我们担心没有真正向孩子表现出我们有多爱他们。我们都有工作，生活也都非常忙碌。但是我们的确非常爱我们的三个孩子。有哪些具体的方法可以让我们向孩子表达爱，这样他们可以真正知道我们是多么爱他们呢？

爱是所有幸福家庭的基石。作为父母，在我们帮助孩子健康茁壮成长时，爱对我们来说是最重要的因素。当然其他因素也重要：真理、正直、纪律、和平和喜乐，仅举几例。对我们的配偶和孩子来说，爱是最基本的构件。所以下面是三种很棒的更好地爱孩子的方式。请至少从中选其一，并且从今天就开始付诸实践！！

所有孩子都需要父母给予他们肯定的、爱的触摸。在二战期间，纳粹分子曾在他们进行的恐怖实验中证明过这一点。他们找来完全健康的小孩子，让这些小孩子完全没有身体接触。他们给这些小孩提供好的饮食，也允许他们四处走动，并且在舒服的床上睡觉。但是这些小孩子没有身体接触。这些小孩最后都死去了。没有一个活下来。一个都没有。就像这些小孩一样，我们的孩子需要我们的爱抚。当然必须和年龄与性别相符。这是重要的。

我们需要寻找机会赞美我们的孩子。一些父母担心如果他们过多表扬孩子，孩子可能会变得太过自信或骄傲……所以他们几乎不表扬孩子。据我观察，98%的父母没有表扬过度，反而我们中很多人是表扬不够。让我们不要犯这个错误。尝试发现你的孩子正在做某件好事……然后感谢他们。在其他人面前称赞你的孩子（这一点很重要，因为我们的孩子想当然地认为你在别人面前所说他们的话是你真正的感受）。即使在你认为孩子不在听时也要称赞他们。对我们做父母的来说，说孩子的好话是一个好习惯。随着时间的流逝，这会让我们的孩子感觉到被爱和被肯定……而且没有比这更重要的了。

所有的孩子都把“爱”理解为“时间”。这意味着如果我们想要孩子真正知道我们爱他们，我们就应该花时间和他们在一起。如果一个爸爸告诉我：他是多么爱他的孩子，但几周内却没有花任何有质量的时间和孩子在一起，这是个问题。我们必须花时间和孩子在一起……即使那意味着做不寻常的事情。

就是上个礼拜六，我在北京和一个中国的好朋友一起开会。这个朋友是两家不同公司的CEO。他特别忙，但是他非常爱他8岁的儿子。所以他决定带他儿子来开会。当然，这不是一个特别正式的会议，但也不平常。他的儿子表现非常得体，而且很显然这个孩子以爸爸为骄傲。他爸爸能集中开会并完成工作，但是依然以一种特别的方式和儿子“在”一起了。

对一些父母来说，这是非常熟悉的领域。而对另一些人来说，这些主意是新的。但是我们所有人都可以改善我们对孩子的爱的交流。我能诚实地说吗？这个领域有时是很多家庭的弱点。我自己就有一个中国爸爸……他是一个可敬的好人。但是像多数中国传统的父亲一样，他不太表达他的爱。那不是他的错，这就是他父亲养育他的方式。而且这也是他祖父养育他父亲的方式……再往上推也是如此。回到好几代之前，中国文化不强调来自父母（尤其是父亲）对孩子的言语或身体交流。但是在今天的互联网文化中，孩子在这么小的年纪就接触这么多，他们必须确定无疑地知道他们被作为父母的我们如此深深地爱着，这一点是相当重要的。

马琳娜

我在马琳娜指出的每一条上都需要做得更好！实际上，我们作父母的都能为孩子改善我们的“爱的语言”。请和你的配偶分享这篇文章。你们可以一起选择上述这三种因素中的一个并且决定从今天就将其实施。你的孩子们会欣赏……而且你也会的。你也可以彼此分享一些你发现的新方法，这些方法能帮助你的孩子知道你多么爱他们。

