特别惯孩子，又不管教孩子。我很不放心。我想争小孩的抚养权。
: 请各位推荐几本好的父亲争抚养权的书。可以发站内邮件给我。如果有电子版的书，就更好了。
: 另外，已经几个星期睡不好觉了。不知如何是好。希望有办法能让自己睡个好觉。
: 谢谢!

D*22010-04-05 07:04

3 楼

My parent were here when my second son was born. My father is here now and
my wife keeps asking me sending my father home.

are

【在 w*******g 的大作中提到】

: you should document her bizzare behavior and her lack of attention to
: children.
: Have some people visit your home and they can serve as witness that you are
: the primary caretaker of your children.

m*n2010-04-05 07:04

4 楼

离
收集证据跟法官说她不适合带小孩

p*y2010-04-05 07:04

5 楼

这种老婆真是心理缺陷很大啊
这都多少岁了
离了打算独身一辈子？
不过像挖坑阿
做家务做饭还有时间陪小孩做作业练钢琴
铁人阿

【在 m********n 的大作中提到】

: 离
: 收集证据跟法官说她不适合带小孩

a*e2010-04-05 07:04

6 楼

你做了什么了？为啥她千方百计想离婚？

【在 D***2 的大作中提到】

: My parent were here when my second son was born. My father is here now and
: my wife keeps asking me sending my father home.
:
: are

l*n2010-04-05 07:04

7 楼

多沟通多交流
要不陪她看看心理医生？
是不是因为工作压力大，无处发泄？

【在 D***2 的大作中提到】

: My parent were here when my second son was born. My father is here now and
: my wife keeps asking me sending my father home.
:
: are

g*g2010-04-05 07:04

8 楼

头像好可爱

【在 m********n 的大作中提到】

: 离
: 收集证据跟法官说她不适合带小孩

e*82010-04-05 07:04

9 楼

看不懂lz的老婆怎么这么恨lz呀，lz肯定那儿做的不好了。让一个有两孩子的女人在没
有别的外因的条件下再三要求离婚真的很不容易。

R*o2010-04-05 07:04

10 楼

讨厌打官司跟老婆挣抚养权的父亲
同问你做什么了模范丈夫不至于如此啊表说她有外遇哦

j*f2010-04-05 07:04

11 楼

到底咋了，一定这么作，看在孩子的份上也该努力维持一个完整的家啊

l*l2010-04-05 07:04

12 楼

书没用。找个厉害的律师！

l*l2010-04-05 07:04

13 楼

这么极品的老婆也有？如果你所说都属实，她真的这么CRAZY, 你可以告你老婆诽谤，她进监，孩子就是你的了。这是下下步，万不得一不要走这步。
律师是关键，找个好律师。全盘托出，他会给你个方案。不过钱也会是很多的。

a*22010-04-05 07:04

14 楼

挺讨厌这种歧视性的说法. 说话之前要想想为什么, 就是因为是个女的, 就自动拥有一
切? 那来的规定?
这女的心理不正常, 心态极不稳定, 孩子判给她, 不光要受苦, 而且前途都给毁了.
看看这女的做了什么, 其他的不说, 要给娘家的姐姐接来美国自费读研究生, 这么大的
事情, 竟然不同丈夫商量, 起码征求下意见, 就充分地说明, 要么极端自私(对丈夫),
要么心态很幼稚. 其实逐字逐句地读下去, 如此发复无常, 可以想象都是问题.
能这么评论楼主的, 肯定也是个极品, 因为(他/她)对此都已经习以为常了.
建议离, 早离早超生.

【在 R***o 的大作中提到】

: 讨厌打官司跟老婆挣抚养权的父亲
: 同问你做什么了模范丈夫不至于如此啊表说她有外遇哦

d*12010-04-05 07:04

15 楼

要收集她带不好孩子的证据和证人。我一个朋友，孩子就判给爸爸了。不过，你lp为什
么要离婚呀，就是因为你不听她的？双方好好找找原因吧。

D*22010-04-05 07:04

16 楼

You mean I should do what her friends told, 净身出门?
Well, she 宠 children very much, and think everything is not important,
except the spiritual. In our home, almost no any rules for the children, the
children almost can do whatever they want.
She does not care of the child's homework, she do not 管教 children and she
has no 精力 to take care of the children. That is the reason why I want to
have the children.

