TED｜再无聊的生活，也可以变得有趣起来！

2022-11-28 14:11

‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍The agony of trying to unsubscribe

James Veitch

It's funny the things you forget. I went to see my mother the other day, and she told me this story that I'd completely forgotten about how, when we were driving together, she would pull the car over, and by the time she had gotten out of the car, and gone around the car to let me out of the car, I would have already gotten out of the car and pretended to have died. Because that's how you die. And I remember, that was a game I used to play with myself to entertain myself whenever I was bored or frustrated.

很多你不记得的东西都是很搞笑的。前几天我去看我老妈，她告诉我了这样一个故事，我已经完全忘了，我们曾经一起开车出去，她半路要停车，当她从车里出来，围着车绕了一圈，然后准备让我也下车，我那时已经下了车，并且假装已经死了。因为在那时你差不多就是这么“死”的。我记得，我以前常常和自己玩装死，只要我无聊或者感到沮丧我就玩装死来自娱自乐。

Settle down. People say we live in an age of information overload. Right? I don't know about that, but I just know that I get too many marketing emails. I got a marketing email from a supermarket firm, which will remain nameless for predominantly legal reasons, but which I'm going to call "SafeMart."

好让自己冷静点。人们常说我们生活在信息膨胀的时代对吧？我也不清楚，但是我知道我常收到很多营销邮件。我收到过来自一个超市集团的营销邮件，匿名的邮件，因为一些法律原因，但是我准备叫它“安全超市”。

I got an email from them, and it went like this, it said: "Just three weeks until SafeMart at King's Cross opens!!!" And I resented this, because not only do I not remember signing up to that, but I resent the fact that they appear to think that I should be excited about a shop opening.

我收到一封他们发的邮件，上面写着：“还有三周，安全超市就要在国王十字路口开张啦！！！”我讨厌这种邮件，因为我不仅记不得订阅过这样的消息，而且我对于他们理所应当地认为我应该对于新店开张感到无比兴奋这种事儿非常厌恶。

So what I did was I scrolled down to the bottom of the email, and I pressed, "Unsubscribe." And I thought that'd be the end of it. But a week later, I got another one that said, "Just two weeks until SafeMart at King's Cross opens!!!"

于是我滑到邮箱的最底部，点击了下“取消订阅”。我想这样应该就会清净了。但是一周后，我收到了另一封邮件写到，“还有两周安全超市即将在国王十字路口开张啦！！！”

And I thought, obviously, I haven't clicked hard enough. So I tried it again. Right? Lo and behold, a week passes, you guessed it, "Just one week until SafeMart at King's Cross opens!!!" And here's the problem: The internet gave us access to everything; but it also gave everything access to us.

我想，应该是我上次没有退订成功。然后我又退订了一次，这样应该好了吧？没想到，过了一周，你猜怎么着，“还有一周，安全超市即将在国王十字路口开张啦！！！”这就有问题了：互联网让我们与世界相连。

It's hard enough to discriminate between the things that genuinely matter in this world and the minutiae of life, without having emails about supermarket chains and Candy Crush Saga. And I was really annoyed with them, and I thought, OK, I was about to write a strongly worded email, which I can do quite well.

同时也让所有东西与我们相连。没有关于连锁超市和糖果传奇（一款手机游戏）的邮件，我们可能就会很难分辨世界上真正重要的东西，和生活中的鸡毛蒜皮。我真的被它们搞烦了，我想，看来我必须要写一封语气很重的回复邮件了，我很擅长这种事儿。

And I thought, no -- I'm going to find the game. So I replied to it, and I said, "I literally cannot wait!!!!" "What do you need from me?" They got back to me; a guy called Dan said, "Hi James. I've asked a colleague to help me with your query."

然后我仔细想想，不——我要陪它们玩下去。所以我回复了它，我写到，“我真是等不及了啊！！！”“我可以为你们做些什么呢？”一个叫Dan的人给我回复了，写道：“你好James。我就你的问题向我的同事咨询了一下。”

Like it needs help. And I said, "What's the plan, Dan? I'm thinking fireworks, bouncy castle ..."

"I'm not sure what you mean."

I said, "I'm just tremendously excited about the opening!"

"Do you want to book the bouncy castle or shall I?"

好像他才需要帮助吧。我说：“你们有什么打算呢，Dan？我能想到的是开业的烟花，充气的城堡……”

Dan：“我没搞懂你的意思。”

我说：“我只是对你们开业相当激动！”

“你打算订充气城堡，还是我来订？”

He said, "I think you have misunderstood."

"A new store is opening, but there is no celebration planned."

