College Essay 系列 (二十三)：Name文举例
在申请文书里以自己Name为主题，是一个年年常见的选择吧。今天，我们就来看看H和S学生是怎么拿自己的name做文章的。
Alma Russell 是一个来自辛辛那提大顶尖大公校的高中生。虽然她以4.0/4.0的UWGPA和1510的SAT从一个顶尖的公立学校毕业，但她这样一个白人姑娘，能在2019-20年拿下哈佛大学的录取，还是令不少人感叹的。2015年以后的哈佛，已经把录取的橄榄枝越来越多地向非欧、非亚、和经济欠发达社区的URM申请者倾斜。处于白人女生这个over represented申请分类之中的Alma，要凭借什么样的Spike 和Hook才能拿下哈佛？
我们不妨先来看看Alma的主文书吧。
Main Essay： My Names
"Alma! That was my grandmother's name," said the customer at the bagel shop where I worked. It was the seventh time I'd heard that phrase during my shift. I stuck my band in my back pocket of response and chose one at random. 'My parents chose it because it's Scottish," I responded begrudgingly. It doesn't bother me anymore that my name is unique, but after giving six different answers that day it got kind of old.
From my pool of responses I could've pulled: "I get that a lot," "It means something in almost every language, like apple in Hungarian, soul in Spanish...," or "16 years after my parents chose it, we actually did find a great great grandmother named Alma." Those were a few replies I had prepared after years of comments on my peculiar name.
Over time, many of my childhood memories have faded, leaving me to rely on physical clues to decode my past. In our basement we have a box of papers, awards, and report cards from my elementary school in Windsor, Ontario. One day, l came across this box of treasures and while looking through class photos and ribbons, I got nostalgic thinking back on my friends and classes. But, something else came flooding back. I found a paper from the third grade, in the top left corner was the word ''Nom," French for name, colon, line. Written in sloppy handwriting was Caroline Violet Russell. Who is that? Then I remembered.
I had multiple alter egos growing up. There was Caroline, the girl who existed on my birth certificate, but was hidden by the preceding name Alma. She was always cut short, listed as "C." on my papers. When people asked what my middle name was, I would respond Alma. I would continue to say Caroline was actually my given name, but for some reason my parents chose to call me by my middle.
The next was Violet. My mom considered naming me Viola but, because my father is a conductor, she figured the musical instrument jokes would be endless. Inspired by her anecdotes, I developed the name Violet. My best friends were named "Veronica" and " Vienne" and I thought " Violet" would not only complement my personality, but would also include me in the V-squad. This one was tough because it was hard to convince people of a name I was never called by anyone other than myself.
Lastly, was the name Sarah. This name hung on my mental Wall of fame for as long as I could remember. My dolls were named Sarah, my pet rock was named Sarah, and every home movie I created featured a star character named Sarah. This name had no special meaning, except for my belief that it was cute and common. If asked why my name was "Sarah," I wouldn't have to reach into my sack of responses, because it would be empty. This seemed ideal, exciting...easy.
Gradually, I grew out of hiding my true name. I noticed other names around me rather than just my own, and laughed with my friends about the hilarious disappointment of never finding a keychain in a 7-Eleven with "Alma" in light up letters. Even though my name reached peak popularity in the 1880s, it gives people the chance to start up conversations about their loved ones from the past. From small talk at the bagel shop to deep discussions about life and love with my favorite oncology patients at the hospital, my sense of interest, respect, and empathy for others has heightened. Though many translations of my name seemed initially meaningless to me, the ability to connect with older generations has helped me embrace the Latin meaning of my name, "nurturing," inspiring me to unapologetically call myself by the name I was lovingly given, Alma.
