TED演讲｜孤独前行的道路上，你并不是一个人！

You Are Not Alone in Your Loneliness

大家好。我要给你们介绍一个人。这是Jomny。我解释一下，应该叫"Jonny"， 但是"n"不小心拼成了"m"，人无完人嘛。

Jomny is an alien who has been sent to earth with a mission to study humans. Jomny is feeling lost and alone and far from home, and I think we've all felt this way. Or, at least I have. I wrote this story about this alien at a moment in my life when I was feeling particularly alien. I had just moved to Cambridge and started my doctoral program at MIT, and I was feeling intimidated and isolated and very much like I didn't belong.

Jomny是外星人。他被送到地球研究人类。他远离家乡，又孤独又彷徨。这种感觉大家都不陌生吧。至少，对我来说并不陌生。曾有一段时间，我感觉自己就像个外星人，于是写下了这个外星人的故事。那时我才搬到剑桥，刚开始我的MIT博士课程，感觉势单力薄、孤立无援，觉得自己不属于那里。

But I had a lifeline of sorts. See, I was writing jokes for years and years and sharing them on social media, and I found that I was turning to doing this more and more.

但我有一些自救方法。那时我已经连续多年在社交网络上分享我编的笑话，而且随着孤独感的增加，我分享的笑话越来越多。

Now, for many people, the internet can feel like a lonely place. It can feel like this, a big, endless, expansive void where you can constantly call out to it but no one's ever listening. But I actually found a comfort in speaking out to the void. I found, in sharing my feelings with the void, eventually the void started to speak back. And it turns out that the void isn't this endless lonely expanse at all, but instead it's full of all sorts of other people, also staring out into it and also wanting to be heard.

我知道对很多人而言，网络是个孤独的地方。就像这里一样，宽广、无穷的一片空虚。你可以在这里大声呼喊，但没人听到。但我在向空虚说话之后，找到了慰藉。我发现，向空虚分享我的感觉以后，我得到了空虚的回应。我发现这片空虚， 其实并非无穷孤寂的空间，而是充满着不同的人，这些人也在望着这片空虚，并且希望自己的心声得到回应。

Now, there have been many bad things that have come from social media. I'm not trying to dispute that at all. To be online at any given point is to feel so much sadness and anger and violence. It can feel like the end of the world. Yet, at the same time, I'm conflicted because I can't deny the fact that so many of my closest friends are people that I had met originally online. And I think that's partly because there's this confessional nature to social media.

确实，社交网络上充斥着不良信息。这一点我无法否认。网络时时刻刻让我们感觉到无比的悲伤、愤怒和暴力。有时，感觉就像世界末日。但同时，我也很矛盾， 因为我也无法否认，我许多特别亲近的朋友，都是通过网络认识的。我觉得其中一部分原因，是社交网络的自白属性。

It can feel like you are writing in this personal, intimate diary that's completely private, yet at the same time you want everyone in the world to read it. And I think part of that, the joy of that is that we get to experience things from perspectives from people who are completely different from ourselves, and sometimes that's a nice thing.

在网络写非常私人、亲密的日记，可以是完全隐私的，但同时你又希望全世界的人都能读到。我认为，在其中有一些乐趣， 那就是我们可以从跟自己完全不同的人的视角，去体验，而有些时候，这种体验是好的。

For example, when I first joined Twitter, I found that so many of the people that I was following were talking about mental health and going to therapy in ways that had none of the stigma that they often do when we talk about these issues in person. Through them, the conversation around mental health was normalized, and they helped me realize that going to therapy was something that would help me as well.

比如，我最初加入推特时，发现很多我关注的人，都在探讨心理健康、心理咨询，而他们在网上的探讨，往往没有面对面探讨面临的种种困难。通过他们，关于心理健康的话题变得正常，他们也帮我认识到，咨询心理医生也可以帮助到我。

Now, for many people, it sounds like a scary idea to be talking about all these topics so publicly and so openly on the internet. I feel like a lot of people think that it is a big, scary thing to be online if you're not already perfectly and fully formed. But I think the internet can be actually a great place to not know, and I think we can treat that with excitement, because to me there's something important about sharing your imperfections and your insecurities and your vulnerabilities with other people.

我知道对许多人来说，在网络上公开、毫不保留地探讨这些话题，想想就很恐怖。许多人认为，如果你本身不是一个完美、健全的人， 那在网上就是一件很恐怖的事情。但我认为，网络上的这种未知是好的，我们可以用一种新奇的心态看待它，因为对我来说，分享自己的不完美是重要的，和他人分享自己的不安和脆弱，也是必要的。【我就像一颗洋葱，一层层拨开以后，是一个更渺小、更胆怯的洋葱】

Now, when someone shares that they feel sad or afraid or alone, for example, it actually makes me feel less alone, not by getting rid of any of my loneliness but by showing me that I am not alone in feeling lonely. And as a writer and as an artist, I care very much about making this comfort of being vulnerable a communal thing, something that we can share with each other. I'm excited about externalizing the internal, about taking those invisible personal feelings that I don't have words for, holding them to the light, putting words to them, and then sharing them with other people in the hopes that it might help them find words to find their feelings as well.

