APAD：Do not sympathize with those who can not empathize

When we talk about supporting a person during tough times, we sometimes use the words “sympathy” and “empathy” interchangeably. Therapists have determined that not only do these two words have vastly different meanings, but how we show “sympathy” or “empathy” are quite different.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines sympathy as “the feeling that you care about and are sorry about someone else’s trouble, grief, misfortune, etc.” There are many times when sympathy is an appropriate emotion for a difficult situation. However, sympathy separates you from the person struggling. 

Empathy is defined as “the feeling that you understand and share another person’s experiences and emotions” or “the ability to share someone else’s feelings.” It is looking at things from another person’s perspective and attempting to understand why they feel the way they do. 

Sympathy comes from our ego. It is what we know we should do, and often, it is telling others what to do or feel as well. Empathy comes from the heart. It is feeling another’s pain and sharing a human experience.

Another main difference between empathy and sympathy is that empathy is an appropriate emotion at any time. Showing empathy will bring you closer to others no matter what the circumstances. Where sympathy is only exhibited during tough times, being empathetic is an attitude we can adopt at any time. 

alsoApathy ;) can't never watch aDramaMovie w/o coveringEyes

4 toughScenes, like inIt myself, can'tHelp.WorseThanMaowi;-)

Too sensitive is also a drawback. Talking about apathy我想起了。。

WWII doc. 872天围困列宁格勒，饿死60多万人，饥饿到一定程度后人就出现了apathy的状态

对一切都彻底麻木包括生存的愿望，那时根本没有战斗的意志，因为精神已经消失，除了喘气没有别的生命特征

Some carry a strong antipathy to sympathy, e.g.,

"I don't want charity and I don't want favors" M$ Baby.

Rather give substential help, otherwise withdraw sympthy

& vice versa

是中文的同情心和同理心吗？

怎么判断没有empathy呢？It is more blessed to give than to receive.

Once I saw a paralized guy， after I knew the cause，

I said，“I‘m sorry…” He shook his head and said，“No，u don't

need to say sorry. ”

怜悯与同情的区别，这人好可怜属于怜悯与己无关。感同身受是同情

每个人都有不同的敏感点，sorry也可能会有不恰当的地方，

好像中文翻译不出区别

This article about empathy and sympathy made me recall

One moment in my life where I truly empathy with another person, my youngest daughter.

As a preteen girl and as a mom, my daughter and I goes into argument easily. I can't understand why she refuses to take my wise suggestions of good life choices. I also can't understand why she persists to argue with me when my answer is so simple and clear. When our opinion or choices are different, we stuck in endless recursive  argument loop. I am frustrated and she is frustrated too. Most of the time, we end up not talking to each other for several hours. 

One day, we were struck again over a typical matter, such as which pair of shorts to buy. I was frustrated, but still trying to make her see how wrong she was on that matter. She started to cry, saying something like "why do you always say that I am wrong". Part of me, the eager-to-win me yelled loudly inside of my mind "that is because you are wrong". Another part of me, the I-hear-you-and-I-understand-you me, looked at crying her and suddenly feel her frustration.  Her frustration is not unique. I had countless moments in my life. Everyone has this type of frustration when our desire of being heard is not met and we still try to put our messages across. At that very moment, two of us were fighting each other on opposite sides of an argument, but we were experiencing the exact same emotion. How many precious moments have humane being wasted in this type of situation? How hard it is for my daughter to experiencing this again and again? Suddenly, I didn't care about letting her see my point. All I felt was her pain and frustration. Very naturally, my eyes were filled with tear, and my voice becomes shaky and broken. My teary eyes looked into her teary eyes, and my broken voice said, "I know, my child". 

Guess what, she was shocked by my response. Maybe, she was expecting the "always reasonable mom" to repeat her opinion as usual. She did not know why I changed so fast and why I started to cry unexpectedly. But, I knew that empathy was working magically. Empathy made me stop my normal way of working and truly step in other'shoes. It made me connect with my daughter in a much deeper level and we didn't need to talk more about our opinions. The opinions doesn't matter anymore. We speak to make our opinions across so we can understand each other better. Empathy connects us already so need to talk. 

In daily life, when to use words and when to use empathy to connect with others is a matter of art. There is no right/wrong answer.  You are the artist/creator of our life artwork, so go ahead to make it unique and beautiful.