爱尔兰最具争议的歌手希妮德·奥康纳 | 经济学人讣告
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Sinéad O'Connor
希妮德·奥康纳
英文部分选自经济学人20230812期讣告板块
Sinéad O'Connor
希妮德·奥康纳
The place where she was
所在之处
Sinéad O'Connor (Shuhada' Sadaqat), Ireland's most provocative singer, died on July 26th, aged 56
爱尔兰最具争议的歌手希妮德·奥康纳于7月26日逝世，享年56岁。
Six years ago “Dr Phil”, America’s fatherly tv therapist, asked Sinéad O’Connor to show him a picture of the life she hoped for in future. She held out a sketch of a spiky-haired woman in trousers and a stars-and-stripes top, singing into a microphone. He asked her to sign it, and she did: Magda Davitt. To his nonplussed look, she explained hastily that Sinéad O’Connor had gone. She didn’t want to be that person any more.
六年前，给人以慈父般形象的美国电视界心理诊疗师“菲尔博士”让希妮德·奥康纳（Sinéad O'Connor）向其展示所期望的未来生活蓝图。她拿出一幅图画，上面画着一位留着刺猬头的女士，身穿长裤和星条纹上衣，正对着麦克风唱歌。菲尔博士让奥康纳签名，她签了，签的却是“玛格达·达维特”（Magda Davitt）。看着博士困惑不解的表情，奥康纳急忙解释道：希妮德·奥康纳已不复存在，因为她不想再做奥康纳了。
Sinéad frequently went missing. In her place came Scamp, herself as a child, because she was a rascal and tiny and a terrible thief. Then Mother Bernadette Mary, priest of the Irish Orthodox Catholic church, with a big wooden cross swinging round her neck. And Magda, who didn’t last very long. Then, when she converted to Islam in 2018, Shuhada’ Sadaqat. She put that name on documents alongside her original. As Shuhada’ she wore a hijab both when performing and when she was sitting in her cottage up an Irish mountain, on her crimson sofa, chain-smoking Mayfair cigarettes. She had always been a multi-piece jigsaw. Once she got the time, for she never seemed to have it, she needed to lay the pieces out on the floor and see if she could make any sense of them.
希妮德·奥康纳经常不见踪影。她或摇身一变，化身为一个叫“捣蛋鬼”的孩子，因为她就曾是个人小鬼大的卑鄙小偷。接着她成了伯纳黛特-玛丽修女（Mother Bernadette Mary），一名爱尔兰东正教司祭，脖子上挂着一个木制的大十字架。后来她又成了玛格达，但这身份也没延续多久。后来，她在2018年皈依伊斯兰教，改名为“舒哈达·萨达卡特”（Shuhada' Sadaqat）。签署文件时，她会把这个名字和原名一并写上。当她是“舒哈达”时，不论表演，或窝在爱尔兰山中小屋的深红沙发里，一根一根地抽着梅费尔香烟时，她都戴着穆斯林头巾。她的身份就如一块复杂的拼图。她一有时间（虽然她似乎从来没有空闲过），就需要把这些拼块铺在地上，看看自己是否能理解其意义。
To begin, she was resigned to girlhood, but wanted to look like a boy. When her first album, “The Lion and the Cobra” came out in 1987, a squarer-than-square exec told her she should wear short skirts with boots, necklaces and bracelets, and grow her hair long. Immediately she went to a barbershop and had it all shaved off. The barber cried, but she looked in the mirror and saw, without her hair, herself. Ever after she was either close-cropped, or completely shaved. With this went the leather jackets and the Doc Marten boots, the toe-caps slashed to show the steel underneath. For a time she came out as a lesbian, then retracted. She loved men and sex with men, married four of them and had children with three. She doted on them. Motherhood exalted her.
最初，她无奈接受自己是个女孩，但她想让自己看起来像个男孩。1987 年，她推出了自己第一张专辑《狮子与眼镜蛇》，可一位古板守旧的音乐执行人告诉她，她应该穿一袭短裙，配双靴子，戴上项链和手镯，再留起长发。她听罢立即去了理发店，把头发全都剃光。理发师见状大叫，但她只是照了照镜子，看了看自己光头的样子。从那以后，她要么留个平头，要么索性把头发全部剃光，再配上皮夹克和马丁靴。马丁靴削去鞋头，露出底下的钢筋。她曾一度公开宣称自己是女同性恋，后来又收回了该言论。她喜欢男人，也喜欢与男人做爱。她曾与四个男人结婚，与其中三个生了孩子。她十分宠溺自己的孩子，母亲的身份也让她倍感尊荣。
As a performer she played several parts. One was a punk. The cover of “The Lion and the Cobra” showed her with arms raised, grimacing. But she was only singing. The anger in her—especially in “Troy” where she promised to return, Phoenix from the flame, “being what I am”—rang through the beautiful voice. But she was only a mild sort of punk, really. The next album, “I Do Not Want What I Haven’t Got”, was calmer. Her music bosses preferred her to look demure and sad, and she could do that too; no one could wring more pathos out of the old Irish songs, “Danny Boy” or “Foggy Dew”. And yet, another paradox, she felt almost nothing for Ireland. The whole place was a church in which people, women especially, did not dare raise their voices. The best day of her life was in 1983 when she left. Divorce and homosexuality were still illegal then. The unmarked graves of the Magdalen mothers had still to be uncovered. As a bad-lot teenager, she had spent time in such a place herself. She knew girls who had become suicidal when their babies were taken away. But one of the nuns bought her a guitar, which became her life.