这篇以自己取名为主题的文书故事，我们可以从三个方面来仔细分析。主题方面，作者以自己从小到大的几个名字为主线，写出其背后的故事，生为Caroline，羡以Violet，长成Sarah，友而Alma。四个名字硬读起来，虽然各有故事，却也平平无奇。结构方面，这个以个人长大的时间为主线的结构，也算是大多数文书故事的缺省模式，我们也看不出彩来。文字方面呢，除了典型的narrative文体会吸引一些读者之外，遣词造句也属于优秀而不出彩的范畴。倒是一点值得学习的地方，就是故事结尾处Q到自己去医院义工陪伴癌症患者的情节，这算是把主题故事和课外活动机械性地联系在一起了。
我这么评论Alma的Name文，有人肯定不以为意。我们不妨去看看先前斯坦福文书。S人评出来的最佳文书开篇里有关name的一句：I change my name each time I place an order at Starbucks. 哇，在每次下单Starbucks的时候都要换一个新名字，这读起来是什么感觉？下单带名字这很正常，人人都有的经历，AO当然也是，说不定此刻读文的AO手里正擎着杯星巴克。这是使人熟悉的信息。但每次都换却很奇怪，你我没有，AO更不会有。这是使人好奇的信息。有熟悉有好奇，这便是一句好的开篇（当然了，我们还有其他类型的好开篇）。读者的好奇已经被文字勾起，这时候你可以直接说出缘由，并由此展开那些能表达你自己的故事；也可以先跳过这缘由，从你的故事开始叙述，一层层剥开名字的底蕴。无论怎么写，都比Alma文的四个名字读起来要更有趣。
接着，不妨再来看看Alma同学的哈佛申请的Name文。下面这篇作者从自己的不常见的名字Chaffee展开，表达出自己的特质，即self-discipline和独立自我，最后再回到自己享受这个名字的不常见的情节上来。你读一下，感觉是不是水平更高一筹呢？这篇Chaffee文跟Alma文，恰巧都2019-20年的申请的文书。
Harvard 2020 Essay: My Name “Chaffee”
I think the most tragic part of my childhood originated from my sheer inability to find anything engraved with my name. I never had a CHAFFEE license plate on my hand-me-down red Schwinn. No one ever gave me a key chain or coffee mug with the beautiful loops of those double Fs and Es. Alas, I was destined to search through the names; longingly staring at the space between CHAD and CHARLOTTE hoping one day a miracle would occur. Fortunately, this is one of the few negative aspects of a name like “Chaffee Duckers.”
My name has always been an integral part of my identity. Sure, it sounds a bit like my parents created it from a bag of Scrabble tiles, but it comes from a long-lost ancestor, Comfort Chaffee. Now it’s all mine. In my opinion, a name can make or break a person. The ability to embody a name depends on the individual. My greatest goal in life is to be the kind of unique person deserving of a name so utterly random and absurd.
I began my journey in preschool. Nothing about me screamed normal. I was not prim, proper, and poised. I preferred sneaking away from my preschool classroom, barefoot, in the purple velvet dress I wore every single day to resting obediently during nap time.
I grew up in a family akin to a modified Brady Bunch. Stepsisters, half-sisters, stepbrothers, and stepparents joined my previously miniscule household. But in a family of plain names like Chris, Bill, John, Liz, Katherine, and Mark, I was still the only Chaffee.
I was a bit of a reverse black sheep in my family. My name helped me carve an identity separate from my myriad of siblings. Instead of enriching my brain with Grand Theft Auto, I preferred begging my parents to take me to the bookstore. While my parents mandated homework time for my brothers, they never questioned my work ethic or wiretapped my assignment notebook. The thing that set me apart from the herd was that I was self-disciplined enough to take control of my own life. From the very beginning I never depended on my parents’ help or motivation to finish my schoolwork. Putting school first came naturally to me, much to the distaste and confusion of my siblings. My work ethic became known as the patented “Chaffee Method.”
As I got older, I began to embody my name more and more. I didn’t want to be that girl with the weird name in the back of the class eating her hair, so I learned how to project my ideas in both written and spoken forms. I was often picked to lead classroom discussions and my complete disregard for making a fool of myself bolstered that skill. The manner in which I operate academically is perfectly described as Chaffee-esque; including but not limited to elaborate study songs, complex pneumonic devices, study forts, and the occasional John C. Calhoun costume.
I take pride in the confusion on a person’s face when they first read my name. Seeing someone struggle over those two unfamiliar syllables fills me with glee. I feel as though I am adding a new word to their vocabulary. So on my last day as a page in the U.S. Senate, I prepared myself for the anticipated awkward stumbling as Senator Harry Reid thanked me by name in his closing address. But the stumble never came. I felt very humbled by his perfect pronunciation. Perhaps Chaffee is actually catching on!