【在 R***o 的大作中提到】

: 讨厌打官司跟老婆挣抚养权的父亲
: 同问你做什么了模范丈夫不至于如此啊表说她有外遇哦

y*42010-04-05 07:04

17 楼

poor thing.......evidence are very important. you need to collect enough
documentation to prove that she is a bad mother......(if she really did the
things you describe.) But then again, on the other hand, it is very cruel to
a mother to lose her children.

D*22010-04-05 07:04

18 楼

If I can know how he could get the children custody, that would be great!
I tried to talk with my wife, but she refused to do so. I went to see
several family counselors and my wife did not go with me. I was told by the
counselors I should find an attorney.
I agree that I am not perfect. Meanwhile, I do not think I am that bad,
either. I am willing to change myself, just do not know where/what to do.

【在 d*******1 的大作中提到】

: 要收集她带不好孩子的证据和证人。我一个朋友，孩子就判给爸爸了。不过，你lp为什
: 么要离婚呀，就是因为你不听她的？双方好好找找原因吧。

D*22010-04-05 07:04

19 楼

Thank you very much for your support.
I did not want to take this step, if it is not absolutely the path I have to
go.
I do not know how to tell her that she could visit the 心理 doctor. I am
willing to spend all money as long as she is willing to try. but no, she
said she has no any any 心理 problem. I never said to her she has 心理
problem, just once, I told one her friend, both of us could visit 心理
doctor, he told me neither of us has 心理 issues.

,

【在 a**2 的大作中提到】

: 挺讨厌这种歧视性的说法. 说话之前要想想为什么, 就是因为是个女的, 就自动拥有一
: 切? 那来的规定?
: 这女的心理不正常, 心态极不稳定, 孩子判给她, 不光要受苦, 而且前途都给毁了.
: 看看这女的做了什么, 其他的不说, 要给娘家的姐姐接来美国自费读研究生, 这么大的
: 事情, 竟然不同丈夫商量, 起码征求下意见, 就充分地说明, 要么极端自私(对丈夫),
: 要么心态很幼稚. 其实逐字逐句地读下去, 如此发复无常, 可以想象都是问题.
: 能这么评论楼主的, 肯定也是个极品, 因为(他/她)对此都已经习以为常了.
: 建议离, 早离早超生.

k*92010-04-05 07:04

20 楼

这句话好象没经过大脑

【在 R***o 的大作中提到】

: 讨厌打官司跟老婆挣抚养权的父亲
: 同问你做什么了模范丈夫不至于如此啊表说她有外遇哦

D*22010-04-05 07:04

21 楼

I met two lawyers. One is like a Hawk, a Shark, he wanted to test my wife's mental health, and asked me for all her emails. He told me I could easily spend $30k. The other one is like a Dove, he did not want to test my wife's mental health issue, did not want to read my wife's email, he told me that waste my money. he told me I ought to spend less than $10K. I just need a Guardian to investigate.
I did not know which one I should use as my attorney.
I could not sleep well these weeks. I had neve

【在 l********l 的大作中提到】

: 这么极品的老婆也有？如果你所说都属实，她真的这么CRAZY, 你可以告你老婆诽谤，她进监，孩子就是你的了。这是下下步，万不得一不要走这步。
: 律师是关键，找个好律师。全盘托出，他会给你个方案。不过钱也会是很多的。

w*62010-04-05 07:04

22 楼

Meet with a lawyer that has a track record. Getting a good lawyer is very
important. I remember someone told me normally Mom gets kids unless she is
on drugs or meantally unstable, or give up on her own.

t*n2010-04-05 07:04

23 楼

我挺关心一件事，lz说他lp起诉他强奸还有施暴什么的（记不太清了，lz又把内容删掉
了），我记得lz在描述中说的是他lp败诉，而不是说他自己没做过，那么，请问lz，你
到底有没有对你lp动手？？？你是完全被冤枉的么？我想孩子宁可跟着一个不怎么管教
的妈，也不能跟着一个施暴的爸。

a*e2010-04-05 07:04

24 楼

嗯，lz肯定是有问题的，否则一个已经生了一个小孩正在生第二个的女人怎么这么
desperate要离婚呢？难不成第二个孩子是在强x的情况下要的，然后这个女的如此想离
婚又走头无路，甚至求助于宗教。。。。