当他人分享他们的悲伤、害怕，或是孤独的时候，这其实让我感觉没有那么孤单了。他们没有让我摆脱孤独的状态，却让我认识到，我的孤独并不孤单。作为一个作家、艺术家，我很重视让人们能够一起、无所顾虑地向他人分享自己的脆弱。让我激动的是，将内在的东西外化，将我不能用言语表达的无形的情感，公之于众，为它们赋予文字，并且和他人分享，

Now, I know that sounds like a big thing, but ultimately I'm interested in putting all these things into small, approachable packages, because when we can hide them into these smaller pieces, I think they are easier to approach, I think they're more fun. I think they can more easily help us see our shared humanness. Sometimes that takes the form of a short story, sometimes that takes the form of a cute book of illustrations, for example. And sometimes that takes the form of a silly joke that I'll throw on the internet. For example, a few months ago, I posted this app idea for a dog-walking service where a dog shows up at your door and you have to get out of the house and go for a walk.

希望它们能为他人的情感赋予文字。我知道这些话很大，但我最终感兴趣的是把这些大事，分成小而易懂的小事，因为我们可以把大事隐藏在小事里，这样就更方便理解，也更有趣。这种方式很容易帮助我们看到我们共同的人性。有时这些小事，以故事的形式呈现，有时是可爱的插画书。有时它们是我网上发布的傻乎乎的笑话。举个例子，几个月前，我提出了一个新应用的提议：遛狗服务，狗来到你家门前，你必须出门遛狗，顺便散散步。

If there are app developers in the audience, please find me after the talk. Or, I like to share every time I feel anxious about sending an email. When I sign my emails "Best," it's short for "I am trying my best," which is short for "Please don't hate me, I promise I'm trying my best!"

如果现场有应用开发人员，等会儿我们可以聊一聊。再举个例子，我会分享每次我发邮件的焦虑。邮件落款“最好的(best)”，指的是“我尽了最好的努力”，全称是“千万别恨我，我真的尽了最大的努力！”

Or my answer to the classic icebreaker, if I could have dinner with anyone, dead or alive, I would. I am very lonely. And I find that when I post things like these online, the reaction is very similar. People come together to share a laugh, to share in that feeling, and then to disburse just as quickly.

再比如，我对一个经典问题的回答：如果我可以和任何一个人吃饭，不管活人还是死人，我都愿意，我太孤单了。我发现，把这些笑话在网上发布以后，得到的回应大体相同。人们聚到一起，分享快乐，分享感情，然后快速消失。

Yes, leaving me once again alone. But I think sometimes these little gatherings can be quite meaningful.

对，我又孤单一人了。不过我认为这些小型聚会是非常有意义的。

For example, when I graduated from architecture school and I moved to Cambridge, I posted this question: "How many people in your life have you already had your last conversation with?" And I was thinking about my own friends who had moved away to different cities and different countries, even, and how hard it would be for me to keep in touch with them. But other people started replying and sharing their own experiences.

举例说，我从建筑学校毕业，搬到剑桥以后， 我发布了这个问题：“你和生命里的多少人，已经不会有交流了？”我当时心里在想 那些搬走的朋友们，他们去了不同的城市，甚至国家，我也在想，和他们 保持联系会有多难。之后，网上的其他人开始分享他们自己的故事。

Somebody talked about a family member they had a falling out with. Someone talked about a loved one who had passed away quickly and unexpectedly. Someone else talked about their friends from school who had moved away as well. But then something really nice started happening. Instead of just replying to me, people started replying to each other, and they started to talk to each other and share their own experiences and comfort each other and encourage each other to reach out to that friend that they hadn't spoken to in a while or that family member that they had a falling out with.

有人说自己和家人闹翻了，有人说自己心爱的人去世了，一切都发生得很突然，很出人意料。有人说他们学校里的朋友也搬走了。在这之后，发生了一些奇妙的事，人们不只回应我的推文，也开始回应彼此的评论，并且分享自己的经历来安慰彼此、鼓励彼此，联络许久不联系的朋友，或是闹翻了的家人。

And eventually, we got this little tiny microcommunity. It felt like this support group formed of all sorts of people coming together. And I think every time we post online, every time we do this, there's a chance that these little microcommunities can form. There's a chance that all sorts of different creatures can come together and be drawn together. And sometimes, through the muck of the internet, you get to find a kindred spirit. Sometimes that's in the reading the replies and the comments sections and finding a reply that is particularly kind or insightful or funny.