那，Alma姑娘到底凭什么拿下哈佛的呢？大家跟着我再往下挖！
下面是她写的自己课外活动的文书。
Essay on ECs: Rowing
Rowing has consumed my life in psyche for the past four years. Dread and excitement fled my mind each day as I ponder future practices. My head is occupied with thoughts surrounding my techniques, polishing every motion on the water with a deep desire for perfection. Each moment of the hours spent gliding over cold water under a clear sky is fraught with a mental and physical struggle to persevere.
Muscles blazed with intense fire. My mind screams they will not survive another meter let alone a thousand. Yet every stroke offers renewed opportunity to ignore the voice in my head telling me to stop and those who say I am too small, as I pull past the searing pain coursing through my body.
Rowing has given me numerous opportunities to my mind wrong and myself strong by pushing myself to the absolute limits physically, mentally and emotionally.
(That was that one probably don’t make sense, but I really want to emphasize how much effort I put into rowing every day.)
这篇EC文，以划船训练中perseverance和perfection为主题，主题平易，叙事顺畅吧。本来可以Q到自己的Neuroscience专业追求上，但Alma却没有。这样的文书，哈佛招生官在2019-20年度里，至少能看到2000篇。这篇文书也不能算出彩，只算是无缺吧。
我们接着往下看她的另一篇Supp。
Essay on Intellectual Experience: Multi-sensory Research
I began with a multi-sensory perspective of working memory, a research study conducted Michael Kwok and Rachel Yu in London and Dirk Salsa. Reading their paper in the frontiers of neuroscience initiated the literature review for my independent AP research study. Starting with this intricate complex medical paper was a rewarding challenge. It began simply. The authors talked me through the establishment of memory as a concept.
“How does memory work,” I wandered?
My initial assumptions were that the memorization path was linear moving from processing environmental information to modalities specific sensory registers from each responsible sense, then separating into a motor sensory stores short-term memory and long-term memory. This seems straightforward.
I could picture a cat walking the street. The aspects of color and shape entering a little box of residual, priming our stored in one call to auditory, your realm of tuna drifting into the smell box. But then the authors continued and the next proposed idea. The authors took those boxes and put them into two bigger ones called the phonological loop and the visuospatial sketchpad.
OK, that’s not too bad. I thought to myself. Just direct the cat, street and sky into one box and then move the meow and tuna into another. Everything appeared cut and dried. All individual sensory attributes fit neatly into various categories in the mind.
Unimpressed I kept reading. The authors threw in complicated terms like right primary soma sensory cortex and cross modal visual sound sensory stimuli, but these deter me and my mission to understand. Like cutting through brush I deciphered the language and high-level concepts until breaking into a clearing.
Research shows that cross modal information interacts in working memory beyond what would be expected from the traditional modality specific stores. The connection is there. I got what I needed, but did not stop there. Verbal and spatial information were represented in an integrated fashion. There was a dual presentation in audio and visual stimuli. In a visual verbal dual task, recall rates increased and instances continued.
This study led to the development of my research question which considered the relationship between multi-sensory methods and recall rates among healthy teenagers. Initiating a year-long adventure of research and experimentation. The method consisted of an inclusive survey over 400 responses, a design-based methodology study with 40 participants, and a matched pairs t-test analysis.
The results showed that there was a statistically increase in retention of terms from a singular sense to the use of multi-sensory integration. Through researching a variety of medical journals, I found seemingly endlessly opportunities for experimentation with inter-lace paths and routes not yet taken.
My involvement in scientific research has been but a glimpse into a wonderous world. The inner working of the brain remains a subject replete with unanswered questions, even though my research project helped answer one small query of mine I know there are limitless number of possibilities to explore.
(This is the research I took in my AP Research class during my junior year.)
