“好朋友都是阶段性的”吗？网友：有过美好的回忆已经足够……

公众号新闻

2023-10-28 05:10

前段时间，话题“好朋友都是阶段性的”登上热搜，引发网友共鸣：“太久不见面的好朋友就会没有共同话题”“时间会从你身边带走很多”……

在综艺《朋友请听好》中，嘉宾何炅的一段话戳中了很多人的心，他说：

当友谊不再“地久天长”

提起友情，这首苏格兰民歌《友谊地久天长》（Auld Lang Syne）总能在耳畔响起：

Should auld acquaintance be forgot

怎能忘记旧日朋友

and never brought to mind?

心中能不怀想

但随着人生轨迹的变化，许多人都与从前的朋友渐行渐远。

据英国《卫报》报道，民调机构YouGov的一项调查发现，16岁及以上的英国人中有40%与一些朋友失去了联系。

According to the Guardian, a YouGov survey found that 40 percent of Britons aged 16 and over had lost contact with some of their friends.

“阶段性好友”是否意味着友情的终止？

在热搜中，许多网友表示，即使没有经常联系，再见旧友还似从前：

友谊研究员威廉·罗林斯（William Rawlins）将友谊分为三类：活跃型、休眠型和纪念型。如果你经常与对方保持联系，如果你觉得可以向对方寻求情感支持，如果你对对方的生活了如指掌，那么这段友谊就是活跃的。

Friendship researcher William Rawlins divides friendships into three categories: active, dormant, and commemorative. A friendship is active if you're regularly in touch with that person, if you feel you can call on them for emotional support, and if you pretty much know what's going on with their lives.

所谓 “休眠朋友”，是指与你有过交往，但有一段时间没有联系的人。但如果你和他在同一个城市，你肯定会去找他，而且不会觉得奇怪。

A dormant friend is someone you have history with, but whom you haven't spoken to in a while. But if you were in the same town as them, you'd definitely hit them up, and it wouldn't be weird.

而纪念性朋友是指在你生命中较早的时期对你很重要的人，但你并不指望再见到或听到他们的消息。

A commemorative friend is someone who was important to you at an earlier time in your life, but you don't really expect to see or hear from them.

为什么我们需要友谊？

据美国有线电视新闻网（CNN）报道，《孤独时代的友谊》一书的作者波斯沃尔斯基认为，好的友谊往往是两个人互相帮助，成就更好的自己。

Adam Smiley Poswolsky, the author of "Friendship in the Age of Loneliness" said good friendships are often two people helping each other become better versions of themselves.

在电影《绿皮书》（Green Book）中，格格不入的黑人钢琴家与白人司机一路上目睹和经历了美国社会骇人的不平等，渐渐放下成见，开始发现彼此身上的才华，并决定一起共渡难关。他们由此萌发的友谊和理解将改变他们的人生。

As the disparate pair witness and endure America's appalling injustices on the road, they find a newfound respect for each other's talents and heart to face them together. In doing so, they would nurture a friendship and understanding that would change both their lives.

此外，社交状态和身体状态之间的联系可能比你想象的更加紧密：

发表在《人格与社会心理学学会》杂志上的一项研究表明，积极的社交经历不仅会影响一个人的压力水平和应对能力，还会影响身体健康的指标。

Researchers discovered that positive social experiences impact not only a person's stress level and ability to cope, but also markers of physical health, according to a study published in the journal Society for Personality and Social Psychology.

《重启人生》剧照图源：豆瓣

在社交关系中拥有更积极的经历通常与更好的应对能力、更低的压力和更低的收缩压或压力下血压升高有关。

Having more positive experiences in social relationships was generally associated with better coping, lower stress and lower systolic blood pressure, or spikes in blood pressure under stress, according to the study.

友谊保鲜指南

想要和旧友再次举杯痛饮，同声歌唱《友谊地久天长》吗？查收这份友谊保鲜指南：

不依赖于社交媒体

Don't rely on social media

在社交媒体上建立一种联系感往往是容易的，但维持远距离友谊，即使是和亲近的朋友，可能需要更多有意识的努力。尽可能通过面对面的相处来进行“友谊保鲜”。

It is easy to have a sense of connectedness through social media, but long-distance friendships – even close ones – may require more conscious effort to maintain. Seek out opportunities for "friendship renewal" through to spending face-to-face time together whenever possible.

图源：IC

学会换位思考

Practise empathy

远距离友谊中的双方需要克服的障碍各不相同。认识到每个朋友所面临的困难将有助于更好地沟通和理解。向对方保证这段友谊是值得坚守的，这对朋友双方都有帮助。

Parties in a long-distance friendship will have different hurdles to overcome. Acknowledging the struggles each friend faces will lead to better communication and understanding. It's also helpful for both friends to offer each other assurance that the friendship is a keeper.

亚里士多德曾说过：“真正的朋友，是一个灵魂孕育在两个躯体里。”友谊在于心灵的交融，而不是时间的约束；需要用心维系，而不是招之即来挥之即去。