作为歌手，希妮德展现多面风格。其中有一面走的是朋克风。在专辑《狮子与眼镜蛇》的封面上，她抬起双臂，脸部扭曲。但画面里的她只不过在高歌而已。希妮德内心的怒火在她嘹亮动人的歌声中燃烧，尤其在歌曲《Troy》中，她承诺自己会归来，“成为自己”，如同凤凰浴火重生。但其实，希妮德的朋克风格十分温和。她的下一张专辑《我不想要没得到的》（I Do Not Want What I Haven’t Got）的风格更加平静。音乐公司的老板更想让她看上去端庄娴静、神情悲伤，希妮德也能做到这一点。《丹尼男孩》（Danny Boy）与《迷雾露珠》（Foggy Dew）这两首古老的爱尔兰歌曲在希妮德的演绎下流淌出的悲情之深，可以说是无人能及。而另一个矛盾之处在于，她对爱尔兰几乎毫无感情。整个爱尔兰好似一座肃穆的教堂，人们不敢放声高谈，尤其是女性。1983年她离开爱尔兰的那天是她生命中最美好的一天。在当时，离婚与同性恋仍是违法的。抹大拉妇女们的无名坟墓还未见天日。不良少年希妮德曾在抹大拉机构这样的地方待过一段时间。她结识了一些女孩，当她们的孩子被带走后，她们都想了结自己的生命。但有一位修女给她买了把吉他，而吉他从此成为了她的一切。
注释：
“抹大拉之家”（或玛德莲之家、抹大拉洗衣房）取自抹大拉的马利亚（Mary Magdalene），她在基督教的传说中通常被认为是妓女，被耶稣拯救、忏悔，成为他的门徒。洗衣房并不局限于爱尔兰，最早可以追溯到欧洲中世纪，经过几个世纪的运作，遍布欧洲、北美和澳大利亚等国家和地区。到 19 世纪末，仅在英格兰就有超过 300 个抹大拉机构，共收容了 6000 人，雇佣了至少 1200 名全职工作人员，在爱尔兰至少有 41 个，如善牧修女会、仁爱修女会等。十九世纪末期，这些机构主要是为那些“被认为可能流落街头的妇女”提供庇护，比如妓女或未婚妈妈（当时人们普遍认为“生了非婚生子女的妇女会沦为妓女”）。
https://www.douban.com/note/736403485/?_i=21053989PUZONA
She found world fame in London. It rested essentially on one song, her cover in 1990 of Prince’s “Nothing Compares 2U”, which she sang on video with a face as pale as death. The song topped almost every chart, and she was a star. But she never wanted to be. Pop stars had to be good girls. She was a handful, a troublemaker. They lived in a sort of prison; she needed to be free. She was just a troubled soul who needed to scream into mikes now and then. Her models were Bob Dylan and Bob Marley, protest singers who made people hear the truths that no one talked about. They didn’t want glitter and money and awards. Nor did she.
希妮德于1990年翻唱了歌手Prince的《无人及你》（Nothing Compares 2U），这让她在伦敦名声大噪，火遍全球。视频中的她唱着歌，面如死灰。她翻唱的版本几乎占据了所有歌曲排行榜的榜首，希妮德凭此一跃成名。但她从来都不想成为明星。流行歌手必须成为乖乖女，而她却不受控制，是个麻烦制造者；流行歌手的生活中无处不是枷锁，而她需要自由。希妮德的身体里住着焦虑不安的灵魂，时不时需要对着麦克风吼几嗓子。她视鲍勃·迪伦（Bob Dylan）与鲍勃·马利（Bob Marley）为楷模，他们皆是世俗反抗者，努力用音乐来让人们听见无人谈及的真相。他们对明星光环、金钱与奖项弃之如敝履。希妮德亦是如此。
注释：
handful n. a person, often a child, who is difficult to control
Fame, however, could be sabotaged. She began by refusing in 1991 to accept four Grammy nominations. This was a protest against many things: child abuse, sexism in the music industry and American jingoism, for playing the national anthem before her concerts. The next year, at the end of performing Bob Marley’s “War” on “Saturday Night Live”, she held up a picture of the pope on the word “evil”, and tore it into pieces. “Fight the real enemy!” she shouted. Meaning paedophile priests, and the church’s silence. At once she was labelled a crazy bitch. nbc banned her for life, and her career in America ended. But it was a brilliant stroke. Having a Number 1 had derailed her, and now she had reset her career. It became no easier, but it was on her own terms.