这篇有关脑神经专业研究的文书，有关多感觉记忆的专题研究，是AP Research课程中的一个研究项目。作者从阅读一篇前沿性的研究报告开始，花了339个字，叙述自己在阅读过程中的心路历程。其实呢，只有5句话37个字在写自己的心理，其余的21句、302个字都是在重述那份研究报告的内容。然后，在接下来的7句、148字里写出自己的研究和结论，包括400人的问卷调查，40人的实验研究和一个t-test分析。结论，多感觉比单感觉的记忆效果更好。严肃地说，这其实不是一个unanswered question，只是没有人给出过她这个specific answer。就像伽利略给出的重力answer只是两个铁球，而不是凳子和床、或者桔子和黄瓜。
这时候，有人肯定会说，Alma这些文书还是很不错的啊。确实文书算不错的，但还要看是谁在评估、什么心情时刻在评估。没读过几篇文书、更没写过几篇文书的人，给这篇的评价肯定是2+。读过大量文书的人、特别是读过大量优秀文书的人，评价下来就只有2了，这还是在她有时间和心情的情况下。要是在她累的贼死的那个午后、快要下班去接娃的节骨眼上，那就只有3了。
挖到这里，你们肯定有兴趣看看Alma同学的Transcript和课外履历：
Transcript: Walnut Hill High School, Cincinnati, OH (public)
WGPA: 5.55/6.0; 10 APs (5-5s, 4-4s, 2-3s, 0-2s)
Class Rank: #11/489
PSAT: 1480 (NMS Finalist)
SAT: 720-790 (1510, 1st and submitted); 710-780 (1490, 2nd and not submitted)
SAT Subj: 670-Lit.; <750-Phy; 760-Math2; <750-Bio
ACT: 1st 31; 2nd 33; Superscore 34 (not submitted)
ECs: Class president; Rowing club president (national twice); Jets Team captain (national); Student Congress vice president and president; Unified for Uganda Kids Club President; Volunteer in childcare hospital; Sister city with Taiwan ambassador; Oncology doctor shadow work; Registered nurse shadow work; Girls Scotts ambassador; Pianist since 4yr-old
Awards: Yale Book Prize; NMS Finalist; Cum Laude Society; A-Honor; AP Capstone Diploma; Le Grand Concours National French Contest gold
Volunteer: local hospital, senior living, student helper (4 years)
Work: Bagel shop, Ice Cream shop, and baby-sitting.
Harvard Majors: Neuroscience & Mathematics
你是不是也看不出来什么H标志呢？对啊，所有这些，只能说明Alma同学够资格申请哈佛，但没有看到决定性的录取因素，就是他们说的Spike 和Hook。
那是怎么回事？难道这孩子拿下哈佛，只能是天上掉馅饼吗？
不见得是。2020年哈佛或者说整个每本在RD阶段都有一个panic的时期。疫情刚刚爆发，哈佛3/15封校之后，招生办曾有一段的慌乱期。因为没有人知道疫情会给录取带来什么。但对那年秋天的入学，人人的预期都是会有大量的Gap Year。这个情况之下，哈佛稍稍调高了RD录取，即在申请量比前一年减少3000人的情况下录取人数还增减了70人。
但Alma不是这70人中的一位，她是在REA阶段拿下哈佛的。2019年的REA，哈佛收到的申请比前一年少了500份，录取数也少了40人。录取率较前一年稍有提高的（13.44à13.93）。但，这也不足解释Alma的好运。
Alma同学身上，确实有着一个与众不同的地方。这是履历中不能表达出来的要素。她是一个非常会与人networking的姑娘。这个素质在她的文书中有所体现，比如她在义工中和病患的交流，或者在打工时和Bagel店同事之间的打趣。当然，这么简单的一两笔，我们也很难看出来她善于networking的优点。
我其实是在看到她的LinkedIn主页时，才对她networking的能力有了较深刻的了解。她在2020-21年的Gap Year中，主要活动是在家乡的冰激凌店和远在加州的Childcare Work组织打兼职工。而那年在网上她，比网下更活跃。除了参加各种哈佛校内组织外，她还以哈佛GY生的身份参加了有1500万人的LinkedIn的networking group。从这里认识新朋友，点赞别人的职业故事。被Alma点赞的人，有从OSU去Goldman做了summer的，从OSU毕业去EY做Tech Consultant的，也有从辛大毕业去BMW做Rotation的，更有马上履新的P&G公司总部的HR经理。 这是一个明白自己的大学目标（是职业第一，不是专业第一）、善于利用自己业余时间和网络空间的哈佛生的表现了。
那么，真的是networking让Alma打动了哈佛招生官吗？要回答这个问题，我们还是要等她看到了自己的Admission File的时候才能真的知道。
无论如何，我们可以肯定的是，在你们苦苦修炼Spike和Hook的过程中，有人的录取可以出其不意。只是，这种概率已经因为疫情的搅动，变得更加可遇而不可求了。