希望成为专注的父母。像我们很多人一样，听上去你们两个人都很忙。但是我们都必须记住作为妈妈和爸爸是我们拥有的最重要的工作。

让我们知道在“父母如是说”这个专栏我们能提供帮助。像一直以来一样，如果你喜欢这篇文章，请把文章传递给一些朋友，这些朋友也能从中受益。

全力以赴！！！

史雷顿教授

3 Good Ways to Better Love Your Kids

Parents Question: we are worried that we haven't really shown our kids how much we love them. We both work and have very busy lives. But we do love our three children very much. What are concrete ways we can show our love to our kids so that they can really know how much we love them?

Mom Says: Love is the cornerstone of all happy families. And love is the most important element for us as parents as we help our children to grow up strong and healthy. Of course other elements are important: truth, integrity, discipline, peace and joy are just a few. But love, for our spouse and our children, truly is the basic building block.

So here are three great ways we can better love our kids. Please be sure to pick at least one, and put it to work starting today!!

1. Physical Affirmation. All children need positive, loving touch from their parents.

The Nazi's proved this in horrible experiments they performed during World War II. They took totally healthy young children and isolate them from all physical contact. They were provided good food, lots to drink, allowed to move around and sleep in a comfortable bed. But they were not touched. There was no physical contact. Every single one of those children died. Not one survived. Not one. Just like those children, our children need our touch. Of course it must be age and gender appropriate. But it is important.

2. Verbal Affirmation. We need to look for opportunities to praise our children.

Some parents are worried that their kids might become over confident or arrogant if they praise them too much … so they don't praise them at all. In my observation, 98% of all parents don't overpraise, but many of us under-praise. Let's not make that mistake. Try to catch your children doing something good…and thank them. Speak well of your children to others (this is very important, for our kids rightly assume that what you say about them to others is how you truly feel). Even speak well of your kids when you think they aren't listening. It is a good habit for us as parents to speak well of our children. Over time it will help our kids feel loved and affirmed … and there is nothing more important.

3. Time Together: all kids spell the word LOVE as TIME.

What that means is that we must spend time with our kids if we want them to truly know that we love them. If a dad tells me how much he loves his children, but hasn't spent any quality time with them in weeks, that is a problem. We must spend time with our kids … even if that means doing things that are unusual.

Just this past Saturday I was in a meeting with a good Chinese friend in Beijing who is the CEO of two different companies. He is extremely busy, but he loves his 8 year old son tremendously. So he decided to bring his son to the meeting. It is true that it wasn't a super formal meeting, but that is still unusual. His son was very well behaved and it was clear that he was very proud of his dad. His dad was able to focus on the meeting and get the work done, but still "be" with his son in a special way.

For some parents this will be familiar territory. For others these ideas will be new. But ALL of us can improve our communication of love to our kids. And can I be honest? This area is sometimes a real weakness in many families. I myself had a Chinese dad … and he was a good and honorable man. But like most traditional Chinese fathers, he did not express his love very much. That's not his fault, that was the way his father raised him. And that was the way his grandfather raised his father … except even more so. Back through the generations, Chinese culture has not emphasized the verbal or physical communication of love from parents (especially fathers) to their children. But in today's internet culture, where are children are exposed to so much at such an early age, it is vitally important that they know, absolutely and without question, that they are richly and truly loved by us as their parents.

Dad Says: I need to get better on each of the ways that Marina points out! In fact all of us as parents can improve our 'love language' for our kids. Please share this article with your spouse. Together you can choose one of the three elements above and decide to put it to work starting today. Your children will appreciate it … and you will too. And you'll be able to share with each other some new ways you find to help your kids know how much you love them.

Thanks for being dedicated parents. Like many of us, you both sound very busy. But we all must remember that being Mom and Dad are the most important jobs we will ever have.

Let us know how we can help here at Dad Says Mom Says. As always if you've enjoyed this article, please pass it onto some friends who might benefit from it as well.

Onward and Upward!!

Professor Slayton