结果，一个微型社区就这样形成了。我们就像组成了互助小组，组员是各式各样的人。我认为我们每一次在网上发布消息，都是一个机会，让微型社区成形。这个机会让不同背景的人聚到一起、互相吸引。并且，有时候在网络的淤泥中，你能找到一个相似的灵魂。有时你阅读别人的回复，在评论区读到一个相当友善、 有洞察力、或是好笑的评论。

Sometimes that's in going to follow someone and seeing that they already follow you back. And sometimes that's in looking at someone that you know in real life and seeing the things that you write and the things that they write and realizing that you share so many of the same interests as they do, and that brings them closer together to you. Sometimes, if you're lucky, you get to meet another alien.

有时你关注某人，并发现他们已经关注了你。有时你看着现实生活中的熟人在网上撰写的内容，发现你们有这么多的共同爱好， 并因此走得更近。有时，如果走运的话，你会遇到另一个外星人。

[when two aliebns find each other in a strange place, it feels a litle more like home]

【当两个外星人在异乡相遇， 异乡就变得更像故乡】

But I am worried, too, because as we all know, the internet for the most part doesn't feel like this. We all know that for the most part, the internet feels like a place where we misunderstand each other, where we come into conflict with each other, where there's all sorts of confusion and screaming and yelling and shouting, and it feels like there's too much of everything.

但我也担心，因为我们都清楚，网络给人的主要感觉不是这样的。我们知道很大程度上来讲，网络就像是一个让我们彼此误解的地方，一个让我们彼此发生冲突， 又充斥着各式各样的困惑和歇斯底里的地方，所有这些东西都太多了。

It feels like chaos, and I don't know how to square away the bad parts with the good, because as we know and as we've seen, the bad parts can really, really hurt us. It feels to me that the platforms that we use to inhabit these online spaces have been designed either ignorantly or willfully to allow for harassment and abuse, to propagate misinformation, to enable hatred and hate speech and the violence that comes from it, and it feels like none of our current platforms are doing enough to address and to fix that.

网络就像是一片混乱，我不知道怎么把好坏分开，因为我们所知道、看到的坏事，可能会真的、真的伤害到我们。似乎我们使用的这些社交平台，就是为了无知和恶意设计的，这些平台允许骚扰和滥用，传播虚假信息，让恨意、恶言恶语，和由此带来的暴力横行，似乎所有现今的社交平台，都没有尽力采取措施来解决这个问题。

But still, and maybe probably unfortunately, I'm still drawn to these online spaces, as many others are, because sometimes it just feels like that's where all the people are. And I feel silly and stupid sometimes for valuing these small moments of human connection in times like these. But I've always operated under this idea that these little moments of humanness are not superfluous. They're not retreats from the world at all, but instead they're the reasons why we come to these spaces. They are important and vital and they affirm and they give us life. And they are these tiny, temporary sanctuaries that show us that we are not as alone as we think we are. And so yes, even though life is bad and everyone's sad and one day we're all going to die --

但是，像许多人一样，我还是义无反顾地，受到网络空间的吸引，因为有时候我感觉所有人都在网上。有时候我觉得自己傻乎乎，甚至于愚蠢，因为我如此珍视那些 人类联系的短小时刻。但我一直有一个原则， 这些短小时刻并不多余。。它们不代表对外部世界的规避，而是我们使用网络空间的原因。它们重要、必不可少，帮我们肯定、帮我们生活。它们是微小的庇护所，让我们知道自己没有想象中孤单。所以，没错，尽管生活艰难、众人忧郁，有一天我们终将死去——

[look. life is bad. everyones sad. We're all gona die, but i alredy bought this inflatable bouncey castle so are u gona take Ur shoes off or not]

【你看，生活艰难，众生皆苦， 人固有一死，我这个 充气城堡就在你面前， 还不快把鞋脱了？】

I think the inflatable metaphorical bouncy castle in this case is really our relationships and our connections to other people.

这句话中的“充气” 比喻有弹性的城堡，比喻了我们的人际关系、我们和他人的联系。

And so one night, when I was feeling particularly sad and hopeless about the world, I shouted out to the void, to the lonely darkness. I said, "At this point, logging on to social media feels like holding someone's hand at the end of the world." And this time, instead of the void responding, it was people who showed up, who started replying to me and then who started talking to each other, and slowly this little tiny community formed. Everybody came together to hold hands.

有一天晚上，我感到特别难过，对世界无比失望，我对着网络的虚无、孤独的黑暗大喊：“现在这个时候上社交网络，就好像在世界尽头 握着一个人的手。”这次回应我的不是空虚，而是网络上的人们，他们回复我，并且彼此交谈，渐渐地，这个小社区形成了。每个人在一起手拉手。

And in these dangerous and unsure times, in the midst of it all, I think the thing that we have to hold on to is other people. And I know that is a small thing made up of small moments, but I think it is one tiny, tiny sliver of light in all the darkness. Thank you。

当我们深处生命中危险、迷茫的时刻，我觉得，我们需要拉着别人的手。我知道这是短小的时刻、微小的举动，但我认为这是无尽黑暗中的 一丝小小的曙光。谢谢。