医学生日记2016年3月8日-她可能是我的母亲

医学生日记2016年3月8日-她可能是我的母亲
阿山 （庞静译）二零一六年三月八日

胰腺囊肿和胰腺癌 — 时间的不同，生和死的区别。

我和弟弟曾经陪伴着妈妈经历了诊断，治疗、和康复。那是一个很小的良性囊肿，早期发现，监视了很多年之后彻底切除，完全康复。

今天我的病人比我妈妈当年老了三十岁，这段时间足够了，一个良性胰腺囊肿一定能发展成胰腺癌 。

很小的事情都可以把你和临床联上。她坐在轮椅上，从住院区被推到这里。我期待的是一个重病垂危的老患者。她看上去不太一样，非常瘦（久病的结果），骨架很小，和我们常见的超肥重的病患形成了鲜明的对比。她的身材和她的诊断使我马上就在脑子里比较了她和我自己的母亲。

她的两个成年的儿子都来了。他们放下了手头所有的事情来陪伴她。当年妈妈住院的时候，弟弟和我放下了所有学校的功课。他们相差18个月，我和弟弟也相差18个月。哥哥看上去很外向开朗，跟我一样，进行了全部与医护人员的沟通。而那个弟弟很安静，在他母亲身边寸步不离，像我弟弟一样，只字不漏地听着周围人的交谈。她真的就可能是我的母亲。

但是这里有一个很大的区别：我妈妈的是良性胰腺囊肿，可以完全治愈，没有什么凶险；而她已经知道时日不多了，没必要再施行切除癌灶的大型手术，现在只是采取一点小措施，使她活得舒服一点。

昨天的事情让我学乖了。我知道我为她做不了什么，但是我有时间，当她等待小手术时，我可以站在她旁边和她聊天。她的儿子们努力让她的脸上一直布满了笑容，她的身边一直充满了笑声。她对我说：

“我天天都在感谢上帝给了我八十年的健康，让我有两个儿子，他们非常爱我，一直为了让我得到一个幸福的结局而努力。”

她说这话时眼睛里有泪水。她那个很健谈的大儿子这时候也是非常安静地低头看着地面。

当她小手术之后醒来时，跟所有手术之后从麻醉中苏醒过来的病人一样，她很难受。这时候我也没办法。我只能握着她的手，确定毯子能给她保温。

时间的区别，她不可能是我的妈妈。

March 8, 2016 – She could have been my mom

Pancreatic cyst and pancreatic adenocarcinoma – a difference of time, a difference of life and death.

My brother and I were the ones that were beside my mother for her diagnosis, treatment, and recovery process. It was a small benign cyst, detected early, monitored for many years, completely removed, and allowed for a full recovery.

My patient today was about 30 years older than my mother, plenty of time for a benign pancreatic cyst to make the cancerous transition into pancreatic adenocarcinoma.

The smallest things allow you to make a connection in the clinical setting. When she was wheeled down from the inpatient unit, I was expecting another old sick patient. But she was only slightly different, being very thin (in part due to her long illness) and of a slight frame, a notable contrast to the majority of overweight patients we see. Her size and her diagnosis were what first made me make the comparison of her to my mom in my head.

Then, came her two adult sons. They had dropped everything to come be with her, my brother and I both neglected quite some schoolwork during my mom’s hospitalization. They were separated in age by 18 months, same as me and my brother. There was a sociable and friendly older brother that did all the talking with the medical staff, like me. There was quiet younger brother that did not leave his mother’s side and despite his quietness, paid attention to every word being said, like my younger brother. This woman definitely could have been my mother.

But there was one major difference. My mom had a benign cyst and was expected to make a full recovery with relatively low risk. This woman knew she did not have long to live, forgoing the large extensive operation to remove the cancer, and instead electing for short surgeries to just make her more comfortable.

I learned my lesson from yesterday. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do much for her, but I had the time, so I just stood next to her and talked to her while she was waiting for her procedure to get started. Her sons did their best to keep her smiling and laughing the entire time. In one moment, she told me:

“I thank God every day for giving me 80 years of a healthy life, and for letting me have 2 sons that love me so much to work so hard to make sure I’m happy at the end”

There were tears in her eyes. Even the talkative son was quiet and looking down at the ground.

When she was waking up from her procedure, she was in quite a bit of discomfort, like anybody that is waking up from surgery and anesthesia. At this stage, I still couldn’t do much. I just held her hand and made sure the blanket was keeping her warm.

The difference of time, she could’ve been my mom.