College Essay系列（三十二）：Waitlist 文书 之 Williams 和 Vanderbilt

华裔女生的Williams-WL Essay：

Jenny Zhang on Questbridge

Brown-ED/R; Swarthmore-RD/A; Williams-RD/WL; Amherst-RD/A; Vandy-RD/WL; USC-RD/R; Duke-RD/R; Harvard-RD/R; Princeton-RD/R; Yale-RD/R; Cornell-RD/R; Columbia-RD/R; UPenn-RD/A

Prompt: Challenge/Growth

To my dedicated and sacrificial parents,

Life for you must’ve been hard, starting afresh with only a vague plan for a better life.

Did having Joseph two years before me prepare you adequately for me? I was such a sassy, expensive baby, and wow, am I an ugly crier.

It must’ve been tough putting up with my tantrums over not having my food groups touch when we barely made enough to put the food there in the first place. I mean, mixing Chinese and Korean dishes accidentally is alright guess, but that was such an insensitive habit for you to endure. It must’ve been hard when you both came home after working long hours, and I’d whine until we played one more game of hide-and-seek.

Dang, I remember when Dad was working a double night shift and I threw a fit over some vegetables while he was sleeping, and he came out to yell at me and Joseph. I remember getting really angry at you, but now I realize how inconsiderate I was.

I remember when Joshua was born, two days before my eighth birthday, no one was home to celebrate with me; I remember resenting him and the family for it. I remember thjat I basically raised Joshua when Mom was gone: changing his diapers, showering him, and reading him to sleep, while at the same time trying to fit in the activities Mom wanted Joseph and me to do. Extra prep book work. Chinese school on Saturdays. Korean school on Sundays. Whatever else, I guess.

It annoyed me that, despite my skill on the piano outgrowing Mom’s skill as her primitive knowledge in the instrument wasn’t enough to teach me to be good on the instrument, she’d continue to lecture me and give me what I felt like underserved and unprofessional tips mostly consisting of “put more soul into it.”

Wow, was I a bratty and selfish princess, but once high school came around, I think that this time was when I was finally able to pick up after myself. I became smarter or so I’d like to think (I know…still questionable), but I kept forcing myself into Joseph’s shoes of a reclusive intellectual — I joined all the STEM clubs that he joined like Science Olympiad and competed in events that he competed in because I guess, deep down, I just wanted to be better than him. Yikes, but at least this was when I really started to mature.

I started to competing in Disease Detectives because I thought that I loved epidemiology, but I soon realized that I am not someone who wants to study the disease itself. Rather, I want to focus on how the disease affects people — how infectious disease affected the economy, daily habits, and culture of society. I want a wider perspective of the entire world, not just a micro-perspective limited to the individual.

I think I patterned my definition of success too much on what Joseph did, because what everyone told me was what success seemed like, but now I know that being successful isn’t relegated to academic performance or knowing facts I don’t need to be academically smart to achieve success; I define success as utilizing my personality to build a cohesive community.

I learned this when I woke up at five in the morning to hand out water bottles for the Cystic Fibrosis Awareness Walk in the pouring rain and talked to the survivors who were pouring forth their stories. I’ve tried it his and your way — I’ve tried to be the walking calculator or human encyclopedia that just spits out facts, but I couldn’t. Its not Jennifer. I am not just academically smart, I am people-smart.

I don’t hesitate to give back to the community around me and abroad. I’m always looking for an opportunity to donate my time and energy to those less fortunate than me. I can’t help but to prioritize other before myself. I love people — humanity. That’s my success.

I know you’re doing the best you can for us, especially for me, the princess of the household. Looking back, I was taught to mature quickly. I found my love of children after all those years of babysitting. I gained self-confidence and I eventually grew. I grew into crescent-eyed smiler you see today. The free-spirited dreamer. The spontaneous traveler. The talkative entertainer. The powerful fighter.

I’m sorry for being the reckless child who took you for granted. I’m sorry for resenting you for giving me such a rough childhood. All you wanted was a better life for me — for all your children. YOU exceeded the “American Dream.”

I know I dodn’t say “thank you” enough and I never will. There aren’t enough “thank you.” All I can say is…

I love you.

Your precious daughter.

