正在写文书的你,可别做这些无用功了(2) | Essay怎么写
昨天,我们谈了在写文书过程中,特别容易出现的一个情况:因为过分追求故事的框架,而忽略了体现人:
今天我们来谈谈,关于“写故事”的问题。
AO经常会说tell a story,这个意思是说写文书就是要讲好故事?对这句话的理解一定要更全面。
02
“好文书,首先要是个感人的故事”
感人的故事一般都是建立在作者特别深入的自我剖析基础之上的,会特别能够体现作者本人的情怀和态度。一般以记叙文的形式出现,故事的起承转合非常流畅,同时加入了恰当的比喻和引用,读完确实能够感受到作者流露出的强烈感情甚至身临其境。故事特别生动,感动了自己也足以感动他人。
But,感动了,然后呢?
以写职业目标的文章为例,申请人通常会展现情怀伴随着义愤填膺,比如对医药行业不良做法的愤恨,对中国青少年个人发展教育的有心无力,但并没有从客观理性的角度分析问题的根源和痛点,并提出和自己目标相符合的解决办法。同时,这也反映出作者理所当然的认为其他人的感受和她一样,实际上并不了解别人怎么看待感动作者个人的这些经历。AO并不能通过一篇感动人的故事来判断作者的商业潜力和成功的可能性,那就浪费了文书应该发挥的作用。
举个实际的例子给大家,先看下面这篇文章的节选:
...I screamed like a hyena and jumped up and down in a manic frenzy with my nine other teammates in the greenroom backstage as we to hype ourselves up for the big kill. Taking a brief respite from the pre-show craziness, I snuck a peek from behind the stage curtains at the crowded theater full of drunk out-of-towners expecting to be awed, wowed, and impressed by our Chicago comedy chops. The house lights dimmed. The music amped up. At the drop of the beat, we burst forth onto stage to a hearty round of applause. The show had begun and there was no script. It was time to improvise!
从这段文字中作者把注意力放在了即兴喜剧表演之前的心理描述,也用了很多“华丽”的词汇和表达。但是,放下这些表达,在我们对申请人的性格或价值观一无所知的情况下,能得到信息只是他们是一支即兴表演团队并且即兴表演看起来很让人兴奋,其他就没了。这些对读者在其余部分可以期待什么,没有设置任何指引。当长篇大论地去讲述无关的生动细节时,作为读者,我们的真实感受是无法提起注意力,不知道后续有什么期待。写文书有一个关键的要点在于,需要让读者能了解你文章的大意,以及让他们的继续阅读有方向。
下面,再给大家一个更加正向的例子。
Case 2 LBS Essay Excerpt
A fire broke out in the BP-operated XX refinery. In response, management implemented a new operational philosophy without consulting ground staff. However, efficiency expectations remained unchanged and the employees lost confidence under increased pressure, leading to a $65M loss in unplanned downtime. Realizing the importance of employee morale, I want to head operations of an energy company in China that is both a profitable AND a happy organization. China’s companies rank low on the ‘Global Empathy Index’ and its energy industry is in turmoil. To reconcile the conflict between profitability and employee satisfaction, I want to run operations owned by employees, provide development opportunities, and ensure participation in the decision- making process through an open feedback system. When I was leading a process unit catalyst change-out in a refinery in 2011, the technologist and mechanical engineer had an argument over dismantling a piece of equipment. Dismantling would cause delays, losing $540k. Talking to each, I discovered that the technologist wanted to identify potential issues so they could be fixed in the next shutdown, while the engineer did not want to engage in what he considered an overkill exercise. I proposed instead an inspection using a specialized scanner inserted into the equipment, a feasible compromise that both happily agreed to. As a leader, I look to build an open and collaborative culture along these lines.
这篇文书没有去展开不断出现的与员工需求和公司利益之间的冲突,几乎每一个行业每一家公司都会遇到这两方面的问题,作者没有去刻意描述客户和自己面对这样的事情有多么深的触动和感情。作者谈的是从最基本的事实当中,他发现员工的士气对于企业正常运行的重要性,又看到了在企业解决关键问题时多方沟通的重要性。一方面给到了读者后续阅读的一个指示,即我要如何解决这个问题,同时又能感觉到作者具有一些客观看待企业运营问题的管理者视角,这就能够比纯粹写一个感人drama但是“华而不实”的故事更能展示水平。
明天,我们和大家谈一下最后一个问题:“没有标准,就不知道应该写什么”
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