【在 t********n 的大作中提到】

: 我挺关心一件事，lz说他lp起诉他强奸还有施暴什么的（记不太清了，lz又把内容删掉
: 了），我记得lz在描述中说的是他lp败诉，而不是说他自己没做过，那么，请问lz，你
: 到底有没有对你lp动手？？？你是完全被冤枉的么？我想孩子宁可跟着一个不怎么管教
: 的妈，也不能跟着一个施暴的爸。

t*a2010-04-05 07:04

25 楼

"Well, she 宠 children very much, and think everything is not important,
except the spiritual. In our home, almost no any rules for the children, the
children almost can do whatever they want. She does not care of the child's
homework, she do not 管教 children and she has no 精力 to take care of the
children. That is the reason why I want to have the children."

D*22010-04-05 07:04

26 楼

Most part of what you said is right. so I do not think we should divorce.
Here is one example: I asked the kids to eat dinner while he was watching TV
. my wife said right away, he is not hungry, why you ask him eating. he will
eat when he needs. then before beding, she gave him food.
I suggested that we could get help from family counselor or/and parenting
counselor. I am willing to change myself. but my wife refused to go with me,
although I made several appointments. Anyhow, I do not think sh

【在 t****a 的大作中提到】

: "Well, she 宠 children very much, and think everything is not important,
: except the spiritual. In our home, almost no any rules for the children, the
: children almost can do whatever they want. She does not care of the child's
: homework, she do not 管教 children and she has no 精力 to take care of the
: children. That is the reason why I want to have the children."

D*22010-04-05 07:04

27 楼

well, our second son was planned.
She went to Church before we met.She refused to go to Christan church now.

【在 a******e 的大作中提到】

: 嗯，lz肯定是有问题的，否则一个已经生了一个小孩正在生第二个的女人怎么这么
: desperate要离婚呢？难不成第二个孩子是在强x的情况下要的，然后这个女的如此想离
: 婚又走头无路，甚至求助于宗教。。。。

D*22010-04-05 07:04

28 楼

Thank you for your concerns.
As you might know, in U.S. the "system" protect the children and mother, not
the father. If I did any of them, do you think I could be that lucky?
Again, I am not perfect. I know I could do better. I have my fault, too.

【在 t********n 的大作中提到】

t*a2010-04-05 07:04

29 楼

Haha, even the example you gave sounds like what my husband would give. But
that's nothing serious and if both sides have mutual respect and are willing
to communicate and resolve the differences, it is not a big issue.
BTW, I also don't like the way your wife handled this based on what you said
. But again, as an outsider, I don't really what had happened that led to
all this mess.
I wish you can find the best solution for your kids because they are
innocent and shouldn't suffer from your confl

【在 D***2 的大作中提到】

: Most part of what you said is right. so I do not think we should divorce.
: Here is one example: I asked the kids to eat dinner while he was watching TV
: . my wife said right away, he is not hungry, why you ask him eating. he will
: eat when he needs. then before beding, she gave him food.
: I suggested that we could get help from family counselor or/and parenting
: counselor. I am willing to change myself. but my wife refused to go with me,
: although I made several appointments. Anyhow, I do not think sh

h*d2010-04-05 07:04

30 楼

有些州有shared custody

来不得不离婚了。
孩子。我很不放心。我想争小孩的抚养权。
就更好了。

【在 D***2 的大作中提到】

m*82010-04-05 07:04

31 楼

Stop thinking about this mess, do some exercise and get yourself tired, try
to have a good sleep first.
Move out and get your life sorted out.

来不得不离婚了。
孩子。我很不放心。我想争小孩的抚养权。
就更好了。

【在 D***2 的大作中提到】

D*22010-04-05 07:04

32 楼

Yes, it is joint custody. Joint custody needs both parents agree.