【凸子评语】

这可真是一篇感人的文章。这种感人的文章，我找不出不好的地方。

不仅我喜欢。读过的网友，也好多都是内牛满面的。

那为什么Williams给了WL呢？因为各校对Questbridge的政策，都是配额制度的。虽然每年并不确定某个数量，但还是规定了一个数字范围的。招到这个范围的人数，招生办就算是完成任务了。

这个逻辑里，申请者除了拼惨，就是拼运气。本文的作者运气也挺好。不过，人家没接Williams的转正。而是去了UPenn了。

但是，这篇可不能作为你们的范本的哦。一是Questbridge不是多数人的通道，二是模仿来的故事也不可能感人。

能感人的，必须是你自己的东西。自古文章皆是如此。

白人女生的Vanderbilt-WL Essay

Jackie Rhoads

Vandy-RD/WL/A; Harvard-RD/WL; UPenn-RD/WL; Cornell-RD/WL; Georgetown-RD/WL

Prompt: Obstacle/Later Success

Tossing and turning all night long, dreaming of princess magic visions of fireworks sparking above Cinderella’s castle filled me night. My alarm sounded and, as I opened my eyes reluctantly registering the time on the clock, I allowed the Magic Kingdom to drift away. I knew I couldn’t stay in bed dreaming all day. I had to get up to and get to work. Our family trip to Disney World was only three weeks away.

As you see, I am a huge Disney fan. I opened my Disney World App as I did daily and studied wait time for redlines. In my notebook I recorded the morning’s results scanning for patterns in a matter of days I would begin my usual routine opening an excel sheet I’d titled Disney Schedule and labeling the rows by day and the columns by time activities and location. Throughout our trip, I would adjust the spreadsheet, noting closings and any changes in wait times. In my view, I had the ability to break our leisure time down to a science.

From the time I was small, I’ve had a strong desire to squeeze the most out of every positive experience, whether in school theatre singing or visiting the Magic Kingdom. I approached things I loved most by studying their parts, analyzing each aspect as I aim to use my intellect to expand my joy.

Sometimes, my analytical nature and ambition did bring success. As a freshman, I was cut from my first-year production from the afterschool choir group. I remember feeling so defeated, but quickly reverted to my methodology of choice, considering the performances of my peers had succeeded and charting out critical steps to my desired outcome. I practiced dancing, acting, and singing. I studied different components of voice, until I understood the adjustment I need to make to improve. With my effort and determination, I was soon cast in the more competitive spring musical as well as the selective choir group.

But coming to junior year I was repeatedly disappointed with Callas. Why wasn’t I getting the parts for which I strived? I followed the tried-and-true course, charted steps to success, but was only finding frustration and disappointment.

Determined to break the cycle, I met with my theatre teacher to ask why I was felling short. In his words, I was stuck in my own head analyzing each aspect of my auditions and consequently letting go my character. I kept emphasizing my willingness to make changes, but, to my dismay, there was nothing explicit that I could do. No set-in-certain plan.

My break instead came in the form of realization that I had to let go my analytical side and pursue passion with abandoned not a road map. Determined, I occupied the skin of the character and trusted I could succeed without the voice in my head discepting every action.

In the fall show of my senior year, Disney’s Newsies, I resolved to let go to feel my way to the role and express the character’s emotions in my own voice. It took good three years but I was cast as the leading female role. I have always defined myself through my instinctive optimism, my desire to see magic and glitter in life. Yet I come to realize that a tendency to try to analyze and master situations to attempt to maximize the good will always be a part of me too. My challenge is to seek balance to know the lions but to allow myself to feel and live the part.

As I step forward into my future, eager to embrace a role that both magical and practical, I will build a strong foundation from hard work and focus, but allow myself to step back and breathe and enjoy the ride.

【凸子评语】

这是一篇超级WL的范本。说超级，是因为所有她申请的顶尖校都给了她WL，包括哈佛、宾大、康奈尔、乔治城和范德堡。最后是范德堡给她转正了。

来说说这篇的好处。文字流畅，故事走线清晰，从自身长期养成的优点Analytical出发，引出Theatre活动中的Obstacle，在障碍的克服中学到step back，最后得出主题both art and science，既magical又practical。很好！

但还是不够好。

对于H、甚至大多数学校来说，这一类追求完美主义的跌倒、再站起的故事，是高度重复性的。重复，不仅在于主题，还在于故事的细节。这不，去年早申前，我又着笔改过一篇这样的故事。

音乐啊，完美主义啊，退一步吧。只读一篇的话，你觉得 success waits in one’s backyard。对于读完半个申请季的AO来说，那些从极致追求中学会“退一步海阔天空”的wisdom或者“宁为玉碎不为瓦全”的ethic的故事，让AO们觉得 success must have flooded so many backyards。

明年？Again。后年？And again。