然而，名望也可以被蓄意摧毁。1991年，希妮德拒绝接受四项格莱美提名，自此开启自我毁灭之旅，而她之所以有此举动，是为了表达对种种事件的抗议：虐童、音乐界的性别歧视、美国沙文主义（该场馆规定在举办演唱会前播放国歌）。次年，在《周六夜现场》（Saturday Night Live）中演唱完鲍勃·马利的《战争》（War）后，她举起一张教皇的照片，上面赫然写着“邪恶”（evil）一词，然后将它撕成粉碎，呐喊道：“去和真正的敌人战斗吧！”此番喊话意指有恋童癖的牧师，以及教堂的沉默与不作为。一时之间，人们纷纷骂她是个“疯婆子”。NBC（美国国家广播电视公司）封杀了她，她在美国的职业生涯就此终结。然塞翁失马安知非福。坐拥一首“冠军单曲”早已让她偏离了原本的人生路线，现在她得以重启自己的事业。虽然一切依旧困难，但这是她自己的意愿。
Abuse was something she knew plenty about. Her mother, an alcoholic, hadn’t wanted a daughter. So she had made her lie on the floor, arms and legs apart, and stamped on her to try to burst her womb. She made her say “I am nothing, I am nothing”, over and over. Sinéad’s job was to clean the house. If so much as a lampshade was crooked, the shit was beaten out of her, usually with a hockey stick. She recorded the tortures in her songs; they were her only therapy. And yet, in another paradox, she loved her mother, whose very smell was evil. She missed her, and ached to hug her. It was not unlike the way she both treasured aspects of Catholicism, and hated the church. As a child she had worried that the Holy Ghost, a bird of light, was kept cooped up in a tabernacle by priests who took no joy in their religion. It ought to be out flying.
对她而言，虐待是家常便饭。希妮德的母亲酗酒成性，原本不想生个女儿。所以她让希妮德手脚张开地躺在地板上，用脚踩她，试图把她的子宫踩烂，逼着她一遍又一遍地说“我是废物，我是废物”。希妮德的任务是打扫房子。即便只是灯罩歪了，她通常就会被母亲用曲棍球球棍暴打一顿。她将种种折磨写进歌里，这是她唯一的治愈方式。但另一个矛盾之处在于，虽然母亲身上散发出恶魔般的气息，但她深爱她的母亲。希妮德想念她，渴望拥抱她。这就好比她既珍视天主教的某些部分，又憎恶教会的某些行径。当她还是个孩童时，她十分担心那些对自己宗教毫无感情的牧师会把代表着光明的圣灵鸟囚禁在教堂里。这只鸟儿应该在外面的天空展翅高飞。
Amid all these bits of herself, the consistent thread was song. That too went missing from time to time, especially after 2015, when a radical hysterectomy made her lose her mind. Typically she publicised her breakdown, in a desperate video from a Travelodge in New Jersey. After six years of various treatments she re-emerged, only to be knocked down by the suicide of her son Shane, the lamp of her soul, in 2022.
是“歌曲”将希妮德所有这一切串联起来。然而，即便是这“歌曲”，也时常从她的人生中消失不见，尤其是在2015年后，当时她经历了一场彻底的子宫切除手术，击溃了她的理智防线。像往常一样，希妮德在新泽西的一家Travelodge连锁酒店内，拍摄了一段视频，诉说自己的绝望，向公众袒露自己已经崩溃。经过六年尝遍各类治疗方案后，希妮德重新出现在大众视野中。但在2022年，随着她的儿子沙恩自杀身亡——沙恩是希妮德的生命之灯，她再一次被击垮。
Song might have rescued her even then, as it did when she was a teenager. She had plans for recordings and tours. Music was her deep inner place; she never made sense to anyone, even to herself, unless she was singing. As a bad child, she sang to get into heaven. When music played then, she saw an entity, not human, dark-blue and green and made of space, that took her hands to dance. And she heard it speak: “Some call me music, some the great absolver...If you don’t know who to be, you can be me.”
即使在那时，“歌曲”也可能为她亮起了一盏救赎之灯，就像在她青年时那样。希妮德有唱片录制与巡演计划，音乐是她内心深处的港湾。除了唱歌时，从未有人懂她，就连她自己也不懂自己。儿时，身为一名坏女孩，她便通过歌唱来进入上帝之门。当音乐响起时，希妮德看到的是一种非人的存在体，散发着深蓝与绿色的幽光，容纳着自由的净土。它牵起希妮德的手，她们一起跳着舞。希妮德听见它说道：“有人称我为音乐，也有人喊我伟大的赦免者……如果你不知道成为谁，那你可以成为我。”
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