I said, "But what was all the 'Three weeks until,' 'Two weeks until' emails? I was getting excited."

"I'm sorry you're disappointed."

他说：“我觉得你可能误会了。”

“我们新店确实要开业了，但是并没有开业典礼计划。”

我说：“但是你们每周都有发那些开业倒计时邮件啊？让我都白激动了啊。”

Dan：“我对你的失望感到十分歉意。”

I said, "Not to worry. Let's do something anyway! Besides, the deposit on the bouncy castle was non-refundable."

"If we don't use it, we're out a few hundred quid, Dan."

He said, "Mr. Veitch, I'm not responsible for anything you have ordered."

我说：“没事。不管怎么样我们还是做点什么吧！再说充气城堡的订金已经不能退了。

如果我们不用它，我们就浪费了几百块呢，Dan.”

他说：“Veitch先生，我对您所订购的东西没有任何责任。”

I said, "Let's not get into who did what. Bottom line: you and I are in this together."

Question: Will you be there to make sure people take their shoes off?"

我说：“我们先别说谁做了什么。无可否认，我们现在已经在一条船上了。"

请问：你愿意一直在旁边看着保证别人都把鞋子脱了吗？”

I'll be honest, then my relationship with Dan deteriorated somewhat, because the next email I got was this: "Thanks for your email - your Case Number is ..." That's outrageous. I said, "Dan?" And I got -- and I was just like, this is ... -- and I, I .... And I said, "Danny?" And I thought, this is terrible. All I'm doing is collecting case numbers. I said, "D-Dog?"

实话实说，那之后我跟Dan的关系在某种程度上就恶化了，因为我发现下一封邮件是这样写的：“感谢您的邮件——您的处理编号是……”这真是让我哭笑不得。我说：“Dan，在吗？”然后我收到的还是……这……让我……我说：“Danny，你在吗？！” 我觉得，这太糟糕了。我一直在收到这些处理编号。我说：“是电子狗吗？”

"The store is now open." I said, "But Dan, they must have wondered why there was no bouncy castle." And then we were back to this. And that might have been the end of the story, but I remembered that anything -- everything -- even something as mundane as getting out of a car, can be fun if you find the right game.

“超市现在开张了。”我说：“但是Dan，大家都会想为什么没有充气城堡吧。”然后又变成了处理邮件。故事应该在此就结束了。但是我突然发觉，任何事——每件事——甚至于一些日常小事儿，如下车，只要掌握了正确的玩法，都能变得有趣。

So, this is what I replied: [Thanks for your email - your Case Number is #0000001.] And we just, uh ... It was like we were dancing. It was just a beautiful relationship. We just kept going. It was lovely. But to be honest, guys, it was quite labor-intensive, and I had other stuff to do, believe it or not.

所以，我就回复到：[感谢您的邮件—— 您的处理编号是#0000001。]然后我们就…… 这就像我们在翩翩起舞。就像我们是完美的关系。我们就这样进行下去。太和谐了。但是老实说，伙计们，这挺费功夫的，我还有别的事情要忙，不论你信不信。

So what I did is I have a little email auto-replier program. And I set it up so every time it receives an email from SafeMart, it just pings one back. So I set it up, and it says, "Thanks for your email - your Case Number is ..."

于是我做了一个邮件自动回复程序。我设置好了程序，每一次从安全超市收到邮件，它就这样发送一封回去。我设置好的内容是，“谢谢您的邮件，您的处理编号为……”

Then it has a little formula that I wrote to up the case number every time. And I put it on the server and set it running. I'll be honest, guys -- then I forgot about it. I checked back on it the other day, and it appears there have been a number of emails going back and forth. We're on 21,439.

我用了一个小公式，每一次都会在上一个数字上加1。然后把它放入服务器让它运转。坦白讲——我最后把这事给忘了。过了几天我回头查看邮件，它显示出，来回的回复邮件，达到21,439篇。

It gives me an immense sense of satisfaction to know that these computer programs are just going to be pinging one another for eternity. And as legacies go, I don't think that's bad.

这件事带给我了很大的满足感，我意识到这些电脑程序可以一直相互回复，无穷无尽。作为一种馈赠，我觉得还是不错的。

So guys, just remember: if ever you feel weighed down by the bureaucracy and often mundanity of modern life, don't fight the frustration. Let it be the catalyst for whimsy.Thank you.

所以朋友们，请记住：如果你们感觉自己被官僚主义深深压迫或者被平淡无奇的生活压迫，不要和沮丧做无谓的抗争。让它成为我们的动力，搞点小怪。谢谢。

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