【在 h*d 的大作中提到】

: 有些州有shared custody
:
: 来不得不离婚了。
: 孩子。我很不放心。我想争小孩的抚养权。
: 就更好了。

D*22010-04-05 07:04

33 楼

Thanks!
This is the first time I wrote my mess here.

try

【在 m****8 的大作中提到】

: Stop thinking about this mess, do some exercise and get yourself tired, try
: to have a good sleep first.
: Move out and get your life sorted out.
:
: 来不得不离婚了。
: 孩子。我很不放心。我想争小孩的抚养权。
: 就更好了。

k*t2010-04-05 07:04

34 楼

A colleague of mine (male) divorced in California and got custody for his
two daughters while his wife made more than he did. He said he just provided
proof that he was the main caregiver to the children. Proving that it is he
who tucked the children in bed every night, driving them to school, taking
them to the doctors, etc..

w*g2010-04-05 07:04

35 楼

,
顶。这个分析得在理

【在 a**2 的大作中提到】

s*y2010-04-05 07:04

36 楼

你老婆都2孩子还想离婚？很怀疑你有你说的那么好。

来不得不离婚了。
孩子。我很不放心。我想争小孩的抚养权。
就更好了。

【在 D***2 的大作中提到】

a*i2010-04-05 07:04

37 楼

靠，看不到原贴了，探轶一下

n*u2010-04-05 07:04

38 楼

很多中国人在美国交友太不谨慎
认识几天就同居
很多都为将来的不幸埋下伏笔

h*d2010-04-05 07:04

39 楼

如果精神有问题的话做出什么来都不奇怪.

【在 s***y 的大作中提到】

: 你老婆都2孩子还想离婚？很怀疑你有你说的那么好。
:
: 来不得不离婚了。
: 孩子。我很不放心。我想争小孩的抚养权。
: 就更好了。

d*12010-04-05 07:04

40 楼

就是爸爸找了好多他的朋友，在法庭上证明他是个好爸爸。当然，法庭会找人去实地看
的，比如你的居住条件。
不过，好像离婚要先分居，然后分财产等等，最后才分孩子。时间挺长的。
如果只是教育方式双方没有共识，就睁一眼闭一眼吧。离婚对小孩也不好。不过，小孩
子会懂事的，你对他好，他是知道的，你每天照顾他的生活起居，他就会和你亲的。

the

【在 D***2 的大作中提到】

: If I can know how he could get the children custody, that would be great!
: I tried to talk with my wife, but she refused to do so. I went to see
: several family counselors and my wife did not go with me. I was told by the
: counselors I should find an attorney.
: I agree that I am not perfect. Meanwhile, I do not think I am that bad,
: either. I am willing to change myself, just do not know where/what to do.

D*22010-04-05 07:04

41 楼

Thank you very much for you info! I will try to get supports from friends.
Since I stay home for taking care of children, I do not have many friends
around me. My wife has lots of co-workers, religion brothers/sisters, etc.
And she emailed to them/told them how bad I was.

【在 d*******1 的大作中提到】

: 就是爸爸找了好多他的朋友，在法庭上证明他是个好爸爸。当然，法庭会找人去实地看
: 的，比如你的居住条件。
: 不过，好像离婚要先分居，然后分财产等等，最后才分孩子。时间挺长的。
: 如果只是教育方式双方没有共识，就睁一眼闭一眼吧。离婚对小孩也不好。不过，小孩
: 子会懂事的，你对他好，他是知道的，你每天照顾他的生活起居，他就会和你亲的。
:
: the

m*a2010-04-05 07:04

42 楼

House-Husband?

【在 D***2 的大作中提到】

: Thank you very much for you info! I will try to get supports from friends.
: Since I stay home for taking care of children, I do not have many friends
: around me. My wife has lots of co-workers, religion brothers/sisters, etc.
: And she emailed to them/told them how bad I was.

g*92010-04-05 07:04

43 楼

确实没有必要供养亲戚的孩子读书

D*22010-04-05 07:04

44 楼

Yes, kind of. Meanwhile I work in the morning, earlier afternoon, and
several hours before sleep. I have flexible schedule job.

【在 m****a 的大作中提到】

: House-Husband?

D*22010-04-05 07:04

45 楼

Thanks for comment.

【在 g*********9 的大作中提到】

: 确实没有必要供养亲戚的孩子读书

m*n2010-04-05 07:04

46 楼

你老婆可能不是很坏的女人，但决不是正常的女人。
我是对来美国，一下就找到主的人，不论男女，敬而远之。
有的教派很极端，入了教的某些中国人，就像练了大法。
如果你想要孩子的主抚养权，首先要证明你有能力作一个合格的父亲，其次要证明你老
婆不适合抚养孩子。
如果你不能证明这点，你是一点机会也没有，不如就这样凑合着，可以AA。时间多，就
多带孩子，让她去搞宗教活动。
其实开始的时候，你可以假支持，让她成为教会积极分子，整天去传教，没时间在家就
好了。

r*12010-04-05 07:04

47 楼

“入了教的某些中国人，就像练了大法"

【在 m******n 的大作中提到】

: 你老婆可能不是很坏的女人，但决不是正常的女人。
: 我是对来美国，一下就找到主的人，不论男女，敬而远之。
: 有的教派很极端，入了教的某些中国人，就像练了大法。
: 如果你想要孩子的主抚养权，首先要证明你有能力作一个合格的父亲，其次要证明你老
: 婆不适合抚养孩子。
: 如果你不能证明这点，你是一点机会也没有，不如就这样凑合着，可以AA。时间多，就
: 多带孩子，让她去搞宗教活动。
: 其实开始的时候，你可以假支持，让她成为教会积极分子，整天去传教，没时间在家就
: 好了。

D*22010-04-05 07:04

48 楼

Well, maybe you are right. As you agree, some of them are crazy, but not all
of them. Some of them are really good.
Now my wife does not go to Church, and she said she found "higher" level
believes. One of the reason is, she got married because of the Church people
, and now she wants to divorce, which is against the bible.
I know, it's hard for father to get custoday in U.S.
Thanks!

【在 m******n 的大作中提到】

h*o2010-04-05 07:04

49 楼

你老婆有外遇了

D*22010-04-05 07:04

50 楼

How do you know? I do not know this. How can I know? I asked my wife, she
said she had no such thing.

【在 h******o 的大作中提到】

: 你老婆有外遇了

j*72010-04-05 07:04

51 楼

你是不是太女人了？女人需要被征服，才会对你顺顺贴贴

f*g2010-04-05 07:04

52 楼

其实在美国离婚的并不是都要把孩子判给母亲，就像前面有人提到的，法官看的是孩子
由谁照顾会生活的更稳定。如果你能出具证据证明孩子一直是有你照顾，你的工作时间
也是有利于照顾孩子，那么你应该有机会的。另外法官最不愿做的是把年龄小的孩子只
判给一方家长，如果你不想和孩子的母亲分享抚养权，那么你就要收集足够的证据证明
分享抚养权对孩子成长不利。切记：法庭看的是证据，不听故事。
我的建议是：为了孩子，可不可以和你的老婆先协议分居一段时间，这样两个人都体验
一下没有的另一半的“日子“，然后再作决定。
一段婚姻，两个无故的孩子，不要说拆就拆。。
祝福你们

D*22010-04-05 07:04

53 楼

Thank you very much for your suggestions. My wife is not willing to talk to
me now. She said she would divorce first, no matter what.

【在 f*********g 的大作中提到】

: 其实在美国离婚的并不是都要把孩子判给母亲，就像前面有人提到的，法官看的是孩子
: 由谁照顾会生活的更稳定。如果你能出具证据证明孩子一直是有你照顾，你的工作时间
: 也是有利于照顾孩子，那么你应该有机会的。另外法官最不愿做的是把年龄小的孩子只
: 判给一方家长，如果你不想和孩子的母亲分享抚养权，那么你就要收集足够的证据证明
: 分享抚养权对孩子成长不利。切记：法庭看的是证据，不听故事。
: 我的建议是：为了孩子，可不可以和你的老婆先协议分居一段时间，这样两个人都体验
: 一下没有的另一半的“日子“，然后再作决定。
: 一段婚姻，两个无故的孩子，不要说拆就拆。。
: 祝福你们